Hello. I don't know where to start ... I'm so confused. I will probably shock you with my confessions. Don't attack me if you like. My story is long, I try to rearrange my thoughts. If it is possible for a psychiatrist or psychologist to write, I would be extremely grateful. I am a girl of 26, from the capital, I have friends, education, talent, I am beautiful, smart, and ... that's it. I visited many specialists for my problem, but they prescribed me pills, de facto, no real help. They gave me different diagnoses. Personally, I think I'm either mentally retarded, or autistic, or schizophrenic, or psychopathic, or cyclophrenic. I knew from a young age that I was different, that I was crazy, strange, that I was asexual, and I would suffer terribly. I knew I was a pathology, an evil, a selfish, a monster. I hit different people. I even hit my grandmother once. After all, my upbringing was like this - to protect me, to pamper me, and I grew up a potted girl, a lizard, a freak. I maimed my brother. I disabled my other brother. The important thing is that they are both happy now, with children, with work. But I can't forgive myself. It's even harder for me to swallow that they forgave me, that our people didn't tell me anything, and that everything happened - notice - without WANTING. I was an outsider at school, no friends, they beat me. I was too lazy to study. I was lazy, ready. No commitments. Ours did everything. Even now I live with them. I graduated by force, I am unemployed, I have never worked. Ours were constantly fighting. Stinginess, bans on going out, manipulations, insults. I have sick people and criminals in my family, so I may have taken the genes from them, I know. I had no goals or ambitions. I was locked in a room for 15 years. I voluntarily squandered my youth. I didn't have boyfriends. I looked bad in photos. I deleted all my photos. I haven't traveled anywhere. I don't know the world, people, I'm two years old. I used to be emotional and sensitive, now I am devoid of emotions and scruples. If a person falls next to me, I will not react. I break, ruin, tear everything. I didn't listen to or watch music and movies like the others. I was not like them. They do not develop normally. I didn't feel like a girl, I felt like a man. They identify with various male characters from movies. I am very manipulable. Whatever they tell me, I do. Oh, they laugh at me everywhere. I don't go shopping, our people buy me everything. Girl things don't excite me. I can't do anything. Literally! I'm full of garbage. I feel like I'm asleep, and I wake up at 25, I literally don't remember my life. I haven't given anything to anyone, someone else is always fixing me. Full pussy, plasmodium, pathetic. Antisocial. It's bullshit. Spitting. I have a dead look. I don't listen and I don't watch music and movies like the others. I intertwine my legs. I was killed. Evil. I wake up in the morning with malice. Maybe it's a neurological disease? I don't know languages, how to work with a computer, I haven't had fun, I have a social phobia. I'm talking to myself. I act like a beast, like an animal. I tremble like a worm. I have the feeling that someone is controlling me. I have phobias, insomnia, mania, hysteria, panic attacks, aggression, depression and paranoia. I live in my own fictional world, as a child I even had friends. Schizophrenia? I killed my father, squeezed him, spent money. He's sick, but I still had this one. And I grimaced, gritted my teeth. I scream at home all day. I think electronics is to blame for everything, even social phobia. 16 years in front of a laptop is not small at all! Others my age already have children. And I get lost even on my own street. I walk like a bum. Dementia? I also have OCD. I wash my hands all day, I pick my fingers, I even deformed them. I do strange things. I'm in the bathroom all day, finishing two soaps and two rolls of paper. Masturbating in public. I'm soulless, I'm just fighting. I spent 15 years in the toilet, literally. And everyone was telling me the truth - that I was evil, crazy, weak-minded, irresponsible, prepared, why was I born, and I was angry with them! Don't worry about clothes, nothing. When it came to the toilet, I literally sat there for days. I was clogging toilets or stirring inside to ... well, you remember. I thought of something more than the others. Why ??? The worst thing is that I pushed people away. That I have never loved, and will not be loved, to have a husband, etc .. I did not fall in love, I was not given flowers. I am a virgin. I haven't kissed like even 12-year-olds do. This weighs so much on me! And another thing - I have an empty, scary look, and that's what they told me. Once a doctor. And a man on the train told me I was crazy because of the staggering gait, I literally couldn't stand up. Mn. I'm sleepy. And yesterday a friend planted it again. I'm afraid to look in the mirror. My eyes are like those of a Texas Face Massacre. On top of that, I feel old. I have never smiled, I have wrinkles, belly, shadows. I see how others live, and I? Do you think I'm old? I couldn't wear jeans, clothes. I was getting current. On @ 2 I was excited about politics,. and not by Britney, for example. I'm afraid of women. I agree with everything, I can be both a whistleblower and an adjuster. It's hard for me to walk, to contract my leg muscles. People, even animals, look at me with wonder, disgust or ridicule. 