Hello, I have been in love with my best friend for 4 years, and I have loved him for more than 3 years. During these 4 years we both had relationships, he was in love, I not so much. I recently ended a pretty serious relationship, almost an engagement, but I refused because I love another man (4 months ago, to be exact). My best friend and I have always had a very strong relationship, we finish our sentences, the same style of dress, the same interests, the same sense of humor, only the professions are not the same, but we have always understood each other a lot and we have fought 1-2 times, and for my then friend, that he was not for me and that I should not give him such freedom that he did not respect me and deserve all kinds of them. Ever since I broke up with my boyfriend, the person in question has increased his contacts with me, we are together every day, we plan our days in relation to the other, he is kinder than ever and definitely confuses me. There are a few problems I don't share my feelings with: 1) I'm not his type outwardly. He likes tall and thin girls, preferably with blond hair. I'm short, I'm not very thin and I have pretty dark hair. The bad thing is that he compliments me on my appearance, said I look, quotes: "wonderful". Some time ago he had put me in his list of the most beautiful girls he had ever seen. He doesn't compliment in principle, but he can do it because I'm his friend, I know. I note that I have self-confidence, I do not ask for compliments and I do not grumble about my appearance. The compliments were said like this, over a beer in the park, when I'm without makeup and in a suit. 2) The other thing that confuses me is that until some time ago he was confused about a girl and we talked a lot about it, but in the end we haven't discussed it at all for almost a month. When I ask, the answer is that he seems to have suggested that he was in love with her and probably not. 3) Suddenly he changed his mind that it is important to have attraction, not appearance or type. Years ago, he was 100% sure he wouldn't cheat on his character, just convinced he wouldn't look at a woman like me, almost. He told me tactfully. (He is very delicate and tactful, he is not a very direct person, so I am also confused) 4) It also confuses me that when we visit his parents, they are much kinder to me. It's like I'm more special, and they weren't like that before, definitely. We soon talked and he asked me (very delicately, of course) if I had sex with another man since I broke up with my ex. I am and I confessed to him. He laughed, played a few tricks, and that's it. Since then we only write to each other and not every day and we hear each other on the phone from time to time. I don't know if he has a relationship, I can suggest, he reacts very calmly and cheerfully when I told him, although I know that he is good at hiding emotions. I know for sure that he had no feelings for me before, but if a year ago I was 100% sure of this fact, I am now 70%. It seems different, confused and much more cheerful than usual. I'm not in love, I'm not in love, so for me he is really very special. Ever since I met him, looking him in the eye and it was as if time was slowing down, which I didn't know was really happening, I thought. that is only an added effect in romantic movies. It was weird because I didn't even find it attractive, on the contrary. Strange feeling, that's what people call "chemistry". I will be happy to read such stories and how you proceeded, and also, I will be grateful for advice from more experienced than me, I am only 24, life is ahead of me and I am a little disoriented. To the question: Is it worth ruining your friendship with him by sharing your feelings with him? Do I confuse friendship with interest in me? Thank you, good people, you are my only hope, none of my friends have had such a thing happen to them.
Answers 7
There may be other sympathies for you besides friendship. Does he have other girlfriends who are not his visual type for a woman? If there is, even one - then it is one of the few men who are able to have a real friendship with a woman without liking her sexually. If it's not just you, then it's like most men, and there are other sympathies for you, because a man does not maintain a relationship with a woman who does not like even a little visually. Men told me that. They always think they have a chance to have sex with a woman, even if she's not their type, but she's not ugly, of course. And whether the friendship will suffer depends. I have acquaintances who consider themselves so-called privileged friends and they communicate as friends, but have sex sometimes, they are both okay, but my husband shared something ugly about it, I quote - I deserve more from her (ie. some more beautiful, some of his type). Such a statement ... is not very friendly, but he behaves well with her, he is a gentleman, they often go to the hut for sex, otherwise he is very busy with work, plus that he has high requirements and can't like himself. a woman for a long relationship, there are only short ones, but she has been having sex with her friend for a long time ... I think he's just afraid to get really engaged. Your ... if you can, go visit his parents again, watch them, only through them you will understand, ask his mother about him, she knows him best, what a boy he was, his actions towards his exes, what girlfriends he had. In fact, what does his mother look like? Many men have their mothers as an ideal, at least my observations are like that, except for a girl with a brainwashed porn, he liked redheads, green-eyed / blue-eyed, models with freckles and skin, neither his mother is like that, nor is it full in Bulgaria with such .. . and shine on dreams ... Talk to him about other women, do you have a girlfriend, even encourage him, tell him - a man like you, he should not be alone, we need to find you a girlfriend, a beautiful, tall blonde ... And watch his reaction. If he is disguised, he will make fun of him, but if you are insistent in your desire to find him a girlfriend, there are two options - to decide that you think he is a scumbag and to be ambitious, to find oneself to show you that he is not. is smotlyo, or to get tired of him and tell you that he wants you. By no means admit your feelings to him, but work on him, even sadistically, caress his ego, then push him away. If he has feelings for you, he will be even more attracted, if not - he will ask you something like - what's wrong with you, you behave strangely (as if you are sick and he is a worried friend) .... unless is a good actor, then you can outdo each other. Yet,
Listen now, boy. Take your emotions, boil them in an abandoned corner in your mind, and beat them with a bat.
