Hello. I am a 27 year old girl. I have never had feelings for a boy before, I was only interested in textbooks at school, I was inspired by strong and independent women like football players, feminists, boxers, etc. However, my father abandoned us, I am an only child, the fruit of late love ( both my parents were 40 when they met). My father made fun of my mother and left us, and he didn't love me. And that's why I'm afraid of boys, just 90% are like my father. A year ago I met a boy who is 31 (4 years older than me). He taught me programming. I didn't feel anything at first, but he supported me, he saw that I had potential, but I didn't believe in myself, etc., he convinced me to enroll to study computer science (like a master's degree), etc. He is gentle, polite. , intelligent, hardworking, and his life has not been easy, he has only his mother. My parents are no longer in this world. We are in contact mainly on educational issues, but recently, a month ago, we communicated more often and he said that he wanted me as a woman. I was amazed because somehow ... I hid my feelings. But there is one but. I always call him on the phone, I look for a contact, I long to communicate. And he once said that he wanted me, the next day he criticized me rudely, that I was negative about life, that there was nothing wrong with me, etc. He has a higher squeaky voice and so at times I wonder if he likes me at all because I don't think so. He doesn't look for me, he doesn't write me emails or messages, he doesn't want to see me more often, etc., while I've been doing some things, just to see him, to talk to him. My question is this - why do you call me my darling, my future wife or something like that, and his actions say the opposite? I'm not dramatizing, it's better to say that he doesn't want me that much. Otherwise, we both do not like to be among many people, we are curled up in our own world, we talked softly, but I will not share here, and I am not one of the women who want to be taken to the shops and buy what no ... I want a man who loves me with my shortcomings and respects my opinion, and not treats me like garbage just because I'm a woman (as was my father's behavior). So why does this person I have feelings for treat me like that? Otherwise, he didn't seem to have any boyfriends, and he seemed to want to get married and I wonder if he somehow thinks that I'm a candidate and just fixes the problem with the fact that he's not married ... I don't know. I will be grateful to share your views.
Answers 24
Neither you are a girl nor he is a boy, you are not 16 years old. You sound infantile, it can be annoying. Programmers like to do things efficiently and effectively, rather than talking emotionally about plush toys. Maybe he wants you (he still took the time for you, which is an investment), but to be more emotionally distant than you. This may be due to his fears, as well as inexperience in relationships. Personally, I prefer them not to look for me non-stop, to write to me and to be sticky, but to be able to call whenever I want (I am more emotional and I balance better with more rational men). And I don't find it strange or offensive if I call more and they call me less often. Still, you don't give a lot of information, because there are psychics and people among people, who cannot love but this cannot be told to you in view of the scarce information you give. My advice is to watch how he treats people, whether he pays attention to you and is interested in you (listens to you, tries to understand the problem and helps), whether certain topics (or a kind of female romantic notions) do not burden him, whether does not feel "controlled" by your behavior, "unfree." The situation is a bit stalemate, because it doesn't seem to me that it will be resolved in a conversation (opening a discussion on the topic will suppress him even more, or it will strike his ego). You can try to tell him when he raises his voice that you are not found on the street and to measure his tongue, without allowing emotions to escalate, you better leave and let him think, and after a day or two- three call him again and ask him how he is. So there will be time to analyze the data. Perfectionists are more intolerant of stupidity and waste of time, and people with greater intelligence often fail to feel satisfied in communicating with other people simply because they are at a slightly higher level and are not told nonsense. . In fact, the "nonsense" in question is a kind of form of social non-stressful contact, and we don't have to beg all day to experience satisfaction in communication, but this, in the presence of a fast-paced intellect, is the next step to awareness. Personally, I wouldn't go out with someone with whom I don't have much to say, but talking to shopkeepers now brings me pleasure, not just endless emptiness. people with greater intelligence often fail to feel satisfied in communicating with other people simply because they are at a slightly higher level and are not told nonsense. In fact, the "nonsense" in question is a kind of form of social non-stressful contact, and we don't have to beg all day to experience satisfaction in communication, but this, in the presence of a fast-paced intellect, is the next step to awareness. Personally, I wouldn't go out with someone with whom I don't have much to say, but talking to shopkeepers now brings me pleasure, not just endless emptiness. people with greater intelligence often fail to feel satisfied in communicating with other people simply because they are at a slightly higher level and are not told nonsense. In fact, the "nonsense" in question is a kind of form of social non-stressful contact, and we don't have to beg all day long to experience satisfaction in communication, but this, in the presence of a fast-paced intellect, is the next step to awareness. Personally, I wouldn't go out with someone with whom I don't have much to say, but talking to shopkeepers now brings me pleasure, not just endless emptiness. to experience satisfaction in communication, but this, in the presence of an accelerated intellect, is the next step to awareness. Personally, I wouldn't go out with someone with whom I don't have much to say, but talking to shopkeepers now brings me pleasure, not just endless emptiness. to experience satisfaction in communication, but this, in the presence of a hasty intellect, is the next step to awareness. Personally, I wouldn't go out with someone with whom I don't have much to say, but talking to shopkeepers now brings me pleasure, not just endless emptiness.
