I will try to write things clearly and consistently, the difference in my story is that I will share about my visit to a psychologist. I am 22 years old and I am in a relationship with a boy, a 23 year old man. We have been together for almost 3 years, we have always lived together. Things are within normal limits - sometimes we go out, sometimes we don't; we have things in common, and at the same time we are different. In the first year of the relationship, he lied to me in a small way, hurt me by making me jealous, and accordingly I erupted, jealous at times and too much, grumbling, reproaching and not trusting him. In general, I reacted to his attitude. It was a very good period for him, and it was very difficult for me. We were both walking in our relationship and so far I dare say that we have learned a lot. He hasn't lied retail for a long time like before, or so it seems, I don't know if it's possible. But it's still superficial and we can't have normal conversations in general. Well, now it doesn't make me jealous for real reasons like a one-time flirtation with my college classmates, brutal looks that just don't get over the girl, or a look at the ass of his ex-roommate he didn't have. ' nothing ', respectively, had. Ah, I forgot that sex was also very bad, probably because of his checking life he couldn't have it in the first months. Now things are OK, I weaned him off, and he said he needed to break the habit. They are ok, although I need more, I'm just sexier than him. I've never used pornography, I dated boys before I met him. The other thing is that the things I want him to do to me like oral caresses are a rarity, and he doesn't do it like people do. No matter how much I explain, I try to talk. And he is always happy with me. When he overdoes it with grumbling in general, he insults me ... even brutally, at least until soon. There was a need for change. So far we have ironed out a lot of things, but one thing I failed to do was my jealousy, for example, of pornographic footage in videos of his favorite black music, once in his car the next song was a recording of porn by his favorite black music artist. In short, I have the values of our parents' generation, but at the same time I sometimes overdo it with my jealousy, grumbling and reproach. Our last separation was very soon in about a week. The reason for the explosion was ... An album cover, which is sitting on the big plasma TV - a painted naked woman, her head covered, and a stick inserted in her ass. I was patient, but at one point I couldn't keep my mouth shut and wanted to wipe it. He threatened me that this was the end, to move out of their home, where I live. Then we recovered, provided I didn't grumble and be jealous of nonsense. I had visited a psychologist for 1 hour, all the time I was pointing out my mistakes, because I want to educate myself not to have such a sharp tongue. I wanted him to stop calling me crazy and the like. I am afraid of parting with him and all my relatives and friends know this. Almost everyone says it's not for me. They say I can be much 'better'. The psychologist told me that I had no problem, but I would have to correct these remarks. She told me that I was the most intelligent girl she had ever met for my age. That he is not at my level and I am complexing him. He asked me many times why I wanted to be with him and the answer was because of the feelings. Yes, they are mutual, and on the other hand we are very close. He is proud of me in front of his relatives and friends. I love to read, to cook, to write, to play sports, I can paint, and if I do professionally at least one of the listed, I will be successful. Separately, I take good care of our 'nest'. We have serious plans, he wants a child, but maybe it won't happen soon that I have problems. He knows every day cigarettes, weed and alcohol, games and friends after work, and me of course. We're so different, but I wouldn't break up with him because of that. Only infidelity I would not forgive, and beatings, God forbid, and such brutal things. As I said, we also have some common interests. My wife told me to start talking to her about my good traits and habits because I blame myself too much. He came to the conclusion that he was behaving this way almost out of perfectionism. After all, I am a woman that everyone would talk to. I look good in face and body, I have a radiance, I am quite natural - sporty - I dress elegantly, never with a manicure, sometimes I put mascara. With dimples, naturally painted black eyebrows, but light hair, soft skin with a pleasant complexion .. And no, I'm not very confident, neither for my achievements nor for appearance. I tried to prove that I think this way, not of complexes, but of the values I possess. I can't watch murders, people in the toilet, sex scenes on TV while eating. He can't do without TV, and he burdens me every day .. I always insist on conversations about everything, so there is no way without his TV .. Otherwise he complies somewhat with things in general. Last night before we went to sleep, he played 'Naked and Scared'. I haven't watched it, but I think the idea is to survive, but the real idea is different. I don't know exactly how a series goes, but the shot I saw at the moment of the big plasma was a completely naked woman on camera. And in general, everything was visible to them. At 1 o'clock at night I can't believe she wasn't watching him with hindsight, but how do I know? I was very sick, but I asked him, 'Since when have you been watching this, I'm a little shocked? ', he replied that for many years. I can't take it, what do you think and how would you feel and act in my place about these things I shared? He said I obviously had problems as a child. I had a lot, but sexuality was not an impact, in the sense that I had no childhood problems with sex, my problems were of a different nature. For my part, I dare say he had 'incidents' - when he has just turned 6, an older boy of 12 years old lets him watch porn. Or another fact ... Even when he was little, his father had told him what women should do ... I didn't want this to be a finale, but I remembered. He also cheated on his mother, he told me - hoping that he would take an example as their son how much it hurts. However, thank you if you got here. I will be very grateful to those who responded!
