I've had problems with loneliness for as long as I can remember, I'm just more shy and closed in general, and I need more time to relax in front of people. I decided to continue my education in Germany after high school, and one of the reasons was to challenge myself to become more communicative. Of course, I also wanted to improve my German, and because of that from the very beginning I tried to talk mainly to Germans, unlike most Bulgarians here, who are generally in a closed group (respectively I stayed out of it). The problem is that I feel like I'm failing. It's the end of the first semester, and I don't have a single friend here. I'm not alone in the lectures - I go in a group of six people and I feel good with them, but in fact no one is close to me. I've always been silent when I'm in a group of more people, and now language is an obstacle - it is often difficult for me to follow the conversation or to express myself as I would like. When I'm with only one of them, it's easier and more enjoyable, but these cases are very rare.
As the semester progresses, so do the number of lectures we attend, and I don't see them outside the university at all. I have written to four of them, they answer me politely, etc., but no one was the first to take the initiative to write to me, and I am uncomfortable to be assertive, because besides everything I am the only girl in the group (my specialty in general) is with very few girls). Three live in the same dormitory and spend more time together, and the other two are a little older and I guess they have contacts here and outside the university. However, I am completely alone. I have a lot of "acquaintances" - people I've talked to 2-3 times, but I can't get close to anyone. At the lectures we have 500 people in the hall, and at the exercises the groups are different in each subject. The fact that I am an introvert further complicates matters, because communicating with people, especially in German, strains me very much mentally and I often prefer to be alone, although I know that in the long run it will only hurt me. I'm afraid that things will continue like this and I will spend three years in my room without anyone to go out with or share anything with. Have you been in a similar situation? How did you cope? although I know that in the long run it will only hurt me. I'm afraid that things will continue like this and I will spend three years in my room without anyone to go out with or share anything with. Have you been in a similar situation? How did you cope? although I know that in the long run it will only hurt me. I'm afraid that things will continue like this and I will spend three years in my room without anyone to go out with or share anything with. Have you been in a similar situation? How did you cope?
Answers 12
Honey ... you sound like a polite girl, you're introverted, but it's not bad, a lot of people are like that. I am also a student, but in England, here I also move on my own, but I see it from the positive side, traveling around people would make me tense and distract me from my studies to some extent. Do you have friends in Bulgaria? Maybe if you call more often, skype, facetime, etc.? You do not need to make friends with people from the unit, there is Facebook or other methods of dating :) success with learning!
And I'm introverted and I've been like you both at school and at university. In every school and university I have found 1-2 people with whom I communicate more, but I have never been in companies. When I was in one, I was mostly silent. It is easier for me to talk in more depth on different topics with only 1 person. Unfortunately, I can't give you a recipe for a change, because I never found it. I am now almost 30, married and living in Germany, and my husband is German. Apparently she likes me the way I am. I want to tell you that you will find your man, even though you are less communicative. You don't have to push around companies and communicate by force if it's not interesting and fun. Be polite, intelligent, tactful and friendly and there will always be people who will appreciate you. :)
Hello, as a person who has gone through the same, I would advise you to join one of the t. societies, depending on what interests you have (for example, if you are interested in investing in an investment society). Enroll in a sport and go to training regularly or join the university team in a sport if you are good. There you will find friends. I wish you success.
It's more important if you're pretty. If it's only a matter of time before a German gets scared.
