Never say never, because fate always turns things around so that you do what you vowed not to do. Something happened to me that I neither sought nor expected. I always thought that I couldn't fall in love with a man so much. For the first time I write I don't even know how to start. I am 40 years old. I am married. I have two children aged 9 and 12. I have no problems, I have a wonderful husband, a dream man ... but I don't love him. I haven't felt anything for him in a long time. And he even looks pretty good, kind, caring. I do everything by force, without any pleasure. No thrill, no desire, nothing. I recently had a health problem that turned out to be insignificant, but it could have been serious. Exactly on the day I realized that everything was ok, I met Him. The man who is from another city and everything happened very briefly. I hardly even know him, but I fell in love. He wants us to live together and start a family. How to dump everything I have home, security, peace, and children. I am in a kind of impasse. How can I take the children and deprive them of their father and live in an apartment in another city Even as I write it, it seems absolutely impossible to me. I no longer have a desire for anything, I can't stand pretending that everything is fine, I don't see a way out. And he doesn't want to wait. How can I hurt so many people if I choose Him I will have nothing, not even parents. Should I live in a lie and deprive myself of love, feelings and be unhappy. What should I do, what should I choose for the happiness of my children and my husband or mine and his? I am in a kind of impasse. How can I take the children and deprive them of their father and live in an apartment in another city? Even as I write it, it seems absolutely impossible to me. I no longer have a desire for anything, I can't stand pretending that everything is fine, I don't see a way out. And he doesn't want to wait. How can I hurt so many people if I choose Him I will have nothing, not even parents. Should I live in a lie and deprive myself of love, feelings and be unhappy. What should I do, what should I choose for the happiness of my children and my husband or mine and his? I am in a kind of impasse. How can I take the children and deprive them of their father and live in an apartment in another city? Even as I write it, it seems absolutely impossible to me. I no longer have a desire for anything, I can't stand pretending that everything is fine, I don't see a way out. And he doesn't want to wait. How can I hurt so many people if I choose Him I will have nothing, not even parents. Should I live in a lie and deprive myself of love, feelings and be unhappy. What should I do, what should I choose for the happiness of my children and my husband or mine and his? if I choose Him I will have nothing, not even parents. Should I live in a lie and deprive myself of love, feelings and be unhappy. What should I do, what should I choose for the happiness of my children and my husband or mine and his? if I choose Him I will have nothing, not even parents. Should I live in a lie and deprive myself of love, feelings and be unhappy. What should I do, what should I choose for the happiness of my children and my husband or mine and his?
Answers 50
Don't act hastily. I don't know how long your relationship has been, but if this person really loves you, he will be waiting for you! It's nice to fall in love, great feeling. Don't blame yourself, it can happen to anyone. That doesn't make you a less good mother. Look at the situation from a distance and from different angles. Do not rush and be guided by intuition and most of all make the decisions yourself, not because someone has pressed you.
There is no impasse and you film yourself. You just have to show the necessary loyalty to your family and not succumb to temptation, it's that simple. If you are not satisfied with your situation, instead of giving up everything and ruining the lives of many people, including yours, by committing fornication and adultery, try and try to improve your sex life a little so that you enjoy it. There are many opportunities and resources to breathe new life into your relationship, but for that you have to move your ass and sit down to read and apply it in your life instead of waiting for someone else to save you from your daily life like a little, capricious and an irresponsible league. Because then don't write a topic in the style of: "I'm a fool, I ruined my life because of a fleeting flirtation and broke up my family, I hurt my husband, I traumatized my children, my parents hate me, and the person I thought I was in love with turned out to be completely different from what I thought he was. Please help me, what should I do? ". First think about what is right and right, even if it seems to you to be to your detriment, and you will suffer damage, deprivation and loss if you do it. In such temptations are caught people who neglect what is right in the name of personal gain and only then life teaches them that they have actually lost a lot and have not gained anything. states that you cannot deceive the honest man, why, because the honest man does what is right and is not deceived by the gain and deceit behind it, he refrains from doing what is evil and wrong and thus protects himself. Be an honest person. Male> 30
You will be very sorry if you leave your husband. If you do, you lose everything. Children, home, parents, friends most likely their work and for what. For someone you don't know enough about. Once you stop loving your husband,. you will stop loving the other, especially when you face all the problems and consequences of your irresponsible decision. Think sober until it's time. Experience your adventure and try not to let your husband understand that he will drive you away like nothing.
Talk to your husband about how you feel. It is normal after so many years of living together, working, having children to feel exhausted in your relationship with him. There is one BUT. Once you married him and started a family, I guess you loved him. Try to remember the time when you would be truly happy, do something different, do something broken with him, or go to a family therapist. Try it! Don't ruin everything lightly for the sake of someone else. If you do something, do it for yourself. As for the other person ... maybe it's just a thrill that makes you feel good. But the most important thing is to be happy. My advice is to try to save your family, but if it doesn't, do what you want.