5th grade I shaved my head, sixth grade I decided that I was Zoro, Vinetu, that I live in a bygone era. I don't love myself, I lack basic self-esteem. My gaze is fixed, I stare, I don't listen to what I'm being told. At school I did not understand the material, I did not even study the table. Everyone outside is making fun of me. I can't even enjoy it, and my dreams are like nightmares. I find it difficult to write, I feel tension, the veins on my face and body swell, I think of something under the others. I constantly feel like going for a short time, I'm worried. I feel like I have a brain tumor. I have no will, nothing. The sounds scare me. I stand for months and look at one point. I can't move. What do you think is wrong with me? Sorry for the unrelated thoughts. First, I write from the phone, and second, I got a little drunk. Is it right to live? And can something be done for me? Is it possible for a being like me to be born? And for someone to waste their life like that? Between the laptop, the bed, and the toilet? If possible, the admin should correct my text that it is going awry.
Answers 16
This is already a total fabrication, you contradict yourself many times. You can't work with a computer, but you do it, you don't go out, and people tell you what .... I would recommend you to write a book, you become a horror screenwriter haha! Let it shine on you, mentally ill people do not have such thinking, nor do they think they are like that. The animals looked at you with disgust, hah, seriously?
The camp is well-fantasized, but it's also true - "After all, my upbringing was like that - to keep me, pamper me, and I grew up a potted girl, a liar, a freak", - yes, these are today's muffin women. It is very good that some people are aware of it and can enter the right path if they wish. No such specialists can fix them, they need fertilization and to deal with children, not to pour camps on forums!
You can be helped. And you should. You need a good psychiatrist and a thorough diagnosis. There are probably several disorders at once. You have the potential to get better. Now stop drinking, it puts you in a worse condition. Sit down and ferment for a good specialist. Ask yours to take you. Ask them. Try to be good with them, there is no one else to help. And follow the treatment.
You are a very strange uncle. Tell me now what provoked you to compose this nonsense? It is obvious everywhere that it is a complete fabrication ... That you are an unrealized writer is obvious, but if you want to have a future in writing, know that there is no way to mess with such stupid stories. Take it and find some aunt to fix you, that as it went, your brain will completely run out.
Tro-lo-lo! You don't know how to use a computer, but you post on a site that is not very popular, and grammatically quite correct. I don't believe the historian. "I don't watch movies" - "My eyes are like Ledaface from The Texas Massacre. Mmm, dude ...
Oh, my God, as long as he feels sorry for himself. Run to the doctor for pills. Unfortunately, such conditions cannot be cured once and for all, but there is maintenance therapy with pills. You will become normal and everything will be ok. But you will have to try several types of drugs under medical supervision before you hit the right ones for you. You may have schizophrenia, according to what you write, this goes without saying, but there is no way someone from the post can diagnose you on the Internet. There are specific questions that every doctor is obliged to ask you. Go to a psychiatrist, psychologists do not prescribe medication, and you need it. Take care of yourself, okay?
You need to tighten up. The past cannot be changed. But if you don't do something, you'll be 30. You need love and find a boy like you. It is full. You need fasting and prayer to God. Watch on YouTube and write Pastor Plamen Petrov from 21:00 every Thursday. It helps a lot. People testify that God heals them through prayer.
Your ego is super big, you think you are very important and significant. She killed her father, maimed her brothers, I don't know what you are. You are very great, you are always the most vicious, people have suffered the most from you, and at the same time you criticize yourself the most, but this is also a projection of criticizing others. I don't know how they looked at you, but you have a severe trauma from growing up. Start traveling when you're not. Besides, I don't know where you live, but here in the capital most of the women in their 26s don't have husbands, families or children yet.
