I have very rarely posted topics here, and only on serious issues that concern me. Now, however, I need your thoughts and opinions again, for which I thank you in advance. The case is as follows. My husband has a girlfriend. They are close before he met me. I accepted her exactly like that - his girlfriend. Very nice girl, I am happy to communicate with her, she often visits us and I am always glad to see her. But I began to observe something rather strange, given that I have no such relationship with my friends. We help each other, of course, but even my closest friend would not call every day to complain about any household problems. Over time, an almost marital relationship has developed between my husband and the lady in question, which I'm not sure is normal. I give examples. They are heard every morning for good morning and every night for good night.
He picks her up from work every day, and I travel by minibus. Half of my garden equipment is with his girlfriend in question - if I need something and it is not there, a hose, for example, it turns out that it is with her. As soon as we quarrel, he calls her to complain. I accidentally found out that during the day they drink coffee in some "their" cafe (I have no idea what the problem is to say: "We will drink coffee with my girlfriend if you want to come" or when he comes home to say "You have a lot of greetings from your girlfriend we "). All the household chores in them are fixed by my husband. He dumped me alone in a pub to run around carrying a refrigerator. He made the electrical installation for her, he arranged the parquet, he painted the walls, he did everything. He picks the fruit trees in the yard for her, to make her winter. His girlfriend calls him every day on absolutely every occasion, including that she has a pimple on her nose and he ran around the city looking for a lotion. Sometimes he comes home and says he's not hungry because he's had dinner with his girlfriend. Whenever he cooks something special, he says: why don't we invite my girlfriend too? Sometimes he takes her to dinner most unexpectedly. The paradox is that they really don't have sex. I am absolutely sure of that. I don't want to go into details about why I'm so sure, but I'm sure. Ie there is no sex there. But I feel like a woman who is being cheated on. Friends began to make delicate hints to me, and to all of them I replied, "Oh, they're just friends!" But something makes me feel restless. Well, my question to you is this. Is this how your partner treats his / her best friend?
Am I unnecessarily skeptical? And is it infidelity to be more loyal to another woman and to put her needs ahead of those of your own wife? And if so, what is my move? I can't tell my husband, "Give up all your friends for me." I don't want him to do that because it will be violence against his person. If someone gives me such an ultimatum, I will just drop it. Help, the collective mind! because it will be violence against his person. If someone gives me such an ultimatum, I will just drop it. Help, the collective mind! because it will be violence against his person. If someone gives me such an ultimatum, I will just drop it. Help, the collective mind!
Answers 22
Your husband is an idiot and you have to lose him. He humiliates you ostentatiously. Yes, his actions are infidelity, infidelity. It's called emotional infidelity. He is completely emotionally dependent on this woman. Not having sex does not justify it. If you allow a third person into a family, it ceases to be a family.
If you don't have children, beat the jester on this way, Marinkin, and take his family home.
Abe, are you okay, I'm serious? How do you tolerate it and what nervous system do you have? I admire your patience, but in this case, patience and silence are not the solution. You know very well that this man is for the garbage. What are you like in his life, most likely his mother. No woman deserves such treatment, and that stupid bitch hopefully finds what she deserves. Get away from him and let them be happy and look for a real man who will appreciate you first and then the others.
Everything he discusses with this girlfriend should be discussed with you, not her. It's not physical infidelity, but in his head I'm 100% sure he wondered if he would sleep with her, it's just the male brain. Even if he didn't, he thought so. I wouldn't let that happen, not because I'm damn jealous, but because it's super dumb.
I also think it's infidelity, even worse than having sex. The girlfriend in question got on his head and used it as a servant, and he is so greedy that he does not feel what he is doing to your marriage. The worst thing is that your husband considers this behavior normal and motivates him by pleasing her constantly. Very low on both sides. If he was so stupid, at least the lady in question had to judge that it wasn't normal and make her at least a little uncomfortable. How will you allow yourself to ask someone's husband to drive you after work after his wife comes home by minibus ?! She may pretend to be nice and cool, but she really rubs your nose, commanding your own husband. A kind of "I'm more than you, just watch." After all, the main culprit is your husband, he swore to be faithful to you (not only physically). The only thing you can do, in my opinion, is to explain the whole situation to him soberly, calmly and without quarrels. From his reaction you will know whether it is worth dealing with this person or not. One option is to feel it if he still thinks you're more important to him. The other is to accuse you of being crazy, obsessive and whatnot, running to her to complain, which is clear what it would mean. Act quickly and don't let them blow their horses at your expense. If they like each other so much, to marry ... abnormal people. running to her to complain, which is clear what it would mean. Act quickly and don't let them blow their horses at your expense. If they like each other so much, to marry ... abnormal people. running to her to complain, which is clear what it would mean. Act quickly and don't let them blow their horses at your expense. If they like each other so much, to marry ... abnormal people.
