About a year ago we broke up with a man with whom we knew from the beginning that this could not be a more serious relationship - different countries, and we both suffered from such international relations and do not believe in the overall concept of long-distance relations. . But for those 2-3 months in which I met him, I realized that he is an absolute ideal of mine - and on an intellectual level, and creatively, and communicatively, and purely human and masculine. We don't keep in touch with him, nor have I tried to contact him, nor does he, I don't know if the whole story affects him in a similar way, but I honestly doubt it. I'm looking for someone who is at least half like him, I go on dates, but it just doesn't work out, no one can even compare to him. And I don't know where to go anymore and what to do, just resign myself, that no one will ever be better than him and start a relationship? Loneliness is already beginning to weigh on me, but I also don't want to be that grassgriner who always looks everywhere but at the person he has a relationship with. Does this empty emotionality towards these realized ideals, with which for some reason we have diverged, ever disappear at all? Or do most of us always look back and remember them, coming to terms with life and the current people in it?
Answers 6
You shouldn't think so much about the past. But you make a huge mistake by comparing the current men you date your ex in question. It is also wrong to think that he is "perfect" They say love is blind, obviously you are really attached to him and you do not see his shortcomings. It is extremely unpleasant in such situations. But trust me, you will meet another man who will be yours. There is no such thing as "meeting the right people at the wrong time." Once the right people come at the right time, it is destiny. Yours has already been written, and since it didn't work out with this man, it's not perfect, it's not yours. Yours hasn't found you yet. You don't have to suffer for men who haven't appreciated you, darling. If he had the desire he would look for you believe me, even with the stupidest excuses, even just asking how you are, even with an apology for confusing the person to whom it is written. If he hasn't looked for you, forget it. Don't grieve for the past. I live now, for the moment, for the present and the future. And when you meet someone, believe me, you will be glad that you broke up with this ideal person.
Classics. Idealize something. Then compare reality with ideals. Depress that nothing can really reach the ideal. Neither the one in question knew how "ideal" he is, nor the ones where you compare them in it, but the important thing is to have comparisons and to want to the end without knowing why you want in the end. That joke with the shops for "halves" was not invented by chance ...
I'll tell you a story, I think it will be at least a little useful. Years ago, I met a man from another city. He is my real ideal for more things than I can list here. Things between us were doomed from the beginning. We fit together like two pieces of a puzzle, we experienced unimaginable feelings, but there were so many external factors that told us that we had no common future. We stole dates, we were children, and we grew up with this love that lasted for years. We had the mind to know that as we grow we will change ... we had the mind to know that our goals are very different and our paths will diverge. That's what happened. The relationship ended almost peacefully and meekly. Over the years we have stopped communicating many times, but suddenly we met by chance. Not only live, but also online. In fact, it's a very crazy story and I find it hard to believe it happened. I'm with another person today. My first love is somewhere ... or it is within a radius of 10 km from me (same city), or it is at least 1000 km (another country). We lost touch shortly before we clarified these issues for our future. Sometimes I think of him, quite nostalgically. Sometimes I want to exchange a few stories because we talked in a very special way and understood each other perfectly without many words. I believe that to this day we would help each other in need. I believe that sometimes he thinks of me too. I believe that the story is long over and I do not want to repeat it now or in years to come. Around him I learned to accept people, love, opinion and help. I forgot the word ideal and erased all stereotypes from my mind. It's an illusion, sometimes you love and are so in love, that the bad in the other half attracts you, but does not last forever, there are differences and scandals. I advise you to continue your life and not to force yourself for anything. Your heart will know when it is ready to fall in love again. Then there will be no ideal against you, but a very ordinary person who also likes and desires you. And your relationship will be much more real, because you will see him, not what you want him to be. It will not be framed by your imagination. He will not fit your stereotypical criteria, you will see him real and you will love him so much for that. You will not go back. You've been through half a story, and because you didn't get to the worst of it, you feel that awful way now. You think about the possibility that everything is beautiful, that there are no ugly scenes, that there are no impossible problems, that there are no disagreements and bad words. I know what it is. Maybe I have the mind to realize that my ideal was not perfect and there was a stretch between us. Love is a little naughty, you know, but that's its charm. Let the past sleep peacefully and I promise you that one day you will meet a person who will not be your ideal, but will give you everything you wanted and you will love him more than you now think possible. Distance is a bitch, it makes us dream and it takes us out of reality. Everyone can seem wonderful online, on the phone and with rare meetings, everyone can present themselves in their best light from a distance. You don't need an illusion, you don't need an ideal, and I don't believe that ideals really exist. Let the past sleep peacefully and I promise you that one day you will meet a person who will not be your ideal, but will give you everything you wanted and you will love him more than now seems possible. Distance is a bitch, it makes us dream and it takes us out of reality. Everyone can seem wonderful online, on the phone and with rare meetings, everyone can present themselves in their best light from a distance. You don't need an illusion, you don't need an ideal, and I don't believe that ideals really exist. Let the past sleep peacefully and I promise you that one day you will meet a person who will not be your ideal, but will give you everything you wanted and you will love him more than now seems possible. Distance is a bitch, it makes us dream and it takes us out of reality. Everyone can seem wonderful online, on the phone and with rare meetings, everyone can present themselves in their best light from a distance. You don't need an illusion, you don't need an ideal, and I don't believe that ideals really exist. everyone can present themselves in their best light from a distance. You don't need an illusion, you don't need an ideal, and I don't believe that ideals really exist. everyone can present themselves in their best light from a distance. You don't need an illusion, you don't need an ideal, and I don't believe that ideals really exist.
Quite a familiar story. The pain does not go away, it only weakens little by little, but the thrill of unrequited love always remains. Especially when you're left alone and something keeps telling you - did I do my best to keep that? Does he think of me as I think of him - every day of God? This is purely emotional, however. Then it's time for the mind to intervene and start asking other questions: in 2-3 months it is impossible to get to know someone well enough and he becomes an ideal precisely because you have seen only the good things of his character. Everyone has flaws. Absolutely everyone. Imagine an everyday life with this person - cleaning, cooking, washing. Dirty socks on the floor. Plates in the sink for 1 week. Toxic air in the toilet after he came out. Arguments about money. Here is the problem with these unexperienced relationships - that everything remains in the realm of fantasy and it is very likely that the moment the relationship becomes a daily routine, all the amazing qualities of this person to fly through the terrace. That's just the way human beings are.
In my opinion, you should neither reconcile nor seek, but simply live your life, learning to live (I know it is difficult) in solitude ... and one day you can naturally meet a person who will help you. fits ... maybe not. In some respects, reason and feelings are equally important. In your relationship, the mind has subdued the feelings (and rightly so), but you cannot make relationships in which the feelings are absent or hoping to appear ... Everything is very mysterious, but instead of looking into the future, more it is good, in my opinion, to focus on the present, to live as fully as possible and to give others love and good. Do not regret anything.
No real person can compare with the idealized image of a person you didn't know at all ... Little did you really learn to love real people, with their shortcomings ...