Hello! I address mainly men. My question arose from parting with my friend. You already had another. He wrote me a few things and put an end to it very quickly. I started asking, and he said, "Enough arguing and dramatizing." He didn't want to say anything more. It was the same with all the former. Either they lie about the reason or they say nothing. No one wanted many questions and "dramas." Is it wrong to want to know what's going on? It is not enough to know that it is because of another. Then I always start blaming myself. I'm always looking for the guilt in me. So I start to suffer even more. If you're leaving someone, at least tell them why. There is nothing more painful than the feeling that you are not even worth an explanation. Is this dramatization? Don't we deserve it? Why do so many men do this? Is it that hard to tell the truth? Is it our fault, are you tired and so on. Please editors approve the story!
Answers 15
I don't know why you are targeting men ... This is a classic behavior for both sexes. And why? Because it is easier, because there is a lack of elementary respect for the other, because today's people are absolutely selfish ...
What exactly is not clear to you in the words "I have another"? The man has not lied to you, he is parting with you, he is not twisting you both. Does he have to tell you details to make you feel better? I doubt it will be easier for you if you know more. He has met someone who likes you more than you. And yes, people can get bored and stop loving each other, it happens every day, what faults, what explanations? There is no point in a lot of fairy tales and dramas, they do not change the fact that it leaves you, I also think so, even though I am a woman.
The truth, author, is that the question "Why?" no answer. He doesn't feel well with you - that's the closest thing to the key. And why doesn't he feel good? Who knows ... at least he did. Aren't there nice, decent and correct men everywhere, but they don't get your attention? Certainly there is. And why? Well, because you don't like them, otherwise everything is fine. Emotional mismatch, different temperaments, different cultures, different interests, different vibrations ... There was a movie: "He just doesn't like you." It is.
Everything good has an end. If he doesn't want to be with you, then you are no longer attracted to him. But it's different to say goodbye. I'm not for you, you deserve something more, I want you to be happy. And so you leave a door open in case it doesn't work out.
I'm a man of 37 and I think like you. I recently experienced another similar separation, and I had the "chance" to find out that the new one is more familiar with things than me. Obviously not to men and women, but simply to the essence of some people. It's just disrespectful and not worth suffering for. Reaction of cowards who took advantage of you and dumped you lightly. If a person has a conscience about his behavior, he thinks he will want to find the words to you
I am a woman. Well, probably because they don't want to explain themselves. They do not want tears, reproaches, self-pity, they do not want unnecessary procrastination. An ex-boyfriend even went out on the terrace to smoke so we wouldn't talk, and because I cried. Men have a panicky fear of tears, reproaches. For them, it's all over, without unnecessary questions about why, when, how. They don't want to look at tears, they don't want to hear that you still love them and you want them. The man tries to finish the separation faster, get out of his head, and be free again. They don't cry like us and don't look at pictures for days and wonder why. They just relax and drive with the new one, if there is one. If not, they give him the end again
Because it's painful.
Glad he at least told you the end. I had a case where he didn't want to do that either, instead he went down quietly. And this after 2 years of relationship. And in that case one wants some end, some clarity. Why do you ask? I did not receive an explanation, but I think fear, selfishness and innocence. That way he won't hear unpleasant words, he won't be upset when he sees how upset you are, he won't feel guilty about his blunders. He just washes his hands. It is sad and it hurts a lot, but there are such people.
Because one explanation usually leads to three options - 1. Defensive reaction on your part - you will start to justify yourself, to dissuade him 2. You will be sad and / or cry. 3. You will react aggressively to him with insults and accusations. In all three cases the result will be the same, only as a bonus he will lose his time and irritate him.
Why do you only ask men? Two women dumped me without any explanation. This is very stupid behavior and shows a lack of elementary respect for the other. And accordingly, it makes things a lot harder to dump. I've never ended relationships this way. And I don't consider it normal.
Because there is no elementary respect. Because they prefer everything to end quickly, just to nod and that's it. Because they know they've slapped things and they're guilty, as in your case. He knows he was unfaithful, he knows he was the cause of the breakup. One of your insults would only remind him, because you are not to blame, and he is the infidel. She knows she would have the right to insult her, and yet she doesn't want to hear them. He doesn't want to feel more of a villain than he is. He's just protecting himself from your anger. Fear.