This man perceives you as a mother and her as a wife! About sex, they certainly do it, I tell you from experience, because my ex also had a girlfriend like that. But the work turned out to be thick, there was nothing ... I don't know why you're sure it doesn't happen. Why do you tolerate this relationship? They really cross the line of normal communication between friends. From the standpoint of the time that has passed since the separation from my husband, I can only wonder now in my mind how I have endured him to humiliate me like that.
Many times I have written my story in comments on the topic of such a friendship, I will soon release my own topic. I also saw your comment in another topic, where you describe things in more detail about your "Lily". Your husband wants to caress her, and the only reason it doesn't happen is because Lily obviously won't give it to him. She draws her own conclusions about whether your relationship has a future. I will write you my story, I was like your husband, I had a girlfriend I was in love with for years. This prevented me from having a normal relationship, I ran after my girlfriend, who was very much in love with her prince, but things were not going well for them. With every football drama, she came to me to calm her down, I saw her upset, crying and I was ready to do anything to make her happy. However, everything went according to the same scenario - the prince was fine for a day or two, and when he looked for her, she immediately rushed to him. Just to clarify, we have never had an intimate relationship, first she cut me off at the beginning of our story, after a few years I also refused. It so happened that we always got along. At one point, I just decided I couldn't go on like this, I saw myself wasting my time, and I decided I needed to move on. It didn't happen right away, but after a while I found another girl or rather she found me. She really tried to win me over, after which I fell in love with her very much, we started a stormy and very passionate relationship. I no longer had feelings for my best friend, but I had decided to keep our friendship. Then my favorite, somewhere in the 2nd or 3rd month of the relationship he told me quite frankly "I don't want you to have such a close relationship with another woman, when you want to be with me, you're just with me. Being so dear to your best friend , you are free to do whatever you want, but without me ". Of course, I chose to be with my beloved, and my best friend, who continued her dramas with the Prince, did not accept my decision at all, but it no longer mattered. I already felt that it was unnecessary in my life. To this day, we have been with my girlfriend for 10 years, I still wonder how she has the courage and honesty to put things this way for me, even though I was bigger and more experienced in our relationship. Instead of applying tactics, asking on forums or dumping me as many would advise, she acted quite directly and openly, for which I am really grateful. So we laid the foundations of our relationship, and after so many years together and two children, the passion between us is still alive, and our love is still strong. The author, it's too late for you to put things that way, you will obviously have to come to terms with Lily's presence in your life or just get a divorce. Another option I just do not see and do not know what advice to give you. It doesn't hurt to try to remove Lily from your life, or just make your husband choose between the two of you, but I really don't know what the end result will be. Success! Another option I just do not see and do not know what advice to give you. It doesn't hurt to try to remove Lily from your life, or just make your husband choose between the two of you, but I really don't know what the end result will be. Success! Another option I just do not see and do not know what advice to give you. It doesn't hurt to try to remove Lily from your life, or just make your husband choose between the two of you, but I really don't know what the end result will be. Success!
There's only one thing I didn't understand from your story - how are you sure there's nothing sexual between them? I immediately explain why I ask you what kind of man will do what you talk about without sex? I'll tell you my story - and my husband had a close "girlfriend" from his job. In a softer version, you were doing the same things as your husband. He drove her home from work every night, and did all sorts of services. My friends also made delicate and not so delicate hints to me, and I answered with dignity - why do you envy that they are such good friends. It never crossed my mind that they were lovers — she was an unassuming and pathetic woman, in her 40s, with two grown children. And this cunning fox has been leading me by the nose all the time, just as they are leading you now. Solve your problem radically, remove her or him - as you decide, but before that he dug into their relationship. You will have a headache about how many unexpected things you will find.
I can't say it's infidelity, but it's just not right when it comes to a family man. However, when you create a family with a woman, that's exactly why you create it - to be a support for each other in all life and everyday situations, to build a world together in which you are the closest. This is the meaning of marriage and cohabitation. Somehow he doesn't stand behind his choice, to be his wife, abandoning you at important moments because of some "girlfriend". When a man has made the conscious choice to have a serious partner by his side, she should take precedence over other women. What good is a man to a woman if he dumps her when he needs him to help third parties?
This husband of yours is a slipper type and is a servant of some brat. If you tolerate this, you are absolutely asleep, a characterless and impersonal woman. I don't want to offend you, but the relationship between the three of you is not normal. No matter who sleeps with whom. I would ask him the question directly - either me or her. And I would tell her to find a husband or to hire masters for home repairs, as well as to use taxis or public transport. If you bring her to me without my invitation, they will both be at an empty table. I would not tolerate such a man and such ridicule and disrespect as a wife for a month. I recommend you the novel "Sincerely Your Shurik" by Ludmila Ulitska, it is in the reading room. info.
