Hello people! I am in a terrible impasse. I can no longer withstand the tension and fear in which I live. Yes, I am healthy, I have a mother, a father, I am not hungry, I have a home ... you will say what else ... but life is full of trials. I am a girl of 23. I live with my parents and I am of Turkish origin. I have never divided people by religion in these 23 years. But here's the worst (for my mother). In the fall of 2014, I met a great person. Things happened very quickly and we fell in love with each other. And yes, he was Bulgarian. Time flew with him, a great joker, handsome, smart, graduated, earns his own money. The first year everything was great until my mother found out about our relationship. From there, everything started to go to hell. He, the darling, came dozens of times to persuade her, to talk to her, and to bring food, coffee, flowers, the three of us went on a trip to Turkey, Greece, we toured in Plovdiv. BUT no ... that was a shameful, unattainable thing for my mother. I grew up with my mom because my dad is always abroad (scary dude). And I was very afraid of my mother. At the beginning I was fighting, we were shouting and I was not ready to leave home ... but my reasonable man stopped me. He considers everything several times, while I am emotional and I want everything to happen immediately. Mom is a very stubborn and powerful person. And he threatened me that he would commit suicide, and he threatened me that he would get a stroke, cancer because of me, and all sorts of other traumatic things. She made me promise her that I would not see him again .. and I did it because she is my mother and I was very much affected by her words .. we started seeing each other secretly .. I kept lying that I was dating girlfriends, with companies, in fact, I only went out with him. Of course, after a while he started to get tired of it, because we were constantly hiding, in some crappy cafe, we didn't upload any photos on social networks when my mom called on the phone, and he was next to me - I kept lying that I was elsewhere with other people and he didn't even say goodbye to my darling ... yes, but to a certain extent. I started to study in Plovdiv, and every week I was with them for a few days, instead of in Plovdiv, I lied to her to the hole as it is called ... I was in a lot of pain and I was afraid she wouldn't feel me ... but as I told you she is cunning and a smart woman, she immediately understood me and the movie repeated threats, terrible insults .. it hurts a lot .. a lot. We broke up with my man for a while .. and several times .. but hey we met once .. is love stubborn or is it unexperienced .. I don't know I love him so much. Now, almost 4 years later, things are repeating themselves. For a long time I lied that I don't have a boyfriend, but ... the legs of the lie are short - she constantly follows me and calls me asking for viber video calls, photos with friends to see that I'm really with them and he caught me at a shoot. .. It was very scary. I'm 23 years old mom, why? !? !? !? !! Now I'm done and I'm going back to my hometown, where my family and my man are .. A week ago she realized that we were still in touch .. since she fainted she was shouting, she was stubbornly stubborn, what would people say, she is very scared. Now she is punishing me with starvation, she would not eat or drink, would she die of starvation? what kind of nonsense is this mom? So what did I do? Am I on drugs, stealing? Do I go with married men, do I go with people 30 years older than me? No, no! People give me advice I'm dying of pain, I can't go anywhere because he threatens me that if I go out with him and when I come back I will be very sorry (will he kill himself?) Is he tired of complying and doesn't give a word to talk about this topic anymore? If I leave home and go to him, I don't think he'll like it very much. He wants things to go the normal way, not because I have to run away from home. What can people do, please give me sound advice?
Answers 7
What are you tied to yesterday's manipulations? She would starve, commit suicide, get sick haha. I want to see exactly how he does it. And this whole circus in front of the people - so that she is not ashamed, so that you are not with the man you love. If I were you, I'd pack up and change my number. I do not need such a mother who chooses herself and the human opinion in front of me. Tell your husband not to be infantile - he may want many things, but with an abnormal person, normal things cannot happen. And break the umbilical cord - at 23, and you call mom and dad like a baby. Plus you idealize your mother a lot - this is typical of early childhood, but we grow up in puberty.
Talk to him, exactly how do you imagine things? !! Tell him that you tried in the normal way and it will not work and give you ideas on how to deal with the situation that you can no longer stand. How does your father accept things, does he support you? Your friend has to decide whether he will be by your side and take you right away and fight you all together or you will have to hide like mice and comply with all obstacles, but obviously you both like it. . Make a cardinal decision. If your father supports you, let him talk to her too!
And what does your father think about this? Also about your mother's behavior?
I am bulgarian. And my parents are Bulgarians, and my grandparents, etc. Just to tell you that at the age of 23 my mother was already expecting a second child (my sister). Draw your own conclusions ...
Darling, your mother is overplaying! Of course, she will not commit suicide, nothing will have a heart attack, she just relies on the fact that you will feel guilty if she is not well and you will do what she wants. And I was in this situation and my father threatened me that if I did not part with a particular person I do not know what would happen, but on e ... they are over 30 and such numbers do not pass me! I told my father that I love him, that I will always hold on to him, but my life is mine and I will live it as I want and with whom I want it. Yes, it hurts, but I just can't live my whole life for someone, time is to live for myself. To do this, gather strength and just tell your mother that you are a woman, not a child, and you are responsible for your own life. Because if you bend now, in time the story will repeat itself. I won't like this boy today, tomorrow, I won't like someone else or your job and what will you always give in to please her? Until you remain an old girl without any prospects in life, because you understand mom did not like how you live your life. I'm sorry, but in the 21st century, sacrificing like that is just not worth it. Yes, love your mother, I did not say to break off a relationship with her, but just show that there are limits and she must learn to respect you as a person and accept your choices.
My father ... there is no problem for him. Like I said, he's a great dude and a little selfish. Because he has been away from his family for almost his whole life, he is used to it without us, we without him ... and at the beginning he didn't even comment at all ... but now that he's serious - he doesn't like it either, he was worried about his mother, no he could work in peace, we would call him at any moment from the hospital .. He calls me what you do if he gets sick and dies, you can't go back in time .. so I realized that he is not on my side .. in fact I'm alone .. Now my mother is supposed to eat, but only if I haven't cooked it or I haven't brought it .. Now the new thing she invented is that it will make me regret my whole life - and threatens the boy that he will do something to him and then to himself - so that I have suffered to the end of my days .. heeeeeee man ... why? what are these children's things .. I'm so under pressure people .. I don't go out anywhere .. I'm ashamed at the age of 23 .. so the 10-year-olds in the neighborhood are out until 12 o'clock .. and I'm at home, mental harassment! I know - did you leave home, there is no going back, do you part with him - will I suffer again ...?
4, how old are you, and if you are at least 23, how many children do you already have?