I share my story, not to complain, I'm just overwhelmed by many things and I want to share to make it easier for me. Lately, I have been thinking more and more about who gives and what in family relationships, between men and women. There is always someone dissatisfied, very often both, and when this becomes known to the other, it is too late to change. When my husband and I decided to start a family, we had known each other for about three years, I was 25 and he was 30, so we were aware of the decision and were aware of the responsibilities that marriage entails. To this day, we build and upgrade what has already been created. The wedding day is over, after a year our first happiness appeared, after two more and the second :) And here is the reason for the breakdown in our relationship, not the children, because he is a good father, the change that happened to my body ... No misunderstand me I'm not excusing myself, but I've really never been weak in the sense that most people put in, I still had those 5-6 kg on top to keep me tense. On the day of my wedding, there were at least 10 of them on top, but anyway. My first pregnancy was quite difficult, despite my attention I gained a lot, which damaged my health. I got diestasis, a separate metabolic disorder that turned out to be the cause of the pounds. And so, three years after the birth of my second child, I'm still struggling with weight, drugs, diets and sports, but slowly, very, very slowly. And about my character I will only say that I enjoy life as a small child, I greet and send my husband away with a smile and a kiss, I have never cried and I have always supported, listened to and helped the love of my life. However, those hugs and kisses began to become unwanted, in the beginning the moment was not appropriate, tired or in a hurry, then sex decreased, up to once a month, then porn appeared, attention and attitude were replaced by rudeness and disinterest. The gentle diminutives were replaced by the sonorous woman, and in an argument last night he called me a pig, so he turned to me. It is clear what is the reason why he does not want me and obviously loves me already, I do not complain about that. But I was hurt by what he said, not because he said it, but because it was true. I do my best to lose those pounds, but it doesn't work because I have a health problem that I got to have children with him. And so it hurts, it doesn't hurt the decision has been made, I will collect luggage at mom's, we will look after our children together and I don't think to take revenge through them. If he wants and when he wants to see and take them, but I will not compromise to live in sadness just because it is ours to my children, and he obviously wants his freedom to find something better than a pig. Everyone should live their lives so that they do not become uglier after the scandals and stress for the children have started.
Answers 18
Very ugly of him, you will do well. When there is no respect, there will be no respect for him.
Yeah, it sucks. Let me tell you, I think the pounds are just a pretext for you. It's just that men get tired of family commitment pretty quickly. Men do not perceive children as their mothers, only in the male sex. This is super annoying for them. Besides, you obviously married a peasant and a simpleton. I want you to know that any metabolic disorders are regulated and you can deal with hernia.
How sad! And how familiar! I cannot say or advise anything, only to express my regret and sympathy. Be healthy! Agape.
That's right, leave while it's time and there are no uglier cracks, such as slaps, fights, rude insults and swearing. As you will not be there to look for you. And I think you will lose weight because you will not be in a toxic relationship. Success!
Look, don't break your family in a word. Children need a father in every sense. Your pride is affected - I understand, but that's not the point. You will lose weight, you will return to work, things will change. In most families, sex decreases, this is normal. Do not lightly decide the fate of two children. Talk to him, tell him what affected you, what you think - what you write to us here. He's probably not a stump, nor have you caught him in adultery. Believe me, things are neither black nor white. I speak from experience and pain when I remember. Show common sense and realism !!!
