Hi, I'm a 17 year old girl. I have a friend who is 20. Our relationship is serious for both of us. Before I talk about the problem, I will mention his ex-girlfriend. She was his first love, they went for 2 years without having sex, he loved her very much, but she pushed with another and he dumped her. After 2 years of loneliness, he went with me, looking for something really serious, and found it. So far so good, (he and I will soon be 10 months old), however, I began to feel that he does not love me, but still feels something for his ex. We were at a gathering - I was in the next room with my girlfriend when he was in the other room and told 4 people that he still loves his ex. I believe these 4 people and I exclude that they lie to me that they heard it. Days later, when I asked him to explain his words to me, (I thought he would say, that he does not remember or will deny) he said the following: "I do not know why I said it." He did not deny! That ended the topic of his ex. Then we talked on the phone and he told me that he did not like to tell me ligatures like "I love you", "I can't do without you". And by the way, he only tells me when he's drunk. When I ask him why this is and that I want to hear them while he is sober, he says that the cup gives him courage. … On the one hand, I understand him - his first love hurt him, he really loved her, and now that he is with me, even if he wants to love me, he can't fight the memory of his ex. He can't experience the same feelings for the second time… or if he experiences them, is it so hard for him to tell me that he avoids the topic of love. (According to him, love did not exist, only feelings such as attachment, concern…, etc. n.) I really love him, and he exes her…. for me it's very painful… I try to think about other things, but once I think about it and I don't stop thinking about it… What to do
Answers 8
In my opinion, no matter how hard it is for you, this man left it. There is no point in being with him as he does not love you. And to tell you "I love you" is not to courage, but to feelings. It's very difficult to say "I love you" to a person when you don't feel it. When he is drunk, things are different. Then the brain does not act soberly and it is very easy for him to tell such a lie. I'm a boy and I understand both of you perfectly. For me, my first relationship, if you can call it that (without sexual intercourse) was 1 month. It may be only 1 month, but I remember it as if it were an eternity. Then for me it was PARADISE. At the moment I have been in a relationship with a girl for 2 years and a gram has no attraction, and if I find a soul mate for a second, I will leave her. It may sound selfish, but one must look at oneself first, then the others. Otherwise you will be a sole. I have come to this conclusion. You have a head on your shoulders. Consult with a real friend of yours and act. In my opinion, your cause is doomed to failure. He thinks of another and clearly does not love you. You are currently in the background :( Good luck to you too, I hope you get better. And another piece of advice that I have given to myself. The next time you find someone and decide that something can happen between you, do not sink as fast as before.Always keep 1 in mind and give the person next to you complete freedom.One person, if it fits with another, then immediately, will be felt.And know that if one Your husband gave you a flower, which means you mean a lot to him! Most women think it's a cheap trick, but they're wrong.
Well, what to do ... beauty does not happen by force. I understand your friend, it is very difficult to believe again in something after which you have been hurt. You know that drunks tell the truth, no matter how banal it sounds ... do you have to constantly tell you that he loves you? Yes, it's nice to hear him from time to time, but that's how words wear out, he loves you, he just doesn't say it ... and think about whether he doesn't prove it :) it's not the person's words that matter, but his deeds ... the words lie .... so enjoy your relationship and let the boy be convinced that you will not hurt him when he realizes himself, he will tell you more often :) he is with you and not with her, right? !! HE dumped her, he doesn't want to be with her but with you ... if he wanted to be with his ex he would give her a second chance, leave everything in the past live, love and enjoy your time together - this is the most - the important thing, not how many times has he told you I love you! Do you know that I never said I love you often, only to my first serious friend and after him and I seemed to prefer to prove than to say this word :) the important thing is that he feels it, not that he does not say it ... so that calm down, it will start slowly, do not force it so as not to get the opposite effect :) success
Well, this once again convinces me that unexperienced things are the most painful and are not easily forgotten. Apparently it's the same with your boyfriend ... he just isn't fed up with her and accordingly he can't forget her so easily. But over time, he might reconcile, I know. Wait for time to show what will happen, but be prepared for the worst-case scenario in your relationship. You never know what life will bring us, the important thing is to accept it calmly. Doriana
And I think like number 1 ... If he doesn't love you and still thinks about his ex, leave him.
The bad news is that your boyfriend is not very interested in you and does not tend to love you more over time. The good news is that you don't love him much either. How do I know? Here it is: ".... Days later, when I asked him to explain his words to me ...." If he loved him, what he heard would make you so upset that you would not wait tactfully for a few days. Anyone who knows what love is will confirm it.
From the Author: to number 5 I asked him in a few days, because with us it is so that we see each other once a week because of his work and my school will simply have no other option. The rest of the time we talk on the phone - I didn't want to talk about it on the phone ... right. I haven't even thought about ruining our relationship. I want to fix the problem without getting to that. Only if he fails will we break. But it's also silly to leave him because he thinks about his ex. These are 10 months - his behavior shows that he cares about me .. Number 2 is right in this regard :)
I think you're mistaken that he still loves his ex. Ask yourself why he is still with you then, because he is looking for you, I don't think his time will pass or he will not be lonely. And as for the "drooling" - there are people who behave like friends with their partners without tender and diminutive names and without repeating to them every day how much they love them, but love them. They prefer to express their feelings than to express them, it is expressed in a gesture, an act ... it is up to us whether we will appreciate it and consider it as a sign of love for us. Your suffering comes from the fact that because of his coldness you feel unloved, unappreciated, almost like some kind of nothingness in his eyes. The other thing is, you mention that you understand how much he was hurt by the betrayal of his first girlfriend, you throw various hypotheses in your head, you roll your finger, that he gave her that warmth that you lack in your relationship without knowing the truth. Why don't you talk more about this topic about his ex-girlfriend, how he treated her, etc. At least you will clarify a lot of things and decide whether to stay with him or break up.
He neither loves you nor respects you ... How can he utter such a thing in public? !! It is an honor for him that at least he did not deny after that. Anyway, look for your happiness elsewhere. This is my opinion.