Society is conservative. It is accepted that a mother always loves her daughter and always thinks well of her. All clichés, but are they always true? What if our mother systematically makes us feel bad? He justifies that he does it for our good, there are always excuses. Maybe when we are young children, it is useful to be criticized to get used to it. I welcome constructive criticism. However, I am an adult woman and my mother does not stop insulting me and reproaching me for anything. Our conversations focus on what I have to do, what I haven't done, what is right in life and what I am guilty of. This guilt literally crushes me. I have neither failed a drug addict, nor have I done anything wrong many times. At school I was a diligent bison, congested, a virgin until 19, then I got bored. The main thing what stings her is that I have an opinion. That annoys her a hell of a lot. He behaves as if I have no right to my thoughts, actions and feelings, although he constantly repeats the opposite. I have been living independently for years and I support myself. That doesn't stop her from telling me how dependent I am on her. I used to complain to her a lot, she insulted me that I was just complaining and I couldn't handle myself. She has been bragging a lot about her in recent months and has started reproaching me for flying in the clouds. Whatever I do is usually not enough and I am not satisfied, because I have strict criteria and expectations in advance of what, how and when it should be. He avoids reproaching me directly, but rather achieves it with suggestions and manipulations. I was at an event recently, I bragged to her that I had made contacts and met a lot of nice people. He started insulting me that I was only thinking about entertainment.
Then I bragged after day two that I had a successful workshop and started criticizing again. He reacts apathetically and reproachfully if I am happy and happy for something. I asked if I said tomorrow that I was getting married or pregnant, would you react like that again, she said "Yes. Do you want me to jump for joy?" Yes, but she is quite emotional. She's just not happy about me in this case, and she's still. She also punishes me with such indifference, because all my life I've been careful not to introduce her to any boyfriend, and that's exactly what she wants - to keep her informed. He uses every opportunity to set me against men and them against me. Needless to say, my last boyfriend I met turned against me two days later and dumped me. He said I "envied" him because he got along better with us. Behave as if we are not a mother and daughter, my friends who compete. He constantly emphasizes himself and belittles everything meaningful that I say and do. She told me I couldn't get a boyfriend, that I envied her good relationship with my father. It keeps popping into my head that I have complexes, which is complete nonsense. Not only am I not, but I am not as unhappy as he suggests.
She tells me directly what I think and feel. He says "No, you're unhappy, it shows, I know better." Or "Something's wrong with you and you're looking for a reason to get annoyed." However, this is not the case. She turns things around when and how it's convenient for her, and I'm always the black sheep. With these insinuations, he achieves nothing but to blow me away and make me hate myself. I'm not 5 years old to raise me. She just crushes me that way. He likes to command and be the center of attention. All my life I've been explaining to her that she keeps me from pouring salt on me all the time, but her argument is that I deserve it, because I am to blame for everything in this world and that she will not change because she is right. You always think about rights for everything and up to that point. If something does not suit her, the reason and guilt is in you. She is perfect. Her only mistake in life was that she treated me too well and I was very "spoiled". She recently thought I should give her money when she retires. The repertoire is constantly changing, the criteria and claims are growing. She accuses me of misinterpreting her words and thinking a lot. But I have already stopped to think. It's just that the only thing I feel with my whole being is that something is wrong.
That it makes me feel bad, that it makes me feel guilty, and that it doesn't do me any good, as he claims. Is it the same in other families? it is all my fault in this world and that it will not change because it is right. You always think about rights for everything and up to that point. If something does not suit her, the reason and guilt is in you. She is perfect. Her only mistake in life was that she treated me too well and I was very "spoiled". She recently thought I should give her money when she retires. The repertoire is constantly changing, the criteria and claims are growing. She accuses me of misinterpreting her words and thinking a lot. But I have already stopped to think. It's just that the only thing I feel with my whole being is that something is wrong. That it makes me feel bad, that it makes me feel guilty, and that it doesn't do me any good, as he claims. Is it the same in other families? it is all my fault in this world and that it will not change because it is right. You always think about rights for everything and up to that point. If something does not suit her, the reason and guilt is in you. She is perfect. Her only mistake in life was that she treated me too well and I was very "spoiled". She recently thought I should give her money when she retires. The repertoire is constantly changing, the criteria and claims are growing. She accuses me of misinterpreting her words and thinking a lot. But I have already stopped to think. It's just that the only thing I feel with my whole being is that something is wrong. That it makes me feel bad, that it makes me feel guilty, and that it doesn't do me any good, as he claims. Is it the same in other families? If something does not suit her, the reason and guilt is in you. She is perfect. Her only mistake in life was that she treated me too well and I was very "spoiled". She recently thought I should give her money when she retires.
