Hello, almost a year ago I met the real man in my life. It happened between us almost immediately. We fell in love as much as I myself did not believe it was possible. He is a great man, gentleman, friend and man. I really don't know anyone like him, but I have my previous experience. He loves me very much and constantly shows and proves it to me. But from the very beginning, we have had disputes that have recently turned into terrible and exhausting quarrels. They were not disputes about the past, about former and non-former. From the very beginning, when I felt that this between us is different from everything else, I decided to be as sincere as possible. I told him everything. My views on relationships. About how much I care about trust and sincerity in the relationship. I even confessed to him that I had cheated on my former longtime friend. He also confessed to me for his infidelities. On the other hand, I told him how I couldn't sleep with a stranger we had just met (which is the truth).
That is, I did not spare him anything - I did not pretend to be a saint, nor a very playful in sex and relationships. And perhaps this frankness of mine was my biggest mistake. She was not appreciated. He is very jealous. He claims that in principle he is like that, but to me it was so powerful, this feeling, that he could not control it at all. Just so he would believe me and be calm, I let him do things that I would have laughed at another woman in the past if he had allowed. He scanned my whole computer, everything. Recently, I was forced to lie to him to avoid scandal and subsequent "movies" from him. There was a very old video on the computer, from 6-7 years ago, when I was a first-year student, where a friend and I exchange funny and slightly playful remarks. Everything is completely normal, super innocent. I knew my friend would tease me and I deleted him in front of him without showing it to him. After a while, he comes across another video where the same person is. My friend immediately remembers that it was he who remembered the face. But I lied to him that he was not the same person. Just so he doesn't think that since I have it twice and in a video, then we had something in common. And I told him that I don't keep things from my ex on the computer, which is the truth. (I even deleted photos with friends where we hugged. So that he wouldn't think of anything and bother me with unnecessary questions.) This lie of mine was followed by two days of torment. My friend was convinced he was right. In the end, my nerves just couldn't stand it and I admitted the truth. It got even worse - how did he understand me, but now he doubted my every word. Why I lied to him for two days, what a liar I was, etc., etc. Things just calmed down and yesterday he saw his very old friend, with whom I tried to get something 10 years ago.
We were children, I hardly knew the boy in question, but the second time we saw each other we had sex. Which, by the way, was a complete failure and just nothing came out between us. I thought my friend knew about this story and I never discussed it with him. After all, it was a hundred years ago. But he had forgotten and remembered yesterday. From there, new accusations of lying began - how I had told him that I had not slept with strangers, that I had waited a while before going to bed with someone, and that was not the case at all. And what I told him was the truth itself. It hurts me to talk nonsense, who does and speaks. Why doesn't he look at how it is between us? !! We talk about family, about marriage, to always be together. And how to overcome these constant quarrels, these scenes of his jealousy? I love him and he loves me. I do not want another man. But I don't know how to deal with all this anymore ...
Answers 24
If this painfully jealous man is the real man, I don't think living with such a man would be easy. It is good to consider whether to commit to him, because love is love, but there are many jealous men who do it out of excessive selfishness, desire to impose themselves, to control you, etc. Everything sounds absurd - to delete photos with friends, to lie about innocent things. And what are these quarrels now? And when you are a family and children appear. Well, he will pursue and harass you. If you can live so well, but a woman with a stronger and more independent character will not last long, especially when the initial euphoria passes.
Girl, are you okay? !!! This behavior is not normal, the psychic man's muscle. He wants to control you, to own you, it sounds manic to me. I am afraid of such men and I run like the devil from incense. How will he take care of my friends, my past relationships? !! God, God, where is your mind? In your place, I would not commit to such a person. Apparently he is very insecure and suffers from deep complexes to show this behavior. It is a pathological case, dig a little into the literature on clinical psychology and you will find its type of behavior in the description of a psycho-deviation.
I am a 28 year old man. When I'm jealous, I try not to show it. Because I know from experience that this will have negative consequences. My personal opinion is that your man is definitely overdoing it. As a man, I hate such games, but rest assured that if you tell him you're breaking up with him because of his jealousy in 3 days, he'll call you and be a different person.