My advice to you is to think very carefully if this is really the person for you. My overall impressions of the story are such that he is looking for a wife in front of other people, so as not to be told that there is no man next to him, as you have felt.
Well, he's just gay and he wants a family too. What normal Bulgarian starts talking about marriage before even starting a relationship with a girl?
Author, first of all at the age of 27 you are not a girl, but a woman, and at the age of 31 he is a man, not a boy. Are you infantile, you may experience yourself as teenagers, but at your age people look after children and build homes and families, and you are not aware of yourself. We have all (almost) had difficult moments, but we can't justify our failures with a difficult childhood, fathers, mothers, etc. All our lives. Take each other in your arms, sit down and clarify your relationship. Ask him your questions instead of us. My opinion is that nothing will come out of your relationship, I don't know how much of a relationship it is, if only you are looking for it, a man who REALLY wants you, doesn't behave like that. Don't pay attention to what he says to you, but what he does. There is no love between you, how do you see him in 5-10 years, for example? Are you happily married?
Something with a squeaky voice ... Isn't he gay? And want you for a screen? In any case, you yourself feel that something is wrong, that it does not really respond to you with the same. Don't bother with him, you've suffered enough. You better finish it and make room to meet someone who will really appreciate you. What is for you will come, you just need patience. Listen to your intuition, it will not let you down. If you feel that something is wrong here, then it really is not. And don't waste any more time and throw energy to wonder at this one anyway. Use your time and energy for something constructive.
"And he once said he wanted me, the next day he criticized me rudely, that I was negative about life, that there was nothing wrong with me, etc." Don't deal with this garbage. He lies to you if he doesn't look for you and doesn't call you, and it's very likely that there is another. I've been through this so I know. You are not subordinate to him to criticize and teach you. Do not mess with this type of men at all, nothing good awaits you with such.
Not being married is no reason for him to want to marry you. A man of both 31 and 51 is a man. He can get married whenever he wants. You need to clarify your relationship with him. See how far you will go. If things drag on a lot, save yourself. Time is not in your favor. Tomorrow you will turn 30 and now everything is harder for you.
Because he is a player and you are an easy target. If he really wanted you, he would look for you. Where do you see a request from him? Everyone can talk about everything, actions are watched. He may be asked to marry, and he identifies the girl in love. And he criticizes you, and that makes you think he wants you ?! Women, come down to earth, and do not deal with such! That then you will roar how he beats you, insults you, crushes you, and he seems to want you in the beginning and spoke kindly. Do not listen to kind words, but watch how they treat you. If you don't like something - run!
Get rid of this mold. No woman deserves to be treated like garbage. Does he do it - he doesn't love you, he doesn't appreciate you, he doesn't want you. Get out before it's too late.
From the author: Thank you for your comments. To number 1: I categorically state that I do not suffocate him with care. I call him a maximum of 2 times a month, and sometimes we haven't seen each other for months. If this means that I am suffocating him, then I just don't know other students and his students who call him every day, they probably don't suffocate him, but make him fly on the wings of freedom ... And now I will tell you more. Yes, we have no connection and we have not had. We haven't kissed or anything. One time I tried to hug him, but he remained numb and did not react at all. The other thing is, he has a bit of gentle demeanor and a lot of people think he's on the other side. And very often she meets a man for whom she always has time and with whom she always communicates. And he doesn't do that with other people, he doesn't even get along with his colleagues. Anyway. I think that he wants to go out in front of people, that he has found a wife and that's it. And he's definitely not looking for me at all, what's his name, once he didn't even invite me out for a cup of tea or just a walk in nature. But I am offended by the fact that he talks about various things and probably thinks that I do not understand reality. Otherwise, there are other obstacles that I do not intend to share. It's just clear that he doesn't even respect me as his student. But he claims to be a man of principle. So what principles are these ...? !! He knows. There are a lot of things that I may have had to say to clarify the whole situation, but I prefer not to go into such details at this stage, it is still the Internet and it is not known who will see things. once he didn't even invite me out for a cup of tea or just a walk in nature. But I am offended by the fact that he talks about various things and probably thinks that I do not understand reality. Otherwise, there are other obstacles that I do not intend to share. It's just clear that he doesn't even respect me as his student. But he claims to be a man of principle. So what principles are these ...? !! He knows. There are a lot of things that I may have had to say to clarify the whole situation, but I prefer not to go into such details at this stage, it is still the Internet and it is not known who will see things. once he didn't even invite me out for a cup of tea or just a walk in nature. But I am offended by the fact that he talks about various things and probably thinks that I do not understand reality. Otherwise, there are other obstacles that I do not intend to share. It's just clear that he doesn't even respect me as his student. But he claims to be a man of principle. So what principles are these ...? !! He knows. There are a lot of things that I might have had to say to clarify the whole situation, but I prefer not to go into such details at this stage, it is still the Internet and it is not known who will see things. that he is a man of principle. So what principles are these ...? !! He knows. There are a lot of things that I may have had to say to clarify the whole situation, but I prefer not to go into such details at this stage, it is still the Internet and it is not known who will see things. that he is a man of principle. So what principles are these ...? !! He knows. There are a lot of things that I may have had to say to clarify the whole situation, but I prefer not to go into such details at this stage, it is still the Internet and it is not known who will see things.