From the author There is no way I can bring back feelings I have never experienced. I didn't love my husband, she didn't have that strong love and he knows maybe. And over the years, the little I had disappeared. So far, I have never said the words "I love you" to anyone because I have not felt them. When a person goes through a certain ordeal concerning his life, he realizes that it is too precious and short and he must live it to the fullest and be happy. What is right and moral, to have sex by force just because he wants me? I need to love, to hug, to kiss, to feel. Is it wrong to want to love and be loved. I'm mature enough to be able to tell flirtation from love. I know it's much easier to have a non-committal extramarital affair, but why live a lie. I'm not guilty, I am a good mother, they receive enough love and care from me and this will not change in any way. Fighting with yourself is the most difficult struggle.
I don't think you have anything to feel guilty about - you can't put someone else's happiness before your own for the rest of your life. If you yourself feel unhappy and dissatisfied with your life, you will hardly have anything to give to the people around you. Finding love outside the family does not make you a bad mother in any way. If you feel loved and loving, you will be much more positive towards your children. And in the end, the children grow up and have their own lives. If yours is not fully experienced, what are all these sacrifices for? It's awful to sleep with one and love another, to close your eyes to see him. There is no point in living for principles and people's opinions. Life is insultingly short for these things. Experience your love, not everyone happens to meet it at all.
The worst thing in such cases is that you want to feel an emotion so much that you extrapolate it and often lose sight of reality at some point. Falling in love is not bad. And it is not immoral. Leaving your husband is also not a mortal sin. The problem for me is that in the first phases of love a person tends to idealize and romanticize indefinitely. And so an ordinary little man, as your husband probably was and is, suddenly becomes the hero of the white horse that saves the princess, right? However, the princess has two children who will be in puberty in two years, and if they do not work with the knight, the house will be hell and the whole idyll with "And Hassan is a man, and Hassan has the right to love and romance" suddenly gives way. of banal everyday life. Just don't rush, that was my summary thought.
To the author. If you do not feel love for your husband, at least have respect for him, so act honestly. You have already decided that you have to leave your husband, you are just afraid that you will lose your security and peace of mind. Divorce and take responsibility for your consequences. Yes, it will be a shock to your children for sure, but you can't be honest with them and don't lie to them. If your lover is a responsible person, he will accept you all. Your husband will overcome the shock that another family can do. Take responsibility with a clear idea of the consequences. It is unnecessary for your husband to understand that you are cheating on him in the same way. Do you have other children from your lover?
This is the eternal drama of women. Their soul longs for love and their ass for adventure. Leave your family, go to your lover and then you will write topics: Oh, it wasn't what I thought, what a fool I am. How can I fix this mess I mixed up now. One thing is very strange to me. How do you get married, have children ... and suddenly you feel - I don't love him anymore. Why did you marry a man you don't love? Or that female love is like that, day to noon. When you live with someone for a while and you no longer love them. And that's when you always meet the great love. But the largest - size XXL. I think it is high time to ban Indian and Turkish TV series. It is also good for girls to slap their fathers by doing something stupid, because when they grow up, nonsense becomes commonplace. T.N.
No. 11, I apologize! Outside, most girls are serious, devoted mothers and wives. I have loved and WANTED a man for 15 years - my husband. Don't talk much about women in general, because you were born of a woman. We women are rather monogamous and we believe in family, in love, we sacrifice for our family and children. I also find Turkish and similar series stupid, but from a general culture I know more or less what they are talking about - all about family, love and in the end about fidelity at least to the woman. Apologize immediately to the millions of women out there who tolerate your male weaknesses, look after our children, work, look after your sick parents, and on the flip side, people like you insult us. Sorry!
What we women long for, men will never understand :) And life is only one - I think it should be lived in the desired way, with mistakes, lessons, etc. Since the author does not love her husband, he can to be involved in this. And if not - well bad luck. It is better to be honest with him and to separate, and whether he will be with the other or not is another question.
From the author I envy people like you n. 12, who love each other after so many years. But not everyone was so lucky, that's life you have one, you have no other. And I don't think it needs to be dramatized so much. People meet, gather, and sometimes separate. I have not decided anything yet and the situation is tense, to put it mildly. There are currently two men, neither of whom gets what they want. He doesn't trust me anymore. What should I answer to these words from today: "Maybe because I have opened all the doors in my life for you and you do not want to enter ..."? I think about it a lot and I'm already so confused. By no means am I mistaken that he is a prince, I know that he is not perfect, I know that everyday life kills everything. Number 8, that's what I'm trying to convince myself. But, there is always one But, which is my big problem.
