Hello! I'm a confused 18-year-old girl. The story I want to share bothers me every day. People say that over time, one does not regret the things he did, but the things he did not. Well, they were obviously right. First I will tell you briefly about myself. I've always had problems communicating and that's why I haven't had a boyfriend until now. All my friends went through their love stories, had relationships, had sex, while I isolated myself from these things and found solace in books and movies. I found their relationships too cinematic and told them they lived in a fictional world, until one day it happened to me. Last year, when I was in 10th grade, we had classes with another class and that's how I met a boy. The strange thing was that it wasn't until the end of the year that I found out about his existence, because he was in the back row, he hardly spoke and I never paid attention to him. It's just that at the end of the year we had an important test on a subject I wasn't good at, but I found out from other people that he was good, so I went to him and asked him to help me, we exchanged Facebooks and that's how it started. everything.
In the beginning we started writing about common things, but later we started to share and get to know each other. Just to add that I was in the village all summer and there was no way to see him, and in the beginning I did not take things seriously. I have always considered relationships started online and based on just one chat to be cinematic and frivolous. But that's exactly what happened to me. I started to get involved in writing with him, we always wrote to each other until dawn all summer, I spent about 7-8 hours just writing with him. The main reason why it all started, is because I saw that he is like me, has similar problems, can not fit into the situation. Later it turned out that way, he shared a lot with me, I realized that there are problems in the family and that's why he is so withdrawn and uncommunicative, he has experienced betrayals from his closest friends, things like mine in general. Somehow I wanted to help him open up to the world, I wanted to introduce him to many new things, I wanted to play the role of a savior. But here comes the problem. I became so engrossed in it that I finally realized that he had an unrealistic idea of me. Don't get me wrong, I'm a literate person, I'm interested in many things, but I had the feeling that he thought of me as ideal, as self-confident, as omniscient. And imagine what would happen if we met and realized that I was not the idealized image he was thinking of, that I am insecure and timid just like him.
I had the feeling that after everything we shared, there would simply be nothing to say in the end. I got scared and finally told him that I wanted to stop writing, that it affected both of us badly, that we should all follow our goals, not waste our time in cyberspace. He took it very seriously, but agreed. It's been a few months since it's over, but I'm very angry with myself. It's just that if things had turned out differently, if we had transferred this connection of ours into real life in the beginning and everyone had drawn conclusions about the other, there really was a high probability that things would work out. He would have a real idea of me, not like I was struggling now to reach the perfect image he thought I was. I'm really angry, because we wasted our chance at a potential relationship. Sometimes I see him at school, but when he sees me, he starts running, which makes me even sicker. I must have hurt him a lot, I knew he felt alone and had no one else to share with, but I decided to end it anyway. For several days I have been wondering if I should write to him and ask him how he is, at least to find out what is going on in his life. Dear readers, the story may seem like a movie, but believe me and I did not believe it would happen to me. Now I ask you for advice, do you think there is a chance to get something between us? Will I be disappointed if I try to convey this in real life? I just think that if I see you I'll fuck everything up, and I'm most afraid if it happens that I have nothing to say out of shame. I recently published one of my poems here in literature and prose,,, Wrong chronology ”, which is dedicated to him and describes our telephone love well. The other thing that worries me is his reaction. If I write to him, I don't know how he will react, because when I see him at school he runs away or tries to avoid me in every possible way. How do you explain his behavior? I will be happy if you share your tips or stories.
