Is There A Way Out?

   See, it's not for you to have babysitters and mothers-in-law looking after your child. Your husband's behavior is also normal - in the West it is so among successful men - he provides you with financial stability, you look after your child. This is especially true in Catholic countries, but it is also true in general - women are for the family and the man for food. Only in post-communist countries do women work on an equal footing with men, grandmothers help and the like. You live in a different society, adjust - no one owes you. For example, it's time to take a maid, even a babysitter. Take a girl from Bulgaria or the former USSR countries like an Au Pair and watch your life, but a counselor - look for a job elsewhere, maybe on an hourly basis. You don't have to work otherwise - even women with small children who work are looked down upon. I also have a foreign man, but for the reasons you described, I persuaded him to live in Bulgaria and we have no problems. It is better for him to live here as a man than for me to de-emancipate myself in order to fall to the level of his country, but if you can't make him live in our country and have no business in our country, just adapt and do the best of the situation, instead of fighting with internal mills and spitting against the wind. There are so many solutions to your problem ... and at the age of 3 you start letting your child go to kindergarten, what kind of diapers are they chasing you with? Are you thinking of having a second or third child? In many countries it is mandatory. At least you came across a wealthy and intellectual family. Most Bulgarian women abroad are married either to other foreigners or to impossible men - primitive, beating, alcoholics and unfortunates. You hit a six in the lottery - what if you change your diaper yourself and look after your child. Is it bad? And the fact that you don't have staff is your problem. Fit! Everyone in the West has a cleaner or babysitter after a certain standard, but mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law do not deal with your problems - they have their own lives.

   Often you do not understand what is under your slipper? As №1 says, you rather hit the six from the lottery. It is perfectly normal for a mother-in-law and sister-in-law not to be served by looking after the child, that is why you are exempt from earning income for the family because you are looking after the child. The mother-in-law is not obliged, as in Bulgaria, to come to the maternity hospital, and she is grateful that she did not come to compare whether the child looks like their family, like many mothers-in-law. The mother-in-law, as a grandmother, is somewhat obliged to come, if invited, to her grandson's football or theatrical / sports and cultural / performances, to applaud and show support for the child's efforts, and the anger is not obligatory, not even obligatory. to talk to you or your child. It depends on you, on your behavior, whether Zulva will talk to you at all. And what help do you expect from women who have not taken care of their own children. They haven't changed their own children's diapers, do you expect them to wash your kid's ass? It is a big mistake to talk to your husband about how bad he is and how bad his closest relatives are / his mother and sister /, a man who has provided you with a home and enough money for an enviable life, has done his part. obligations, if you find it difficult to walk and look after your child, no one will believe you will stop hiring an assistant for a few hours a day. It is not clear what is so difficult in caring for a home and your own child. You are a Bulgarian, it should be even more normal for you to take care of these things on your own and even go to work, that's what Bulgarian women in Bulgaria do. As for the fact that your husband is looking to be outside, he only says that he doesn't like it very much, to stay with you, because you are still frowning and dissatisfied, and yet he says I love you every few days. He makes efforts for good relations in your family, you make efforts in the opposite direction. You both want to live abroad with foreigners because of the good income, home and living conditions, and to live in Bulgarian, it is clear that there is no way, or you learn, to live in their way or you lose what you have achieved, that like nothing and the child will be taken from you. Your child is a foreigner / not a Bulgarian / with relatives with good incomes and a name in their society. There is no way to teach your husband and his whole family to live in Bulgarian, so learn to live their way. Love with a wife all over the world is a fire that must be kindled regularly, and you are currently flooding your love with buckets of water, every day, if you continue in the same way, the time is not far when you will be able to completely extinguish his love for you. See your text,

   There are two options: either you stay there, endure all this and harass yourself, or you find a way to take your child and return to Bulgaria. You decide. I will only remind you that when a person wants something, he finds a way. When he doesn't want to, he finds an excuse.

   Yes, number 1 is right. My sister-in-law has lived in West Germany for many years, her husband is German. That's right. Her mother-in-law lives on the same street, but if someone has to look after the child for two or three hours while the parents are guests, she is paid a babysitter. The grandmother stops by to chat and pat her grandson, sometimes she takes him to the park and that's it. My niece has already grown up, she went to school and my heart started working, but she works 4 hours a day. This is the time the child is at school. Then each mother takes the child home. None of her friends work. It's just that people have realized that the income from working 4 hours and the cost of a babysitter for 4 hours overlap and it is better for the mother to look after her child than for a stranger. But our Boryana is a Bulgarian, she can't imagine how a person can't work like that. She did not want a housekeeper until her husband raised a scandal that the household was not well maintained. Zlava, again by Bulgarian inertia, justified herself by saying that she went to work. "Well, don't," he said. "Or hire a maid." It's just that people have a different mentality. The husband wants ironed shirts and a dinner served at seven in the evening, the man earns enough and doesn't understand what your problem is.

