Good evening everyone in this wonderful forum! I'm 20 years old. From a small town. Basically, I'm very naive, when I have a person next to me, I try to give everything to the max of myself so that he can feel good. Unfortunately, this has always turned out to be just one mistake, because during all my relationships I have only been hurt, but I am sensitive and I take separation very hard. We met briefly 3 months ago, he lasted 2 years after a difficult separation. Everything was wonderful, he made me laugh with tears, he was a gentleman, he cared about me, he wrote to me every second of his time, he made me feel loved, it wasn't me, in every conversation with him I I shone, I couldn't wait for the moment when I would hug him, kiss him and fall asleep next to him. At first I was more withdrawn, he liked it, he was jealous of me, even though I didn't give him a reason. His ex-girlfriend kept creating problems and intrigues between us, she wanted to be with him again and the harassment was on both of us, with constant writing on her part. She created disputes between us, but short-lived, and we always finally understood that there was no point in ruining everything between us because of her. I confessed to him that I was interested in him, something I had not done before, after that day he changed. He started writing to me rarely, he didn't respond to my messages, if he did, it was rare, he said that there was a lot of tension around his work, I felt the change, but he said that nothing had changed, he was just very busy. I was direct, I told him what I was feeling and I think it was right to clarify what to do, he always changed the subject when it came to talking about our relationship. I'm really confused, what did I do wrong? Why in the beginning he was my ideal man, and then he changed like that .. We live in different cities, he came every week to see me, now he said he wasn't even sure he would come .. I suggested to him if is so busy to separate, I do not want to be a burden to anyone, he replied that he himself does not know what already weighs on him. I called him today, he was cold, he was not talked to, he was in a hurry to close. After the conversation, I realized that for the first time I would show character, that I would not allow myself to be humiliated again and fight for a person I am not sure about. After the conversation, I removed it from everywhere, I deleted all our photos, I deleted it on social networks in order for the pain to subside faster. I will try to be strong and not look for him, I will even try to find him not to give in because I think that nothing will be as before and that I will suffer again .. The question is did I do the right thing? And did I have to fight and win his love?
Answers 7
Everything written made a lot of sense to me (although I was a little confused in the middle) until the last sentence. There I frowned and answered "No", perhaps because of the way the question was asked. Fighting for love and winning love may be real things for many people, but I think they are much less real if it makes sense. Sometimes there are understandable obstacles to something real that need to be overcome in the form of fighting for and winning love, but I think that depersonalizes things and I start to not believe much in the result. If you feel that it makes no sense and you do not want to be in this relationship anymore, then you are right for yourself and this is your choice. It is not wrong or shameful or criminal in any way. With that said, I must mention that from my description it sounds like a pretty pure case of fear of commitment and giving something serious. This can be good news and bad news for you, depending on how you see it. On the one hand, he may feel genuine about you, but he may just be afraid to bet "everything" (as it seems to him at the moment) on something he doesn't know if it won't hurt him, which is just a fear of the unknown. it can hide and interfere with something real. On the other hand, this is a character trait and with such people it is much more difficult to build something stable and lasting, which often affects the decision of the other party (in your case) whether he wants to bond with the person. The reason I use the word "relationship" above is also the root of my slight confusion when reading your story. In the beginning you describe ... well, honestly, a relationship. Maybe without the titles and the verbal "signatures" ("yes, we're together") but actually a couple's love affair. Then he startled me a little with "I confessed to him," as if he didn't know that he was a gentleman, that he made you laugh, that you wrote to each other all the time, that you hugged, kissed and slept together, and that you were STE together. The cake is there, everything is there, perfectly decorated, ready for exhibitions, only the "cake" sign is missing and when he puts it on, he gets scared and runs away. Love is not a recognition, a contract or a title ... Love is an action, a care and in general everything you had before the "recognition". I don't need a handshake or a change of Facebook account. If I'm in your relationship (I'll call it a relationship because it was one), it's very clear to me, that we are together with the girl and I will not remember to "confess" because I think it is extremely clear from my feelings, which are evident from my actions. Of course, I would also say it every day, but even if I didn't say it, it would come to me like thunder from a clear sky if the other person reacted to a statement, behavior, or other statement that we were together. In my eyes, this is clear without the need to sign verbally, and it should be clear to the other how I feel about him and that we are together, because that's how couples behave, unless they have explicitly agreed that they do not want to be. officially together, but want to behave as if they are. Like that picture on Facebook a few days ago: "How do you tell someone you love them? You don't say it, you show it until you get to Him / She just knows ..." In summary, I think you've been together, everything it was ok then he was frightened by the official title of "couple" (which was actually valid until then) because of his fear of commitment. Then you tried, then you decided you didn't want to go on and you stopped everything. This