Hello, I am writing here for the first time hoping to hear your comments and opinions. The problem is this: My boyfriend and I have been living as a family for 5 years. Two years ago I caught him in adultery and since then my trust in him is gone. Lately, things have been normal, he comes home from work on time, we go out together, we have regular sex and hop last night surprise. Shortly before he came home from work, he told me he would be late because you had a job. I asked what the job was, he said he couldn't explain it to me now. So far so good, but he got up around 10 o'clock, I called him, picked him up after the 10th call and told me that he was traveling, but he would stop by a friend that he was on his way. Okay again, but it's 1 o'clock, I still call all three of his phones, but I guess he doesn't pick up and so on for 2 hours. He came home at 04, it smelled of alcohol. I raised a great scandal and demanded an explanation for his inappropriate behavior. I did not receive an answer, lay down and fell asleep. I don't know what to think or how to react, but the first thing that comes to mind is that the story of infidelity is repeated. I really don't know what to do.
Answers 20
Excuse me, I don't want to sound frivolous, because infidelity is a terrible thing that I don't wish on anyone, but recently a show "Caught in Infidelity" started. There we see people swearing in love, cheating on their halves. I think you can turn to this show to get rid of your doubts. If you don't want so much publicity, I conclude from this show that detectives are something we need, as long as we can afford them. And I'm terribly jealous, watching for no reason yet, but I still warned my friend jokingly, be careful what and where he does, because I can let him investigate in this show. At the risk of sounding frivolous, I want to apologize to you for perhaps my unnecessary comment. I want to wish you all the best and most of all to get rid of your doubts as soon as possible, because I know from experience that doubts lead to wasting our nerves on the wrong people thinking of them as the right person. Success!
Thank you for the comment. I found it a little funny because a few days ago we were watching "Caught in Infidelity" together and I told him that when he started running on my flank again I would give it to the detectives of the show to investigate. I don't really know if I'm right to have these doubts, but once it has happened, it's quite difficult to ignore such behavior. But I am convinced of one thing, there is no hidden cover, sooner or later the truth will come to you. Although I may be quite jealous, I am also quite patient. However, if my doubts are justified, "END" follows. One time I tried to forgive, but a second "NO".
I think you made a mistake when you forgave the infidelity, because you know that once the vengeance has done it, he will try again. So my advice is to step on your stubbornness and drop it. Or it makes him want to feel how it hurts when someone close betrays you! HEAD UP AND SUCCESS!
You must be able to talk and find answers to each other .. otherwise there is no connection between you :) Good luck!
It's best to pay the mutts to beat him up, I did! With two broken legs, don't even think of sinning!
But that nonsense. My ex-husband cheated on me, I suffered and we finally divorced. Then I met another, and another, and they all shouted. Men are educated, intelligent, and I think I am too. In the end, I suffered so much that when I quarreled with the last one - we have been living together for 3 years, I went back to my home and started lying to three of them at once ... It's good that my children don't feel, they are big, but they are still stupid . So I'm thinking in my old age to start taking money, so far I've been free ...
Ha ha I liked number 5 not that I will do it but I think they deserve it. See my opinion is that he did not cheat on you for the evening you say I think he needed a little loneliness friends and alcohol. As for the previous infidelity, if he did it, then he will repeat it, not that he just likes men, they are like that. So live and you in the way you want do not comply with it, you will see that then you will be a mystery to him, I'm sure. HEAD UP AND DON'T THINK WHAT HE HAS DONE OR WHAT HE WOULD HAVE DONE TRUST YOURSELF !!
Thanks to everyone who answered me. For now, I'm not doing anything, I'm not calling him on the phone, I don't want to talk. These days it happens that when I come home from work, he has gone to work and we do not see each other at home, but last night he did not go home and stayed to sleep with his grandmother / she called me and told me /. now that we've had such quarrels, I've always looked for a way to contact him, but this time I sat down stubbornly and kept quiet "like a fish." I don't know what will happen, but I think I'll wait and during that time to sort out my thoughts and feelings, because I'm broken.
Number 7 I like your advice. I've never thought of doing that, but it sounds pretty reasonable. I already have a marriage behind me and a 12-year-old child. Then the problem was not infidelity, but alcohol and mosquitoes. We have been together with the current handsome man for 5 years and the problem is different, namely infidelity and lies. Thank God I live in my own apartment, which I managed to buy and still pay with thousands of hardships, but at least I'm at home and I no longer have to pack and harass my child. I am 35 years old, I have a good job and 2-3 girlfriends, but real ones who always run when they have to listen to me, to help her with what she can do. Well, it's good that we're women, I don't know. I will write about developments and thank you again for your advice. So at least I know that other people are sympathetic to my story and you all support me.