   You and your husband have decided to have a child and you have to look after him, none of your relatives is obliged to look after him or help you if they want to then. Especially abroad, it is not like in Bulgaria for someone from your family to help you. If your child is 3 years old, you should have enrolled him in a nursery / kindergarten /. And if your husband has a decent income, tell him to hire a woman to help you, whether you start a job or not, but it's good to start a job outside the family business, because he knows nothing about the future if you separate. you have to be independent, not to stand with him and crush you, because you work in the family business and you have no other income.

   I didn't understand your problem at all. You live with your husband's rich family and your mother-in-law doesn't give you presents or look after your child. Their children were raised by servants. They were only interested in their reputation and helped in business when they felt like it. And you don't see a way out for yourself, because they support you. You complain that your husband spends time on his hobby. Well, they are men. They work and want time for themselves. And you are financially secure and you complain that they did not look after your child. I didn't understand your problem at all.

   I can't get into your situation, I even think everything is natural. You have lived abroad, then you have decided that you need to get your life in order quickly and come to the door of the first balamurnik you meet, who takes you to them and starts looking at you. This is the dream of 90% of women in Bulgaria. Abroad and in our poor country only retirees remain. But you are already convinced that this is neither a marriage nor a child. You have no right to resent or look for the problem outside of you.

   Well, that's right. And I live in Western Europe and the mentality here in this regard is just different. The Bulgarian woman is used to giving birth to her first child and for everyone to pay attention to her, to visit the child, to ask and be interested, to retell for months and years how the birth went, what the baby did that day, when it peed, when it slept. .. And almost begins to feel like a mother-heroine. Yes, but people here are not interested in this - the principle is "who has a child to look after him, if possible without disturbing others" and everyone looks at their lives and their own interests and problems. Author, knowing what extreme cases of relative disinterest there are in friendly families, you are lucky that your child is interested in the child at all and gives you advice about him. Not to mention the gesture of buying gifts for you instead of your mother. Objectively speaking, she doesn't have to deal with you at all, and what she does is pretty nice. But it seems to me that you can't appreciate it, because you expect from the outsider not advice, but almost to grab and come to cancel you in your household. Well, this job can't be done, especially if she doesn't take care of her own child and household on her own. So she will pay an assistant, and she will run to clean and look after your child. Do you feel how absurd the idea is? Most likely, the woman does not even think about what expectations you have for her person. Besides, I don't care about some moments. You say that your relatives obviously expected you to actively return to work after the birth - as far as I know the thinking here, I can't imagine that the pretentious mother-in-law you describe expected, that you will do demonstrations and carry the newborn with you every day in the office to work. Correct me if I'm wrong, but if they expected you to work every day, it is logical that they thought you would hire a babysitter for the child. And how old is this child, actually? Why do you feel affected by the fact that you have to be actively involved in the family business? Are your other job alternatives, if any, better? Are you qualified in the local labor market or is this really the only option? It seems to me that you have put yourself in a role that no one really wants you to play, and you pretend to be a victim. Try to assess the situation objectively and correct your attitude, because with this thinking, you make your own life very difficult and most likely without feeling you turn your loved ones against you.

   Which country is it about after all ... Otherwise your child is 3 years old - you can give him to the garden to socialize. And you if you want to rest and maintain the home, if you want to work 4 hours a day. And maybe in 2 hours a woman will come to help in your home ... here are your options. Maybe you feel tired and drained from the care of the child and the home and all this carousel .... Rest, refresh yourself, find time for yourself, go out with friends. Otherwise, do not expect help from your mother-in-law and uncle - they are not obliged to come to help you, especially since you saw that even their children have not watched, do not clean and do not cook in their own homes .... they run to come and look after your child, they cook and clean for you now. However, what you need to pay attention to is your husband. One piece of advice - don't tell him bad things about his mother and sister. He will hate you ... Don't get upset and nervous in front of your husband - he can hardly understand why it's wrong for you and soon it won't happen that he will replace your crooked face with someone else's more smiling and pleasant. Be respectful and show love to him and make him look forward to coming home in the evening ... and not looking at how to have fun. Pay attention to him and show kindness to him - let him rediscover you as his favorite. And on the weekends, if his hobby allows - go with him, diversify. Make him want to spend more time with you and the child, to show attention. Men love to brush their ego all the time - do it. Girl, don't cut the branch you're sitting on. If you haven't been more family and home oriented so far, it's high time you did. There is no point in kicking against rye - you lose. The society and the family in which you live have set their conditions - you have to fit into them and fulfill them. It is....