Author: There are no girlfriends, except for one, who is a big man, looks more like a man, but they see each other once every 2-3 months. His mother is a normal woman. Don't get me wrong, he likes completely normal girls, even too normal ones, he just tries to have light hair and squats. I think it's because he's looking for contrast, his family is prone to gaining weight, and they all have dark hair. But he likes decent and completely normal girls, he even prefers not to overdo make-up and he definitely doesn't like, as they say, "muffins". I know everything about his ex-girlfriends, only 2 of them he met with his family, and he had 4 more serious ones. He also had only sexual relations. We had a date on Monday, which confused me a lot. He came to the movies with me and my couple of friends. Postpone all your plans, literally call a few people, so as not to leave me alone with them and ignore them all night as they wrote to him. He paid for the tickets and the popcorn, he didn't give me anything to pay. Of course, I went crazy because it's not like that in general, it never was. My boyfriend didn't treat me like he did. Eventually I confessed to him that I had had feelings for a long time and that I needed him to give me time to tighten up. He just said he would wait for me to look for him when I was ready and not worry about anything. I haven't heard him for 1 day and I miss him a lot now, I'm used to him picking me up after work and going somewhere, and now who knows how long it will take me to tighten up a bit, because things have become very serious, and according to his reaction I don't think that there is something. I couldn't help but get nervous, so I told him. I said it in his eyes, he said what he said, I shook his hand and said I got out of the car. That was it.
Let me tell you, some time ago I had a best friend and our relationship was similar to yours. Constantly together, on walks to other cities, late meetings for a cigarette just to see each other and so on. I had fun with theirs, they accepted me very well, but I was their son-in-law. All was well, but then I realized that I didn't just feel friendly about her because I was even jealous of her without wanting to. A month or so later, after realizing it, I decided to act and tell her, no matter how risky it was. Well, the feelings were not shared. There was a sentence like "Oh why so, I feel like a friend and it's not mutual, I'm sorry." Well, nothing happened, but it happened. Then we took a short break for about a week. Then nothing happened, but it's not true because I still had feelings and I knew they weren't mutual. I staged a scandal, t. said something and pretended to be affected. We hadn't written to each other in a year. She found a boyfriend, got married and has a child already. We are friends again but not as before. I'm even talking to her husband, who I don't know if he knows about this incident with us. The options are: 1. You told him, and he can not respond to these feelings and now does not know how to approach. That's why he may have covered himself. 2. And he feels something but he's not very sure of his feelings so he wants to take a break to think things through. In my opinion, if the feelings are not mutual, end this friendship, dilute the meetings. You have to move on and find your man. As long as you are best friends with this boy, this cannot happen because you have feelings for him. And I want to congratulate you for daring to confess your feelings to him, because it's a stone,
From the author: Hello, it's me again. My friend and I currently have an interesting relationship. We are much closer than before and we even had a few moments of intimacy, but without kisses, just uncharacteristic intimacy for us. I also felt that he was a little annoyed when I couldn't see him, but I also saw that he was spinning my number, like he ruled out that we had to go out, which hadn't happened before. Naturally, I told him that annoyed me, and he apologized. I will be more distant for a while. Isn't it an obstacle that I still communicate with my ex, friends? The saga continues. : D
It's been two months since the last comment, but still ... Of course it's a mistake to communicate with your ex. You say that your friend didn't like him, "they almost got engaged" and you left him because of this boy, if he is the same ex and I understood correctly, and now you are writing to him. And why? What is this ex for you? You send a lot of mixed signals and show yourself to him as a girl who doesn't know what she wants at all. If he writes to an ex, how will you feel? Think about it.
I find such statements very funny - I'm not his type. When love strikes you, he doesn't ask who he is or what type. I've always liked darker men, with dark eyes and necessarily at least 5-6 years older than me. I got married, my husband is blond, with bright eyes and only 1 year older than me. Love it. Don't be enslaved to clichés, being friends is the perfect foundation for a great love. I wish you success.