I am the author: My problem is that he constantly thinks some nonsense. We talk about many things, talk about everything. But here's a case, we talked about threesomes (not that either of them wanted to, it was just about that). He scrolled at one point. I was going to want a threesome with two other men. I've always been curious, etc. Well, I'm not 17 if I wanted to do it 100 times by now. He tells me that he was like that to me because he had finally found the man, he was afraid of losing me, he loved me more than himself. Otherwise he is very smart and intelligent. Mature and settled. Like a man, handsome. He had a lot of wives before me. I'm constantly looking for guilt in myself, if I'm not provoking him, but I treat him like no one else before. I have never allowed myself to be held accountable or asked questions. I loathed relationships in which the woman must be almost the property of the man.
Since I had such a man at home (and I still have him, but changed) I will tell you that I know what it is like to live in constant tension. I had given him the passwords for my mail, for Skype, I kept the history, for the forum where I wrote. He kept checking, searching for hours, and I don't know what. Why did I say that, who he was, day after day harassment. Until he got tired of it and came to the conclusion that he no longer had the strength to do so, and there was no point in eating from the inside. Ever since he stopped doing this, our relationship has improved. Really.
I read the funny comments and grab my head straight. Apparently 80% of the people here don't know what it's like to love, they just go through the site and wonder where to leave a trace of their vulgar thinking. Think next time before writing :)
Everything must have its limits and especially jealousy. Only a person who feels insecure can show such painful jealousy. I respect your choice to go to his whistle, but I don't understand it. A self-respecting woman would not compromise for the sake of a man. My opinion is that you should tell him directly how much this jealousy torments and destroys you, ask him to try to change. Suggest that you take a break from each other to see how the distance will affect you. In addition, think VERY well about your family, this is quite a big step and the man next to you should definitely be worth it. A relationship is built on trust, if it is missing .... the relationship is also missing. Success!
Good thing №6 only knows how to love. And what did the orchestra get involved in? On the subject - jealousy is a bad vice and I think that over time things will get worse if you do not somehow solve the problem now. It is difficult to live with a jealous person. Sometimes even impossible. Talk to him, even show him that no one owns anyone and this is not a kind of love. Don't let him cross the border so you don't regret it in time.
So ... now let me share, because I had such a relationship. I was jealous and complex, and she was holy water. She indulged me in everything, shared everything with me, and I was a psychiatrist because I was annoyed by everything I did or didn't do. From this point of view, I know that everyone will say that I am insecure, full of complexes and so on. In fact, I was really insecure - unsure that I was Number 1 for her. She was really honest with me and never lied to me (I guess), but the truth was presented in such a way that it turned out to be a spoon big for my mouth. We talked about exes, about various one-time partners, but the same as with you. I can tell you a few things for sure: He certainly does it from a wounded ego. Think about what you are insulting him with. There is something that makes him doubt you and himself. She compliments him on occasion and without occasion. Make him feel that for you he is the BEST and ONLY IN THE WORLD. This is the way to make a man want you - you have to caress his ego and self-confidence. Tell him that they are idiots, that you were small then and you didn't know that you would ever meet such an IDEAL man like him and blah blah blah ... I got the idea I hope :) I wish my ex had someone to tell her these tricks. You will see that if you do, he will not even be jealous of you, but will begin to be proud to be with you. He will be proud to be with the person for whom he is the best. This will necessarily reflect. It will change. I can write so much on this subject, I lived in the agony of your friend for almost half a year, and I did the same to my ex. Keep in mind that no matter how you look at it, what I'm telling you is a kind of manipulation. Always tell him the truth, but do it in such a way as to caress HIS MALE EGO! This is the most important thing for a man. The woman may be unassuming, even ugly, not letting him go, not being able to cook, but if he makes him feel like the greatest man in the world, this woman will be his favorite. Greetings
Yes, it will get greasy and brush his ego. A person who is confident in himself does not need such things. It's just that her type is complex and hellishly insecure. These are his problems and he should solve them himself or go to a psychoanalyst. The girl does not have to be in the role of a subordinate in this regard, she does not have to tolerate his hysteria, nor be a trash can for his mental waste. And what - all her life she will step on panics so as not to hurt his ego. Where does she stay in the whole picture, what about her personality, her ego, her calmness? What kind of stupid advice do you give № 9 and in what century do you live? !!!