   what about your mother-in-law and your daughter-in-law to look after your child. he and I are in a foreign country and I have more than 2 children, one in two, the other in three and one already grown child, but he wants care. but I am glad that there is no one to interfere in my upbringing. My husband works, I manage at home. but it is preferable to the bg version in which you both look after the children and watch and run and help everyone and you still don't have money. the problem is I think you have created the idea that you will live like your mother-in-law and your servant and at the moment the option does not suit you. I don't know, but the way things sound to me, it seems to me that your husband's family treats you as a person involved in their family only out of financial interest, and that's how you sound.

   Author: To number 10, and to most of the others - It was clear to me from the beginning that most of the comments will be like "what are you complaining about the golden hen", given that the income is the main goal for most of the women. Apparently I am a little mistaken and for me the most important thing in a family is the attitude and care. Number 10, I never want to live a life like that of my mother-in-law and sister-in-law, believe me. My husband offered to take an assistant, but I refused because I did not want my child to take such an example, much less to be raised by an assistant and not by his own parents, from whom to take an example of how to cope. together in all situations. I also don't agree that grandmothers don't take care of children abroad. Here most of the families are very close and enjoy and take care of the children. My family is an exception. And a comment to almost everyone who has answered so far - I do not expect anyone to look after my child, I would like at least to visit him from time to time, to show at least a little concern and love. Honestly, I would be ashamed if my child adopted their habits one day. Next year, when the little one starts kindergarten, my knot around my neck will loosen up a bit and I will decide what to do, so far there is no movement, only a complaint on the net :)

   Well, the author made it clear that you do not know what you want! You chose not to hire an assistant and at the same time you roar that you have not had a day off for three years? It is not logical, your husband has given you the right to choose, you have chosen the most difficult option for you and somehow, there is no logic, you are not in a position to have complaints. The cohesion of a family is built by women, and you argue with your anger, you talk to your husband about his bad attitude about how bad the other members of the family are, and you want to have a close-knit family with them? Is there any logic in this? In order for someone to show concern and love for your child, you need to show concern and love for him. Your child is a child, but when the fiancée and mother-in-law are not happy about you, how can they come regularly to show love and care for your child? They see you and the child sometimes out of nowhere, they try to respect you as the wife of their son and brother, and don't forget if you give them a reason they will speak against you to your husband. When you calculate who bought the gift, who thought only of his reputation, who raised the child with the help of a maid, how do you want them not to look for faults? If you welcome them well and accept a gift with sincere joy, no matter who bought it, you keep people's self-confidence and reputation, it is clear that they will gladly take care of your well-being and if they can, they would do it. all you do not feel sad. With you, things are "whatever called called" and evil leaves you and returns to you. Think about what matters who bought the gift, does it matter when someone gives you advice about the child after not obliging you to fulfill it, etc. What prevents you from accepting gifts and opinions with a smile and doing what you want? Nobody obliges you, they left you to have the right to choose, but you try to tell them what to do, instead of trying to catch them with good.

   I understand you very well, author, but please spread your opinion on forums where our compatriots complain about the Ganyovtsi and demonize their mothers-in-law.

   Gergino is late, the mandala has fallen! For this, put on your rags and if you accept the advice of / 1 / and / 2 /, you will win. But you are stubborn and after so many years you still do not understand that you need a change in your thinking. And if you have changed something / if you decide to do it / you will find out from your husband. He will start staying at home longer

   I'm 10 number 12 very nice said. My husband's relatives are far away, he has 4 sisters and a brother, but he doesn't roar that they don't come. I have nothing against them, but I dare to be just us and know that even if we quarrel, there is no one else to interfere with us. A separate issue is that when they call they do not ask how you are but they ask your wife how she is. I have a good relationship with them so that my husband feels comfortable and he is grateful to me for that. if you complain constantly, there is no man in the world who wants to sit at home, even if he wants to, he will hang on to work. the man wants to go home to unload not some to drink on his head. it does not happen and even for a moment to be with you when you speak against his relatives at some point if you are unfair to them will start thinking things that are not to arrest you as an idea at all. my husband's sister offered to come and help when she gave birth the first time I said no thank you she didn't make the child come to help. if you want, complain on the net but don't expect only positive comments, there are women who have a far more difficult and unacceptable life, unfortunately.

