Hello. I want to tell you the story that worries me. Tell your opinion honestly. He loves and listens to his mother. She calls her daughter every day and thinks about her and talks to us all day about her whenever she sees us. I have nothing against anyone. However, she wants him to come and live with me, and he wants to sit with his mother. And his mother does not comply and hurts me by showing disrespect, for example, something old for us, and for her other child she hides things and lovingly treats and lives for her daughter's family every day. As a result, I do not want to sit there so that I don't feel underestimated and I came to my home alone, and he wants to be with his mother, who wants to be with his daughter, who doesn't have time for her mother. And he defends his mother and sister if they did something and says it's not true. And I don't want anyone to separate because he loves her and I let him sit with his mother. And I sit alone so I don't hurt myself there. Sorry for the confusing situation. Give me some advice.
Answers 6
You can't explain anything, what did you write to us? You ask if the problem is in you and you do not explain what the problem is. you just said you think he loves his mother. None of his actions or words, none of your actions or words. Only the fact that you have a sister-in-law and your mother-in-law, in your opinion, gives her better things. Is this the most important thing in your problem? What and to whom does the mother-in-law give?
There is a topic here: "I lost my family because of my mother." Read it. You did your best by moving out and letting him live with her. Mommy son, you can't change it. And I don't deserve to put up with it for him. You love him enough to tolerate his mother's attitude. He doesn't love you enough to demand that she respect you. It is very stupid to compare you to your daughter. Do it on purpose to make you feel bad and to drive you away. You don't need people like that.
This is selfishness, you only want it for yourself. He can love whomever he wants, you have no right to limit him. If you are uncomfortable with his mother, stay with him, if he has feelings for you, he will come to live with you, but do not forbid him to see his mother.
In this situation you are powerless. I'm in a similar, not the same, but similar. Just say yes and do what you know. You can't make him separate from his mother if he doesn't realize it himself. My father was never part of our family - that is, my father's family - my mother, he, my brother and I, he always moved in the family - he, my grandmother, my aunt and my cousin. which hurt me a lot because I came home with medals from competitions and excellent grades, and he turned to me and said "but your cousin is what you are, he is a genius, he is smart". A typical example of an unborn male child. But anyway. But why should we, his close family suffer from this. and so to this day he is by the ass of his nephew and his mother. But there is nothing to be done. You have several options 1. Write on a piece of paper yes or no to stay together. What are the pros and what are the cons and is it worth the time you spend on it. Because time does not return. Goals in the relationship, will you develop, will you have a home, a child, something or will you drive it. 2. Where do you introduce yourself after 5 years. I don't like the questions about the five-year plan, because they sound old-fashioned and retro, but it's a wonderful question, because like YOU clarify in front of yourself what you want and by asking him what he thinks about the next 5 years you can give a clear idea of the future and development of your relationship. . 3. Ask him to go to a couples consultation 4. Separate for a period of time. If it's 1 week or even 2, you don't feel the thrill and lack of its absence ... it's not written for you. 5. Do you want to be with this person or do you want to be with someone? Goals in the relationship, will you develop, will you have a home, a child, something or will you drive it. 2. Where do you introduce yourself after 5 years? I don't like the questions about the five-year plan, because they sound old-fashioned and retro, but it's a wonderful question, because like YOU clarify in front of yourself what you want and by asking him what he thinks about the next 5 years you can give a clear idea of the future and development of your relationship. . 3. Ask him to go to a counseling for couples 4. Separate for a period of time. If it's 1 week or even 2, you don't feel the thrill and lack of its absence ... it's not written for you. 5. Do you want to be with this person or do you want to be with someone? Goals in the relationship, will you develop, will you have a home, a child, something or will you drive it. 2. Where do you introduce yourself after 5 years. I don't like the questions about the five-year plan, because they sound old-fashioned and retro, but it's a wonderful question, because like YOU clarify in front of yourself what you want and by asking him what he thinks about the next 5 years you can give a clear idea of the future and development of your relationship. . 3. Ask him to go to a counseling for couples 4. Separate for a period of time. If it's 1 week or even 2, you don't feel the thrill and lack of its absence ... it's not written for you. 5. Do you want to be with this person or do you want to be with someone? because when YOU clarify to yourself what you want and by asking him what he thinks about the next 5 years you can give yourself a clear idea of the future and development of your relationship. 3. Ask him to go to a counseling for couples 4. Separate for a period of time. If it's 1 week or even 2, you don't feel the thrill and lack of its absence ... it's not written for you. 5. Do you want to be with this person or do you want to be with someone? because when YOU clarify to yourself what you want and by asking him what he thinks about the next 5 years you can give yourself a clear idea of the future and development of your relationship. 3. Ask him to go to a counseling for couples 4. Separate for a period of time. If it's 1 week or even 2, you don't feel the thrill and lack of its absence ... it's not written for you. 5. Do you want to be with this person or do you want to be with someone?
Number 3, what an old mother-in-law! Don't pretend you don't understand the problem and don't say who is selfish! The only egotists in this case are the parents, who would gladly banish any woman who loves their son, just to be on their buttocks for life. They had a family, but let's insult our son's wife so he doesn't.
To summarize: your boyfriend does not want to live with you, but with his mother, although his mother wants to separate from her and clearly prefers his sister. The problem, as far as I understand, is with your friend. More precisely, he does not want to grow up and expects his mother to take care of him as if he were a child. The mother could help you by not taking care of him at home - she does not wash him, does not feed him and does not clean him. But then he'll just expect you to do this for him. That is, she will use you as a maid. Do you really want to raise an adult child? Just tell him the truth - that you have nothing to do with immature boys. Stop all contact and don't deal with it. To fix his mother, having taught him so. And you mothers of sons - be very careful how you raise your children - raise future men, not oligophrenic and eternal children. Don't do things for your children, what are their responsibilities and include them in the household to help. Otherwise you will raise them to the grave and you will not see grandchildren or independent and strong sons.