Yes, but in another European country and I like my own company. You are new and you are not used to it yet. You will soon discover how nice it is to catch a train, for example, and even walk alone to a neighboring town, drink coffee, go to the movies, etc. In the meantime, during these walks you will meet people when you start talking freely (freely in the sense of shamelessness, mistakes, etc. and you will get rid of this barrier of yours) and you will select possible friendships. I'm not exactly introverted, but I look like that because I prefer to observe and draw conclusions before deciding whether to let someone in. If he is very nice to me / almost at first sight, you know, there are people who are radiant, smiling, then he even speaks first. But it took time. The first year I was more of an observer. I have not contacted almost anyone, I cried a little, I missed relatives and friends in Bulgaria and so on. Now I'm one of everyone here, I already feel "at home". And you will get used to it, you just have to start going out and having fun on your own. I've been to Germany and I know it's more boring there, but in central commercial stores, bars, cinemas, etc. with your student card you can travel cheaper to other cities and to a neighboring country (I don't know which part you are in, but if you are close to Austria, you will like it a lot) and so on. Don't suffocate, go out and have fun, even if it's just a book in a park :) but in central commercial stores, bars, cinemas, etc. with your student card you can travel cheaper to other cities and to a neighboring country (I don't know which part you are in, but if you are close to Austria, you will like it a lot) and so on. Don't suffocate, go out and have fun, even if it's just a book in a park :) but in central commercial stores, bars, cinemas, etc. with your student card you can travel cheaper to other cities and to a neighboring country (I don't know which part you are in, but if you are close to Austria, you will like it a lot) and so on. Don't suffocate, go out and have fun, even if it's just a book in a park :)
Hello! At first you sound like a very intelligent and good girl. I am in a very similar situation since I started studying in Sofia, and I am from another city and I feel just like you! I think you have to become a little more open to people, otherwise there is no other way (and I live alone: D) M 20
Well, you just haven't had the good fortune to come across people you like for a closer friendship. I have been studying abroad for the last year and I do not have a single close friend at the university. They just aren't people with my interests. But unlike that, from my school years (I have lived here for more than 10 years) I have several close friends. From the neighborhood too. And I'm more closed. There are various social networks that organize meetings between strangers with common interests. Try to meet people there
Hi, you sound just like me. I am in Germsnia and I live in the same way as you. The difference is that I do ausbuilding and am married, but the rest is one to one. That's why I got a budgie! I have a job, I study and I go out with my husband. I miss social contacts from time to time, but so far so many people have used me that it's better without them. At Betrieb, I get along with my colleagues, and my class is much younger than me and they only care about who they slept with or where they went. Maybe you'll get used to it or maybe you won't. It is best to find other Bulgarians who also study and are intelligent, because others here in Germany will only look to fix their documents or provide information.
I was in the same situation as you. After finishing 12th grade, I went to study in Germany with the same goal to become more open and improve my German. I studied there for 2 years, but never met friends. The boys liked me, but all they wanted from me was the bed, one even grabbed me by the throat and threatened to kill me if I didn't do it with him, I could barely get rid of this German psychopath. I didn't sleep with any of them anyway. The girls at the university, the Germans, didn't want to talk to me much because I was Bulgarian, but they knew that the Bulgarians were gypsies and didn't talk to me. I told you guys why they talked to me. The other girls were Turks and spoke only Turkish and I didn't understand anything. I was lonely, I started taking antidepressants, I started thinking about suicide, it was all killing me. I made a decision and returned to Bulgaria and for a year I have been studying here again at university, I have friends from the course, I go out, I feel good and on the spot. I do not regret my decision and I have never regretted for a second. It's not too late for you.
I also studied abroad and I understand you. The thing is that when you go to a new place you encounter everything in a heap. You are in a new place, a new culture, you are alone, without old contacts, friends, family, in your new educational system, you assimilate and adapt to a different language from which you are programmed. At the same time, you should most likely support yourself, shop, cook, wash, clean, attend classes, do projects, find time to study, presumably support yourself with part-time work and / or look for one. In the meantime, everything is in a heap and you are constantly going through new and new situations that fall like stones on your shoulders. The only option is to keep fighting until it changes you. In fact, I think you are hurt by the change and the fact that you are not comfortable. It is what is uncomfortable that changes you because you have left this zone. At some point you will get used to it, and this will make you stronger. The fact that there is even a group with which to move around the university is still good. I also did not move with Bulgarians where I studied (outside Germany), and my goal was to integrate as much as possible and in the same way to test myself and my abilities. So, in time, I got what I wanted. Regarding loneliness again, there is a chance that this 'perfect' friend you dream of will not be found. In my opinion, do not strain, but look for people who are not Germans, because admitting locals to the inner circles is not always easy. This is because many are fed up with foreigners. This is the truth. There are also those who are open, of course. However, in my opinion, go with the flow. Don't choose too much. Additionally, if there are societies in which you can enroll and / or volunteer, this will both give you experience, and you can build contacts / potential friendships, and possibly recommendations for the CV and for employers, including. Have you heard of 'Maslow's hierarchy of human needs'? I advise you to look at the chart and aim to cover these needs as much as possible. It may not be perfect, but it is still constructive for you. https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Maslow's_hierarchy_of_needs.svg Loneliness will always be there for everyone. I am also an introvert. There are some psychological tests to possibly get to know yourself. They are called: Myers Briggs Personality Test and Enneagram Types. The two are different as well as psychological. It is not necessary to define oneself specifically as any of its species. Although renumbered, these are approximate tests that analyze human minds.
