I decided to share my story because I haven't been able to find a place for a while. I had a serious relationship, 6 years with a boy, we lived together, but we did not understand each other at all. From the way we lived together, I actually found out that he was constantly looking for women, he cheated on me, etc.! Separately, everything started to reach out to me and get drunk .... I had a nightmare. I decided to change the city because I wanted more of everything. I wanted to start from the beginning and went to my sister in another city. I went very optimistic, with no intentions for anything. I met a man on Facebook from the same city (I found him, not only him, but also women, just to meet new people ...), we understood I hope that we will go out for coffee with him (as well as with the others), so I gained new friends, with whom I still keep in touch, but with this man (who is 36 years old), the coffee went great, he was a gentleman, and I've never met one ...!
At the end of the evening he said that it was very nice to see him again, but nothing more. So after the meeting only after 5 days we met in a bar, then until the morning we were at another bar, he and a new friend of mine (there all the time they were talking on a serious topic that I fell asleep). The next day we went for coffee again, but he was all the time, as if worried about not touching me, so I hugged him and from there some funny messages started and our next meeting was in bed. It went great there, and the next day he asked me to stay with them again. I want to point out that every time he has prepared himself with good wine, sweets, something to eat ... constantly super caring, he opens the doors for me ... great attitude! Before I went to them, I told him that I have a very long relationship behind me recently and I am not looking for a casual relationship or just fun, if he is looking for that, we better stay on the level of acquaintances. We saw each other one more time and he was a little sick ... I wanted to go to them to do something for him to see, he wouldn't let me in, every time he told me you weren't so close to me, you can't look at me like that. I started to get angry ... that he was super withdrawn, the initiative for our meetings was mine, he did not plan me for the next day, but he knew that he would work with mom or go for a walk with friends. And now the things that weighed on me - he lives alone, but constantly goes to eat with his mother, who is alone, or constantly has worked with her and on Sunday he spends time with her again, as we are together, he calls him constantly or writes.
On Saturdays, he is always with friends no matter what happens (these are his weekends) and he is used to going to discos or bars on Friday or Saturday, or both days. When I asked him we can't go out together he says we are in the beginning we only go out men. I wanted to go out in the center, and he agreed we went out 4 times, but always after 5 pm, he hugged me, kissed me, held my hand, it showed me that he was not hiding me. But then for two or three days we just write to each other and no plan with me when we will see each other or call me on the phone - NEVER! I started with the questions, now what is happening to us, you are super distant, you don't let me in, you don't call me, we just write to each other ... how can things develop like this? It's been a month and we do the same thing, we haven't spent a day more together, we don't call each other, every woman needs attention! He and I both rest on weekends, but these days are reserved for friends and mother, and I'm only on Sunday nights.
He told me that 2 years ago he had a 3-year relationship with a girl they lived with, but she left and wanted to live in her town, and now they are on good terms. I see that he still keeps an album with their photos, he likes every post on FB, I thought he still thought of it. He has not had a serious relationship since then, he says that his relationships did not develop (how to develop if he does not allow it). Finally I got angry one night, he was with friends again, and I backed off, the next day I wrote to him about how you were doing, see you today ... and he just said he had a job and I just stopped writing. The next day he just called me, invited me to see him and told me - I can't give you the attention you want or the connection. I'm not ready, you pressed me, I don't feel like showing interest from inside ....! I told him to give a chance to meet, it may not be so extreme, but he said no sense, I do not see you! Then the whole world collapsed on me again, I started blaming myself, how suddenly a super final decision. Then I offered him to see each other just like that, to meet and have sex and whatever happens, but he said I don't want you to have hopes, I can't give you a relationship, I'm fine alone, with friends. In the end, he agreed to see me only for sex, I stayed with them and then he didn't look for me for a whole week, he was still very busy, we met a second time on my own initiative and after that, I gave up, so I'm just tormented. I haven't looked for him for 4 days and he wrote to me last night just how you are ... just to remind me of myself, but not to offer to see me! Tell me how to continue, I want this man, he is perfect for me, maybe I pressed him a little, but is it so impossible to go back? Give advice, I'm crazy about this man!
