I am a 29-year-old man and she is 26. We had a 2-year relationship in which we loved each other very much until a moment when she turned off the road for another, cheated and broke up in a bad way. She had a short and very disappointing relationship with the other, who was completely light and everyone, including my babe, knew him well. Let's just say we haven't seen her in a year or so. We started writing and going out as friends for a while. I am single and without a woman next to me, so there was no problem, I did not cheat, I did not hide, I did not do unworthy things. We started getting closer very quickly, in fact everything happened as before, except for the intimacies, which I deliberately avoid even though I feel that she wants them. You know, I pretend to be stupid, distracted when I sense hints and get out of the situation. But that was for a while, finally she hugged me and told me directly, that she loves me, has always loved me and wants us to be together, and that I was the reason she broke up with the other. There were many apologies and tears. Now, I'm not a small child and I know very well when women use their tears, but she seemed sincere, I felt she was sincere. I didn't tell her anything. The truth is that I feel something for her, it's true, but it's not what I felt before. Then I really loved her very much, I woke up thinking about her and went to bed thinking about her, every free minute I thought only about how to make her happier with something, how to surprise her, etc. Now it's just not like that. I didn't say anything ... but she said that if I didn't give her a chance, she would leave me, because she couldn't suffer anymore, to be by her side and not be together as a couple. And here comes my dilemma. She currently has problems, family and work, life ... all kinds. In fact, I am a great support to her and if I withdraw I think she can suffer a lot and pay a high price. On the other hand, in order to stay with her, she wants me to give her a chance, which is again a double-edged sword - and to give her, won't I hurt her if another woman ever shows up and I feel the things I felt before this one? On the other hand, I'm not convinced that I don't love her, I'm not convinced that I'm not instinctively drawn out for fear of leaving me again. From the fourth - once I have become a support for her, it is extremely unworthy for a man for any reason to withdraw and especially to leave a defenseless woman alone .... I'm really terribly confused, I do not know what to do already, I want to be honest with her, because lying is meanness, but I myself do not feel a one-sided truth in myself to tell it. Have any of you been in my position and if so - please advice. Thanks!
Answers 10
I answer everything with NO. Will the fact that you take yourself lightly, to what has happened to you, to the betrayal, have a good effect on you? No I do not think so. The fact that you get closer, that you feel that she was sincere and what not, is also not well planned, because you probably thought she was innocent before you caught her in adultery. In my opinion, the chance that he will not lie to you or stagger is still negligible. The last very big problem is that you are currently playing the role of a savior and she is playing the role of a victim. She knows why she is playing the role of a victim, but I don't understand why you are playing the role of a savior. It was difficult, without you there was no way to fix it? No I do not think so. He just wants you to believe that way, because that's the only way he can get under your skin quickly. If someone comes up to turn her head, you will immediately see her real face again. She's cunning, you're lonely, if nothing else you will enter the matrix, unfortunately the result will be clear. As you say yourself, you have always been honest and fair, neither of them can be said about her and this will not change in the future, either with you or someone else. If you want to save yourself a lot of trouble, just ignore her and don't succumb to provocations that it was difficult for her, because she isn't. She cheated on you, left you in your opinion, did she think she was naughty? Tighten up and act like a man. when she left you, do you think she thought you were naughty? Tighten up and act like a man. when she left you, do you think she thought you were naughty? Tighten up and act like a man.
To be in a similar situation. We met twice - the third time I was separated from her. Have I stopped loving her - no. It is true as you say - it is not the same, but at least I have some affection, concern for her. However - every day I struggle not to look for her. The reason is that the last time she left me for someone else, I gave her time to think - and she told me to look for another - which I started to do. She left me for someone else - and I have principles, can't I? I forgive him. A man without principles is impersonal, how can anyone want me - if he does not know what I represent. Another thing is that they get used to it - when they say I love you and they come back into your life. So they get used to doing what they want with their partner. Well, I definitely don't want that, I want my partner to respect me, to respect me - otherwise it's very painful for me. And I love and respect myself, too much to allow myself to be with anyone and get sick of it. I'm sorry but I'm the most important person to me and I wouldn't give my life to anyone - I will make the decisions of my life - others can advise me, but to do with me - whatever they want - Never! I didn't understand why she cheated on me - only 2 months ago - she tried to kill herself in order to have me - and now she openly tells me - NO. I don't understand it - nor do I want to understand it. Like you, I felt I had to stay with her so she could fix her life, even though it seemed that way at first. Only a month later, she seemed to be regressing again, and when she left me, she had reached the bottom. You say you care about her - but the truth is that you can hardly do much to avoid regression, if she is generally inclined to do so. And you will hardly want to watch, how it fails in the future. You were going to hurt her - but the thing is, once she's gone with someone else, she's going to go again, and you're the one who's going to feel bad about it. Then, she'll probably want to come back to you again. But how long, how long will you suffer because of her? Drop it, find someone more decent - you won't have a hard time forgetting it, and I can't forget mine, but just continuing sucks. And here we come to the question - who do you prefer to keep, yourself or her? Both goals are almost impossible. As I say this, I draw conclusions from my experience, I know neither you nor her. You are the one who decides - he asked for advice - I gave my opinion. But how long, how long will you suffer because of her? Drop it, find someone more decent - you won't have a hard time forgetting it, and I can't forget mine, but just continuing sucks. And here we come to the question - who do you prefer to keep, yourself or her? Both goals are almost impossible. As I say this, I draw conclusions from my experience, I know neither you nor her. You are the one who decides - he asked for advice - I gave my opinion. But how long, how long will you suffer because of her? Drop it, find someone more decent - you won't have a hard time forgetting it, and I can't forget mine, but just continuing sucks. And here we come to the question - who do you prefer to keep, yourself or her? Both goals are almost impossible. As I say this, I draw conclusions from my experience, I know neither you nor her. You are the one who decides - he asked for advice - I gave my opinion.
