My husband has had a serious mistress for years. And we haven't loved each other in years. I don't know why, but he doesn't want a divorce. Probably because of our child. I am also afraid of divorce so as not to hurt his fragile soul. Each of us performs our family duties, but I feel that this way of living together is quite violent. "Is my husband monogamous or not" I try to pose my problem with a sense of humor. And as the saying goes - it could be funny if it wasn't so tragic.
Answers 18
In my opinion, everyone should go their own way. You probably want a normal family with two parents for your child and that's why you stay together, but would it be good for the child to grow up in a family with such problems?
Very strange situation! I don't think it's because he doesn't have a mistress, just because he doesn't sleep with you but with her alone doesn't mean he's monogamous, there are reasons for that. The first influence is exerted by the factor that he is already safe at the age, the second that you are in such a situation, and it is not known how he feels about his mistress. Not that I'm super experienced, but I just think so and decided to answer you. Why is this a problem for you? Why don't you find some, how old is your child?
You are a terribly strong woman and quite conscientious, it can be seen even from these 5 lines that you wrote. Do you have a special relationship with someone? You are like my mother. She had the same story when I was little. You have my full respect!
Of course not.
author: I have no one. I was left to run too! Our child is in her fragile teenage years, when she is excited about the intimate relationships between the adults. We should hardly kill her with such a truth.
In my opinion, this status quo suits him perfectly. He has found some balance for himself and does not want to disturb it. He does not want to create additional complications with a possible separation - most men are afraid of scenes, explanations from friends and relatives - this would put him in a situation to justify himself. Most likely, he expects you to make a decision - to keep the current situation, to start your parallel relationship or to take a step towards separation. Remember that children grow up and very soon go their own way. What will connect you to your husband after this moment? What is the thing that makes sense to you? The questions you should answer are rather "What is important to you and what do you want for yourself? With this person or with another? Now or in 10 years?".
I'm N3. I don't know your husband and therefore I can't predict what will happen. In my family, after several years of disgusting situation, the situation improved. I don't know if it's because they got older or just because my father is fine, but now everything is more than perfect. They can't last half a day without talking on the phone. When they see each other in the evening, they behave like people in love. I've never seen another couple in a 30-year relationship behave like that. They hug, kiss ... I'm very happy for them. I don't know what your case is, but as far as I know my mother has not stopped loving him (although she wanted us to leave him when I was 13-14 years old). I don't know how much it cost her, but I'm sure she doesn't regret staying right now. I very much hope that things will be the same for you soon. If your husband is a reasonable person, talk about the situation. Fingers crossed.
Author: Thank you all! Sincere thanks to №3 for the advice and wishes! I want to ask you, did your mother talk to you about this family issue when you were 13-14? Thanks in advance! I believe you will answer me.
I wish you the same as 3.
She talked to me yes. He didn't need to tell me anything, it was obvious. She asked me if by chance things got very bad and she went to her mother in the village (and we are in Sofia) if I would go or stay here. I supported her 100%, although at this age to go live in the countryside (everyone you know lives in Sofia) is pretty nasty. It would be a bad time for me, but above all I wanted it to be good. I guess you're asking to see how a 13-year-old would react ... I think a 13-year-old can understand a lot of things no matter how small it may seem. I don't know your child, but if he's like me when I was 13, whatever decision you make will support you. I can't speak for sure because things have improved with us, but I don't think it would have traumatized me. In truth, I can't say for sure :(. If your child is a girl, it will probably be harder, however:
Hello. Is there any development? Did you talk?
I guess I won't understand what happened :(
The author: I have not talked to our child. With her husband - yes. He could not promise to end his relationship. The most encouraging thing he said was, "I'll break when the Lord said." It's amazing how a sworn atheist thought of the Lord. He also thinks that "I never betrayed you" killed me right here. How is he with another, but he didn't betray me? Men are a strange breed!
What are you going to do?
I will give you the point of view of a child. My parents have been arguing for as long as I can remember, all over nonsense. The strangest thing is that many times I have wondered why they do not divorce. Of course, they've never fought in front of me, but the walls are thin, especially when you want to hear. I can say that their "conversations" burden me more than they imagine. I will only add that children just feel don't think they are so deluded.
No one has said that children are deceived. The question is: do parents need to divorce or stay together for their child?
Rather, it is multifaceted.
17. Not only is your husband monogamous. It is probably very fashionable to have a mistress or men to be amazing complexes.