There is no justification for his attitude and insult to you. I guess that love "blinded" you in the first years and that's why you didn't pay attention to the fact that he was always like that, he didn't change like that because of a few kilos on top and because of an illness. I know what I'm talking about. I had gained 13 kg. after surgery. I've never been overweight, I've played sports all my life and it was crushing for me. On top of that, I am small and even only 2 kg. on top I get up like a stuffed turkey. My husband kept telling me what a "juicy babe" I was going to "eat my ass" and the like. I don't think his desire for sex increased then, but even crushed by fatigue after a long day of work, he grabbed me for sex. Losing weight was very difficult, a nightmare for me. It cost me about a year. I wore loose clothes to hide the extra pounds and I looked even bigger. It turned out that in addition to the drugs during the operation, I also became resistant to insulin. When I found the main reason, it was easier to counteract. About a year later, one day I put on his favorite dress (I was already wearing it) and invited him to dinner. When he saw me in the restaurant, his eyes lit up and he kissed me like a savage there, like a teen. He said he would miss the "salami." Hahahahaha I know I behaved like that only because he loves me and that was his way of supporting me. Yes, dump this man of yours if he doesn't know you inside, if only the packaging excites him. Can you imagine one day taking care of him in his old age when he failed to support you for something so basic? !! You know, there are MEN out there too! I know one of them has been with me for many years and I would certainly be by his side under any circumstances. He tried to become irreplaceable for me. Someone will do the same for you. Success!
He has never loved you if changes in your body are a factor in your relationship. If there is true love, it will remain even if you are without two legs or without two arms. Your decision is correct. Leave him.
To laugh. to cry! I'm sorry darling, obviously this is a common occurrence. It's the same with me, my wife is wonderful and she climbed very little. What we men don't like is when you neglect yourself. It really works on sex and hence on everything else. But he's not right to call you that! You've obviously made up your mind. Good luck.
Unfortunately, it is not said by chance that men love with their eyes and women with their ears. Every man wants to have a beautiful woman by his side to be proud of. But it's disgusting to be called a "pig", especially since you're struggling with being overweight. He must be more patient, more understanding, yet you bore him children. Like you, I'm on the ups and downs, even though I've never been fat in the true sense of the word. When I'm in perfect shape, I see the admiration in his eyes, he says to me: Hey, babe, it's as if I brought you from Paris .... you happen .... So, whether we like it or not, we have to comply with these things. I wish you success in the fight against weight, I know from my own experience how difficult it is ...
I was very sad for you. Children, diseases and finally this ... And you are such a positive person, you can see from every line. But you know, fuck this orangutan :) You take care of yourself, try to improve your health, enjoy your children, go out with friends, love yourself and most of all - your decision is completely right. Apparently he has no respect for you, let alone love. It is more important for you to love and respect each other, and the right person will appear for you!
You got an alpha male, and that comes at a price. They are the ones with pretensions and not so suitable for compromises and family life, but they are handsome and strong men. The women soften their knees at the first conversation with them, and immediately begin to think about how to have children. It comes to marriage, and the woman dreams that "after marriage he will change," which is impossible because these so-called "flaws" are part of their nature. My advice is - if you want alpha genes for your children, YOU should adapt to its rules, not the other way around. The other option is to take a lower-ranking man, but he also comes with a package of shortcomings: other men have less respect for him, he is more boring, you yourself will not want him so much. I know alpha men personally, they are beautiful, they enjoy female attention and they would definitely not tolerate an unattractive woman next to them. You have to understand it - the fact that you have filled is a real insult to himself, as if you are telling him "you deserve so much", his subconscious perceives this as a hidden aggression towards him and accordingly responds appropriately. Alphas are very intuitive. I also know alpha women - beautiful, ambitious, and just like men - uncompromising, and the world works for them, not the other way around. That is why they are successful individuals, if not financially, then at least in the social hierarchy - and that makes them happy. The modus operandi of alphas is to survive and feel good, while other dogs eat them. Such women have told me that helping a suffering person on the street is a sign of weakness - that is, high-ranking people have no empathy. And so it must be, nature created them as such. To push evolution forward, at any cost. When you were younger and you walked, you didn't think about whether he was kind and helped the beggars on the street, did you? The thought of arousing you and taking his seed was dazzling enough, wasn't it? Alphas are never good. Live with your choice.
12 where are these alpha males in Bulgaria? Some inflated steroids I couldn't lift, seventy-five, with short, crooked legs.
