Hello! A desperate 29-year-old woman writes to you. My friend and I have known each other for almost 10 years, and we have been living together for 6 years. We don't have children - at first he didn't want to, and now I don't want to. It was a crazy job in the early years. Love, passion, trust, now there is no trace of it. It's all a habit. The change occurred 2 years ago. He started drinking every night. Beer, wine, not that he drinks large quantities, but he catches it quickly and this smell comes to me more. It repulses me! Sex became difficult. I tried to tell him about alcohol, that it bothered me, he replied that it was an excuse. Even the bedroom smells of alcohol, many times I get up after falling asleep to open the window to fresh air. The bed linen absorbs the sweat, which also smells of alcohol and I have to change them every day and I still can't keep the bedroom fresh for long. It started to get unsupported. We have to fight, to make him take a bath in the evening, because he bathes in the morning before he goes to work, and the night before he goes to bed next to me he finds it unnecessary, why? I wouldn't tell him if I didn't feel the need, it smells bad. When he goes to the bathroom in the morning, he doesn't even close the door, do I have to hear all this? Why doesn't he consider living with a woman? Did I make a mistake? It is more and more difficult for me to live like this and have sex with a man who made me loathe him. When I make a remark to him, he yells at me "hey we don't know what"? It used to be maintained, attractive, and I adored it. Now it's everything, but not attractive. I'm sick. We got along perfectly before. We would be the perfect couple, but now I am desperate, disappointed, and shocked! I can't share anything with anyone. I'm ashamed. And here I save a little again from shame. I think that the end has come. I don't know if I don't give up easily, but he doesn't show a gram of intention to correct himself. And I don't know how to talk to him about it ... I want advice from women. Is this to be married? Will I have to put up with this? Are other men like that after a while? L.
Answers 14
After reading the title "not supported", I decided that he had dropped a belly and was too lazy to play sports, but to force him to take a bath ... I don't know what to tell you ... If there is another room in which to move to sleep, do it. And refuse sex if you hate it. It's nasty for him, but ... you're not going to force yourself. And he can think of why. What do you save from shame? We are strangers here, share, please, what else do you have to endure? So we can give you more comprehensive advice.
Yes, you will have to put up with that. With the exception of drinking, these are almost a tradition among most men. I wouldn't leave the toilet door open, but rest assured that even you will find me flawed in, say, the frequency of bathing when you expect your husband to take a shower before bed. Even if someone doesn't do these things, they will irritate you with something else. Honestly, you have an ideal for a man, and once he violates it with his behavior, your reaction is an escape. I don't know if you asked him what was wrong with him and why he got drunk, but it is clear that if things are not as they used to be, you are running away. You are not trying to get used to or somehow control the situation - it is easier to escape. You will run away now, as you will every time something annoys you. In my opinion, your life will pass in flight, because there is no ideal person (not a man, but a person in general).
Such are the other ways. What you live a long time back, shine all the unpleasant details related to habits and hygiene. It is unacceptable for bathing, it is impossible not to take a shower after work, but I accept the others as normal. I have been with my husband for 8 years. There is nothing we do not know, from cleaning the acne on his back, epilating his legs in his presence, it happened that I took a shower and he used the toilet. These intimate details in everyday life have not impressed me for a long time. It has happened that we have "dirty" sex, but we both observe good hygiene. If something isn't ok, don't worry. I'm embarrassed to tell him. And I can say that passion is still there. Between us, we have sex almost every day. You were obviously disappointed and stopped loving him.
They are all like that, darling, after a while they relax and their popping and belching becomes a part of your life. In my opinion, he is lazy about bathing, he is also lazy, but this on the other hand can mean that he does not break you, that is, there is no one to support him, because you are already a given to him, I don't know whether to rejoice or cry. .... But in general, yes, they are all over time. He has to be a meteorologist or a maniac about cleanliness to keep himself in good shape, the men in our latitudes are a little shabby and there is no way out.