Answers 13
Where to start ... I must admit that your story is very similar to mine, but with some differences, and I have more experience with relationships and further in the subject. I wonder why you find virtual communication to be cinematic and frivolous? This type of communication is often insulted because it is part of the new generation and is often abused, but this does not mean that it does not have its advantages, such as the fact that it is much easier to relax and reveal yourself. , because there is no tension and anxiety that exists in face-to-face communication, you can get to know a person in a very short time, because you can communicate at any time of the day without having to make special appointments. The truth is that things are not black and white. Especially in your case ... I'll comment on it, but let me tell you this first, which you need to know about me. I am 21 years old, almost 3 years ago I met a boy on the Internet and we wrote to each other for a while. A time when I quickly became attached to him, and he even loved me, but I decided it was pointless and we were just wasting our time because we were from different cities, and in a year I would go to study abroad. We stopped all contact. This period was extremely strange ... almost every day I caught myself thinking about it, I was worried if it was, I remembered our conversations, I dreamed it, I just wanted to know if it was good, I didn't need anything else ... and so 8-9 months for which I already had a friend and the plan was to move to live together because we were going to apply in the same city. Yes, but towards the end of these 8-9 months for some reason I started to worry a lot, I had the feeling that something had happened to him and in the end I couldn't stand it and wrote to him. Everything was fine with him, but then the feelings prevailed and we communicated every day, I don't know how, I don't know why, but at one point I just realized that I didn't want to live without him, I decided that I had found the love of my life, and he ... had never stopped loving me. Yes, but I had already applied, I had a friend, I had plans abroad. All in all ... I had to decide how my life would go ... maybe this would remain one of the most important decisions of my life. I told him I would be back ... the truth is, I didn't know when ... in a year or when I graduated with a bachelor's or master's degree. He promised to wait for me, and I promised to come back. I was accepted, my friend and I left, everything was fine - the university, the people, the city and my relationship with my friend. We did not stop contact with the boy in question, but it was now much rarer. The first semester passed, then the second, I started to worry, I thought I would make a mistake with my choice. But in the end I chose him, I decided he was the love of my life and I would be sorry if I missed her because of a higher salary, a better economy (of the state) and a little better education. I came back, it was the first day we saw each other and maybe it's a little crazy, but we've been living together since that day (in his apartment). Two years of platonic virtual love, there were a lot of emotions, both good and bad, there were a lot of worries, he kept thinking that I was ruining my life because of him, he tried to leave me more than once so that I wouldn't have to ruin my plans. because of * I quote * a "loser" like him, I then decided that this was an excuse and he just didn't want me ... but what was the truth ... that we were both deceived and thought that the other did not want us, but in fact we loved each other endlessly. * I have already finished writing a novel. * To date, 3 years after we met and a year after we met, we are married, understand each other perfectly and are considering increasing our family members. And professionally ... I changed universities, but I continued what I initially followed. The reason I'm telling you all this is to see clearly how important and decisive the choices we make ... and how many things can depend on them. (and I must admit, because it is anonymous and no one will bother me later) I will not tell you what to do, this decision must be made by you, because only you know your situation and only you know your relationship well enough. But I see you have trouble understanding it. Let's see the situation through his eyes (here I will remind you of this misunderstanding that happened between me and my husband, very similar to your case) A girl from my class writes to me to help her with the material, which I do, but in the meantime I understand that she is an interesting person and we start writing to each other more and more often, we get to a point where I don't want to go to bed because I don't want to stop discussing, I discuss various topics with her, I don't want to have no contact with her, whatever it is, just to feel she's around. And so for nights I couldn't just leave the phone and just hear another thought of hers, another word I knew she had written. So a few months passed, and I became very attached to her, she was constantly in my head. and one day ... she told me it was pointless and we had to stop everything. I didn't know what happened. What I did. Where did I go wrong. He didn't want me anymore. She didn't need me. I shared my life with her, gave her my time, and she just, for a brief moment, ruined everything. Apparently I'm not worth it, I'm not for her ... And the worst thing was that I had to see her at school every day. Every time I see her, all the memories come back, but mostly the ensuing emotions ... insult, misunderstanding, anger, rage, sadness. And maybe ... avoiding her, I'll run away from them too ... What will matter in the end is whether you regret what you did or didn't do. insult, misunderstanding, anger, rage, sadness. And maybe ... avoiding her, I'll run away from them too ... What will matter in the end is whether you regret what you did or didn't do. insult, misunderstanding, anger, rage, sadness. And maybe ... avoiding her, I'll run away from them too ... What will matter in the end is whether you regret what you did or didn't do.