from 12 to the Author / n. 14 / Look, you haven't understood the most important thing in life - nothing is a matter of "luck", and in order to be successful in anything, including in the family, you have to work hard for it. I have worked and continue to work for my relationship every day. I am a beautiful woman, young, under 35, with a sporty figure and a beautiful face, and don't you think that I don't meet different gentlemen every day and there are no temptations? Good luck? No, it's a matter of choice, darling - to choose first the man you really want and then have the "balls" to keep him, but also to resist the temptations outside. There is nowhere perfect, but if we sit and wait for something on its own or because of "luck" to get better - it will never happen. I don't know if you married for love at all, but you write that you don't love your husband. I don't know the exact story, but I can highly recommend it to the readers ... to think with your head and heart when choosing a partner. Women choose men, not the other way around! If you don't think at the beginning, in the end, no matter how hard you try, you can't succeed in family life with the wrong partner. The most important thing is to like it as it is in the beginning and to see its shortcomings and still like it. Love, falling in love come, go and notice - you strike again and with the same person if you do not give up your relationship and your relationship is deep, based on trust, respect, common interests, goals, values if you will. Sex also plays a big role for both sexes. If you do not have sex with one man, well - love will go to both. There is no way to get along with two completely different individuals, each of whom is narcissistic and pulls the rug towards himself without being able to compromise in the name of the other, of the common. There are no ideal people, including women we are not ideal, but we are endowed with better abilities to read the needs of our partner, in general we have better social abilities than men, and men are rather more direct, focused on this, which is seen and told directly. It is in our hands, in short, to find the first indicators of problems and not allow them to break out. Talk to your partners. They don't always know what's bothering you, what you think has changed. Work for your relationship. Strive for the happiness of the man next to you and he will reciprocate with three times more effort, because men generally do not like to be obliged, but want to be gentlemen. For example, we have the expression "He carries her in his arms", but in order for a man to carry you in his arms, you have to carry him to the 7th heaven, to keep him in love with you, passionate and happy with you. It is easiest to look for substitutes outside, to throw away the used "toy" - a man. The problem is that there will always be better men in one area or another than your husband - more beautiful, more sporty, more charming, smarter or whatever you are, BUT once you have chosen 1 man, you have created you have a family with him, children, nannies and he was once the best for you. Don't you think that numbers 2,3,4,5, after 5 years will not be a burden for you? See what has changed in your relationship and work on it. Don't think that there is Mr. Perfect - in the period of flirting every man will say and do what you like, but then what? Spend 2-3 years with your lover to see if it will be as "Wow" as everyday life imposes on you ... Women who are constantly looking for happiness with a new man always hit a rock after the initial phase of euphoria and happiness and finally you are left alone . It is not a big philosophy to be good with a man for 1-3 years, but the art is to keep your family for 25 years, enough to raise children in a normal family. It is not luck, but a daily job to keep your partner's interest, to make him happy, to make you happy and to stay with you. Women often make the mistake of waiting for Man X to make us happy, but the fact is - the man also seeks his happiness and yes - he has even more freedom than us to find it once we become mothers - so it is easy to lose the father of your children , she can easily put her briefcases away, but it is difficult for a man to stay and not to behave like the author. Yes, Author - in the end you will achieve your goal, with or without your children (because after 10 years they have the right to choose the parent with whom they will stay and especially for boys it is the father), BUT what will you gain ask yourself? Drama, TV series until the next Mr. Wright ... after a year or two with your attitude you will feel the same to your lover as to your husband today, because you will not change anything except the male toy ... and what - you will meet again someone else and so the story will be repeated until you become old, used and useless to anyone ... Look outside - women have a total of 2 ways - or wife, or k ... va. Yes, sometimes it doesn't work as much as a person tries, but you don't try at all! Yes, it is not a sin for a woman to have a second marriage, but I do not believe that the 2nd marriage will end with you ... she will have a 3rd and 4th, because if you do not know how to be happy with your current perfect and nice husband with a nice family. to keep the fire going, what's left in connection with problems and luggage? Success though. You're a big girl, you have the right to make a decision,
Hello! I envy you and it's not noble at all ... Why? Because you are in love ... you love and they love you ... I am a little older than you and I have never fallen in love before .. I got married because it was time for me to give birth .. but I don't love and I completely understand you .. I would give everything for one love .. shared love .. to burn for a man and for him to burn for me ... to love and be loved ... After I gave birth to a second child I realized that I had taken an asexual man ... Therefore, if one day blind Sunday strikes me, I will experience it ... once in my life I want to understand what it is like to be happy, wanted, loved ... So experience it, give yourself to it, be grateful that you met him! I understand you and since I have been living without love for more than 10 years, I will not reproach you ... Live it ... and be happy! I wish I could brag about such joy! Success!
You are 40 years old. Wonder if it's worth ruining your family for a date? Does your husband love you? You talk about him like he's a dream doll. Bitter.
Author, you write that you had a health problem who was next to you then - your husband. And now, if you get in trouble, will your lover be there? Do you know how our lover will look after your children? If you shake on this site you will find touching stories about abandoned women by their lovers, along with their children. And then they pray to their husbands to receive them again? You give short, take each other in your arms, you have two children who enter puberty and you are ready to throw them into the hands of a stranger. If you want to pursue love - divorce, leave the children to your husband, and live our lives with your loved one. That's fair. Convinced with m that your current husband will not bother to see them. This is your only normal way out of life !!! Everything else is drama.
to 9 Quote "Leaving your husband is also not a mortal sin." So number 9? Are you sure? Let's see if this is the case: "if a woman leaves her husband and marries another, she commits adultery" .... .... Moderator - Please write on the topic!
