Hello, I have a difficult first experience with love, but I will leave it aside. Now I am with a boy who, despite his shortcomings, is wonderful. I mean, he never made me cry, he never wondered where he was, he never made me doubt him, he never hurt me as a woman. We've been together for three years and a few months, but we've been arguing a lot about nonsense, and I've created the problem almost every time, and he's been trying to calm me down and make things right. He forgave me many things with which I hurt him, but despite all these things I always said that we are not for each other. We are different and even if I come to terms with these differences, there are things that I feel like a gap between us. Our communication is not very good, I mean we are interested in different things and there is no way to discuss them with each other, and for me they are part of me, which I want the person next to me to like or at least understand. Our sex life is gone. At first, of course, it was better, but we've been together for three years and we've had sex maybe about 15 times, not to mention it ends too quickly. Well, we enjoy other ways, but it's not like good sex. Sometimes I don't know why I'm with him, and he told me he loved me. Sometimes I know we can go on together, and other times I know it's not right. I'm not afraid to be alone, without a person next to me, I would even like to be alone at times without a connection, but I can't leave, and I have no feelings.
Even most of the time, I have no desire to kiss or hug him. Sometimes I think that in the future when I see children, he would be the perfect person, but can I be with him so much of the future just for the perfect moment? There are qualities who I look for in a man, and he does not own them, at first I thought that in time he would acquire them, but he did nothing. He doesn't study, he doesn't work, he wastes his life in idleness all day and that also repulses me a lot. I don't know what to do, thoughts of separation often arise, but I don't leave, and I know I have no feelings. Is it worth sitting in this relationship and giving her more chances or do I have to leave her and accept the grief that will cause me separation? What would you do?
Would you be next to a person who is good for you, but only that and you have no feelings? And in general, how can we be with one person without feelings? This hesitation constantly tears me apart. Obviously I have something to be with him, but wouldn't life be better without these hesitations? He doesn't study, he doesn't work, he wastes his life in idleness all day and that also repulses me a lot. I don't know what to do, thoughts of separation often arise, but I don't leave, and I know I have no feelings. Is it worth sitting in this relationship and giving her more chances, or do I have to leave her and accept the grief that will cause me separation? What would you do? Would you be next to a person who is good for you, but only that and you have no feelings? And in general, how can we be with one person without feelings?
This hesitation constantly tears me apart. Obviously I have something to be with him, but wouldn't life be better without these hesitations? He doesn't study, he doesn't work, he wastes his life in idleness all day and that also repulses me a lot. I don't know what to do, thoughts of separation often arise, but I don't leave, and I know I have no feelings. Is it worth sitting in this relationship and giving her more chances or do I have to leave her and accept the grief that will cause me separation? What would you do? Would you be next to a person who is good for you, but only that and you have no feelings?
And in general, how can we be with one person without feelings? This hesitation constantly tears me apart. Obviously I have something to be with him, but wouldn't life be better without these hesitations? Is it worth sitting in this relationship and giving her more chances or do I have to leave her and accept the grief that will cause me separation? What would you do? Would you be next to a person who is good to you, but only that and you have no feelings? And in general, how can we be with one person without feelings?
This hesitation constantly tears me apart. Obviously I have something to be with him, but wouldn't life be better without these hesitations? Is it worth sitting in this relationship and giving her more chances or do I have to leave her and accept the grief that will cause me separation? What would you do? Would you be next to a person who is good for you, but only that and you have no feelings? And in general, how can we be with one person without feelings? This hesitation constantly tears me apart. Obviously I have something to be with him, but wouldn't life be better without these hesitations?
Answers 11
Are you happy? If you are - stay with him, if you are not - leave, everyone deserves to seek happiness.
If you have no feelings for him, why is it so hard for you to leave him? Sama said she wasn't afraid to be alone. I've been with my girlfriend for a year and a half. First love, we like the same things and we love each other very much. We are kindred spirits. Find yours too. :) Think and make the right decision.
You're in the habit there. Get out of this relationship before this munch gets you pregnant. With such you can't get anywhere. You only caught him so you wouldn't be alone. But it's always better to be alone than with an idiot like the ones described above ...
No matter how difficult it may be for you at the beginning, be sure that you will meet the right one for you! This one obviously isn't!
A woman who is with a man without emotions, and because of something else deserves neither attention nor respect. You deserve all the thoughts and consequences, even a little. When you do not have respect and love for the closest person, when you cannot reciprocate with the same, and you lie to him in the eyes, do not hope that something good will happen to you. Usually women who are with someone without emotions or are materialistic-selfish, who all their lives do not understand the meaning of the word love and become alcoholics or go to constant sedatives. The other option is to be so weak and fragile that they once loved, but out of fear they ran away and wandered all their lives changing relationships in year two.
I understand you completely, I was in such a relationship for 5 years ... From the second year I started to think about separation, but I, like you, kept postponing and did not find the strength to tell her. In the fourth year she had nowhere to go and I told her, then she tried to change, even I started to like her more at times ... One year we both suffered and in the end I just told him that I can't do it anymore .. No one can give you advice, you have to decide for yourself. I personally decided to end it, but then it's very hard, now we don't keep in touch, it's been almost a year and not a day goes by without thinking about it and what I did to it ... and maybe I did a favor ... Good luck!