You better write to him. Explain to him why you acted so timid and shy. Tell him you think you're very similar and you've wanted to write to him for a long time. Good luck and then tell me how he answered you!
Offff and why sweet girl did you do this to both of you! Write everything that bothers you to the boy in a message so that you can be sure that he will read it. Explain to him that you are scared and that you are not perfect. If you like him, fight for him, but be sincere and serious about his feelings, because he answered you with that, he trusted you!
I admit that you write like a literate person. Don't get me wrong, you seem like a very smart girl, but there is a difference between a smart person and an emotionally smart person. You are not sociable, you have not had relationships and you are only 18 years old, so everyone will forgive your strange thoughts, but you have to grow up. Love is not filmmaking, it is a real feeling and has a great effect on our behavior. If you fall in love with someone, it is almost mandatory to idealize them. You wear pink glasses and even though you know that no one is perfect, it seems to you that your man is close to perfect. It makes love to us, it makes us stupid in a nice way. Communicating online and on the phone gives you the opportunity to understand someone's deep soul, I know it sounds like a lot of nonsense, but keep reading. It is very easy to pour out your soul without someone's eyes looking at you. In such relationships, you are deprived of all non-verbal communication, deprived of almost all the senses and even intuition, but it gives you a special view of the person with whom you are writing / talking. There is a risk of building the wrong image, but there is also a high probability that you will recognize something in him that he would find difficult to show in a face-to-face conversation. You were right to worry that the boy had idealized you, but you were not right to give up because of such fear. You will always speak first, remember this advice. You had to be honest with the young man, tell him about your worries and give him a chance to refute / calm you down or think with you. You were single for 18 years, you read entertainment books, you thought love was nonsense, you are a particularly strong and independent being. It's time to dump her and move on. I was like you. I watched romantic movies and laughed out loud. If I seem harsh to you, excuse me, but I see myself in you and I want to go back in time and quarrel. You wanted your boy to open up to the world, but you yourself are very closed. As long as he thinks, action is needed to move forward, not think. Write a long and heartfelt message to the boy to explain your thoughts, feelings and actions. You know, if you want and you squeeze, just give him a link to this page. I hope that one day you will have fun with all this, but for this purpose move. Even if it's late, don't think about it, at least you'll get answers. Try it. but I see myself in you and I want to go back in time and quarrel. You wanted your boy to open up to the world, but you yourself are very closed. As long as he thinks, action is needed to move forward, not think. Write a long and heartfelt message to the boy to explain your thoughts, feelings and actions. You know, if you want and you squeeze, just give him a link to this page. I hope that one day you will have fun with all this, but for this purpose move. Even if it's late, don't think about it, at least you'll get answers. Try it. but I see myself in you and I want to go back in time and quarrel. You wanted your boy to open up to the world, but you yourself are very closed. As long as he thinks, action is needed to move forward, not think. Write a long and heartfelt message to the boy to explain your thoughts, feelings and actions. You know, if you want and you squeeze, just give him a link to this page. I hope that one day you will have fun with all this, but for this purpose move. Even if it's late, don't think about it, at least you'll get answers. Try it. your feelings and actions. You know, if you want and you squeeze, just give him a link to this page. I hope that one day you will have fun with all this, but for this purpose move. Even if it's late, don't think about it, at least you'll get answers. Try it. your feelings and actions. You know, if you want and you squeeze, just give him a link to this page. I hope that one day you will have fun with all this, but for this purpose move. Even if it's late, don't think about it, at least you'll get answers. Try it.
In fact, you are the filmmaker! That's why you don't have a connection - "this was, that was, and if it wasn't what it would be ..." - your grandmother's kite! And what? Of all your "philosophies" and stupid reasoning, the boy was HARMED and betrayed in the end! YOU, TOO! While your girlfriends are making connections during this time ... they may not be perfect - they try, they make mistakes, but they move forward. And not like you - to spin imaginary scenarios in their own empty head, without realizing what they are doing around them.