Actions and patterns are everything. Do not look at the words but at the deeds. Apparently he likes you, but only for sex. I married my wife after a year and a half of persecution on my part. I would have done it earlier, but she didn't want to. Famous my topic My wife is a bitch and see a man's opinion when a man is serious and when not to you.
It is ridiculed, and it will get worse. Don't be humiliated just to have a husband. It's a man ... like nothing on the other side, as some have suggested above. Make one last attempt - don't look for it at all. If his reaction is like a dead chicken, then just block it.
Number 4 safe from outdated understandings. Will you determine whether she feels like a girl or a woman? If you have a girl, let her call herself that ... sometimes 60-year-olds are called "girls" because they like it, so what's left for a 27-year-old "woman" who may not even be a "woman" yet? if you remember where I fight. And no, there aren't many people these days who already have children and families this age. The author - I can not judge for sure. But it seems to me that you are too complex with your father. So it's possible that the boy is quite small and that's why you still have to look for him. However, the fact that you are so nervous does not look very good. She would hardly want a nervous husband in the future. My advice is to be careful with it, take your time! Most likely he really likes you, not just for his loved ones,
I don't think he's a player or gay. The programmers are a little crazy, they may have strong feelings for you, but they can't express them. You both have a difficult past, try to bring a little joy to your relationship. Go out, nature, walks, jokes, relax, people! :)
I am the author. At times I regret sharing here. To number 14: We can't go out and "bring joy" anywhere, because we don't have a relationship. As I said, there are other very serious obstacles that further complicate the situation. I don't mind being more active or calling, that's not the problem. But the fact that he almost never called me, and that if I didn't call or stop contacting him, there was no reaction, speaks for itself more than any words, does it? It doesn't even make sense to make an impression on him - whether I call or not, whether we talk to each other or never again if we don't talk - it doesn't matter to him. Whatever.
How can you want to marry this man. From 100 km it is obvious that he is gay and he wants you in front of people, you say it yourself. I, who am a bit of a strange woman, study engineer, skirts and dresses have hardly seen my body and I rarely apply nail polish. I caught a 20 year old boyfriend and he was a little weird and for a week we saw and kissed more than you, had sex and then he told me he was surprised I wasn't a lesbian. Not all men are like your father. There are all kinds. But please look for someone else. You don't even need this last man in the world.
I think the situation is clear, not only does he not love or respect you, but he doesn't even feel like a friend with whom he enjoys spending time. If he doesn't even call or write to you, you haven't seen each other for months, the work is clear, dump him, because nothing will come out. Why he tells you this nonsense, since he obviously doesn't feel the feelings in question, we can't know: he may be gay, he may want to see him with a woman from time to time, he may brush his ego ... maybe a lot of things, but no is so important.
The author is right. There is nothing feminine in her to be a woman, just as there is nothing masculine in her to be a man! People grow up first! High school students ....
I'm the author: He's not a programmer. He teaches engineering disciplines and in particular those studied in computer specialties. But he never worked as a programmer. And I study programming myself, because 1 - the hours there are extremely insufficient and 2 - it is better for a person to learn on his own and to collide on his own, and not to wait for someone else. To number 18 - wow, what conclusions ... thank you, now how should I feel, like some non-sexual being or what ... To grow up you say ... there is nothing to grow. We are what we are.
* I don't understand what the problem is when you don't even have a connection? "Why did you catch yourself like a straw drowning man?" * There is nothing to explain here! * He may be gay, he may have just tried to flirt and that's it ... It's funny, it's like begging why a stranger talked to you and complimented you on the street. * You're too big for such petty questions and stories. * Success in love from now on! - Mary
I'm not 18, but I'll tell you, author, that you only grew up in years, not very smart, judging by your writing. As you are happy with yourself as you are and do not want to change, you will sit in this situation and post such topics.
Ah, I'm number 18! Well, madam, good! Play the alpha and the hunter. Call him, write to me, push him, chase him ....... is there an exchange of roles as you are yourself and you don't have to grow up?
To number 22 from the author: I don't push, I don't write and I don't call. Things are the same, that is, purely educational issues and that's it. I ask the moderators - if possible, to delete the topic. Some people who commented were understanding. But there are others who simply insult me and consider themselves sinless. So it is better not to have the story and calm down.
I'm the author: I feel terrible. I can't stop thinking about him. This started to interfere with my work as well, I started to get distracted and at times I couldn't cope. He's a son of a bitch, and that ruins me because I'm from a Christian family, and that means I'm an idiot and an apostate. What to do?