It's as if I wrote it ... I had a problem, he was looking at his old grandmother and because he was washing and bathing her, light and dirt, the sight had crushed him and he was drinking from it. Later everything was fine and he stopped drinking, but after the baby was born we didn't have time to take a bath because of the baby. Sex is not the most important thing to tell you, such is life. All tasks, hurry. Talk to the boy, he is obviously stagnant and something is bothering him or he has lost the desire to live.
Oh, you're looking for excuses to dump him so we can support you. Everyone in the toilet does the same thing, living together for 6 years, I don't think he's covered it up before. What if he gets sick and is in the hospital, who will wash him, who will change his pants? Will you dump it then? It is easy to justify with the other, and not look at ourselves, what disadvantages we have, whether we are not looking for "under the ox calf". If you want solidarity, dump it for me.
I understand you. No one is a given to anyone and no one is obliged to endure everything, just to not be alone. And I get upset by the smell of alcohol, and to kiss an alcoholic, let alone something more - absurd! Systemic drinking leads to what you describe, and in the long run - to violence - verbally, mentally, physically. Respect for such a person evaporates and you no longer have anything to love him for. You begin to loathe and despise him for his weakness, laziness, impurity, and everything else that his alcoholism has brought him to. Someone above gave an example, if he is sick, will you be disgusted again. Is not the same. Drinking is a completely personal choice and the person degrades in every respect, and no one, but no one is obliged to tolerate it, nor can they help him, because he does not think he needs help. You only have one life, but you can choose how to live it. He made his choice, so you leave without blinking. He may need you, but you don't need him. Find a person who will respect and appreciate you and live your life. Not all men are like this, I'm sure.
Neglected hygiene was the main reason I dumped my ex. Within a few years, he had become a disheveled, smelly burdock. And number 7 - if he is sick to justify and feel sorry for him, but he is a healthy young man of 27 years - it is inadmissible not to stay in his room with him. Reminders to go take a bath turned into insult scandals. Leaving the bathroom, he puts on the same fragrant T-shirt he put on in the morning and goes to work. And so once he became antipathetically unpleasant, what sex, what children to want from him. It will not be easy for you, author, if you resign yourself. If it impresses you and irritates you, you don't deserve such a pig next to you!
Drunk and smelly ... disgusting. Let him roll in his limb, he has no respect for himself or for you. At least I certainly let him fart at will and roll in his own misery, but I take my ass clean with or without a man. This is not a man, but a pig.
The reason is that he has become an alcoholic! Alcoholics generally neglect their hygiene and stop maintaining themselves. They don't bathe, they don't wash their clothes, they don't maintain their rooms, they sweat a lot, they just start to smell like urine and sour, you can only see rubbish and rolling empty bottles around them. They are simply not impressed. “Are other men like that after a while?” Well, no. There are many well-groomed men. In fact, it depends on the person. If he is lazy, it is very clear that he will not be supported. If he is responsible, conscious, disciplined, not lazy and not an alcoholic, then there is no way not to maintain himself well. Depends on the person. It is the same with women.
№7, when you knock on the toilet, then do you use the knocked as a fragrance, so you don't close the door so that your whole home can be scented? Or do you probably play well with your ass and want everyone to hear it? If you don't have anything useful to write, at least don't expose yourself with your simplicity! The author is very right. As it was before, it must remain so to the end! Drunkenness is no excuse! Salvation is separation, while they do not yet have children, then it will become completely unbearable for the woman!
And why don't you tell him? Shame on you, I don't know what happened. Tell him "I'm not happy with you if you don't fix your hygiene and I'm thinking of whipping myself." If he refuses - get well. That is the situation. You have no children to strengthen your relationship, you are just two selfish adults who "live their lives" without realizing that they have to return the "service" of Mother Nature. Things in this life pay off sooner or later, no matter what they write on Cosmopolitan and what they show on Sex and the City.
I support №7, and the other supporters of the author, stay alone with your selfish inclinations, you don't need partners!
14 What does Ganyo's "selfish inclinations" mean? That we will not smell the aromas from the toilet, smelly drunks? And why do you think we will be left alone if we miss such? They will be left alone! Half a planet with men, you think that without a few scents we will stand alone hahahahaha merry.