Answers 20
If they press me, I will also withdraw. m31
Haha, I put myself in the place of the dude and got mad at me - the typical open country girl, riding a broom and coming to plow in the big city. And she thinks that the first person she meets must meet her dreams and requirements. To allow her into his life with open doors and embraces, his home to become hers, his daily life, thoughts and friends - too. That holds you accountable! "What happened to us"? - Which "you"? It's like a joke where grandma and grandpa watched porn and at one point grandpa said, "Grandma, let's go to bed?" And she said, "Let's see if they get married!" Where are the modest and hard-working country girls left, who are silent in confusion and the goals shine if someone pays attention to them? What is the happiness of protecting and orienting? And if you let them into your life, it's because they're hardworking, quiet, humble,
Number 2, it is a pity that there are a lot of balaks for these provincialists. I have a shocking case with an acquaintance of mine.
Hahaha, I didn't say from which city I moved, whether from a bigger to a smaller one :))) You have already taken me out of the countryside, you came to become a citizen in Greater Sofia! I share my story and have asked for advice. I missed then against such comments that I am a girl who has opportunities and I did not go looking for someone to support me, or to drive me in his car from the big city, because I have my own! I rely entirely on myself. I didn't even ask him for help! I'm waiting for your answers on the topic, not to guess if I'm from the village, if I'm ugly, if I'm fat, etc. :)
4, my peasant or not - you don't like the schemes, not us ... So ... And no one cares how fat and how thin you are, but how much you cost as a person and with what expectations for life live.
Well, author, unfortunately those who give advice, give it in such a way that it does not help you in any way, even though they are right .... Read the topic again and understand what is written ... beauty is not possible by force. The problem is that you don't seem to realize that another human being is standing in front of you, who has the right to distribute his time and priorities as he pleases. If they do not match yours, it is logical to look for what you need elsewhere. And the reason you cling to someone like that comes from the fact that you are hurt in the past ... and again like a drowning man for a straw ... The secret of a happy relationship is this - it will happen when you are able to be happy and alone. and most importantly, when you're not looking for it, to fill in some emotional gaps, not because you need it, but because you want it to. Such connections are not filled with drama, attachment, watching and similar nonsense there, because their partners have their own lives, they do not need someone to feel satisfied with life, but this someone makes them feel even more satisfied, ie love comes as a bonus . 'Your' man has unequivocally told you that he does not come from inside to show you interest, what clearer sign do you expect from this? BUT this by no means means that the fault is in you (something that women very often look for to blame themselves), it simply means that your goals, searches do not match, ie somewhere there is another suitable individual for you. But first you have to shake off those old relationships ... you can't build something quality on unstable foundations. In my opinion, you should look deep inside yourself, your thinking instead of directing the topic in the wrong direction - men after 30. Direct it to your personality, learn to be better, more interesting and feminine if you want (not literally, but to rediscover your femininity, for example) and then the man will come by himself ... Pay attention to what words you used in your topic, you say that you are angry with the given man. Anger is a sin, and you have no right to be angry with a person, he has not even promised anything ... You have not actually done anything good for this person, but you expect good in return. You were angry, first evil (even if you didn't show it directly, the negative emotion was passed on), you didn't respect his wishes - second evil (he was sick, it's normal that he doesn't want to see you in a miserable state), already do you take into account that he keeps the photos with some ex, only requirements, requirements and what does he get in return? And then you say you're crazy about him. Well no, you're not,
I have nothing on the man - he's just not your man. He acted honestly - he did not deceive you, you pushed yourself for sex, promising not to want more. In this case - you are the one who lies and manipulates, and you ask him what's wrong with him? And you have a wounded ego - do not be deceived that you love a person you do not know. Raise her guard a little and look for someone who is crazy about you and it's not too early for a relationship. If you decide to push yourself with the idea that he will always think - you are crazy - but not for him, but in general. You deserve more than one relationship, and if this particular man doesn't want to be with you - there's no drama - there are others who want to, and you miss them by chasing this one. And lastly, how would you feel if you didn't like a boy, you told him you didn't want to be more than friends, and he keeps chasing you and explaining to you that he's crazy about you and ready to be your trash can while you evaluate and think about it? I will tell you - you will neither appreciate it nor think about it. Show that you hold on to yourself enough not to be humiliated and you will have a better future, though not with it.