And I don't think he was with a woman - he must have had a problem and he didn't want to go home but unload in his own way. And for the infidelity I saw one thing - even though I am a woman and that I will be sick to know that they are cheating on me, the best option would be for you and you to find your entertainment. She thought to herself that I guess you're tired of being alone with him, too, but morality doesn't allow you to take a step aside. Men think differently from us women and are a hundred times better. Why? I respect a man who looks after his family and it does not suffer from his extramarital affair. He needs something different, but he doesn't put feelings into such a relationship - he just satisfies his animal instinct. And we are the fools where we get married and we think that when he told us "I miss you" he will abandon his family and come to us. So, he may really love you, but he can only cheat on you physically, which is not real cheating. the bad thing is when he starts cheating on you spiritually. It may sound strange, but these are the facts, although I will suffer if they happen to break.
In my opinion, the man needed a few friends, alcohol, raenoobraeie ... everyone needs it. I don't want to justify it, but what if he let go a little. Do the same and you will feel better. Oh, my God, I don't know, but I really can't trust him anymore. I think you need to show him he's losing you, so he can blame his mistakes.
I largely agree with 10 and 11, I just want to add: following someone is unworthy, and most importantly useless. Whether with a TV show, there is a touch of revenge, or through detective services. I would only do that if I was sure I would get a divorce after that and I need a certificate of infidelity. But if you are confident in your heart, it is ugly to follow a person you love. If the situation is unbearable, just split up.
I am a man - I want to tell all women that there is no man who is handsome, intelligent and erudite, more or less successful, has money in his pocket and does not break. This is simply absurd. But that doesn't mean he doesn't love his partner. Men do it just for sports - a momentary pleasure. Nowadays, temptations have become too much and it is very difficult to resist ... One, two, three - yes, but when they are everyday, it is excluded. But this does not mean that the man has stopped loving his partner .. It is natural that he will lie to the woman because he does not want to hurt her, because he loves her ... See love is not just sex, how much sex do you do - 2-3 times a week for 5-10 minutes ... Well, for the rest time? Even if you make love for 3-4 hours every day, there are still 20 hours a day ... Then what? So love is a combination of many things, it's not just sex ...
Number 13 thank you for the advice. It seems reasonable to me what you wrote to me. I know that I can break and love the person next to me at the same time, but since I've already caught him once and somehow, it's not good to tell you. Let's break it, but I don't understand it from, say, our mutual friends. When I only guess, it's one thing, but when the facts speak for themselves, it's completely different. There are times when I'm sorry we didn't break up then, because no matter how much I think I've forgiven, there comes a time when, on the slightest occasion, I think the story repeats itself. I'm not looking for fault, I'm just looking for a solution to my case. Before this relationship, I had another that was based on, say, speech only on sexual grounds. Neither I grumbled, nor did he. We were fine. We saw each other regularly, we talked, we weren't bored with each other, but ... oooo we lacked love. Now there is love but there is jealousy. I no longer know which is better, if there was and trust would be perfect, but once lost I realized that he is not coming back. Too bad.
My advice to all women .. - CRUSH AND DON'T BE AFRAID ..and when the time comes for an excuse, say "I do it in a masculine way, but otherwise I love you;)" Number5 is a little rough and ..but it's obviously effective. .so if we all do so will there be healthy men: D This is number 14 trust is very difficult to return ... which is sad ..but it is better to have love ..as I say "a drop of happiness + 2unhappiness = love a drop of unhappiness + 2happiness = unhappy love "I think so I don't know :) And I'm very jealous .. but recently I admit this by cheating on something .. enriching the relationship not because I practice it, but because this is the only way to accept it for normal :)
Admittedly, I haven't read bigger nonsense than the ones here! Two people who are close to feel like that - they must be able to rely on each other! But nonsense, he cheated on me and I will do it. Well do it. What if you fall in love with the other, then what? And this other one cheated on you again - will you collect a series of trophies because someone has decided to treat you badly.
Catch it! Mandatory! If he was with a woman he will continue and you will always wonder if he was or not. You have to be sure, right. Then you decide for yourself how to act, or ask for advice. But you have to be sure because your reputation suffers. He will never admit to being convinced! Grab it and then share how you did it. Many people will be grateful to you! However, in order to cheat on him, you need to know exactly why you are doing it, otherwise you will be tormented by the thought that maybe he doesn't deserve it. Success!
I think this has become a habit. It is best to show him the door if you do not want to suffer anymore. I tell you from experience I have gained over the years and I have forgiven like you, which I really regret. No man deserves a third chance, not even the second one is needed.
There is no ex-thief or ex-prostitute .... This should be like an earring on your ear! Of course, there may be nothing in this case, it is normal that once you have lost trust in someone, it never comes back .... and every word and action is questioned. Make him explain to you , you will find out for yourself whether he is lying to you or not. And isn't it possible that he was really late for work and that he and his friend just had a good time :)
Hi, sorry, but I will be a little harsh and very short, 5 years is not a small amount, if you are one of the people who could not stand infidelity (I am also one of them) just end this relationship, no matter how painful, because if you do not trust, this relationship is doomed and realize how you will live in the future ... Good luck :)