Hello. Please publish my story. I need an advice. A 23-year-old woman writes to you, who has the feeling that with each passing day she is sinking deeper and deeper into some huge black hole from which there is no way out. Well, hello - I'm from the club of the desperate. I do not have much experience with relationships - in my life I have had many frivolous acquaintances and 2 serious relationships, if they can be defined as such (lasting a year and 5 months and 2 years), which in the end were accompanied by serious scandals, insults on both sides, ugly scenes, etc. The last separation was in 2016 and since then my desire to bond with anyone has started to disappear. In 2017, I met a man who is 12 years older than me - I will call him X. In the beginning, things started as a normal relationship between colleagues. We worked together. I was an intern at a company where he has worked for many years. After my internship I started a permanent job in the company. In our work with X, we built a strong friendship and both he and I realized that we have mutual trust, support and hold each other. The time we spent together made us happy. Both. It was visible for miles and many people noticed it. I was the first to sympathize with X, and when I tried to show that, he backed away.
He wasn't rude, he didn't say outright that he didn't want us to have anything between us, but maybe he was insecure and therefore didn't take action. He is single, he has no children, but I decided not to force things and not to press him. After the card had already been placed on the table showing that there was some attraction in this relationship, and one side was the first to admit it, a fragile jealousy of insignificant things began to appear, first on the part of X, and then on mine. We became even closer and showed how much we cared about our relationship, but whenever the professional line began to be crossed, we both withdrew. He said he only wanted us to be colleagues, and I apologized for allowing me to show affection. At one point we both stopped paying attention to who was showing what to the other when and what. I didn't feel guilty that I might have done something wrong, and he no longer hid his sympathy for me. He constantly complimented me, took an interest in me, made small kind gestures, in some situations even allowed himself to cross the physical border with seemingly involuntary touches on the shoulder, waist, hair. I pretended not to notice, and he still maintained that he only wanted us to be colleagues. I got tired of this relationship because I felt more and more attached to him every time, and I had to respect his desire for nothing more than a collegial relationship between us. I didn't stop holding on to him, nor did I intend to hurt him, but after another nice gesture (he gave me my favorite candies for no reason and told me that he was starting to get attached to me and didn't know what he would do if I I'm gone) we quarreled seriously.
After he gave me the candies, I was left with the impression that we would no longer hide as small children and I decided to give him something as well. I bought him a book that he kept saying he wanted. However, he was not happy, because this gesture of mine showed my sympathy for him, which he again rejected. Then I asked him what we were doing and what these gifts were for, kind words, gestures, etc. X said he didn't do them on purpose. He asked for a purely professional relationship again. He said he didn't want to force me to hear, see, talk, but he cared about me. I didn't want to listen to him and tried to leave. He stopped me several times and after another attempt I saw that I had no desire to talk to him. He got angry. He started shouting and asking me to delete his number, to remove him from all social networks, it was even better to ban incoming calls from him and not just delete him, but block him, because that would be the best way. -good for me. He said that I was an extremely good and kind person, and he was the monster that constantly hurt me and I had to find a way to erase him from my life because he didn't want to ruin our relationship. I was adamant that for me the way to solve such a problem is not to throw the other person out of your life like a dog, but to have a normal conversation with which to find a solution that is good for both of you. Then he began to apologize for the things he told me then and for allowing himself to call me without good reason. I thought that he was in a difficult stage in this period of his life and I tried to get him to tell me if there was a problem and if I could help with something. He said that there was nothing like that and that he thought it would be best for both of us to keep the good tone, but to be nothing more than colleagues.
That way, neither of us will have to leave our jobs, because we both like it a lot, there will be no bad feelings between us and everyone will be happy. I stopped expecting anything between us. I still enjoyed the time with X, but I was purely friendly. However, he said kind things and tried to make me more attached to him. I pulled because I knew it wasn't right. Our summer vacations overlap as his started a few days before mine. We both knew when the other was going on vacation, with whom and where, and we agreed not to see each other until our vacations were over, but we still didn't stop communicating. In my eyes, things seemed to be friendly and we would not expect or demand anything from each other. For 3 weeks we heard each other every day or at most every other day (he called me more than I called him, he even got angry when I couldn't talk or didn't hear my phone for some reason), as the last time I called him ,, he behaves extremely rudely. We hadn't fought before, nor was there anything strange about his behavior in previous conversations. He answered me sharply, tried to raise my voice several times. I asked if something had happened or if he was angry, but the answer was no. Finally he told me (rather he shouted at me in a loud tone) that he was going on holiday (although he should have left already, judging by what we had talked about before) and he didn't want me to bother him with my conversations and hung up. . That was 2 days ago. Since then, no news, no bone. He doesn't call me, he doesn't write to me and he doesn't pick me up when I call him, and he doesn't answer me when I write to him. I'm not particularly insistent on looking for him and I try not to overdo it. It is clear that there is a problem in this relationship. But I can't figure out what it is. Is it insecurity, is it fear, Is there a difference in age, problems with relatives, is it a zodiac sign, are there problems with nerves, are there any traumas from the past?