Of the 10, I forgot to say, universities usually offer different types of help, including help from a psychologist. Investigate what kind of support the university offers and talk to the counselors. They are likely to have career counselors, coaches and psychologists to meet you and help you. If you think you are depressed * real depression * seek help from a GP there. I and some of my colleagues at one time in different phases all drove on anti-depressants. It was just a stressful situation. Seek help and not just help. Try to socialize but don't bother. Also learn to feel good alone in your skin and in your own company. How many times have I gone on tours alone, including to the cinema, to a bar (then I met strangers in some way), on vacation abroad (I met strangers again). * For a woman it can be potentially dangerous of course * However, these are examples of a man with his experience. Listening to classical music can also be relaxing. It's just that when you think you're happy, you become happy. Imagine being lonely and happy, and believe it, play it if you want and you will see that the brain will readjust itself. Americans say 'fake it till you make it'. Keep in mind that it is scientifically proven that not only your body language is influenced by your emotional stage. In fact, body language CAN also control your emotional stage. That is the opposite effect. Consciously, if you straighten your back and take confident positions, after a certain time you will see that you are emotionally adapting in the same way. It is an interesting phenomenon. * For a woman it can be potentially dangerous of course * However, these are examples of a man with his experience. Listening to classical music can also be relaxing. It's just that when you think you're happy, you become happy. Imagine being lonely and happy, and believe it, play it if you want and you will see that the brain will readjust itself. Americans say 'fake it till you make it'. Keep in mind that it is scientifically proven that not only your body language is influenced by your emotional stage. In fact, body language CAN also control your emotional stage. That is the opposite effect. Consciously, if you straighten your back and take confident positions, after a certain time you will see that you are emotionally adapting in the same way. It is an interesting phenomenon. * For a woman it can be potentially dangerous of course * However, these are examples of a man with his experience. Listening to classical music can also be relaxing. It's just that when you think you're happy, you become happy. Imagine being lonely and happy, and believe it, play it if you want and you will see that the brain will readjust itself. Americans say 'fake it till you make it'. Keep in mind that it is scientifically proven that not only your body language is affected by your emotional stage. In fact, body language CAN also control your emotional stage. That is the opposite effect. Consciously, if you straighten your back and take confident positions, after a certain time you will see that you are emotionally adapting in the same way. It is an interesting phenomenon. Listening to classical music can also be relaxing. It's just that when you think you're happy, you become happy. Imagine being alone that you are happy, and believe it, play it if you will and you will see that the brain will readjust itself. Americans say 'fake it till you make it'. Keep in mind that it is scientifically proven that not only your body language is affected by your emotional stage. In fact, body language CAN also control your emotional stage. That is the opposite effect. Consciously, if you straighten your back and take confident positions, after a certain time you will see that you are emotionally adapting in the same way. It is an interesting phenomenon. Listening to classical music can also be relaxing. It's just that when you think you're happy, you become happy. Imagine being lonely and happy, and believe it, play it if you want and you will see that the brain will readjust itself. Americans say 'fake it till you make it'. Keep in mind that it is scientifically proven that not only your body language is influenced by your emotional stage. In fact, body language CAN also control your emotional stage. That is the opposite effect. Consciously, if you straighten your back and take confident positions, after a certain time you will see that you are emotionally adapting in the same way. It is an interesting phenomenon. play it if you want and you will see that the brain will readjust itself. Americans say 'fake it till you make it'. Keep in mind that it is scientifically proven that not only your body language is influenced by your emotional stage. In fact, body language CAN also control your emotional stage. That is the opposite effect. Consciously, if you straighten your back and take confident positions, after a certain time you will see that you are emotionally adapting in the same way. It is an interesting phenomenon. play it if you will and you will see that the brain will readjust itself. Americans say 'fake it till you make it'. Keep in mind that it is scientifically proven that not only your body language is affected by your emotional stage. In fact, body language CAN also control your emotional stage. That is the opposite effect. Consciously, if you straighten your back and take confident positions, after a certain time you will see that you are emotionally adapting in the same way. It is an interesting phenomenon. after a while you will see that you are emotionally adapting in the same way. It is an interesting phenomenon. after a while you will see that you are emotionally adapting in the same way. It is an interesting phenomenon.