№12 Well, good, if you insist so much that I apologize, maybe I can apologize. But to be even more convincing you can stomp with your foot, even for a safer knock 2 times :-) I just didn't understand what exactly I have to apologize for? It would be nice to explain to me. My words were directed only to the author. If anyone is offended in this case, it must be her! But I don't intend to apologize to her at all. I allowed myself to talk about women in general, because the "drama" of the author is not an isolated case! On the contrary, it is a large-scale and ubiquitous phenomenon! And it always takes place, but always in the following scenario, in which the main protagonist is the woman: • They press men to commit • They take this, what they want from the relationship • They lose interest in sex • They are attracted to someone else • They start cheating • They become angry and resentful • They start telling their partner that they need time to rest • They blame their partner for their behavior ... and eventually, after making themselves and everyone around them desperate for infidelity, but usually after a long period of time, they end their relationship or marriage. Two real life examples. 1. My ex-wife. We went together for 2-3 years, great love big thing. She wanted us to get married, I also wanted to but I wasn't in a hurry. Marriage is a serious thing !!! At one point, he started throwing things at me, that is, he started pressuring me to commit. I loved her madly, but I moved him from one leg to the other when she pressed me. I also proposed marriage, only when I was 100% sure it was the man with whom I want to grow old! And I didn't get married as number 17, because "it's time for me to give birth" !!! Then, of course, I carried her in my arms, and she took "what she wants from the relationship." She just pointed with her beautiful little fingers at what she wanted. Then she must be very tired of washing my socks (another eternal drama of women), because in the fourth year of our marriage something got angry (for stupidity, of course), which was expressed in stopping sex. Oops, that was the same as item 3 of the list above! Look what a coincidence :-) All my attempts to talk about this problem met with great understanding. "Now after the birth (a year later!) I don't have sex", "well, it's normal, he has sex for a while (for people aged 32-33!)" ... "was with did you not understand two words that there will be no sex? "Our marriage lasted almost 10 years, of which the last 5-6 almost no sex. Sex was done like a textbook once every 1, 5-2 months, enough not to grumble. And notice I even came to terms with it and stopped I grumble in the name of a good relationship. It never occurred to me in 10 years of marriage to even cheat on her. I was just naughty about not having sex. Time passed and we found a lover. We met, Mr. "Ideal". A former high school classmate A man from another city who is far away, who is getting married and has a child from his first marriage. He is divorcing and marrying again. But he is cheating on his wife, with my Emmy, how come he's not Mr. "The Perfect"? She became very, very angry, she treated me with utter disregard, to our child and to our home. He went on constant "business trips", which were actually love dates in hotels. I then tore my ass off work to provide for my family well above the average standard of living. I later found out that I had actually paid the couple in love for plane tickets to London to watch a rock concert. The work became intolerable and because I found out about these infidelities and her behavior became intolerable, I asked for explanations. The explanations were typically female: "the broken thing doesn't stick, I need to stay alone and find myself, I've become a ball of nerves, it's better for the child" - what can I say, all words from the biggest heights of female philosophical thought! The divorce was a series of compromises I made for her. Mostly material. I only asked for one thing, to have contact with my child whenever I want. Of course, I did not receive this right. With Mr. "ideal" nothing came out, that is, it was a great disappointment and now my ex-wife defends the thesis "he marriage means nothing, it's just a signature"! Do you follow the story! In the beginning, marriage was very important :-) You probably think that this is another "dumb muffin". Well, no, he has several higher educations and works in a senior management position in a large international company. 2. One of my best friends married a young lady. It turned out that they could not have a child and the reason was in her. He sprayed 15-20 thousand on various doctors for in-vitro. A healthy beautiful child was born to them. They had everything - a house, a car, a job ... they didn't suffer from a lack of something. How do you think the story goes? Shortly after their child was born, she moved out. I guess he's guilty. I'm even sure. He must have misunderstood her. You women still have to understand them, and we men can't do that at all. Here it is, and number 13 told me: "What do women long for, men will never understand :)" Abe woman, we do not understand is not scary! Well, we're simpler, we don't get it. Happens. The bad thing is that as I look, you don't seem to understand it! Now what was I writing all this about? Ahhh yes, I had to apologize. 1. Because I was born of a woman and for this reason I have no right to criticize women. This in itself is a pinnacle of women's philosophical thought and, in my opinion, should be studied in textbooks. I have nothing more to add :-) 2. Because most women are holy water, and only 1 in 1,000, even one in 1 million, is a piece that methodically and purposefully ruins their marriage, the happiness of their husbands and children, and probably their own happiness. Like my ex-wife. Or like my friend's wife. Or like the author .... Emmy yes, I'm wrong. I have to apologize. There is no such thing as divorce, and three-quarters of marriages do not end in divorce until the age of ten. But even then, women are not to blame. They never divorce for no reason, they always have a reason, my dear :-) Okay, I'll apologize. I apologize most officially for my words! I am not right to put all women under a common denominator. But I do not apologize to you or the author! I apologize to №15 who seems to be a smart woman. And I was wrong to put it in the common pot. Strange why, but I think that it was she who would not feel offended by my words, because she understood that they did not apply to her. And yet, if I have offended you number 15, please forgive me. T.N.