Correctness !!! This is the feeling that bothers you. You give several reasons not to re-enter into an intimate relationship with her, and not enough to do so. This ... I think I love her somehow, it sounds more like - I feel sorry for her. Your correctness is: 1st - against you 2nd against her You yourself say that if / when another appears in your life, to whom you will experience the same thing that YOU experienced before this one, you will have to finish. And then what .... lost time, shattered hopes ?! Be what you feel - friend! If she chooses not to be next to her just as such, let everyone follow their own path. There are problems ... they will be solved with time, with struggle, work, etc. Do not accumulate another problem on top - a relationship without development, doomed in advance. Do not confuse the feeling of correctness with obligation! If you want to help her as a friend - great! If you are happy! If he is not responsible for his actions, he suffers it and moves on. You also!
Why aren't there more men like you? Is there a way to help her with the problems? Otherwise she acted very badly, I think it would be a mistake to take her back, if someone cheats once, she will continue to do so.
Run away. I tell you from experience. I also took her back, but after a few years in which we hadn't even heard from each other, when we saw each other the tension erupted, we were together for a year, I fell in love again and finally she did the same. Infidelity. Needless to say, it hurts a lot more now, and if I could never meet her again, I would only want that again. Think about whether you are ready to be ruined, because a woman who left you and betrayed you will do it again. Remember it
And I, like everyone else, think it would be a big mistake to get together. These are her female numbers. At the moment he needs support, but when he solves his problems, he will almost certainly go with someone again and this time it will become even duller, because the first time you didn't know, but now you will fuck yourself, and she she will have thrown you on the line twice. It is unlikely to happen again, because once a woman and rust leave, they have no stop. You also say that it is not the same, your feelings are not the same, and I assure you that you cannot trust her 100% anymore. And if he is not there, she is doomed to this relationship. Every time you're late or arguing, for example, it will cross your mind that you may be rolling with someone right now. Then there will be (unnecessary) scandals.
I support absolutely all comments from 1 to 5. The experience of those who went through this is an invaluable dude. At the age of 30, divorced, I went through the same nightmares. No sense in telling you now - I don't wanna ruin the suprise. If a woman and rust leave, there is no stopping. I recently became the consolation of a chick who had just broken up with her boyfriend (in fact, he regularly shows her a red card and their relationship is more than absurd). They had been separated for 4 months, I showed up, we had a good time, but I felt something in her that was not love for me. At one point she distanced herself too much, I realized that she had heard and seen with her ex and I asked her directly what was going on and if they would get together, and she admitted that she still loved him and that they would probably get together (of course its initiative). Then I wished her all the best and after about 2-3 months, she wrote to me on Facebook, that she was sorry that it had happened that I was the man for her, that he was an idiot, etc. I immediately realized that he had just dumped her again, that once again it was her penalty, that it itched her and that even if she realizes on a rational level that I surpass him in all respects, she will return to him at the first opportunity, as has happened many times. I just said, "Sorry chick, but I'm too valuable to be waiting on the bench, I'm sorry, I can't be with you, you're just not for me." Then she called me and we talked, she asked me if there was another woman in my life, I said honestly not, I was kind and well-meaning and I offered her a simple friendship, but nothing more. However, my experience is big enough, and I also drank from the experience of others. So if a woman dumps you once, NEVER RETURN, NEVER TAKE ME BACK !!! Keep your self-esteem, be strong, be a man, don't shed tears, don't become second-hand, don't get into a serious relationship with a woman who gets in touch with you just because she's lonely and it's itchy. Women, my friend, do not understand from forgiveness, there is something sadistic and masochistic in them, the kinder and more compliant you are, the more they will mock and hurt you in the end.
You lose nothing if you are with her. Experience the moment, but don't feel obligated. Start completely open, be like a white sheet - let her write to you. There is a mistake, there is forgiveness, no one is insured. One knows what he is like in his difficult moments, then it is clear who the real friends are. My personal opinion - support her, if she is smart she will understand :) However, do not lose yourself - she has to prove herself, you are there because you want and stop doubting!
Number 7 has summarized very well, I just have nothing to add - read it carefully and do not doubt his words. Think for yourself, from what is written it is clear that you cannot forgive infidelity (and I would not forgive it), do you think that someday in time you will forgive - hardly. I dare say that I know very well what you are feeling at the moment, what thoughts are spinning in your head, I know the bitterness and insult of betrayal - do not let them betray you once again. I even think that you made a mistake by allowing her to talk to you, to meet you, you also gave her the opportunity to manipulate you and obviously she takes advantage of that. Run while it's time, keep your feelings and emotions for the one who deserves them - the "rags" allowed themselves to be rags, they do not feel sorry, let alone respect, can you live with a person, who you do not respect - ask yourself this question! Good luck and head up, not everyone is like that, don't waste your time with a "rag"!
Don't do nonsense! You don't owe anything. You don't have to be a support or hold her hand, because she's realized now that she can't do without you. I am a woman, but I will not show female solidarity. I was in a position where I was in the background in a relationship and I stopped the farce. Then he ran after me and explained to me how he could not do without me, and I felt guilty and obliged to make him feel better. DON'T MAKE THE SAME MISTAKE! Especially if you don't love her anymore. You don't have to trample on yourself, your desires, your dignity, for her sake. F27