From 9: Number 10, why not brush it off, what's the problem, is it below your dignity for you? There is no man with whom you can behave like a stump and tolerate you - no matter how confident and confident he is, he will beat your jester. After all, no one is perfect. My advice is for in case the girl really wants to be with this man and keep him. If he doesn't feel well following my recommendations, then don't do it or just peel his pears. This is the easiest thing to do, and she seems to have gone there anyway. We are trying to save what is left. Not every tree blows a whistle. Everyone has their complexes and insecurities, and you are number 10, don't you have them? Or we take them on a par with the man and try to get the best out of them or the road, the bag and ... Obviously the boy in the story needs to feel special for her ... who doesn't want to? !! To find a man who is not in seventh heaven, that his wife considers him the best in the world, is to see him, I will not believe him. Naturally, the brushing should be reciprocal. The question is who should take the first step. I think that it is rather the woman to whom our society imposes stereotypes to ignite tenderness in the relationship. And here to all the emancipated and feminized girls who will jump against what I have written in the above line, I will say - and imagine that it was not so.
The author: There is a lot of truth in what was written by number 9. I've always wondered why he does that. He is a nice and liked man. He is smart. Lately things have calmed down (to knock on wood :)) or at least he doesn't say and do anything in front of me. Apparently you really need to "scratch" the man's self-confidence for a while so that your life can be peaceful. Isn't that true with us women? !!
My husband and I first agreed on the old relationships so far, and that's it. Sometimes talking helps. and something else to the author that you lie to him as the result is the same in the end again a scandal
From number 9: You both need to feel confident in your relationship and feel good in a relationship. This is a prerequisite for the success of a relationship. And what more pleasant way to achieve it, than mutual compliments. Brushing is a big deal - believe me! I will not forget a girl ... we were boyfriends 8-9 years ago and lasted several months, and I still remember her today. This girl admired such super little things in me, what I did or said or ... abe super insignificant at first glance. This girl made me feel like Superman. Super pride and super love for her. That was her secret - I soon realized it. Maybe she did it without realizing what she was doing. She was brushing my ego. And I felt confident. Of course, that made me treat her the same way. We were just young, we made mistakes and that's why we broke up, but otherwise another woman hasn't made me feel that way so far. And about the ideas of number 10 and others who think like her - if you can not find something to praise your partner, if you do not find anything nice and remarkable in him, if you are so arrogant that it is below your dignity to show your love ... so what are you wasting your time with this man for? !! Good luck to all.
Ahh .. and something else to add. There is no man who is not jealous. There are just women who know how to treat their husbands so that they can keep the devil under control. The easiest way I have described above. This is at least what would make me happy and confident. And I would do my best for the person who makes me feel that way. I hope my advice is useful to someone.
I'm with a person like that and it's not easy, but it calms down over time. You made the mistake of sharing about exes - it's not easy !!! Women should never talk about exes, and on top of everything you said that you cheated - now he rightly looks around, once you have done it - you will do it again !!! I advise you to NEVER LIE TO HIM. Store all the things on your computer on external media and hide them in a box, you can watch them in 20 years. Don't provoke him in any way ... In time he will learn to trust you. My man is terrible, but little by little I tamed him. It is true for me that as a young man he went with bound babes and witnessed how they mocked their friends - now he is afraid of becoming a victim of a guy like himself! Stop telling him about male friends - who said what and where you were. .. that's better. In years to come, he will calm down, but the condition is that you never lie to him!
I also have a similar problem and I don't know what to do ... I have no right to pour with acquaintances or friends! I feel guilty that I constantly have to ask my boyfriend for permission to go out with girlfriends, and if by chance these girlfriends have brought acquaintances or their boyfriends and acquaintances, it becomes scary! He immediately starts thinking that they don't like him and want to match me with someone else !!! For me, this behavior is not normal and is the result of low self-esteem, self-love and an unrealistic idea of the partner and life! Love is a supreme form of doom to each other, but not to PAINFUL OBSESSION AND MANIA! I'M SORRY, BUT SUCH CONNECTIONS END EARLY OR LATE AND IT'S NOT WITH A HAPPY END! I'M ALREADY TIRED AND EVEN STARTED LOOKING LIKE MY PARTNER, WHICH IS AWFUL! I DON'T WANT TO LIVE SO MORE! LOVE IS NOT EQUAL TO SICK JEALOUSY! TAKE IT!