F 38 The most important thing is the happiness and peace of the children. I recently read that the poet Margarita Petkova told about her life, that after three children, after the latter grew up, she finally reunited with the love of her life. Their relationship has not stopped over the years, but it was probably incognito. Whether it was a sin, let God decide. In my opinion, she did the right thing - she did not hurt her children and reunited with the one she always loved. I don't think it would be a good decision to leave her husband with small children who will dream of going out together (the children of divorced parents know that something even so simple is experienced as a trauma), if she wants to to madness. And there is one more thing - time shows whether there are feelings for the other or it was just filling emotional gaps in the "official" relationship. For the rest - how she could count on her husband for support in difficult times and not on her lover - also seems too exaggerated. Many husbands are indifferent to their wives even in difficult times, and the "informal" to give more support. So this is also relative and not a factor. But, of course, this happens when the other man is feeling. So this is also a good test for the relationship. In general, as complicated as it may seem, time and vicissitudes in life put the pieces of the puzzle in the right places. So this is also a good test for the relationship. In general, as complicated as it may seem, time and vicissitudes in life put the pieces of the puzzle in the right places. So this is also a good test for the relationship. In general, as complicated as it may seem, time and vicissitudes in life put the pieces of the puzzle in the right places.
Have you ever considered that the one you are in love with doesn't worry about ruining your family, leaving your children without a father? Does he love you as much as you love him? It would be noble for a man to give up on you for you and your children, because men can do it, while women can't. In fact, if you go to him, who will be the big loser? Well, yes - YOU. You lose everything and he loses nothing. That is, measure 10 times before cutting, because there is a danger of falling into a big egoist, while at the same time fucking your whole life. Think about your children as well - they learn from their parents' actions and will repeat your pattern of behavior over time. Success!
to the Author, I hope your husband understands, so that he can get rid of your presence, so that he can seek his happiness with another. A friend of mine had a similar wife and child, she found her new love, divorced my friend and lived happily with her new love for about .. 60 days, the man gave up, it was stressful, a woman to watch, a child to watch, and and the salary to share, she was left alone with the child, and my friend already has a new companion, a beautiful woman who looks at him like a painted egg, because she is like your husband, kind and caring, giving to others and the new, suffering woman and the sufferer appreciates it. I wish you to try the new one, but let the man seek his happiness with a woman who would appreciate what she gets.
At № 24, the man is divorced with 2 children, whom he does not see, is suing. He wants a child, but I am adamant that it will not happen. I appreciate my husband and it is no coincidence that I spend so much time with him without feeling. I never thought about parting or anything like that before he came. I had many opportunities and many other suggestions, but I did not give up. I have always been very courted and liked. At 23, I think to him constantly, that he would give up if I asked for it. At № 15, why do you think I haven't tried, if you know some magic to get back at least some of the feelings, say, there is no other way. I can't tell myself what to feel and who to love. A № 21 is a man dissatisfied, dissatisfied with his life and with women, who thinks that women are coiled in a spring and can jump and turn around their husbands all their lives,
I'm 19 to 25. I still didn't understand what your problem is to get a divorce and live with your loved one. If your husband is understood and intelligent, you will understand about the children as well. Think about it you just need a conversation and nothing more. You love him, but you're afraid of the unknown, aren't you? Risk wins, risk loses! Act or you will go crazy
25 thanks for the analysis, but I didn't need it! You write topics asking for advice, not me. Moreover, with the very revealing title "In love and lost somewhere on the way to nowhere." I told you something real so you could learn from him and not analyze me for who I am. Looking at it, it seemed to be in vain. Nothing. As №22 rightly noted - "time and vicissitudes in life put the pieces of the puzzle in the right places." Good luck with great love I wish you T.N.
I'm 23. Yes, you would give up if you asked for it, but I tell you that men can do it and women can't, that is, how can you ask for it if you can't? It is no coincidence that there are tales "sunken to the ears", "duck in love", etc. There are no such tales for men. He has to help you in this situation, and he doesn't. Therefore, he does not do well and, accordingly, does not deserve your love. This is the logic, if you can abstract from your feelings.
№26, I apologize if I hurt you. You are right, everyone has the right to an opinion. Only no one has the right to judge. I know very well that it is right to keep my family. I don't want to hurt anyone, and whatever I decide, I can't avoid it. It's too late and there will be injured and lied to and that drives me crazy. № 26, the risk is too great, and I have not lost anything so far. I have always bet on the safe and I have never fought for anything. I know that from the side I have the perfect and ideal life. I have a month to decide, he understands very well that if he is not insistent I will not do anything. And he's right. We don't see each other at the moment, there's no way, it works, I can't think of reasons to travel. It's complicated, I can only get out for a few hours during the day and during the week, then he can't ... and so on. Of course, that he will not tolerate childish excuses and, as he says, to hang out and think indefinitely. And time flies ...
Up to 29 authors. I don't know if you realize that you are losing everything - your children, your husband and most likely your authority over your relatives. You will live in another city and when he wins his deeds for the children, you will watch his children on weekends. The love you feel for him now will not be the same when you live together, believe me. And all these clichés to pursue your love, why once lived that children do not matter and will grow up and find their way are completely untrue. A woman who went your way writes to you, I was in exactly the same situation 9 years ago. We parted did not happen what we thought. He also had two children, sons. My children-daughters refused to follow me and were right. What I offer them: an unknown and idealized man and an unknown future in another city. F51
And I don't think anyone has the right to set deadlines for you. As this other person cares about you, he will understand the situation and will not give you deadlines and ultimatums. In the end, you don't have to ruin your family, lose your security (can he give you one, and accept your children as his own, I doubt it) and most of all - the peace of your children. And right now you can see if he cares about you or wants to lose everything you have achieved so far (I guess you also have a part in this family, nothing that is not perfect). And when you ruin your family, will you feel better? Even if you are in love and lost, don't you just think about your current feelings? He probably has those feelings, but if he has them too, he will want you to be calm and feel good. Even if you don't see each other all the time and live together. Take it as a test of feelings - if they endure, great. If not - well, then there were hardly any feelings. And don't blame yourself for wanting security - it's very important for a woman!