This division of province and capital is already becoming commonplace. I have the feeling that only in Bulgaria in the word "province" something negative is inserted. Ganyo, Ganyo .... On the topic: The man does not want a serious relationship. I think he showed it to you in every way possible. And you ... you don't just want to have fun, and then you offer to see him just to have sex? Am I the only one who sees a contradiction here? I think you made a mistake here. Of course you want it very much, but showing despair you are not helping yourself. Step back and wait for him to take the initiative. If he doesn't ... Well, I think things are clear. :-)
It occurred to me that this mother of his was actually someone else, maybe married, so he wouldn't let you in and you wouldn't be heard. Just leave it and you will see that you will find the person for you. You see that things are not going well, do not try to fix them. Apparently you only clung to this one, because he was the first to pay you special attention in the new city. Do not accuse the author of pressuring him, as he actually enchanted her with a cavalier and affectionate relationship in the beginning.
Author, I see that you "poured" here quickly. Look, you pushed him before you even got to know each other in such a way that he asked for something more. It is normal that he felt like a lamb of slaughter. Step back a little, don't push, don't push. If he is interested, let him look for you. They still want to "hunt" men. Use the moments when you are together for a pleasant time, to get to know each other, HE to get to know you, laugh, have fun. If he finds the person in you too, he will wish for a serious relationship. And no, don't push, it doesn't make sense, you'll just waste your time, and you'll come out hurt. Go out with other people, don't show dependence, there is nothing more repulsive than that. So you didn't give him a chance to see what was behind your face, outside of sex, etc. Besides, he is obviously used to his freedom and it will be very difficult for him to commit and share his life with someone. Hardly, unless he is truly in love. With such a person, any attempt at pressure will end that way. I'll tell you how ... my husband still believes that HE "caught" me. I knew from the beginning that it was him. But he was a savage, accustomed to his freedom, he owed nothing to anyone, he did not depend on anyone, he did not allow emotional attachments. He was used to women running after his ass, among other things, handsome. I was the only one who was not only not impressed (it looked like that :) but I cut it like a pickle. I sometimes went out with him, but I gave him, as they say, "an hour on a spoon." No sex for a few months, just hints, not with words, but with behavior that would be great. I used the time spent together to get to know each other as personalities, I talked about my dreams, my hobbies, we laughed a lot. I often refused a meeting on the pretext that I was going out with friends, I usually stayed at home with a good movie or book. In the end, he was so mad that he proposed marriage to me, without even having sex :). Hahah, when he kissed me, I answered for about 10-15 seconds, enough to whet my appetite, and then almost innocently, almost shyly, I pulled. I caught the hunter I wanted. Give him a hunt, if he's your man, it will happen. enough to whet my appetite and then almost innocently, almost shyly, I pulled away. I caught the hunter I wanted. Give him a hunt, if he's your man, it will happen. enough to whet my appetite and then almost innocently, almost shyly, I pulled away. I caught the hunter I wanted. Give him a hunt, if he's your man, it will happen.
