Hello, I have been married since I was 19 years old. I am now 37 and have two sons, aged 18 and 14. My husband and I have not been married for a long time, the marriage has remained only on paper - we just live in an apartment and take care of our children. There is no intimacy between us maybe 6-7 years-any feelings dead-we don't even hate each other. We don't fight anymore, we don't communicate much, we just let go of the flow we are used to. I even think he guesses I'm not alone. Isn't it the most natural desire of a person to be loved, to love? I can't do without friendship, understanding, respect and tenderness. I have a serious relationship with a man with whom we share all of the above. His marital status is almost the same - they are even already separated. He has a daughter at 14. That's how we got to know each other and became attached to each other, that when we stay longer separated the absence is painful. We see each other almost every day - it may be 10 minutes after work, but we always find time to at least take a look ...
And so for 5 years. We love each other, we understand each other, we are just ourselves when we are together. We know that this is not a temporary attraction, but a mature love. He expects me to take the step to get together but ... I've been thinking about divorce for two years, but I can't do it because of the children ... Even though they are big, I know it will be a shock for them. But on the other hand, I want to have another child ... I know it's not too late, and I really want it. We want to have a child with my friend. And I don't know if it's worth it, because of this love and a new life, to hurt my big boys ... It doesn't give me a heart ... And I want that unborn baby so much from the man we make love to ... We see each other almost every day - it may be 10 minutes after work, but we always find time to at least take a look ... And so for 5 years. We love each other, we understand each other, we are just ourselves when we are together. We know that this is not a temporary attraction, but a mature love. He expects me to take the step to get together but ... I've been thinking about divorce for two years, but I can't do it because of the children ... Even though they are big, I know it will be a shock for them. But on the other hand, I want to have another child ... I know it's not too late, and I really want it. We want to have a child with my friend. And I don't know if it's worth it, because of this love and a new life, to hurt my big boys ... It doesn't give me a heart ... And I want that unborn baby so much from the man we make love to ...
We see each other almost every day - it may be 10 minutes after work, but we always find time to at least take a look ... And so for 5 years. We love each other, we understand each other, we are just ourselves when we are together. We know that this is not a temporary attraction, but a mature love. He expects me to take the step to get together but ... I've been thinking about divorce for two years, but I can't do it because of the children ... Even though they are big, I know it will be a shock for them. But on the other hand, I want to have another child ... I know it's not too late, and I really want it. We want to have a child with my friend. And I don't know if it's worth it, because of this love and a new life to hurt my big boys ... It doesn't give me a heart ... And I want that unborn baby so much from the man we love ... We love each other, we understand each other, we are just ourselves when we are together. We know that this is not a temporary attraction, but a mature love. He expects me to take the step to get together but ... I've been thinking about divorce for two years, but I can't do it because of the children ... Even though they are big, I know it will be a shock for them. But on the other hand, I want to have another child ... I know it's not too late, and I really want it. We want to have a child with my friend. And I don't know if it's worth it, because of this love and a new life, to hurt my big boys ... It doesn't give me a heart ... And I want that unborn baby so much from the man we make love to ... We love each other, we understand each other, we are just ourselves when we are together. We know that this is not a temporary attraction, but a mature love. He expects me to take the step to get together but ...
I've been thinking about divorce for two years, but I can't do it because of the children ... Even though they are big, I know it will be a shock for them. But on the other hand, I want to have another child ... I know it's not too late, and I really want it. We want to have a child with my friend. And I don't know if it's worth it, because of this love and a new life, to hurt my big boys ... It doesn't give me a heart ... And I want that unborn baby so much from the man we make love to ... but I can't do it because of the children .. Even though they are big I know it will be a shock for them. But on the other hand, I want to have another child ... I know it's not too late, and I really want it. We want to have a child with my friend. And I don't know if it's worth it, because of this love and a new life, to hurt my big boys ... It doesn't give me a heart ... And I want that unborn baby so much from the man we make love to ... but I can't do it because of the children .. Even though they are big I know it will be a shock for them. But on the other hand, I want to have another child ... I know it's not too late, and I really want it. We want to have a child with my friend. And I don't know if it's worth it, because of this love and a new life, to hurt my big boys ... It doesn't give me a heart ... And I want that unborn baby so much from the man we make love to ...