You understand that your children will not follow you to your new husband, but how will you live without them and share your new love? Even if you convince them to come with you, the stress will be great, and God knows what the consequences will be. And he has two children ... From here, start thinking? Don't be angry, confused work ... You don't love your husband well, and do you love your children? And if you love them, how will you give them your love in this situation?
Reading your answers and comments, I have the feeling that you are more inclined to decide to leave the family. I will not encourage or reproach you, I will only recommend you to leave the children with their father. This will reduce the stress for them. They remain in a familiar environment - home, relatives, friends, school. In time, you can convince them to come to you. I think that your firm decision not to have a child together will lead to problems with your new husband. If you love him, you should have a child together.
You are all right. Nothing like we imagined in the beginning. I had almost decided to do it, but it didn't seem worth it. № 30, 31, 32, 33 no, he can't give me security and I also doubt that he will accept my children as his own. It will be difficult for me to forget it, but it is necessary. There is no way things can work out, I want not only love, but also a safe and peaceful life. I will hardly have it with him. I have lived so far without love and I will continue to do so. Apparently it wasn't written for me.
Make no mistake, you and this one don't love him. A man who loves is ready to turn the world upside down for the sake of his love. You give up your love for the sake of a safe and peaceful life. When you put love on the scales on one side and a safe and peaceful life on the other and the second weighs more, the conclusion is clear. The same conclusion is imposed, and when you see that someone asks on the Internet whether to leave his family and live with his lover. "I love him very much, but I wonder if I should go to him or not. I shouldn't take anything. Kelepir should be in this business." A funny cry, a Bulgarian would say. I won't tell you who, you hardly remember. I wonder why decent women always have such women. I feel sorry for your husband. Maybe you would do him a favor by leaving. Do not mind me. I'm just "a dissatisfied,
to 35 Hahaha, bravo. Wit, a sense of humor and irony and at the same time telling the facts. to the author and women who cheat on their husbands and / or leave them What you do is wrong, bad and wrong. You do not respect the sanctity of the family and you are selfish who think you will be happier with another person. You will not be, after a short initial euphoria your situation will get worse and you will have hurt and traumatized for life your loved ones who will perceive, because it is your behavior as an act of extreme betrayal of them. The rule is - before marriage the eyes are wide open and after it you do not look away. Understand that one cannot do such things and be happy, the family is sanctified, and the Bible says, "What God hath joined together, let not man put asunder." and such acts of adultery bring with them a great deal of pain, suffering, and heartache. And why is this happening? Because you succumb to temptations, there will certainly be temptations, but the man who acts righteously resists and does not give up. He does not "follow his heart" but controls his emotions and actions. If there are problems in the family and something is wrong - fix things, go to family therapists, seek information, try different things and do not run away from problems destroying everything and leaving a trace of people hurt by your actions. and manages his emotions and actions. If there are problems in the family and something is wrong - fix things, go to family therapists, seek information, try different things and do not run away from problems destroying everything and leaving a trace of people hurt by your actions. and manages his emotions and actions. If there are problems in the family and something is wrong - fix things, go to family therapists, seek information, try different things and do not run away from problems destroying everything and leaving a trace of people hurt by your actions.
No, I'm totally confused now. What to do. Whichever I give up, it still won't be right. There is no way I can avoid that no one is injured. №35, I am a normal person with soul and heart and feelings. I'm not a tree, I can't tell myself how to feel. I put only the children on the scales, they weigh. №36, it's very easy not to succumb to temptation if you have a happy family life and love each other, but when that's exactly what you miss, it's a little hard to think. I didn't want it, I didn't want it to happen to me. And I don't think God has anything to do with my choice 15 years ago. And I don't know why exactly it happens to me, is this some kind of punishment or is it a good gift?
Ma'am, you obviously have a lot of free time and you do nonsense. The moment you go to live with your lover, your life will be even more confused. At the moment you do not realize it, but only after a month of most life you will write on the forums: "Why did my love for him disappear?". Then you will appreciate your current husband and sing another song, but it will be too late and you will have the contempt of your children, your husband and all your relatives. Don't expect someone to understand you. You will watch other people's children, not your own! They will be raised by their father.
"And I don't know exactly why it happens to me, is it some kind of punishment or is it a nice gift?" You can't find out without trying. If you still decide to do this, you must be mentally prepared for the consequences. The best option for you is to have found true love and it is mutual. The disadvantages of it are that you will disappoint and upset your children, husband, relatives and friends. You will also have a problem with your loved one's desire for a common child. The bad option is described by other colleagues above. The probability of 1 option is in my opinion no more than 20-25%. By the way, the Russians have a saying - You can't have someone else's misfortune, happiness. Success! I am № 33
of 36 Temptations are never easy, so are temptations! There is always an element of seduction and it is up to you whether you will give in. You have given in, but the lesser evil now is to leave your lover and return to your husband. Besides, you have to control your feelings, don't tell me I can't and I'm not made of wood. On the contrary - you can and should do it otherwise you are responsible for your actions. Just because you feel something doesn't mean you have to act on your feelings, if they lead you to something wrong you have to fight them and suppress them. Someone had said that there are two wills in man - one good that makes a person do the right thing and the other evil that tempts him to always do the wrong thing. One determines oneself depending on which will one listens to. Serving evil will and justifying with feelings, that is, temptations, is not an excuse. The American Indians have a story that says that there are two wolves fighting in man - white and black and that in the end the one you feed wins. So, author, you have been feeding the black wolf so far, repent and don't do it anymore, but do the right thing.