decision cannot be right / wrong, because these definitions simply do not apply to personal choices like this, you just decided - you did. Did you have to fight / win his love? No. But if you want you can try, provided you understand the situation and why he did what he did (explained above) and you know what you choose and you think that you will be the happiest. Does this simplify the situation enough and answer your questions satisfactorily? Greetings! USA because of his fear of attachment. Then you tried, then you decided you didn't want to go on and you stopped everything. This decision cannot be right / wrong, because these definitions simply do not apply to personal choices like this, you just decided - you did. Did you have to fight / win his love? No. But if you want you can try, provided you understand the situation and why he did what he did (explained above) and you know what you choose and you think that you will be the happiest. Does this simplify the situation enough and answer your questions satisfactorily? Greetings! USA because of his fear of attachment. Then you tried, then you decided you didn't want to go on and you stopped everything. This decision cannot be right / wrong, because these definitions simply do not apply to personal choices like this, you just decided - you did. Did you have to fight / win his love? No. But if you want you can try, provided you understand the situation and why he did what he did (explained above) and you know what you choose and you think that you will be the happiest. Does this simplify the situation enough and answer your questions satisfactorily? Greetings! USA because these definitions just don't apply to personal choices like this, you just decided - you did. Did you have to fight / win his love? No. But if you want you can try, provided you understand the situation and why he did what he did (explained above) and you know what you choose and you think that you will be the happiest. Does this simplify the situation enough and answer your questions satisfactorily? Greetings! USA because these definitions just don't apply to personal choices like this, you just decided - you did. Did you have to fight / win his love? No. But if you want you can try, provided you understand the situation and why he did what he did (explained above) and you know what you choose and you think that you will be the happiest. Does this simplify the situation enough and answer your questions satisfactorily? Greetings! USA Does this simplify the situation enough and answer your questions satisfactorily? Greetings! USA Does this simplify the situation enough and answer your questions satisfactorily? Greetings! USA
I am 39 and I am a man. He described his character and affection well. This is also present in men. Almost all of my relationships are similar to yours. I am very attached. There is a lull and then a crash. Personally, I think that selfless love has only 5%. All others are a temporary phenomenon that lasts 6-7 months. I have not counted my relationships but they are over 10. I have experienced each one hard after the separation. My penultimate one was a hell of a lot! I could not eat, sleep or live normally. We played cat and mouse for 3 years. Until I felt very bad. With great difficulty I ended everything and told myself that I would never allow him to fall in love and attachment. Love is a huge disappointment! You snap your fingers for 5-6 months in the eighth sky, and the next moment you crawl like a worm in the mud. For me, this is unnecessary harassment with feelings.
Look, maybe he realized he needed to take a break. You said yourself that you met after his relationship. I wouldn't rush anything in your place, because if he doesn't shake off his previous relationship, he won't be aware of his feelings for you and will confuse himself and you. It is clear that his ex is trying to get him back, but there is no point in fighting here anymore, so you have nothing to fight for, you don't have such a big connection, or you decide for yourself whether you will wait for him or move on and he will draws his own conclusions. Go ahead, just take your time and wait to see how they act first and what they tell you.
You are very bad ... Your problem is that you cannot accept the fact that the world does not revolve around you. What are you calling him for? He was cold .. Amy got the hint, now don't complain that no one is fucking you for the plum, but think about what your problem is. That you are very sensitive, I don't believe it ... we kill men for such women, we don't beat their jesters. Think about whether you are not mercantile, false or elementary, as a person and if the answer is yes, change. Every woman thinks of herself as a goddess (you are all kind, good, vulnerable, fragile creatures), but if you were like that, we wouldn't beat you up.
You did the right thing, he was just wasting his time with you and trying to forget his ex. Guarantee that he will reunite soon as he has cooled down to you and does not want to see you. I'm sorry, but it's true. He doesn't care a gram about you, so forget him and live your life. I experienced exactly the same thing, only I was in the boy's place. F, 24
You are not the first, nor the last with unrequited love ... Besides, long-distance relationships rarely work. And besides, if by "he came to see you" you mean he came to have sex ... and then you told him you wanted something more serious and he pulled away ... 2 2, did you say something? Otherwise, I really hate the phrase "to fight for love." Either she has it or she doesn't. What really happens is that you ask for love ... So - welcome to Earth ... He who loves here is used and discarded. Love is really pain.
It depends on the character of a person, on his spiritual level. A person who worships the flesh cannot experience great love. The syncretism between the carnal and the spiritual is a delusion, that is, an illusion, something almost contradictory. It's like the love of Zlatka and Blagoy, meaning everyone has a different criterion, so in a topic like someone tells that he loves someone since they are together - 3 months, so there are people who do not see much point in answering the question whether they should the person who seeks advice every time struggles because they feel that their criterion is too different. M18