From the author: Thank you all very much for the comments! To number
1: I have friends in Bulgaria, we communicate, but the very thought of how far they are saddens me, is not the same as having someone physically next to you in everyday life. I also sometimes fear that over time this distance will take me away from them emotionally, I will miss many important moments, etc. Distraction from learning and I consider it as a factor, but it seems to me that I often use it to justify the situation I am in, but in fact I wish it was different (ie I think that if I had friends it would not be such a big problem). To number
2: I'm very glad to hear that you found someone despite the more closed nature. This is another fear I have - that I will not be able to find a mate - I have only been in a relationship once so far and it was very short. Deep down I have always been positive in this regard, I believe I will meet someone, but the lack of experience so far worries me. To number
3: Thank you for the advice. I've considered the sport option. What stops me so far is that I generally don't like sports, I've never trained regularly for a long time and I don't have enough motivation, but I will really try to change that, because it's important not only from a social point of view. To number
4: Well, I hope, although in my specialty (Informatics) the most poisoned people do not gather: D To number
5: I also like to be alone and I often prefer it, I have gone out many times. The problem is that I think the memories that remain are much more often shared with others and I want to create them. Also sometimes (though rarely) I go to a disco, for example, and there I do not want to take risks. To number
6: It's nice to hear that there are others in the same situation. I guess (and I really hope so) we just need time. To number
7: You're right, I failed to case people. But the truth is that I am also to blame - it's just that the process of rapprochement itself is quite difficult for me. To number
8: Again, I'm glad to see a person in a similar situation. I have Bulgarian colleagues, but I stayed out of their circle and inclusion would be difficult for me now, and I want to be able to communicate with the Germans, which cannot happen if I isolate myself from them. Switching between different groups seems ineffective to me, because even when I concentrate on just a few people, it's hard enough for me to get closer to them or even relax, what's left for more. To number
9: I'm very sorry for what you went through. I can't even imagine how hard it was for you. The truth is that I am in a far better situation (at least I think so) - the people here seem to me in place, so far no one has treated me badly, I have not seen them treat anyone badly . I'm glad you managed to find the right path for you and you feel better. However, I do not want to return yet - I started here and I want to do everything possible to at least finish my education, and despite my problems, I generally like the environment. To number
10: Maybe you're right. Learning is very stressful for me because I was used to doing very well in school, and here it is much harder and I can barely keep up. Until recently, I was worried about whether I would be able to take the exams at all, because during the semester we don't have any tests except for one. But when I got the result from it, I felt much more confident and happier overall. For work, thank God, I don't have to worry for now thanks to my mother and father, for which I am really grateful. I can understand why locals in general would prefer to communicate with each other instead of with foreigners - at least the language barrier itself is a significant factor and complicates things for both parties. Here, however, foreigners (at least bachelor students) move mostly with people from their own country, there are no "mixed circles". I've heard of Maslow's Pyramid, we actually studied it in psychology classes, which were some of my favorites. If I have to identify with it, I am currently at the middle level, which covers social relations. According to Maslow's theory, one cannot really concentrate on one step before one has met the needs of all the previous ones, but as I said above, I often try to use learning (a kind of personal development) to condense time and distract from lack. . I did the first of the tests a few years ago and my type was ISTJ, generally balanced results except for the introversion which was quite extreme. I want to do it again now and see if I get the same result. The university offers help with emotional problems and I have seriously considered going. But I can say for sure that I am not depressed. I just have moods that come and go, and just as one day I wonder if I should make an appointment because I feel bad, the other one passes and I still don't get there. I feel really good right now. I guess that at the time I wrote the topic, it was especially difficult for me, partly because of the abrupt change after returning to Bulgaria for the holidays. I can't objectively say how much of the time I feel good and how bad, but I still think I'm initially positive. Maybe tomorrow I will be sad again, it is bad that my mood is very easily influenced by external factors (mostly people). But sharing and your comments were definitely helpful to me and thank you once again for taking the time. Maybe tomorrow I will be sad again, it is bad that my mood is very easily influenced by external factors (mostly people). But sharing and your comments were definitely helpful to me and thank you once again for taking the time. Maybe tomorrow I will be sad again, it is bad that my mood is very easily influenced by external factors (mostly people). But sharing and your comments were definitely helpful to me and thank you once again for taking the time.