Emmy, the way you write, you can say that you are not well. However, is it due to a psychological illness? Or why I feel like your parents are to blame. Did they call you by all these insulting words and did they keep you locked up when you were a child / teenager? Otherwise, I do not rule out being transsexual, not "asexual" as you put it.
These are generational curses and only God can free you from them or alleviate the situation if you seek Him and turn to Him. This happens when you have ancestors who are evil, sinful people, people who have done evil and wronged and harmed other people, and they pass the burden of their actions on to their descendants. This is mentioned in the Bible when God says, "I am the Lord your God, a jealous God, who punishes the sins of fathers to the third and fourth generation of children who hate Me, and who shows mercy to those who hate Me." love and keep My commandments. " People bear the consequences for the deeds of their ancestors, both good and bad, and if one is under the weight of the consequences of the bad deeds of one's ancestors, only God can help him if he turns to Him,
The only way to get better is to write a worksheet, for example, to play sports, find a job and do something else there. And after you do that, don't fight to do it, don't say that you do it, but like a robot you get up and do it. It's nice and unpleasant to say to yourself that I'm not fucking going and I'm doing it. I went out like that, although I'm not as big as you, fortunately I had a friend who helped me because he did it. He went to train and it made him miserable, but he walked and kept walking. There is only despair in you. You can try, here I will not agree much with the other commenters as well, but just do it, believe it or not, go to a fortune teller who you know, for example, that someone has gone or heard about her. If you don't go to Keranka from Dobrich. I am from Plovdiv personally and really know things, I don't know how he does it, if he aims, I don't know, this question is that he helped me. TRY !!! SORRY, SAMPLE IS NOT JUST FROM SITTING! It is important only for her to stay some money, no matter how many questions there are. Maybe 1 stotinka, although it's a bit unimportant, isn't it: D Look on the net, there are even comments about it, write keranka dobrich and tei. Good luck ... someone like us was born to be ... mom. Just bad karma from a past life or we're simple, I don't know. mom. Just bad karma from a past life or we're simple, I don't know either. mom. Just bad karma from a past life or we're simple, I don't know.
Finally, think about what you are missing. They loved you, they forgive you, they tolerate everything you write about. You have everything, but you don't work. It works, heals a lot of things and reads, immersed in books.
5 and 6 Absolutely, and very complex by women. I will not explain for the 50th time, it is obvious, both the complexes and misogyny, and the unrelated sentences and the statement of the typical rejected and crushed man. The question is where the moderators are, we know about them that they are collected from a stake and a rope incompetent and complexes, but if they will work on this site to work as written, as not to be washed. I don't understand what their function is right now.
Thanks for the comments. The author.
Look now, my girl, I had the same thoughts as yours. And I still have them, but they are not as intense as before. My advice to you is to visit a psychologist or psychiatrist, and if they prescribe pills for you, because they might help you. I'm 18 and I was a psychiatrist last year because I thought I was a psychopath, a sociopath, I had a social phobia, schizophrenia, a split personality, in short I thought I was a freak. The psychiatrist told me that I was a normal girl and that I actually needed a psychologist and advised me to stop drinking because I drank like you. I also grew up as a "potted girl", I was constantly arguing and shouting at our people, I was attempting suicide, I was something of an outsider, I had few friends, and I hardly spoke at school. I found a piece of myself in your story. My opinion is, that we're not really as bad as we think we are, we're just exaggerating. I am convinced that you are just in such a period now and you look at things negatively, but in fact you are not as bad as you describe it. My advice to you, and also to yourself, because we have similar problems, is not to think so much, but just to live. We do not have schizophrenia, nor are we psychopaths, but confused and emotionally unstable girls. Take sedatives, they help me personally, I take herbal pills. Go to a psychologist, try to find your environment, you are not the only one, and I used to think I was, but here I came across your story. Try to find a way to express all this anger in a constructive way, sign up for sports. Believe me, it's all just in your head, stop being so centered on yourself, and look at the world around you. Start working, try to be more independent, it will bring you satisfaction. I hope I was helpful!
That's right, the others are unanimous that it's both right and wrong with you! You don't watch movies, you already mentioned the name of a character, you are antisocial, and people tell you everything directly! And I can't figure something out! But you know! This is from me!