Answers 13
He doesn't think it will change. It will get stronger over the years. There is no point in staying with someone who will ruin your life. Run while you're young. There are no fixes for him. It will be felt at 40. Until then, will you wait for it to mature? Run with 200 and get together with someone without daddy and mommy issues. From experience I speak to you ...
One clarifying question - what does it mean "I never used pornography, I dated boys before I met him."? If I understood what was written correctly, then you fucked who you came across instead of watching porn - what kind of moral value is this? If that's what you mean, I don't understand why you're jealous that he also had an ex? I don't understand what your going to a psychologist has in common here - didn't the psychologist want to hear the opinion of the other party as well. It does not sound logical and professional for the psychologist not to invite you both, an hour of talk and hasty conclusions about who is how intelligent sounds to me as if taken from a movie. Last but not least (I think the questions have become more, nooo) I want to ask about this "I like to read, to cook, to write, to play sports, I can paint, and if I deal professionally with at least one of the above, I will succeed. "and who is stopping you from doing any of these things professionally?
I didn't know if you were stupid, fat or ugly? This bad, that bad, fucking bad - but she caught herself like a straw drowning man. Is there money and you like it? There's something pretty rotten about the whole thing. And by the way, in Naked and Frightened, all sexual details are blurred. I don't know if you have diopters and what exactly "everything" you saw. I think you like to play with your family, so that's the whole point.
You're really crazy and you won't stay. on 25
Honestly, unless absolutely necessary, I couldn't live with a person like you for long. It probably won't last mentally, haha. That said, it may sound bad and a little offensive, but it's just that people with a lot of demands and expectations of others usually come as a burden to me. And you, at least from what is written, seem to be quite demanding of others and have very specific ideas about who should live and behave. Even what he likes and dislikes, which seems a little too much. But obviously, since you've been together for so long, you've adapted - he to your shortcomings, you to his. I guess it's good that you sought the opinion and advice of a psychologist, but once again I come across something very strange. Hahaha, do these people tell each of their patients that he is very intelligent and older than his peers and more advanced, and that is probably where his problems come from. Because a friend of mine, younger than you, had recently visited a psychologist, as he hadn't been feeling very emotional lately, and she had told him the same things. I've heard other people say the same thing before. Either there are some super coincidences, or everyone is told the same nonsense. This sounds a bit like memorized phrases that aim to blur a person's eyes and make him feel a little better, but only for the moment. Anyway, that was a little off topic. I don't know if that's really the case, but I've noticed that when two people have a relationship and for one reason or another live together or are often in the same company, when one is too demanding and grumbling, the other, although he is also dissatisfied and notices the shortcomings and mistakes of the former, he does not talk much about them and does not raise such topics. And I think it probably happens because people who constantly accuse them of something and force them to change, they are tired of such conversations and they do not care to point out the bad qualities of the other party, so as this would lead to new disputes and scandals. In my opinion, you really should start accepting your friend as he is. Because most likely he also sees and feels many of your not so cool qualities, concepts and habits, but you did not write to mutter about everything. Maybe your problem is not differences in moral values or that you have to be with someone "better", but you are simply not compatible enough and have very different interests and ways of thinking.
His father made a mistake.
My friend is the same as he even commented on the naked women in question. He commented on them in front of me. So how can I not be uncomfortable? She lies to me all the time, goes to "coffee" with her lonely best friend and shows him each with a bare ass, and they start commenting on how nice he was. And God knows what else they're talking about - probably how they want to crack it. Anyway, we broke up many times because of such things. As he keeps saying that my jealousy is SICK. Which is not so much jealousy as insult. But come explain it to him! While I'm at work, I try to get back the money I gave him, which is not a small amount, he drinks a beer with that loner and they fight with the babes. It's just that even now I'm still wondering what else I'm doing with it ... Get out until you make trouble and there will be no escape afterwards! Such individuals have no fix, believe me.
Can you share who is the album and who is the black music artist?