Did it occur to you that he may have turned on a mistress? And why is he guilty - you must be guilty, you have gained weight. Usually not a few extra pounds are the cause of insults and lack of sex, but ANOTHER WOMAN. As for the address "pig", what can I tell you - I, being merciful, would not call my biggest enemy in this way, what is left for a person with whom I am supposed to be close.
People are very pampered. I remember my parents arguing about how they were offended, but they didn't separate. After arguing, they were angry for 2 days, then ... they hugged and reconciled. And again there were months of harmony ... And now, decades later, they hardly argue, they only get a little annoyed, sometimes as if out of boredom. I think you want to punish your husband, but that's not the way.
Drop it now! People who think on the principle "Don't abandon him, stay with him for the sake of the children, they can't do without a father" - extremely stupid thinking. I have said it a thousand times and I will tell my mother that she should have lost my father, we would have been 100 times better off without him and his insults. But she stayed with him only because of me. Better without a father than to grow up in a toxic family environment. Think about it, your child is telling you! ;) Ж19
I don't have time to read the comments. I recently became a mother and maybe I can help with advice to the Author, in the beginning I really liked it. At least try to try to look like you're a person who takes responsibility and knows what he's doing. Marriage is not easy (I have been with one man for 15 years, we have been married for 3 years), living with another person is not easy, children are not easy. I don't think your weight is the main cause of your problems. You have always been full and such has taken you. For me, the problem with you is that you have started to experience yourself as a victim in your family relationships, as a giving country, and as if your husband owes you because you think that because of "his children" you are fat. "I do my best to lose those pounds, but it's not because I have a health problem that I got to have children. "First of all, these children are for you two. You participated in their planning and chose to get married at the age of 25. Secondly, it is not your children or your husband who is to blame for your weight, but you yourself know that you were full before, and without children for 10 years you would have that you have gained those pounds, and the diagnosis they have given you is not some disease independent of you, but a consequence of your lifestyle. There's nothing to fear. I myself had and still have a weight problem. I gave birth 6 months ago. I was 85 kg. before the birth, after the birth I was 73 kg, but it was also due to dehydration. I gained up to 77-78 kg. , but I know why - I relaxed to eat jam, I wanted more milk from it, I ate bread, potatoes, chips, garbage. Neither my child nor my husband is to blame for making these choices. Before my pregnancy and for most of my pregnancy, I was on an LCHF regimen. Paleo mode. That is, I deprive myself of a maximum of simple carbohydrates - sugar - all kinds of wheat, breads, pastries - starchy like potatoes, rice - I do not consume oil and fast food, all kinds of packaged foods. I'm careful even with fruits .... I eat a lot of fat - butter, fatty meat , fish, cook with ointment and eat 2 times a day - 12 and 18 hours without snacks. I eat at will without limiting myself. I sometimes do 1-2 days with 1 meal a day, but still plenty of stomach. I eat mostly vegetables on my stomach. With this regimen I used to cure my acne and PCOS, PMS, so I managed to get pregnant and I no longer have these problems. And here - every week WITHOUT SPORT 1 kg permanently melts, only fat burns, my belly is almost as flat as before pregnancy and today I was 73 kg. WITHOUT COUNTING CALORIES AND WITHOUT HUNGER. I lived like this for 3 years, I took a break, but here I am again. In addition, I consume only organic food from the store or from the villages I deliver food depending on the season. More information about this way of life and nutrition to live to life. The only problem is that you can lose too much weight. My dinner, for example, is a huge bowl with broccoli and carrots, Brussels sprouts, I fill it with oil (to swim), salt. I eat a huge steak of 250-350 g with this garnish !!! At lunch I fry 3 eggs with spinach. I can eat 4 eggs, maybe 5 with Avocado, I even pour butter, olive oil, vegetables, salad. I do not feel any hunger and I forget to eat. Today at noon I was hungry, at dinner I forgot to eat and at one point I remembered and made this meal. Good luck and smart P.P. Don't listen to fools, who advise you to break up your family for your own complexes. Also revise your