Kick this male whore right now! I wonder how you breathe this subhuman at all. Beat his jerk until he's completely shaved. Have dignity and self-respect. The earlier you kick it, the more grateful you will be in time (not long).
It's better to have sex with someone for a while than to behave with another like a princess and ignore his wife. I don't know how you tolerate it? In this case, he seems to be using you sexually and is really obsessed with his "girlfriend".
Thanks to everyone for the comments! I am the author. I suspected that I was too skeptical, your posts convinced me that I was even too patient. Infidelity has many faces. In fact, it is about being more loyal to another person than to your partner. I will not allow myself to feel superfluous, and I often feel that way. What offends me the most is that probably the two good friends comment on me as "the one who is still dissatisfied", "the one who is crazy", "the one who pays". Because I am really the financial pillar of the family. I don't want to be respected for that, of course, but I still think I deserve some fairness, not being the "necessary evil." And we have replacement lamps, and we have household clutter that hangs for months until even a light bulb burns out in the lady's home, my husband runs through my head to solve the problem. When she went around town last winter looking for a pimple lotion, I was very ill and my mother went to buy me medicine.
Since the others have written my opinion, I just want to ask one question. You say that in the event of an ultimatum on your part, there would be violence against his person, and does your husband ask you in various situations when you are neglected because of your girlfriend, where is the respect for your person? I will not write again that I was angry at how you put up with this. Just one piece of advice - please, if you are considering having children, please consider very carefully if you want children and a family with this particular man.
What is this horror ?! No, it's not normal, and a person who cares a lot about the few friends he has and would do almost anything for them at any time of the day tells you. Yes, friends are extremely important, just as much as children are to me. However - friendship between a man and a woman simply does not exist. There is always at least one side of the other moment - sex. Whether it will be realized or not and when is another question. I've been in a situation with a male friend - in the meantime he had a relationship, me too - for a long time and I tell you again that this is a special relationship, but the attraction is dormant. And after enough years on an emotional level only, we came to the sex result, from which a great kid has already grown up, but we haven't been together for a long time, nor are we friends. Noo, your story is not normal at all and you can only get away after a hard conversation and a possible separation. These relationships are quite stable and can only be liquidated if one of them - either your husband or his girlfriend - terminates them.
Horror, author, the way you write shows that you are an intelligent person. Run with 200 of this type !!! Raise your self-esteem a little, what is this ox patience? Give him an ultimatum an hour to stop this handsome man as soon as possible. If he tells you he won't, make sure this girl is much more important to him than you are. Don't play his game, there's no point in wasting time in such an abnormal relationship.
Number 2, I'm the author. The family home is mine. In fact, I am in no way dependent on my husband. However, I wonder if I made the mistake of asking the question about this "girlfriend" on the edge. That is, I made it clear that I felt neglected. The common enemy unites, we all know that. And I voluntarily put myself in the position of the enemy. But it really started to come in handy. It was cold for the young lady to go and buy her an electric stove. She had no money, her boiler was damaged, she quarreled with her brother, she would buy a refrigerator and he would spend it, she would cut the wood for the winter, she would cook mish-mash to go eat. Abe .... marital relations. For God's sake, I have friends too. I would never bother anyone with my boiler, I would call a master, I would order a refrigerator with home delivery, etc. My friend has an electronics service. When I need to fix the dictaphone, for example, I call him, but not to engage him, but just to speed up my order, if possible. And I always say hello to his wife. I saw myself in a miracle, people. I know it's wrong, I'm ashamed, but I started watching their chat. After all, everyone has a right to information. I also did the foolish thing to tell my husband. In fact, it was not nonsense, because they both immediately changed the way of communication, which confirmed my suspicions. That is, they are already apparently calling each other directly on the phone, instead of writing so that they don't read "the crazy one", I guess. I have no secrets from my husband. I told him to pick up my phone when I was in the bathroom, because it could be an emergency, and he did. He knows all my e-mail and social network passwords, including my debit and credit card PINs, and uses them. But I have nothing to hide. Of course, it's nice to hold on to your friends. The thing is, this lady is taking time and money from our family. I keep paying, paying, paying ... As long as she just whistles to him that she needs some money, if she wants to starve to death, he immediately provides it for her. I wonder if a conversation with her that goes beyond acceptable limits would help or have the opposite effect? But then, girl, what is to blame for my husband being a fool? She found an idiot, she uses it. Eventually, I will evict my husband to go to really close people and that will be the end of it. In their daily communication, he constantly promises her never to leave her, to always be by her side, and so on. I'm just wondering if he didn't pay for their electricity for two months, won't he