the man has clearly told you what he wants: he is satisfied with a light non-committal relationship, in which you go out, chat, see each other, have sex and so on. he doesn't need to see you every day, so he doesn't make plans that include you. his friends are more important on Saturday or the work he will do for his mother. when you hugged him, he pulled away and didn't want to see you anymore because you seemed too suffocating and obsessive. leave him and don't bother each other, he's obviously not your man. and next time let the man take at least part of the initiative in the relationship, do not bend over to move it yourself. shouldn't you be partners and there should be reciprocity in things? you actually turned on at a fast pace without the person having the same intentions. by waiting a while, you first give him the opportunity to be a hunter, ie the prey is not safe, secondly, you can see for yourself how serious the person is and cares about you. F43
How can he be perfect when he is so distant and withdrawn and doesn't give you what you need? And another thing, if you can clarify, did you say that you said that you had a relationship and are looking for a serious relationship, then he did not understand what he said? If then he promised you something, then he is to blame for wasting you so much time and suddenly serving you that he could not give you a connection. And if he told you then that he can't give you what you want, why waste your time with him? And don't think that when you go to have sex, he will suddenly fall in love with you. Since he has not looked at you differently from the very beginning, then he will only use you for sex, and your feelings will deepen and then it will be much harder for you to stop seeing him. I dated such a person, and it seemed perfect to me - everything I liked as a quality had, but this distance and not showing interest and not ringing, just told me that although I have to him, he is not the same to me. There is no point in such relationships, I saw this at a very early stage and I ended the relationship. It is a delusion to think that one day he will wake up in love with you. And your behavior really speaks of despair - you call him, you offer him sex, you encourage him to get to know each other. This is very humiliating, have a little dignity - so you put him on a pedestal and it's like crawling at his feet. Thus, a person cannot respect or appreciate you, since you do not value yourself. And another thing - fate knows its job, it may seem perfect to you now, but after a while you will be convinced that it is your biggest nightmare. There were men I was crazy about and things didn't work out, after a while I saw that if they had happened I would have suffered a lot. Precisely because they weren't for me, that's why they didn't work out. So keep your head up, don't look for him anymore, don't communicate with him, and after a while when you meet the person for you, it will even be funny that you dealt with this one and you will regret that you wasted your time with him. Good luck and don't submit to him in any way anymore!
Author, I'm not of the opinion that this man expects a "non-committal" relationship, quite the opposite. But the way you behave seems superficial to him. There is one important thing in communication - etiquette, unwritten rules of conduct. You are violating this etiquette. Here's how: First. Think about which serious man, after a month of acquaintance, will let the chick cook at home while he is sick. It is inappropriate to offer him something like that. In such cases, the woman wishes a speedy recovery and waits for the man to recover and call. That's why (absolutely appropriate) he told you that you are not "so close" to him. Second. You can't take the initiative all the time, especially with such a short acquaintance. There are rules. He invites you, you - return the gesture. Then you wait for a new invitation. You can only insist on including you in your plans after a year of a stable relationship, not earlier. Third. Who expects what kind of relationship is not discussed at the first or second meeting. In the beginning you get to know the person himself, his personality; and only when you are convinced that you like this person can you possibly open a word about the regulation of the relationship. You can't set conditions with the third coffee. Fourth. The fact that this man is well-mannered (he is gallant, knows how to greet guests, and he has cut them off quite tactfully) means that a woman's lack of upbringing would repel him strongly. There is no point in bothering now, one learns while one is alive. Have an earring on your ear from now on and show a little more delicacy next time. you can possibly open a word about the regulation of relations. You can't set conditions with the third coffee. Fourth. The fact that this man is well-mannered (he is gallant, knows how to greet guests, and he has cut them off quite tactfully) means that a woman's lack of upbringing would repel him strongly. There is no point in bothering now, one learns while one is alive. Have an earring on your ear from now on and show a little more delicacy next time. you can possibly open a word about the regulation of relations. You can't set conditions with the third coffee. Fourth. The fact that this man is well-mannered (he is gallant, knows how to greet guests, and he has cut them off quite tactfully) means that a woman's lack of upbringing would repel him strongly. There is no point in bothering now, one learns while one is alive. Have an earring on your ear from now on and show a little more delicacy next time.