I am a woman and I plan to start doing just that, not giving an explanation. Why? Precisely because of the dramas that always follow the explanation! Because the answer to "why" never ends. Otherwise, so far my experience: 1. - I do not want to see each other again. "Why?" "I don't like some of your habits." - Which ones? - That you drink a lot, for example. - WHO ?! I don't drink much. (long denial follows) - Okay, but I still don't want to see you anymore. - You lose a lot ... (follows a long story about its pros) - Mmm, I know it is. But it's just over. - Please, I will change! (long exhortations) Lack of response on my part. 2. - There will be no other meeting. "Why?" "Because I can't stand being late all the time!" 'But I wrote you that I was late; that my parents slowed me down; very busy day and ... (long explanations why he's late) - Yeah, it's your habit to be late, and that drives me crazy. - But the last time ... (explanations why he's late) - Okay, but so far you're ALWAYS late, man. There's just no way things will happen. "But I will change!" Lack of response on my part. "Hey, do you want to go out?" (Six months later) - No. - Are you still mad? - Not angry! I just don't want to go out with you. - Okay. In a few more months. - Do you want to go out? - No ... (etc. previous story) 3. - I don't want to see you again. "Why?" "I don't know exactly, I'm just not happy with you, I'm starting to get annoyed with small things and I don't think I need to go on." - But I want! "Yeah, fine, but I don't think I want to." "But I really want to!" "Mmm, well ... but ... it's not mutual." - But I love you! - Well, come on now, we've been going out for two weeks ... - But you are so wonderful and (superlatives a lot) - Thank you, but the sympathies are simply not mutual. "But we're so good in bed." - Um, sex is not everything. - Please, let's not part, I will change! - WHAT will you change ?! I don't know what's bothering me, I just don't like you in general. "I'll change the whole thing if I have to!" - Wow, it's over! In two hours I go down to the store. - Hello! - What are you doing here?! - I want to talk to you. "But we've already talked, haven't we?" Attempts at hugs, kisses. "Leave me, I don't want to be with you." - Please ... (tears, tears, torrent) - It doesn't make sense, man, it just doesn't make sense. - But I really want ... After 6 months: - Do you want to see me? - No. "Why?" - Because we broke up, we were never friends, I don't see why. "But I really want to see you!" No answer from me. After a few months: - Do you want to see each other just for sex? - No. "Why?" "Because you're mistaken that you love me once - I'm not sure if again." - There is no! Lack of response on my part. 4. - I don't want to go out anymore. "Why?" - Because I like another. - Who is he? - You don't know him ... - What makes him better? "He's no better, I just like him more than you do." - But to like him more than me, then he is better. "I don't know if he's better than you at anything!" I just want to be with him. "Am I no longer attracted to you?" "Well, you're still attractive, but I don't want to be with you." "Why?" --------------------------------- long, long debates ............. ....... After a few months: - Are you still with that one? - No. "Do you want to be together again?" - No. "Why?" "Because we broke up once before." I guess you're not my soulmate. - Why do you think so? ................. long explanations why I don't want to be together again ....... After a few months: - Do you miss me? - No. "Why?" ................ So ... obviously men are smarter than me and save themselves the long explanation. Well done!
# 12, and why do you think that if you don't give an explanation, they won't bother you? There are men who have bothered me for months after I stopped all contact. There are those who hear the explanation, accept it and you don't hear them anymore. It's up to the person and it's interesting that you always come across sticky. As others have said, it is a matter of elementary respect for the other, especially if you have had a more serious relationship. # 9 is right what will follow and that nothing will change. But having mixed up the mess, this is the most basic thing you have to give to the other so that he can move forward. But no, instead, why not just look at our comfort and hide like mice from the consequences of our actions?
Because he's a naughty man. Do not think about it. This type of people, as young people, get along, but after 30 there are fewer friends and relatives who can tolerate them.
I am a man before 40. So far I have had 7 serious relationships. Each of these women dumped me without the slightest explanation or hint (verbal or behavioral) that at some point they would wag their tails and mice afterwards. And in any case, while we were still together and seemingly everything was honey and butter, kisses, hugs, screams in love, etc., it turned out that they had secretly found my "replacement" behind my back. . Therefore, author, I cannot answer you why your already ex-boyfriend (because of whom you turn to men in general and indirectly attribute guilt to them all, in the plural) dumped you without explanation, but I cannot answer why I they "replaced" me so insidiously and suddenly dumped me just at the moment when they showed me warm feelings. Only one of them explained to me briefly, that she deliberately broke up in bed with me on our last night to make me sicker (notice !!!) when she is no longer with me the next day. It's so childish that there's nowhere to go. Even when she stabs me in the back, her goal is to make me suffer even more. And she imagined that it would make me sick - perhaps, sex, in her opinion, is the most valuable thing I have missed from my relationship with her. Nothing of the kind! For me, our love was more precious, but her primary thinking clearly could not realize it. In fact, our last night was quite good, and two hours after the separation I felt even better, because I realized how dedicated and sacrificed I was for her, and in the sober comparison (shaking off the betrayed love, although still loving i) what she did for me (almost nothing) I found out we were very disadvantaged.