What is? Someone tell me, please. X, I know that there is a minimal chance that you will come across this story, recognize yourself in it and find out exactly who wrote it, but I beg you, if this miracle happens, give me answers to the questions, because I can't take it anymore. I'm tired of running away from responsibility and being hurt. I already apologized to you that I might have hurt you too. Thanks to everyone who will take the time to read my story and give me some adequate advice. Please people who have gone through or are going through something like that leave their comments as comments. And those who intend to spit on me or make arrogant statements for some reason, please do not write at all. Are there any nerve problems, are there any traumas from the past? What is? Someone tell me, please. X, I know that there is a minimal chance that you will come across this story, recognize yourself in it and find out exactly who wrote it, but I beg you, if this miracle happens, give me answers to the questions, because I can't take it anymore. I'm tired of running away from responsibility and being hurt. I already apologized to you that I might have hurt you too. Thanks to everyone who will take the time to read my story and give me some adequate advice. Please people who have gone through or are going through something like that leave their comments as comments. And those who intend to spit on me or make arrogant statements for some reason, please do not write at all. Are there any nerve problems, are there any traumas from the past? What is? Someone tell me, please. X, I know there is a minimal chance that you will come across this story, recognize yourself in it and find out exactly who wrote it, but I beg you, if this miracle happens, give me answers to the questions, because I can't take it anymore. I'm tired of running away from responsibility and being hurt. I already apologized to you that I might have hurt you too. Thanks to everyone who will take the time to read my story and give me some adequate advice.
Please people who have gone through or are going through something like that leave their comments as comments. And those who intend to spit on me or make arrogant statements for some reason, please do not write at all. that there is a minimal chance that you will come across this story, recognize yourself in it and find out exactly who wrote it, but I beg you, if this miracle happens, give me answers to the questions, because I can't take it anymore. I'm tired of running away from responsibility and being hurt. I already apologized to you that I might have hurt you too. Thanks to everyone who will take the time to read my story and give me some adequate advice. Please people who have gone through or are going through something like that, leave your comments as comments. And those who intend to spit on me or make arrogant statements for some reason, please do not write at all. that there is a minimal chance that you will come across this story, recognize yourself in it and find out exactly who wrote it, but I beg you, if this miracle happens, give me answers to the questions, because I can't take it anymore. I'm tired of running away from responsibility and being hurt. I already apologized to you that I might have hurt you too. Thanks to everyone who will take the time to read my story and give me some adequate advice. Please people who have gone through or are going through something like that leave their comments as comments. And those who intend to spit on me or make arrogant statements for some reason, please do not write at all. I'm tired of running away from responsibility and being hurt. I already apologized to you that I might have hurt you too.
Thanks to everyone who will take the time to read my story and give me some adequate advice. Please people who have gone through or are going through something like that leave their comments as comments. And those who intend to spit on me or make arrogant statements for some reason, please do not write at all. I'm tired of running away from responsibility and being hurt. I already apologized to you that I might have hurt you too. Thanks to everyone who will take the time to read my story and give me some adequate advice. Please people who have gone through or are going through something like that leave their comments as comments. And those who intend to spit on me or make arrogant statements for some reason, please do not write at all.
Answers 14
Chick, look after your work and don't do nonsense. Good work is not easy to find.
I don't think this man is for you. There must be some little madness in it. You better not be friends or boyfriends find another.
You're wasting your time with this one. A few years ago, I had something similar with a colleague, with the difference that we finally slept. He still didn't know what he wanted and was giving mixed signals, until I suddenly found out from a photo on Facebook that he already had a boyfriend. Of course he didn't stop with the hints and jokes, but I realized for myself that it didn't make sense and if he wanted to be with me he would. So you just stop expecting something and watch your life. It is not in vain that he is still alone at that age, isn't he?
There is a golden rule - "Where you get your bread, you don't get that job" What happens to you with these love relationships between employees - shvf and mistress and so on ... Safe from butterflies. That is why there is no normal company that has contributed to any economic growth.
If you tell him that you have sympathy for another man and that strange relationship between you prevents you from building a relationship with another man, you will gain more clarity about his intentions. I think there is a fear of attachment, some secret, or you just don't attract it physically and it keeps you as a reserve. By the way, Hemingway has a similar attitude to the woman he loves in one of his novels to hide that he is sexually dysfunctional (war victim).
Colleagues talk to each other, sometimes they get closer, they hear each other on the phone, they sit down for a drink after work, they also do personal services, they often see each other as a family in longer relationships, they joke, share, help each other ... This are normal things. But they should not be confused with intimacy, and you, the author, do it. The man has emphasized a hundred times that he wants your relationship, no matter how warm, to remain in the realm of platonic friendship (I personally would die of embarrassment if a man had to explain these things to me in response to my unwanted persistence). Just because this man has a human attitude toward you doesn't mean he wants you to get married tomorrow. From your story I learn that the unfortunate man is already starting to lose his temper, you have brought him there! Eventually, if you keep chasing him, he'll just quit his job. As a woman, I have had such a case with a colleague. My polite "Good morning" and congratulations on the holidays, he took them almost as an engagement. I could barely get rid of him.