behavior - do your children noticeably have a regime to go to bed early so that you can pay attention to your husband. I taught my baby at the age of 4 months to go to bed at 7 o'clock and then my husband and I are alone and we talk, we pay attention. And with older children it is done - to go to their rooms at 7-8 o'clock and not to bother you. Many mothers neglect their husbands for the sake of their children, and the children themselves often manipulate their parents and seek to separate them. However, I do not think that your husband loves weak women - he has already taken you full. he called you a "pig" because he was a verbally retarded person or at that moment he simply could not come up with arguments against you. Also revise your behavior - do your children noticeably have a regime to go to bed early so that you can pay attention to your husband. I taught my baby at the age of 4 months to go to bed at 7 o'clock and then my husband and I are alone and we talk, we pay attention. And with older children it is done - to go to their rooms at 7-8 o'clock and not to bother you. Many mothers neglect their husbands for the sake of their children, and the children themselves often manipulate their parents and seek to separate them. However, I do not think that your husband loves weak women - he has already taken you full. he called you a "pig" because he was a verbally retarded person or at that moment he simply could not come up with arguments against you. Also revise your behavior - do your children noticeably have a regime to go to bed early so that you can pay attention to your husband. I taught my baby at the age of 4 months to go to bed at 7 o'clock and then my husband and I are alone and we talk, we pay attention. And with older children it is done - to go to their rooms at 7-8 o'clock and not to bother you. Many mothers neglect their husbands for the sake of their children, and the children themselves often manipulate their parents and seek to separate them. However, I do not think that your husband loves weak women - he has already taken you full. he called you a "pig" because he was a verbally retarded person or at that moment he simply could not come up with arguments against you. we pay attention. And with older children it is done - to go to their rooms at 7-8 o'clock and not to bother you. Many mothers neglect their husbands for the sake of their children, and the children themselves often manipulate their parents and seek to separate them. However, I do not think that your husband loves weak women - he has already taken you full. he called you a "pig" because he was a verbally retarded person or at that moment he simply could not come up with arguments against you. we pay attention. And with older children it is done - to go to their rooms at 7-8 o'clock and not to bother you. Many mothers neglect their husbands for the sake of their children, and the children themselves often manipulate their parents and seek to separate them. However, I do not think that your husband loves weak women - he has already taken you full. he called you a "pig" because he was a verbally retarded person or at that moment he simply could not come up with arguments against you.
In addition to №6 ... in the morning on an empty stomach go to a clinical laboratory and test your C-peptide. If it is more, in very obese people it is so genetic, with a cheap drug containing metformin you will achieve miracles. I'm currently 169 out of 169 ... and I'm still losing weight. This is about losing weight. It's easiest to get a divorce. The grief starts later ... Your husband also has problems. Stress is deadly, securing a family budget and a difficult task nowadays. Sit down and talk to him, he may not tell you the first time, try a second time. Men do not understand hints, believe me !!! Well, if you have a mistress, and this is an option - break and run with all the predictable and unpredictable risks! That's it!
I understand it, but without the insults. Otherwise, it's perfectly normal for him not to want you sexually, but that shouldn't change his attitude if he really loves you ... So, either he never loved you, or he's just a jerk (ask yourself what he likes, why you like him. ) But also, how can I tell you, there are people for whom sex is very important and when they lack it, it is a problem for them. If he is, that is the reason for his behavior. And ... changing the vision is like a change in attitude - it's a change that the other side doesn't like. And don't think you're fat because you bore him children - it sounds ugly and you will subconsciously blame your children for your relationship, which is idiotic. It is not made a sacrifice. Lose weight. Become vegan, read Dr. McDougall, drink 1 liter. water per 10 kg. weight, doing cardio. Have a will.