Aren't you a psychic so that he knows what he thinks of you? !! You were very real, you were you, and you fucked everything yourself. Don't write to him at all, you will hurt him a second time, because you will run away again. The problem is yours, you don't know what you want, you don't know who you want it with, when you solve the problem, then start a relationship. Success!
Hello lovely girl. :) I am 19 years old and my story is almost the same as yours. When I was 15, I met a boy, whom I later fell in love with. Like you, I struggled for several years with my shortcomings and the so-called "ideal image" that he built. Anyway ... I recently overcame this weakness of mine and started to grow, to become little by little that woman, my personal vision. In recent months we resumed contact, I was completely ready to be with him forever :) Since he had gone abroad he promised to return in 1 month, we would take a wonderful vacation just for the two of us. Everything was going great until a fateful day exactly two weeks ago, when I received a call from his best friend. I found out he crashed his bike. It's hard ... my whole reality has turned upside down. Almost no one knows what I'm going through because they didn't know it ... Everything between us remained a secret, an idea that never came true. I appeal to you and to all readers. Learn to love strongly, so much that nothing can stop you from sharing your love. Always be close, enjoy each other, pay attention to who the other is, what you like about him, not what you have or don't have to impress him. Too late I realized this, too late ... :) pay attention to what the other person is, what you like about him, not what you have or don't have to impress him. Too late I realized this, too late ... :) pay attention to what the other person is, what you like about him, not what you have or don't have to impress him. Too late I realized this, too late ... :)
It was out of so much fear of "filming" and ridicule of "filmmakers" that she got into such a "film" that she wasted a chance for something good. At least remember it as a lesson and don't judge others for things that haven't happened to you.
Write him "how are you", he even spoke to him live. I understand your worries, but raise your head !!! He obviously liked you and there was nothing to fail. Just talk to him. Stop him and tell him that you are sorry and that you cared about him, but you were scared. Don't tell him you're still thinking about him.
Let's see now where to start: Read and educated? Since you are so aware of the thoughts in his head, why are you writing here? You had built an image of a "goddess," and he would see that you were not what you pretended to be. And what? Where have you seen or heard that people do not make mistakes? Find the children's story about "Not born Petko". She was swollen and shy! Is it? Will you hide at home under the bed and everything will fall from the sky? You go to the boy. As harmless as your conversations may seem to you and the fact that you sent it to hell, it's not like that at all. You will apologize to him and most of all show him that you really regret your act of cutting him off. Even if you stutter, talk nonsense or not, we are all human and we can make mistakes. Don't make fun of people's feelings. I have had over 15 relationships in which they have made fun of me. I admit with all my heart that it would hurt a little if they cut my limb from enduring the ridicule. Such boys are rare. If you are destined to be together, then the sexual tension will decrease when you go to bed. Nobody will fix your mess here. Act or become a nun!
is very smart, nothing? She felt sorry for the boy, decided to help him, talked, shared, he became close to her, but the girl was afraid (?!?!?) Of some unknown reason and decided to end, but complained that SHE felt bad. Well, if you help people like that, you better not do it. You really don't know what you want, and until you figure it out, you better not play with people's feelings. Don't write to him, he will always pass, there is no point in giving him vain hopes, he will feel worse
Hello! I think you can write to him and ask him how he is. You will not lose anything. Even if it doesn't answer you, because I don't rule out this option, at least you will try. This will save you from wondering if something could have happened. You can go out for coffee and talk. Success!
You are emotionally immature and inexperienced much more than your girlfriends, who live and enjoy their youth and love realistically and fully, while you are engaged in some attempts at introspection and creating a false image in the eyes of others. Don't pretend to be a savior of people, but solve your own problems and fight your complexes. You have a serious communication problem that prevents you from making a real connection. As for the boy, if he avoids you, it means that he is offended and does not want to be with you - that's how I explain his behavior. And I wouldn't bother him with myself anymore. Serious, sensible people, once they say it's over, it's over. This is how you grow by learning from your mistakes.