be kicked out? that it's nice to hold on to your friends. The thing is, this lady is taking time and money from our family. I keep paying, paying, paying ... As long as she just whistles to him that she needs some money, if she wants to starve to death, he immediately provides it for her. I wonder if a conversation with her that goes beyond acceptable limits would help or have the opposite effect? But then, girl, what is to blame for my husband being a fool? She found an idiot, she uses it. Eventually, I will evict my husband to go to really close people and that will be the end of it. In their daily communication, he constantly promises her never to leave her, to always be by her side, and so on. I'm just wondering if he didn't pay for their electricity for two months, won't he be kicked out? that it's nice to hold on to your friends. The thing is, this lady is taking time and money from our family. I keep paying, paying, paying ... As long as she just whistles to him that she needs some money, if she wants to starve to death, he immediately provides it for her. I wonder if a conversation with her that goes beyond acceptable limits would help or have the opposite effect? But then, girl, what is to blame for my husband being a fool? She found an idiot, she uses it. Eventually, I will evict my husband to go to really close people and that will be the end of it. In their daily communication, he constantly promises her never to leave her, to always be by her side, and so on. I'm just wondering if he didn't pay for their electricity for two months, won't he be kicked out? I keep paying, paying, paying ... As long as she just whistles to him that she needs some money, if she wants to starve to death, he immediately provides it for her. I wonder if a conversation with her that goes beyond acceptable limits would help or have the opposite effect? But then, girl, what is to blame for my husband being a fool? She found an idiot, she uses it. Eventually, I will evict my husband to go to really close people and that will be the end of it. In their daily communication, he constantly promises her never to leave her, to always be by her side, and so on. I'm just wondering if he didn't pay for their electricity for two months, won't he be kicked out? I keep paying, paying, paying ... As long as she just whistles to him that she needs some money, if she wants to starve to death, he immediately provides it for her. I wonder if a conversation with her that goes beyond acceptable limits would help or have the opposite effect? But then, girl, what is to blame for my husband being a fool? She found an idiot, she uses it. Eventually, I will evict my husband to go to really close people and that will be the end of it. In their daily communication, he constantly promises her never to leave her, to always be by her side, and so on. I'm just wondering if he didn't pay for their electricity for two months, won't he be kicked out? that it exceeds acceptable limits, would it help or would it have the opposite effect? But then, girl, what is to blame for my husband being a fool? She found an idiot, she uses it. Eventually, I will evict my husband to go to really close people and that will be the end of it. In their daily communication, he constantly promises her never to leave her, to always be by her side, and so on. I'm just wondering if he didn't pay for their electricity for two months, won't he be kicked out? that it exceeds acceptable limits, would it help or would it have the opposite effect? But then, girl, what is to blame for my husband being a fool? She found an idiot, she uses it. Eventually, I will evict my husband to go to really close people and that will be the end of it. In their daily communication, he constantly promises her never to leave her, to always be by her side, and so on. I'm just wondering if he didn't pay for their electricity for two months, won't he be kicked out?
№16 And you are right and you are not and now I will tell you why from personal experience. M29 I have a friendly relationship with a woman as much as me for 6 years as a friendly understand a real / strong and healthy friendship in normal and pure form - ZERO attraction, ZERO thinks in that direction, but a lot of things experienced and we slept on the same bed and what we haven't done together, but neither of us has ever looked at the other that way. I have a girlfriend and she has a boyfriend and of course everyone finds enough time to turn to their partner without this kind of nonsense to run and fix various things of the "girlfriend" when you play. So ... there is a real and strong friendship between a woman and a man, but there is also the other, of course to be used fully aware of this fact and just to like it. My personal opinion about the specific case in the topic is the second option. 100% there is something else.
Author, I'm waiting for you to write how the events unfolded, did you send the fool to his friend to coo together? L.
Oh, yes, number 22! I sent him to chat with the young lady, but she didn't want him, it turned out. That is, she only wanted his money and services, and when she saw the thick end, she changed her mind. And now he lives in my country house, because he has nowhere to go, and I returned to my apartment in Sofia. At the moment he swears eternal love and fidelity, because otherwise he has to rent an apartment. The lady covered herself completely because she knew she would have to take responsibility. They still see each other, I know, but the idiot is looking for a place to live. I have given him up to two weeks to vacate my property, otherwise I will evict him with the police for self-accommodation and issue a restraining order. Thanks to all the friends here for the tips, because I was really confused and didn't know what to do!
eee, well done girl, just like that !!!! Look boldly forward and not a step back! I wish you to quickly find someone who truly respects you!
The only way! If they start making you a fool's helmet fight. No one has to put up with being humiliated.