Life Is A Strange Thing!

I will not share any life drama or tragedy of my life ... I like the site, I have been reading people's stories for a long time, some are very funny, others seem very close to my life ... I decided to share my story because there are interesting people on the site, I would like to see how they would comment on all this. I am 23 years old, no tragedies have happened in my life. I was a normal teenager, I did a lot of nonsense - I ran away from home (once), I annoyed my parents, I didn't observe evening hours, I ran away from school ... I don't think I did anything so wrong or unfamiliar to a teenager. My idea to write on the site came from the fact that a person's life can change many times, sometimes we can control what is happening around us, sometimes we can't. I personally have a slightly more unstable psyche, I have often been influenced by insignificant things and I cannot stop thinking about the things I have influenced, how they would have developed, what my life would have been like if I had done this or if I had not done that. I can't say that I'm very beautiful, but I think I'm pretty enough, and that I can think with my head (this naturally came with experience, and I will continue to experience things that I hope will make me wiser). I've had a lot of boyfriends as a child (I'm not very big, but it's yet to be seen why I say that), so I have an idea of ​​what it means to like you. The first boy, G., whom I liked was a dream boy ... blue eyes, dark hair, he looked at me very shyly. I couldn't understand what happened ... First, he saw me, he was flirting, I was new to the neighborhood, I felt flattered, I started looking at him, my friends and I were walking around his house when I saw him and ... literally butterflies fluttered in my stomach. So little by little I fell in love, and he, on the other hand, stopped looking at me, wondering where I was going and so on ... I always carry this boy in my heart, probably now if I lead him I will feel dizzy. But time passed, I saw that nothing was happening, I was too shy to do anything, and so it all went. I started looking at other boys, I found a boyfriend from my class - G. (he kissed me for the first time), not that I liked him very much, but I was somehow interesting, I was curious, and the boy was cute. But some time passed and the girls in my class were jealous and maybe they said something to the teachers. One day G. told me that he didn't want us to be together anymore because it hindered his learning, how come I don't know, since we only saw each other at school. But I accepted, it was not my great love to tremble with grief. In the following weeks, B. also from my class started teasing me, and so shortly after that I went with him. Nothing special, some other kid's kiss and that's it. It was very cute, but things passed, in fact I don't even know why we stopped seeing each other, it just happened. I had a friend in the neighborhood, I liked this boy very much, we went out together, we played, he was very polite. I didn't pay much attention to him as a boy, we were friends and that's it. One night we both went home, we were in the same direction, and we talked on the way home and he asked me if I liked him, if I wanted to be his boyfriend. . I was a little startled, we were friends, I didn't want to confuse everything and I told him that it would be better to stay just friends and he said - good. Yes but no. Then nothing was the same. At one point I began to regret not accepting, because both I began to look at him, already differently, and we were not the same friends, he walked away. I didn't do anything, I didn't tell him anything and my life went on. There were a lot of guys afterwards, with whom I was a boyfriend and with whom I wasn't, I'm just in love, I was looking for a thrill. At one time, there were so many boys that I felt dirty, so many boys were kissing me, teasing me ... I hadn't slept with anyone, I specify, so that there would be no comments. I had just started to impress the boys more and I was happy to be liked, to be wanted. I didn't get to the end with anyone. Some time passed, I calmed down, I met S. He was very nice, with blue eyes, blond hair, like an angel ... Only he was smoking weed ... I was misled, not that someone was pressing me, I was interested, I tried several times. After I couldn't stand it once, I was so drunk that I said to myself, it's not me and I won't do it again and I stopped. I was still with S. He was very sweet, shy, the only problem was the weed, not that he smoked much but still. He was maybe 5-6 years older than me and naturally wanted sex. I refused for a while, and I don't know why, I wasn't afraid or I wanted to stay a virgin for the rest of my life ... He didn't insist much, but one day he asked me if I wanted to, and I said well ... We went to them, I was worried, but also interesting, it was bright outside and I saw it, it was very beautiful ... I can't say that it was a dream for the first time, but it wasn't bad either. A few weeks later, I just stopped calling him, I don't know why, just like that. I know what a bitch I was, because he wasn't one of those people who slept with a younger girl and left, no ... He kept asking about me, waiting for me sometimes after school, but I just lost interest. In principle, it happens that the boy dumps you after taking advantage of you, and with us the opposite, and I really liked him, but ... Then it came back to me ... I met H. through general acquaintances, we left and I sank, and I saw that he too, but we had problems in bed, we just couldn't do it. I will not go into detailed, I will just say that he is tired of this situation and many times he dumps me for other girls, many times I prayed and he came back to me for a while ... One day, we were just going again, he texted a friend, that she doesn't want us to be together and for her to tell me. H. and his friend were just going out when she came and told me. At first I was very sick, again ..., but then he told me that I was tired of all this and we went out. I saw him, looking like a frightened calf with its big brown eyes. I found it funny how I prayed and cried for days ... He couldn't believe how I didn't pray to him again, and I behaved with such dignity, as if he hadn't done anything to me, as if I hadn't been tossing and turning his ... Time passed, I saw him sometimes again, but I hated him so much already, I didn't want to remember that I loved him so much. After him there were others, some were very good people, of course I didn't treat some of them very well, it's always like that ... isn't it ... Some time passed and I met D ...! I didn't particularly like him, nor did he like me, we just went out like that, it was more like ... um ... I like you, but you annoy me ... and that's how we went for a joke ... Many people tried to separate us, he was very nice, everyone liked him ... but they didn't succeed. We went through a lot of things separated because of university, we fought over stupid gossip, but to this day it's been 7 years since we've been together, and we haven't parted for a day. We were arguing, shouting, shouting, angry, but ... I'm still waiting for him to come home from work because he's hungry and I've cooked him goodies ... You may find it funny, embarrassing or I don't know stupid ..., I've been bored, sometimes I get tired of being alone with him, sometimes I think of someone else ... because the thrill hasn't been the same for a long time, ... but he's the only one, I don't think I'll betray him someday, I don't swear so as not to provoke fate, but ... I don't think it's worth losing the most precious person in the world because of a thrill ... I tell everyone,