To comment 2: Are you okay? What a distortion of what is written ... wow mother. She says she has not watched or used porn for arousal and yes, she has dated other men. It didn't go wrong. Nobody prevents the author from developing! Where did you read that? To the author: Dear girl, for me these are divergent moral values, not excessive pedantry on your part. I wouldn't be able to build a relationship, let alone live with someone like your friend. It would be insulting to me. I also watched porn with my boyfriend, but always by mutual consent and never brutal and humiliating movies. This man has a problem with perception for women. It can be tolerated now, but I think it will escalate over time.
11, because you are trying to bite me, I feel obliged to answer that I am very well. I asked a question and clarified "If I understood what was written correctly, then you fucked with whom you come across instead of watching porn", which is again a question, but not to you, but to the author of the topic. In the context of what the author wrote, there is no other way to interpret the statement and "I have never used pornography, I went out with boys before I met him." And yet this is an interpretation of what was written, not a statement. I'm sure the author doesn't need your legal services if she's just been licking ice cream, eating cotton candy and eating Turkish delight with the other guys she's dating, and she'll be able to say it herself, but she won't share what exactly has licked or eaten. Come on earth,
1, there is useful in what you told me. Things aren't so brutal, but ... And he's not exactly a mother's son, they raised him as a pet. And now they mix moderately, that is, to some extent, perhaps, but in any case I don't think it's too much. 2, Aloo, what are these conclusions? / you don't have to answer that;) / But because you obviously answer my question with a question - so do I. And what is the moral value of watching porn? They because the grandmothers and our mothers did it .. For the next, really, I used the word 'ex' - he rather slept with a few before we met, yes. It was bad for me that he shared some of his events with me, without me wanting to hear them, and at a tense moment for me. And what I mentioned here about the backs of one is because I know some things. Then we were in a restaurant, in which she was at the same time. He killed himself to show her who she was, to tell me about her, and when she left, they talked in front of me, and when she turned around, he brutally looked at her there ... That's what I'm talking about, not that it's you were somewhere before you were with me. This at a time when he was 'very much in love' with me, and at the same time already with some confidence. What the psychologist has in common is that I try to see things more objectively, for example. We talked about the more important things there. We weren't with him then, and he doesn't want us to go together. And to your last question - to understand that I have some level in my life, whatever that means. Why should anyone interfere? And what did your comments help with, and why do you invent some things from fragments of my text .. 3, I'm not one of the three, but I don't need to prove anything. It is called love my reason, otherwise I have long since forgotten it. Like his. Um .... Fucking? I think it's a little wrong to use that word in my case. And I wouldn't call it bad, I'm obviously misunderstood. 4, haha. 5, similar traits in me do not deny. Extremely necessary? I don't know whether he should have belittled me or something else about intelligence, but my relatives, friends and acquaintances tell me that. I want to emphasize that I do not feel the need to impress people in any way. I've shared some things here, otherwise I don't say them, and it would look inflated, and I'm not. Otherwise, I do not deny the tricks of the psychologist. I told her in advance that I only wanted to hear the truth, as well as sound. ;) For the last thing you wrote me - our interests are not too different, we have common dreams. 7, well, there is something true. Except that his father has influenced his child's psyche in this way ... he has a father whose genes he carries, it is normal for him to be more or less like him. 8, he didn't really comment in front of me, but he laughed and had a good time with his happiest smile at such moments, because he was talking to her. He made me sick many times too. And it's really more of an insult, you're right. You have a lot of naughty things. Apparently you love him, or does he satisfy you somehow, and how long have you been together? Do you have mutual feelings? I ask because you advise me to leave him. 10, I don't want to, that's not the point ... And let me tell you, I listen to so many albums that even if I say so, I may not miss it. And I was talking about 2 different cases. 11, hello, I agree that some things are being invented in my address. I probably didn't give the information exactly either. Why do you think he has a problem with perception for women, is it important for me to know? I will be grateful if you answer me. And I'm with him now, despite the differences, because we certainly have some things in common, after all. And of course, because of the feelings. Otherwise, yes - I never imagined that something like this would happen to me. It is clear to me that in many moments I have been humiliated and then belittled, but I do it for one simple purpose.
I am the author again. I did not finish my message to number 5 - For the rest of what you wrote to me - it may be true, but for us as a couple it is not so, not only one accuses, etc. A person's ideas are based on his experience - literally experienced, and of what he heard and saw from the side.
If you tie yourself to "naked and scared", then you really are a nun! Either you pretend to be a saint, or you are really congested for the 21st century! In these series, they have never given directly to the genitals, or are covered with various bags or leaves. They are most often obscured by the camera. You are really petty, and it will hardly last you like that!