Answers 9
In my opinion, it is better for children to have their parents divorced if they no longer have a relationship, because that leaves them with the impression that this is love - indifference. They are not stupid and they notice very well what is happening. It is better to understand that sometimes things just end and everyone is looking for another person than to think that love is indifference or that there is none. And the most important thing is to have communication with them and to have an explanation of how things really are, so that they do not draw wrong conclusions and this interferes with their lives as adults.
All right, but this with the baby is nonsense, sorry, but it sounds like a whim to a little girl! Personally, if I am 18 or 14 and my mother has just decided to give birth to some other man, I would not be happy at all with this "baby"! You want to have something of your own ... And isn't the strong love that connects you enough ?? You both have older children who are just entering their independent lives, help them do it to the end and then enjoy each other!
Unfortunately, you will receive more comments here from people your children's age. And they can't understand you and want you ... Do something while you're still younger, or come to terms with the situation. You have the right to happiness, that's right ... I completely understand you. And your children that they will suffer (at least in the beginning) this is for sure. Still, you know them best, decide if you need to talk to them and make a decision.
Talk to your husband (the one on paper), not us. In my opinion, if your relationship is as you describe it, there is no problem to have a child with your loved one.
Well, those children still suffer. He doesn't think that they don't understand and that it's very cool for them, that their parents are indifferent to each other, even if they don't show it.
I also think you need to separate. You stay because of the children, but what do you show them? Fear, under the guise of responsibility. Hypocrisy, under the guise of a family. Indifference masked, as a whole. Whatever you show your children, they will do in their lives. Your sons will consider it normal not to communicate with their wives, not to be happy at home and that not being happy is all they can do. Something will draw them to the great love, but the model you create for them is that they will not have the right to realize it. By staying in a hollow family, you create two more hollows for your children. And you don't want that. You want to be happy, you have found the person and you are afraid. You justify yourself because you don't have the courage. I think you should talk openly with everyone and show the boys that you are a brave woman. And even if you made a mistake, you were strong enough to stand up.
Well, your kids are big now, I think they'll understand. And don't you think that they haven't felt for a long time that you live together with their father, but you haven't had feelings for each other for a long time? This is what children feel. So I think they will be much happier to know that their mother is happy, and so you give your husband a chance to seek his happiness. And that's exactly what your sons want. Make their parents happy, whether they are together or not. For this, it may be wrong and strange for you if you divorce, but they will accept it. And as much as you want a baby from others, that's great! And when it comes to your sons, they will probably be very happy with the new baby. So be happy and follow your heart!
Hello woman - YES, Nr. 3 tells you it most accurately - and think twice !! From me: in a person's life there are situations in which someone else should not take your responsibility for your decision !! Now you are in exactly that and accordingly - your path in this situation you have to choose it YOURSELF! Whether this decision of yours is the best for you and the people you love - you can judge in years. M 44
There is nothing wrong with an author in a divorce. Marriage is a kind of contract, there is nothing supernatural in it, a contract is a contract. I understand you well, but I don't see the point in continuing to deceive yourself that your children over the age of 14 will have a problem with the documentary change in your personal life. You have been living apart in different homes for years, if you divorce now, how will this change the lives of your children. In general, children in divorced families do not suffer from the annulment of the contract between their parents, but from the mental problems that a divorce brings. For you, this period of blaming and spitting at each other is over. What keeps you married is a document, the termination of the contract will not change your life radically. Your children are big and have never lived under a puff so far that they don't understand what it's like to be married,