Put an X on that X and finish thinking about it. You're wasting your time, I was wasting my time with a few X's like him. What's the problem? He is in love with another, he is hurt by her, he is abandoned by his great love, all such love dramas are with these "strange" men. I rule out the possibility that you don't like it, because it would be clear. He likes to look for him, to think about him. You flatter his ego, and people like him need someone to get excited about them. Send it to his girlfriend or his mother. You are not one of them.
Sounds like it's bipolar. In any case, it is seriously unstable and it is not known what to expect from it. For what purpose do you allow him to fool you like that? Terminate any relationship with him before he became aggressive. He has already allowed himself to call you for no reason, think if you are together how far he can go. Find a normal boy.
You have to decide what you want, whether you are just colleagues or something more, because things go in circles and go nowhere. You are great people, you have to understand yourself as such and when you understand what you want, share it with X and tell him how you see things and what you want from your relationship. He himself looks quite chaotic and confused and does not know what he wants, which not typical of a man. You have to ask him to think and understand how he sees things. But in the end, I think there will be no successful intimate relationship between you if you work in the same place, due to the fact that you do not have personal time and distance between you, which is important for a healthy relationship. Good luck, keep me in current with the development of the situation.
I'm sorry to have to write this because I know how you're going to feel, but I think X has a girlfriend / wife you don't know about. He likes your attention because that's how you caress his ego, but at the same time he doesn't want anything serious about you. My advice is not to deal with it. You are young, you will find a man to hold on to you. Good luck, darling and head up. : *
You wrote this story of yours in great detail and incomprehensibly. According to you, I manage to understand that you are in the middle of these raging passions and desires of your life. You have suffered a little in your relationships. It was the same with me, with the difference that I am 40 and a man. It is because of the kindness and humanity that is embedded in me that they have always treated me like a rag. I have dreamed of such a relationship. At least talk to me like a human. Well, I wasn't so lucky. Now, at 40, I'm standing alone and licking my wounds precisely because I decided that I should put my ass up even more! I understand from your story that you are careful with it. You comply. You consider him a man. Even though he treats you badly, you keep following him! I can't figure out where are these girls and women who behave like you ?! We have to act disgustingly like an "X", to behave with men properly? Personally, if I were in the place of "X", I would treat you as you treat me. So far with the dreams! Girl! Take yourself in your hands and give him a "blessing"! This man does not deserve the attention you give him! He will call you and ask for a report why you didn't pick him up. He doesn't want a relationship, and at the same time he behaves like the owner of your soul! Even if you came to the "desired" relationship, what would it be? Even more jealousy. Countless scandals about where you were and why you didn't call. It literally goes on a dog leash, but for your neck! You're going to be in a very ugly movie. Ask yourself why he is alone and has not achieved anything in those years. You will waste your chances and youth with a person who cannot make a decision! Wake up and get out of this nightmare! There are men who dream of someone like you! Those who will appreciate you for what kind of person you are. Not for a piece of meat! You are still young for this black abyss. If it is so difficult for you to distance yourself from him, change your job. Nowadays it is difficult to find one, but you are young and a woman. It is much easier to find another job. In another phone scandal, tell him that you are engaged and pregnant and do not want to worry. That should stop him. But it is not known what you came across. I have come across many similar stories here, in which even the police are powerless. Get away from this man until he knocks you down from everywhere. He drinks your energy for life. That crazy one It is much easier to find another job. In another phone scandal, tell him that you are engaged and pregnant and do not want to worry. That should stop him. But it is not known what you came across. I have come across many similar stories here, in which even the police are powerless. Get away from this man until he knocks you down from everywhere. He drinks your energy for life. That crazy one It is much easier to find another job. In another phone scandal, tell him that you are engaged and pregnant and do not want to worry. That should stop him. But it is not known what you came across. I have come across many similar stories here, in which even the police are powerless. Get away from this man until he knocks you down from everywhere. He drinks your energy for life. That crazy one
Didn't it occur to you that he could be married or at least engaged? On top of everything, I look mentally unstable, nervous. Do not deal with such people. I saw that upstairs someone had written a saying - "Where you get your bread, you don't get that job." Very true!!
In the middle of your story, everything became clear to me. As well as the fact why in your last two serious relationships there have been mass scandals, shouting and insults. Sorry, chick, but the problem is with you. And no, I'm not saying you're the only source and catalyst for the problems between you, but first, you have a problem living your life without filming. This is where most of the problems come from, because when a person is filmed for no reason, only tension arises. Second ... when you see that something is not going well and cannot live up to your expectations - YOU GET UP AND GET OFF, figuratively. Are you sitting in some half-hearted relationship hoping for something to clear up ??? Please ... madmen. Until you change your own approach and view of human relationships ... this story will be repeated over and over and over again. Brother.
Narcissistic and codependent. Search Google. Bratan is right, but I think you're "curing" a childhood trauma. But yes, without realizing it, you will stay in the same movie, no matter how many men you change.