Quite immature behavior. Write that you fell in love quickly for a person you hardly know. But he is also quite immature, since he invites you to live together in another city. You are not even divorced. I don't know, but you're obviously entering an early phase of the critical. Luca, you are not useful to your family and children. So get a divorce, leave your husband's children and run away to experience your incredible love. You don't become a family and you just suggest that you are a good mother. Your husband does not deserve a woman like you. Chase your love with the stranger and forget your loved ones.
After reading the above and seeing how people advise you to do one or the other, I am convinced of the rightness of most of them. Leave the children to their father so they will be loved. And as the best solution for your destiny, I think it is the destiny of Anna Karenina. Both for you end of torment, and you will free the world from your insignificant personality!
I know very well what is right and what is not. I am from a smaller town and there is no prospect for my children here. I don't think this move will be a problem for them, on the contrary. And the fact that I'm not useful to my family is not true. I have not shown anything so far about what is happening to me. Everyone is ok and happy. Only I am not. Everyone is responsible for their actions and every decision is a risk. Nobody knows how his life will develop. If I give up, how will I go on? I will cheat on him because there are constant temptations. How do I continue to do it by force? Who among you morals knows what it's like to have sex and not feel anything. Can anyone explain to me how a 40-year-old woman is constantly deprived of love and intimacy. For years I have not felt any pleasure, only aversion to sex. How to live like this how much more to endure? It's easy to judge, is this life to sacrifice for the sake of others? I would never give such advice to my children. Everyone has to look for their happiness, not everyone finds it from the first time.
I know very well what is right and what is not. I am from a smaller town and there is no prospect for my children here. I don't think this move will be a problem for them, on the contrary. And the fact that I'm not useful to my family is not true. I have not shown anything so far about what is happening to me. Everyone is ok and happy. Only I am not. Everyone is responsible for their actions and every decision is a risk. Nobody knows how his life will develop. If I give up, how will I go on? I will cheat on him because there are constant temptations. How do I continue to do it by force? Who among you morals knows what it's like to have sex and not feel anything. Can anyone explain to me how a 40-year-old woman is constantly deprived of love and intimacy. For years I have not felt any pleasure, only aversion to sex. How to live like this how much more to endure? It's easy to judge, is this life to sacrifice for the sake of others? I would never give such advice to my children. Everyone has to look for their happiness, not everyone finds it from the first time.
To the author. Do you have a severe mental problem? Talk to your husband first and tell him everything. Now sing to us that the children will come to live with you in the big city, but not before. These are big children who have now lived with their father, how will you suddenly take them to another unknown man? You are not collected, go to a psychologist or psychiatrist. You will do something stupid and besides your life, you will ruin others! Are you sure about your lover? DIDN'T kick you after a while?
What is this malice, № 42? I would never force a person who does not want me and is with me only for some reason. No one owns anyone. And who or who you are. Angelina Jolie and Brother Pete have separated from six children. Beautiful and successful. And are they insignificant personalities. You're funny. Aren't you from a sect, huh? Or you are sinless. There is certainly no place in Heaven for people like you, don't be fooled. My children are loved enough and nothing can change that.
Well, nothing author, you set a terrible example with Angelina Jolie and Brother Pete! Divorce in Hollywood is fashionable and has nothing to do with the lives of normal people. Your children are about to enter puberty and they need a healthy family environment. Who will get it from your lover or husband? Apart from not loving your husband, you write nothing else about him. Are your children attached to him, is he a responsible person, etc. Did your wife love you? You are quite confused and often I do not know what to advise you, because you are wrong
It was good, madam, if you are so in love, do it. Go to your lover. I understand that you are very sick of living with someone you do not love. I understand that it is difficult for you to have sex by force. I understand that your heart longs for love. We understand everything you tell us! And we don't judge you for that! We are all human, no one is sinless. BUT !!! Listen now to what "BUT" is, because it is very important! 1. If you have decided to do such a thing, sit down and tell your husband what the job is! He can get angry, he can be ruined, you can eat a slap - people of all kinds, I don't know his character. But tell him the truth! So he will accept it easier. You don't have to lie to him, make fun of him, hide like a mouse, you don't have to blame him for things he didn't do. Just tell him the truth, he has a right to know it. That's what decent people do. Divorce, and start a new relationship anew. No lies, no hideouts. If you want to achieve something in this life, do it. Otherwise, you get entangled like a duck in tow and spend your whole life sipping potpourri, which you have crushed yourself. 2. Forget this nonsense that you do everything for the children! We know that you women always "do everything for the children" but this number does not pass! But in the small town there was no development, but in the big city there was I don't know what ... these tales have nothing to do with the problem and don't push them at us. 3. What is happening to you right now is not a precedent! Many women and men go through this! And some of us give you advice precisely from the position of people who have gone through a similar situation, experienced it, made sense of it. This is yet to come for you. So, that instead of being contemptuous, it may be better to listen to what they tell you. And learn from them if possible. Aren't the stories written here as a lesson? I have already told you my opinion several times. What is happening to you at the moment is very similar to a process that has been described many times. I described it briefly in my first post, but you didn't pay any attention to it. Here is a whole topic about it, everything is described in great detail and I think the author has done brilliantly. Read it calmly and see if you find yourself in this story! http: // share. net / 4 / story-42905. html Regards: T. N. what is happening to you at the moment is very similar to a process that has been described many times. I described it briefly in my first post, but you didn't pay any attention to it. Here is a whole topic about it, everything is described in great detail and I think the author has done brilliantly. Read it calmly and see if you find yourself in this story! http: // share. net / 4 / story-42905. html Regards: T. N. what is happening to you at the moment is very similar to a process that has been described many times. I described it briefly in my first post, but you didn't pay any attention to it. Here is a whole topic about it, everything is described in great detail and I think the author has done brilliantly. Read it calmly and see if you find yourself in this story! http: // share. net / 4 / story-42905. html Regards: T. N.