My advice is to separate when there are no feelings. One is respect and friendship, another is passion and love. Yours has become more of a friendship. Nipples, passion, common interests and mutual feelings and emotions are the factors for a good relationship. If it is not there - it makes no sense. And I was in a relationship in which, one day, I realized that we were just friends - yes, closest, but there is no sexual attraction anymore, no passion. We parted - in the beginning it was difficult, there was a period of difficult dilemmas that gave us a reunion. At the moment we are friends - we share, we support each other, but everyone has taken the soy path. There is also an option to separate for a while - the passion to return and feel the thrill again. If it happens - great, if not - everyone moves on. But it's awful to be in a relationship if things aren't reciprocal ....
There are people who believed in that crazy, big, beautiful love, in your other half. There are those who loved a lot and were loved, but that does not mean that they stayed together. Sometimes life flows so that you are left alone. That's what happened to me. I had a very long relationship, with a lot of love, without any problems and quarrels, with understanding and incredible passion for years, but ... we broke up. He taught me that just because someone loves you doesn't mean they can't hurt you. I couldn't swallow it. Many years have passed. I had other connections. I loved one of them very much, but in the end he left me with the words that he no longer felt anything. It hurt, but this is life! I am not angry with him, nor do I blame him. He now has a family and is happy and loves as he has never loved. I was on the other side. I was loved, but I didn't love. We broke up. Now he is happy with each other and is mutual. And me? After all the attempts, not one and two and very many tears, I gave up. Yes, I gave up! I'm in my thirties and I don't have the strength to hope anymore. I have a man next to me. She is not crazy, wild love, she has no passion, but we understand each other and we have a good time together. Rather, we are very good friends. For most, this would seem awful, and they would call me a false egoist. Yes, but he knows I don't love him. I haven't tied anyone up. Nor have I promised love. I explained to him that I was no longer looking for love. I'm tired. Maybe for some people it is simply not written or they have separated from their halves. I gave what I had in my heart. I'm glad I once experienced it. I do not regret that I did my best. I'm sorry it wasn't at the right time. Yes, it is not easy to live without love. But I am also a woman and I want to have a soulmate next to me, a male shoulder, support, understanding. And I want to have a family. Have you ever wondered how many people have not merged their lives for love? Some are left alone, others are not. Don't judge these people. They carry their cross alone. If you are 20 you fly. At least I thought that now I would meet someone, we would love each other and start a family. Yes, but at 30, reality hits you in the forehead, your heart is constricted like raisins, and your soul longs for peace and home. I'm not crazy about happiness, but I'm fine. And what will happen in the future and whether I will feel love one day, life will show. I am not looking for anyone and I will not look. However, I know that even if I don't have it, my life will go on and I will find other things that will make me happy. I will not be left alone because I want to have a family. I will neither lie nor cheat. I will just live. One tip: Don't take the person you love and love you for granted. You don't know how much wealth you have and how much they don't have or have never had. Do not judge people for whom you do not know what they have experienced and what they carry in their souls. No one is sinless.
From the author: Thank you all for the answers, I find deep meaning behind your words. After all, love crises are inevitable. I really had a strong, burning love and maybe I expect to experience the same and not discovering this feeling I do not know what I am feeling, but love can not be the same. I look around, I think, I'm young, I want to live. It's not about a relaxed lifestyle, but about exploring new opportunities, non-committal flirtation, and I didn't allow myself to do these things while I'm in a relationship and I don't want to, because I feel like a betrayal. I wish I hadn't made a lot of mistakes in our relationship, but things change over time and become different. I didn't like his friends simply because we weren't on the same wave of life. I never stopped him from going to them or anything, but I did not allow myself to go out with them often. Well, that has its reasons, but they don't matter. I find that in spite of everything I have shown honesty to this person and now that my life is changing mainly because of the university I will give us more time. For better or worse, this time I decided to give more freedom to my feelings. Maybe I suppress them too subconsciously. It's as if I'm preparing for some pain all the time, but this time it won't be like that. If I'm going to have to feel the pain of separation, I'll feel it, but when the time comes, not all the time to prepare for it ... anyway ... Thanks again for the comments :) honesty to this person and now that my life is changing mainly because of the university I will give us more time. For better or worse, this time I decided to give more freedom to my feelings. Maybe I suppress them too subconsciously. It's as if I'm preparing for some pain all the time, but this time it won't be like that. If I have to feel the pain of separation, I will experience it, but when the time comes, not all the time to prepare for it ... anyway ... Thanks again for the comments :) honesty to this person and now that my life is changing mainly because of the university I will give us more time. For better or worse, this time I decided to give more freedom to my feelings. Maybe I suppress them too subconsciously. It's as if I'm preparing for some pain all the time, but this time it won't be like that. If I have to feel the pain of separation, I will experience it, but when the time comes, not all the time to prepare for it ... anyway ... Thanks again for the comments :)
In my opinion, you should separate, I would do so in your place. In fact, our stories are similar, the difference is that I love my boyfriend, despite the quarrels, our differences, lack of communication and bad sex. I love him and if it wasn't so believe me I wouldn't be with him, neither he nor I are a flower to smell, but at least our feelings are still there. That's why I advise you, just don't bother if you don't feel anything for this boy ... you're wasting both your and his time. It's not fair to you either, let alone to him. Live, you will find a suitable one day, then you will understand how valuable time is, think about yourself and be happy, because you are hardly now.
Dear author, If you don't have a thrill for the person you're with, why are you tormented in this way? I think it's best to clarify what exactly you want? Live, you have time to meet the right and accurate person for yourself. Does it make sense to waste your time without feelings? Go boldly forward and don't worry - there will be NEXT :)