Honey, you have a huge and very serious problem. Jealousy is a terrible, severe and almost incurable mental illness. You described a typical story. Yes, the man is wonderful. He is ready for anything for you, he wants the best for you. He wants ... He wants you to conform to his distorted notions of human relationships. And he will ask you for more and more absurd things and he will never be satisfied with whatever you do. Just because that's his disease. And it will ruin you, for sure. It's like alcoholism. It starts innocently, looks innocent, deepens and ... you know the consequences. And jealousy is a much more serious mental disorder than alcoholism. The problem comes from the fact that you are already in love with this man. And he feels attached to you. And he starts ... to be jealous. Find the strength to get him out of your life. Be sure to talk about it, talk to women, who have jealous spouses. You will hear a story just like yours and its sequel. How none of them dealt with this seemingly small problem, the jealousy of her husband. Let them tell you how awful they feel, how sorry they are that they didn't get rid of it in the beginning. And yes, I'm a man, I'm not jealous and I'm not jealous :) But I repeat people who have suffered badly from this supposedly innocent ... jealousy. Get away from this man ... while you still can. YD
I will tell you two things: 1. The small problems before marriage turn out to be a HUGE problem afterwards. I'll give you an example situation - she didn't sleep all night because of the baby; all day cleaning, cooking, breastfeeding, squeezing, getting on the monkey, he comes back and starts questioning ... 2. Never tell everything. This is detrimental to any relationship. He may want to know, but no man needs to know. That's what your mother, friends, diary, websites are for. Finally, I don't think this is your husband. Whatever he tells you, no matter how much you love yourself (love makes a lot of jokes). Giving reports, explanations, making up, just to get around the next summary, does not lead to anything good. Cool, decent, smart, confident, but not for you. Act forward. Relationships should be constructive, not explanatory, if you understand me. The other, also important, is inviolability. If he respects you, he will respect her. You are a separate, independent person who is even criminally protected from entering his personal territory. You are you, not an appendage of anyone. Finally, in order not to sound so pessimistic, I think you should tell him that you are heavy, tormented and that there is a problem and go to a psychologist. If he doesn't want to, draw your own conclusions and move forward. At least you know what you're doing.
Well done to number 18 !!! I'm in the same situation and I can't do anything anymore, absolutely nothing ... I started going crazy, I can't sleep, I can't breathe, I can't do my job well, I can't be happy ... This is not are the signs of happy love! Jealousy is detrimental to love and kills it, sooner or later. This feeling is incurable, and will never be cured! Sick thoughts of possession are not a sign of anything good! A person who claims to love you in a state of savage rage cannot insult you, God forbid he physically abuses you, makes you feel like a prisoner, oppresses you, crushes you and accuses you of everything that is in his sick imagination. I am with such a person next to me, we are not married, but I think we will not get married, because it will not bring happiness to me or him. Such achora should be treated, but no man would admit that he was ill, even if he admits he would never go to a psychologist. After this relationship, I definitely need therapy and understanding ... I love him so much, but he will never understand it - never !!!! :( I came to terms with the fact that at 31 I will die alone and I will not have the love for which I have always dreamed, nor the child I would like to give birth to and raise .. I'm just dead inside ... Dead ... here it can to bring people's jealousy, pain, pain and only pain ... I don't know if I've been useful to anyone, I hope each of you finds the way to happiness, I can't walk anymore ... I just fall and end my dreams. ... .. I love him so much, but he will never understand it- never !!!! :( I came to terms with the fact that at 31 I will die alone and I will not have the love I have always dreamed of, nor the child I would like to give birth to and raise .. I am just dead inside ... Dead ... here it is to bring people's jealousy, pain, pain and only pain ... I don't know if I've been useful to anyone, I hope each of you finds the way to happiness, I can't walk anymore ... I just fall and end my dreams. ... .. I love him so much, but he will never understand it- never !!!! :( I came to terms with the fact that at 31 I will die alone and I will not have the love for which I have always dreamed, nor the child I would like to give birth to and raise .. I'm just dead inside ... Dead ... here it can to bring people's jealousy, pain, pain and only pain ... I don't know if I've been useful to anyone, I hope each of you finds the way to happiness, I can't walk anymore ... I just fall and end my dreams. ...