Do you know what is the most disgusting thing in this story? It is that the author has lied to her husband for many years that she loves him. She had sex with him in disgust without having the courage to pose the problem to him, justifying that everything was done for the sake of the children. Well, no honor to you ma'am! There is no way to gain support and understanding for this behavior. You are not worthy of a family and a mother. F29
One falls in love if one subconsciously seeks and looks around, otherwise it does not happen. If you loved your husband, you would not have eyes for another. You think a lot about how to arrange your own happiness, but who will suffer along the way, all this. Bad mother, bad wife. Too bad for the kids.
from 40 The author asks "is this life to sacrifice for the sake of others?" The real, good life is guided by the rule "not to do to others what you do not want to be done to you", so yes - the good and right life is associated with limitations, with self-control, with avoiding and resisting temptations. It has to do with choosing good and avoiding evil. You want not to limit yourself, you want to do what you want without worrying about the consequences. For example, if today you are attracted by one thing, you will do it, tomorrow, if you are attracted by another, you will do it. No, but one must have the integrity of character and stand behind one's decisions. You have chosen your husband, who you say is great and you have no moral right to cheat on him and share with him. I tell you again, if you have problems with sex, look for ways to solve them. As for Hollywood, it's a pity that you give the actors as examples. Don't you know that Hollywood uses these "stars" precisely to instill moral and sexual degradation among people who are stupid enough to follow their example, to copy them and to cultivate them. Don't you know that this "star image" of Hollywood actors is maintained for one purpose only - so that their stupid fans can copy their wrong and unworthy behavior? Hollywood actors are puppets that are used to influence large masses of people with the aim of corrupting them and looking at your thinking obviously very successfully. Brother Pete and Angelina Jolie ... God, are we getting her there - a 40-year-old woman with a family who must have become responsible a long time ago and know what is valuable in life is guided in her actions by the example of fake Hollywood actors. I will be honest and clear with you - if you do what you set out to become a villain, you are still wrong by cheating on your husband and then you will sink completely. Do not doubt that such behavior will not go unpunished and you will suffer. At some point in your life, things will develop for you in such a way that you will understand what I meant if you do not realize now. Then you will suffer, but you will suffer deservedly and you will know it and you will say I was such a fool, what I did, etc. This is because now you do not want to accept a lesson to protect yourself but you definitely want to do the bad thing. OK, you have the freedom to do it, however, to know that there is a price for bad deeds that you will then have to pay. The price is suffering. In this way it will be shown to you and you will understand if you have a mind for it and take into account that happiness cannot be achieved when you do evil, that by doing evil and harming others in order to be good and happy you not only you will not reach it, but you will be allowed to suffer, that is, the exact opposite of what you intended. Then remember what I wrote to you. However, there is a saying that says, "A wise man learns from the mistakes of others, an ordinary man learns from his own mistakes, and a fool does not learn at all." that happiness cannot be achieved when you do evil, that by doing evil and harming others in order to be good and happy you will not only not achieve it but you will be allowed to suffer, that is, the exact opposite of what you aimed at. Then remember what I wrote to you. However, there is a saying that says, "A wise man learns from the mistakes of others, an ordinary man learns from his own mistakes, and a fool does not learn at all." that happiness cannot be achieved when you do evil, that by doing evil and harming others in order to be good and happy you will not only not achieve it but you will be allowed to suffer, that is, the exact opposite of what you intended. Then remember what I wrote to you. However, there is a saying that says, "A wise man learns from the mistakes of others, an ordinary man learns from his own mistakes, and a fool does not learn at all."
One lives once and must live one's life happily, with people who love and who love him. You have to strive to live excitingly! So leave the mold, and finally embark on living truly. Don't live for people's opinion, when you come home sad in the evening, nobody cares how you feel. so live your love, you must try.
One lives once and must live one's life happily, with people who love and who love him. You have to strive to live excitingly! So leave the mold, and finally embark on living truly. Don't live for people's opinion, when you come home sad in the evening, nobody cares how you feel. so live your love, you must try.