So, at the beginning I told him that I don't like non-committal relationships, because I've only had serious ones so far, if he's looking for something non-committal to just stay familiar. His answer was, what are these things, I've already judged you, don't worry! Yes, he cuts me very tactfully, but when he was sick I just wanted to see him, by sick I mean his legs hurt, and I stay at home all week. I wanted to see it, it may have been wrong, but who can tell when it's right for a woman to make a gesture or surprise him with some dessert or something favorite? Doesn't everyone enjoy some kind of gesture, especially in the beginning? today I ended all relations with him, I told him that it doesn't make sense for me, and as I see it for him. And he explained to me again that he didn't feel like it from the inside, he wasn't in touch at the moment, otherwise he knew he could be serious. Ever since we stopped seeing each other, he hasn't come home from work with friends. On weekends, coffee and then a disco until 6 in the morning. This is very strange to me, especially at this age.
So he let you down after he told you he judged you and then he wasn't ready for a relationship. Get this one, you don't need it. Besides, 36 non-stop discos is really funny. People have 2 children this age, and he was not ready. In my opinion, there are a number of women, and this gallant attitude is just a pose to impress them more easily. Otherwise, inside he doesn't care at all how you feel and whether he hurts you or not. And with this non-ringing, it is made inaccessible to arouse even more interest, as happened in your case. He didn't tell you how old you were as an author, but if you're younger, it's normal to cheat. Especially since you have been treated badly in your previous relationship, it is normal to cheat on someone who is kinder. But just because someone is nice doesn't mean they really are, remember that. Quite naughty people have built a socially desirable and attractive behavior towards others, and inside they have rotted. And precisely because they know that they have rotted, they have built a very good social mask so that others do not feel them. And the fact that at 36 he is non-stop with his mother does not say anything good. He may live alone, but he is left with his mother's son, and for this reason at the age of 36 he behaves like a 16-year-old with these discos. Think about it, too - if he was such a good man, his girlfriend would hardly have gone to live in her hometown, she would have done anything to stay with him if he was so good. Another thing - he did not want to give you hope, but he uses you for sex. If you were a man on the spot who knew he could give you ones, and he knew you were attracted to him, he would dump you permanently, not agree to sex. Get rid of that garbage, he has caught another carp, but don't let him hang you anymore. Look at the facts, connect them and you will never make a mistake. A person who cares about you will be punctual and responsible, not like this chameleon.
Yes, I am 6 years younger. The thing is, sex seemed to work afterwards. He was just repeating I don't know what expectations you have ... And he was wary of me. That's why I told him. That I don't want anything from him anymore, that it doesn't make sense, as I see it for him. He excused himself again that he wasn't sure what was going to happen, so you didn't tell me anything. It was not the time for a serious relationship. Indeed, I may have interpreted the cavalier attitude with some great mutual sympathy.
What I understand from your story is that in the beginning you told him that you didn't want a relationship because you soon ended your relationship ... right? Then why are you angry now that this is his attitude? By the way, many men who maintain only an intimate relationship with a woman do not bother with wine, food, candy, candles ... He has "built" his own world depending on the stage he is in at the moment. In my opinion, at the beginning he fell for you, but you told him that you only want sex and if it suits him - OK, if not - goodbye. He is attuned to you. You missed the chance. Good luck next time!
On the contrary, I told him I didn't like fun and casual sex. If he wants something like that, I'm not the man and just stay on the level of friends or acquaintances! He answered - I judged you, I know ....! After that I started with the questions, because it started to look like such a relationship to me, our meetings were always after 6 pm, at their place until I started wanting to go out, because I felt exactly like that. To each of my questions, he deviated from the topic or as if he had not heard, in the last resort he answered at the beginning. In the end, he couldn't make a bunch of excuses.
All right, come to me and we'll make things right. I'm more or less the set man. And I love good wine, good food, going out and nice women. And I'm also a gentleman, I rest on Saturdays and Sundays. See how many similarities. And you slammed for this one. Don't expose yourself. Since when have I been waiting for you only, if you know. :)
Haha, she was suffocating him! Isn't he a girl that's going to suffocate? Dirty rod at 37, still unmarried, and not knowing exactly what he wants from life. Or maybe he wants to help his mother all his life (judging by what is written - the real obsessive!) And to have a drink with his friends? Run from such "ideal". As a man, I tell you.