Hello author, how are you? An ex-jealousy is writing to you. When I was 17-18, I started a relationship with an older man. I was an exact copy of your friend - painful jealousy, digging, accusations, he served accordingly, which accordingly took me out of my skin. I tried very hard to believe him - but I couldn't. I couldn't even explain why. I despised myself for my behavior, I was just wondering how I came out so paranoid? And so for about 5 years. I learned to hide my suspicions about him, but they remained. After parting with this man, I had other relationships - some short, some serious. Strange, but I wasn't jealous in that sick way. For a long time I couldn't explain why this happened in my first relationship. But I recently explained it to myself. The gentleman in question contacted me. Within 15 minutes of chat, he tried to manipulate me in 5-6 ways. Instinctively, I began to feel the same sense of doubt in him and in what he was saying. He didn't seem to say anything special, but the red light in my head came on and refused to go out. I tended to question each of his givens. Then I realized what a great manipulator this man was and how blind I was to his manipulations. It struck me like thunder. He somehow managed to convince me that it was all my fault, that I was jealous. But the facts speak for themselves - I have not transferred this model of jealousy to any of my subsequent relationships. This man had a very great talent - he managed to get the worst of people. This applies to the speeches of everyone with whom he communicates. You know the way kids strain their parents' nerves to see how far they can go? Well, he mastered it to perfection. While we were together, I openly despised myself for what I had become (jealous, involuntary, with a lack of ambition, crushed by life, suspicious, rejected). Otherwise, for our entire relationship, I didn't catch him cheating on me or accusing me of anything in particular. But I knew all along that something was wrong. Years later, I realized that I was right in some of my other suspicions about him. I do not want to say that you necessarily cause the problem of jealousy. But if he is really jealous only of you and has not been jealous in his previous serious relationships - well, something you do not fit as a couple, no matter that in all other respects you are excellent. I wish you success, author, and to solve your problem. Otherwise, for our entire relationship, I didn't catch him cheating on me or accusing me of anything in particular. But I knew all along that something was wrong. Years later, I realized that I was right in some of my other suspicions about him. I do not want to say that you necessarily cause the problem of jealousy. But if he is really jealous only of you and has not been jealous in his previous serious relationships - well, something you do not fit as a couple, no matter that in all other respects you are excellent. I wish you success, author, and to solve your problem. Otherwise, for our entire relationship, I didn't catch him cheating on me or accusing me of anything in particular. But I knew all along that something was wrong. Years later, I realized that I was right in some of my other suspicions about him. I do not want to say that you necessarily cause the problem of jealousy. But if he is really jealous only of you and has not been jealous in his previous serious relationships - well, something you do not fit as a couple, nothing that in all other respects you are excellent. I wish you success, author, and to solve your problem. But if he is really jealous only of you and has not been jealous in his previous serious relationships - well, something you do not fit as a couple, no matter that in all other respects you are excellent. I wish you success, author, and to solve your problem. But if he is really jealous only of you and has not been jealous in his previous serious relationships - well, something you do not fit as a couple, no matter that in all other respects you are excellent. I wish you success, author, and to solve your problem.
To be jealous of a man who I DON'T like and who is disgusting and indifferent to me, and annoys me with his presence, generally a man who has no chance, a man who I DON'T like - is irritating and hellishly annoying, very annoying. But a man I like if he's jealous of me isn't bad. But within normal limits. However, trust is very important. And if you have a relationship, trust comes first. And jealousy should have it to a small extent, enough to prove to you his love and that he cares for you.
To the author, can you share what happened though. I know it's been a long time since then, but still ... I'm in the same situation, only it became unbearable and accompanied by constant mental harassment, some outbursts of rage and threats against me and against myself to commit suicide. I don't know how to get out of this hell.
For those who are still hesitant about what to do, I would advise to look for information annually how many women killed by their husbands are in BG. In 100% of cases, the reason is jealousy.