   Author, where is this here - one is in Greece and Cyprus, another is in northern European countries ... It's just that the mentality of the people is different.

   The author: Now I understand that I still need to clarify. I have always been kind to my husband's parents and his sister before imposing his opinion. I spent a lot of time with my niece before the baby was born, but now, unfortunately, I don't have one. My husband and I do not quarrel, and from time to time I tell him that it is hard for me to behave like his parents and he shares my opinion. He says that we will both raise him, who wants to be a part of his life. He wants to spend time with us, but he has several hobbies and work. Such is his character. I have always been kind to my parents-in-law, I invite them to dinner, I buy something from the store and for them, of course, I accept every gift from the heart. And I don't know what else I have to do to make someone think of us. Apparently they are just cold people.

   The author: someone had written that I must be frowning and arguing. Well, that's not true either :) I'm always positive and smiling and very patient, at least my closest people define me as such. You may be right that the problem is in me, but for so long I really didn't understand what it was.

   Problem, author, I told you that you don't know what you want, now in every post you turn the information you give in the opposite direction. From all the text you have written here, it is not clear whether your husband wants to spend time with you or not. Because you claim above that you deliberately stayed at work, although it is not necessary to be there, now you claim that he had a job, so he did not spend time with you, but really wanted to be with you, which is true? No one has said to your husband that you are arguing, he, of course, as an educated man tells you the truth so that you like the answer, but inside, like every person on the planet bites him that a loved one does not likes his closest relatives. You see, I guess as much as a man loves you, a bigger quarrel can divorce you and make you an ex-wife, but even a fight cannot separate him from his mother and sister, they are his blood relatives, after a possible scandal, he will be angry with them for a while and then he will be with them again. A wife's biggest mistake is to share with her husband bad thoughts about his mother and sister, whatever his relatives are, even if he says he hates them, subconsciously they are part of him and he doesn't like it at all, whoever points out their shortcomings, even if he knows them himself. How would you react to a bad comment about your mother? That's why the conversation about his relatives makes him nervous! Because every time it's the same, you've been together for more than 6 years and you've never gotten used to your mother-in-law and uncle being like that and you can't change them no matter how much you tell him you don't like them. He and I, as a woman, don't understand why you even share your thoughts on his family, what you want from him, to scold them, to beat them, or to admit every time and again that they are bad? Why do you cause him this pain every time he admits that they were wrong and you are right? And not your mother-in-law are not cold people, and in their society it is so accepted, the grandmothers in their society only in very rare cases beat their grandchildren. They are not like the Bulgarian grandmothers, it only seems to you that in other families it is different from yours, because you are not in their house. And you yourself share that your mother-in-law had Nani for her children. Also, if your goal is for the child not to perceive your mother-in-law's habits as normal, it is better for you for the child to see her as rarely as possible. On the other hand, even if you invited your parents-in-law to dinner and you never said or showed dislike for your mother-in-law, you often quarreled with the rage, why do you think that she didn't share your grief with her mother? How do you want a mother to treat a person who often quarreled with his daughter? How would you treat people who quarrel with your child? The right way for you is to change your perceptions of things around you. To accept and begin to see the good that is happening in your life. There is no life in the world without problems, all that matters is how much energy and attention you give them, and your problems are insignificant compared to those of billions of women around the world. Even with your hand on your heart, it can be said that you have no problems, and out of boredom you invent them. Your child is healthy and satisfied everywhere, you too, your husband works well and brings you home, does not come home drunk and does not beat you, even tells you that he loves you, provided that you yourself know that you often meet him with complaints, the mother-in-law does not dig in your family, in order to spoil it, the anger recedes, when you bite her / with words / and she doesn't spit at your husband's address, or at least you haven't heard, so what more do you want? Nobody in the world has a completely problem-free life! Therefore, in your whole topic it is not clear what way you are looking for, is it possible to look for a way out of your perfect life? What exactly is your problem and what exactly do you want? Do you want your mother-in-law to go shopping to choose a gift for you, is that your problem? Do you want her to spend more time with your child and have them adopt their style of manners and life? Do you want your heart to teach him something of her watching habits? Do you want your husband to leave his job more often to sit with you and the company to falter so that you have financial problems, or do you want him to give up his hobbies (most likely they also associate him with business partners)? What do you want, tell me, that I'm really interested?