The repertoire is constantly changing, the criteria and claims are growing. She accuses me of misinterpreting her words and thinking a lot. But I have already stopped to think. It's just that the only thing I feel with my whole being is that something is wrong. That it makes me feel bad, that it makes me feel guilty, and that it doesn't do me any good, as he claims. Is it the same in other families? If something does not suit her, the reason and guilt is in you. She is perfect. Her only mistake in life was that she treated me too well and I was very "spoiled". She recently thought I should give her money when she retires. The repertoire is constantly changing, the criteria and claims are growing. She accuses me of misinterpreting her words and thinking a lot. But I have already stopped to think. It's just that the only thing I feel with my whole being is that something is wrong. That it makes me feel bad, that it makes me feel guilty, and that it doesn't do me any good, as he claims. Is it the same in other families? The repertoire is constantly changing, the criteria and claims are growing. She accuses me of misinterpreting her words and thinking a lot. But I have already stopped to think. It's just that the only thing I feel with my whole being is that something is wrong. That it makes me feel bad, that it makes me feel guilty, and that it doesn't do me any good, as he claims. Is it the same in other families? The repertoire is constantly changing, the criteria and claims are growing. She accuses me of misinterpreting her words and thinking a lot. But I have already stopped to think. It's just that the only thing I feel with my whole being is that something is wrong. That it makes me feel bad, that it makes me feel guilty, and that it doesn't do me any good, as he claims. Is it the same in other families?
Answers 12
I haven't read everything, so parents always think well. 19 is a normal age for sex, why be 14. Sometimes you have to make your decisions, the other party may not think so, but you also know about yourself.
Of course he can. Don't you see what is happening in Bulgaria, in the world ... and to you. And I have a low and vicious complex.
Number 1, something is wrong with you ... Parents don't always think well of their children. Sometimes they blame them for their own failures or envy theirs. When you are big and mature, explain to your mother that it is a dumb piece and that you have to be careful what you say if you want to have communication like big people. Simple as that.
Of course not. Only young children idealize their parents. As you are garbage, you remain garbage even after you give birth. How many people do you know who have been bad, selfish, manipulative, and after birth like a magic wand have changed and suddenly become good people, wanting only their children to be happy? My husband's mother just trampled on him, manipulated him, took off his self-esteem and told him that he couldn't do without her because he was incompetent. I wanted to communicate with her, "because she is his mother and thinks well of him." Needless to say, he turned on me as well. The only way is to break contact. We downsized and just remained the same vicious and manipulative intriguer, thinking we had to put up with her insults. Conversations don't help either. The bad person is bad, and that's it, whether it's your parent or not.
Honestly, I don't think any parent wants anything bad for their child. Rather, there are damned parents who want their children, even adults, to fulfill their desires and continue to command them for life. This is not to harm them, but simply because they think it is right. When a child or an adult responds negatively to a wish, they become angry and start nagging. All this happens on a subconscious level. These are just parents with great stubbornness, unable to accept other people's opinions and always wanting to be theirs. This gives the impression that they almost hate their children. I write this from my own experience. I am a big man, the son of parents divorced in my puberty. They divorced because of their terrible characters, characterized by terrible stubbornness. At first glance, normal people with education and normal professions. But they both don't fall on their backs. My mother does not dare to quarrel with anyone, but she does not accept other people's opinion, she is silent and you cannot get along with her in any way. My father is a scandalmonger, who is also terribly stubborn and at times loses his temper uncontrollably. To this day, they try to command me and impose their opinion. I have solved the problem by rarely communicating with them, although I live 200 meters away from one and 3-4 km away from the other. This is your salvation. You stop communicating with her and that's it. You see and hear each other 1-2 times a month, because after all this is a parent and that's it. I definitely feel a thousand times calmer when I'm not with them. It also has a saying that your parents don't want to hurt you,
It is possible. All my life I have suffered because of the bastard, who according to documents is my "father".
Read an article on the net: "The narcissistic mother and her child." Mental anomalies. She doesn't realize it's hurting you. He experiences himself through you. Keep contacts to a minimum.
Yes, really read the article about which Number 7 is written
Of course, you are still dependent on her - mentally dependent. You keep looking for her approval. Stop hoping she changes. This is a mentally ill abuser who has ruined your life, and the only salvation is to cut her off from him. He is currently keeping you submissive, taking advantage of your need for recognition. It will never come, no matter what you do, no matter how much you achieve. Your value is not set by her, but by you, and there is no way for a person who values himself to continue to stand with someone who only crushes him.
And I think you should limit contact with her. My mother also sometimes overdoes it and suppresses me, even suffocates me, but I feel that she doesn't realize at all that she is doing it. The good thing about you is that you are now apart from her, you can decide when to see her and not, the situation with me is not like that, but I hope that I will be able to separate soon.
Why are you communicating with her? Limit contacts, you don't call, you don't walk in them, you have your own life. No one has to put up with it. Whoever makes me dirty, slanders me, intrigues me and separates me from friends, I remove him from my life. My mother thought I should listen to her, do what she liked, and filter my friends. He wanted to separate me from my partner. & I played it and died alone. I did not feel sorry for her, all her relatives used her, they were good, I was bad. Parents are all kinds of people, good and bad, smart and stupid. No one is indebted to anyone for life. We give birth to children at will and raise them with love, not to have debtors. F67
Your mother's behavior is not related to you, but only to herself. She does not do it for good or evil. It just can't be otherwise. It has no reflective ability. I guess her personal life is infinitely poor and she's trying to live through you. In fact, SHE feels this or that, but she attributes it to you. God forbid you are better or better than her! Of course you're younger, he can't beat you for that. And the competition begins: who is weaker, more successful, better mother, with a better husband, etc.