The biggest mistake a person can make is to be good, honest and moral. Everyone else is lying, cheating, they don't care about anything and they do all sorts of nonsense, they talk behind your back, and at the same time you think well of them and if necessary you are ready to help them. And you do it simply because you are like that, this is your normal behavior, not to anoint yourself. The more heartfelt you are and the more you become attached to other people, the more you will suffer when they betray you, and sooner or later that will happen ... always. So from now on I will force myself to be bad, nasty, I will not care about anyone, I will not care about the opinions or feelings of others, I will even become tight and I will not give 1 penny more to anyone. Because so far, even though I am poor, I have given as much as I can if they ask me, and I have not received anything in return. On the contrary - at one point I was accused, that I have run out of money and I can't give them more. And if I ask, it becomes a scandal. How could I ask for money. These are people who are supposed to be friends and I have known them for years, not someone I meet by chance on the street. Both men and women are equally nasty users and liars, I am angry that I was not born as arrogant as others, but I will force myself to be so until my normal natural state becomes. I believe that one can change. I hate my kindness and I won't stop until I wipe it out. I hate my parents because they raised me in kindness and honesty, and we live in a world of impudence, hypocrisy and lies. Good people do not survive in this world. I'm angry that I only realize it now. To survive in this world you have to be brutal, impudent and not care about anything. If you are as good and honest as I am, the same fate will befall you - eternally betrayed, deceived, hurt and so on until you realize that goodness doesn't get you anywhere. M24
Answers 17
Balance is important brother. So that you don't suffer later ...
I know no other superiority in man than others. Don't hate your parents for showing you the right way. Someone will one day appreciate this in you and you will get the same. You can find the good in different forms - you can love and be loved, you can find great friends and attract positive people around you, you can ... just be calm that you have nothing to regret, and this is not not at all, in the evening, when you go to bed with a clear conscience and you feel good.
Goodness must be combined with wisdom. The bad will put you in an even more unpleasant situation. Be good and be sensible.
Unfortunately, it's like that. You don't have to be nasty just to find the balance. I force myself to be silent and not be Human and good. Here are some cases. An acquaintance of mine came up with a big bill for the phone because of data traffic and the Internet, and I told her what to do, to limit the phone's limit and cut off the possibility of charging for data traffic. The next month, even bigger bill, the child played with the phone and again problems. They don't have money, but they don't listen, then what happened. Then I just pull away and don't even want to burden myself with someone's problem. I helped with a loan, but my relative, keep quiet about the money, then a sentence reaches my ears - Come on, come on, she didn't lean on them. So how to be human, help in a difficult time and then no gratitude. They raised money for a car and postponed the purchase to help. And such situations are constant, everyone has to take care of themselves, and when someone helps you to be grateful. A colleague of my husband installed a program for us. I bought a bottle of wine and candy and we gave it to him. He didn't expect it, and I told him that when I didn't have to have eyes to ask you again, you didn't have to. But people do not understand good, on the contrary, the more good you are, the more they get angry and bad.
Hello! I had the same problem as you. I have a friend who I have known since kindergarten, she was very rude to me after losing a person important to her. For 9 months I listened every day to how much I had failed. In the end I couldn't stand it and got used to it and left her. After a while she apologized ... I accepted but I still keep her at a distance from me. I did an experiment in which I went out with people I liked and didn't call one of my "girlfriends", then she wrote me things like "I know you've been with others" "I didn't expect it from you" I understood what a friend you are to me ”, after which I explained to her why I had not called her and why I did not want to call her. She swallowed her ego and apologized. I stayed good in spite of everything. I advise you to do as I do. You don't go out with them and avoid them,
I think you have serious shortcomings in defining concepts and setting personal boundaries. each quality has its limits and when they are passed, it already passes into another. as the saying goes, an excessive saint is not dear to God. to let others get on your head is not kindness, but stupidity. to neglect yourself and give money indefinitely without receiving adequate treatment is not good at all. on the contrary, it speaks of shortcomings in relationships with others that you are trying to "bribe" a species. talk about not having real friends and trying to "buy" them, even though, as you can see, they don't respond to you. as you have already noticed, this is not the way for people to respect and love you. just because you treat someone the same way doesn't mean they will treat you the same way. my advice is to stop being everyone's base. and no, you don't have to be nasty and mean, you have to set personal boundaries to stand up for. if someone asks you for a favor, help him once and look at how he treats you - does he invite you for coffee / beer, does he just call you, does he do you small favors? if yes - ok, if not - then you use. and give money only to very close people and only if they really need to (to buy a dress from the mall is not a real need). you can always find excuses. sorry, but setting personal boundaries doesn't mean you're nasty, it means you know what you want, what you expect from your relationships with people, and you state it clearly help him once and see how he treats you - does he invite you for coffee / beer, does he just call you, does he do you small favors? if yes - ok, if not - then you use. and give money only to very close people and only if they really need to (to buy a dress from the mall is not a real need). you can always find excuses. sorry, but setting personal boundaries doesn't mean you're nasty, it means you know what you want, what you expect from your relationships with people, and you state it clearly help him once and see how he treats you - does he invite you for coffee / beer, does he just call you, does he do you small favors? if yes - ok, if not - then you use. and give money only to very close people and only if they really need to (to buy a dress from the mall is not a real need). you can always find excuses. sorry, but setting personal boundaries doesn't mean you're nasty, it means you know what you want, what you expect from your relationships with people, and you state it clearly
You're looking for unnecessary attention, aren't you?
Somewhere I understand and support you, because really a lot of people have become ungrateful and selfish, but I don't think you should become like them, because being a good person is commendable and good deeds one day pay off. My advice is to stay away from the type of people who surround you and try to get the most out of your friendship with you, because that's what comes out of what's written. This should not make you think that becoming like others will make your soul easier. Always respond to help people in real need, because no one knows what awaits them in the future.
That's right, you're right. Sure, the rest of the comments will make you angry, but we can't be good and moral in a world full of immorality and evil. And I was hurt, I fell and I got up and I fell again because of my good heart. Until one day I stood up, again, and said: Finish! My philosophy is to treat people the way they treat me. If you behave well, you will get it. If they look at me arrogantly, I answer them with complete ignorance and don't even talk to them. We live in such a world, this is the only way we can survive!
Offff, I know a lot. I am a woman of 37, but I realized this at 27/28. It was as if I woke up from sleep. I looked very naive, even stupid. However, do not give up kindness completely, because there are decent people and you should not punish them either.
Where have you been bleating all this time? I realized this in 8th grade, now I'm 10. My teachers and classmates "showed" how the world works in a very difficult way. They showed me that the one who is a hypocrite, a liar and a brazen one succeeds! At each test, the teacher sees that the others are copying, but in order to report work, she only deals with me and pretends not to see them. I was the complete opposite of them, but I was too weak and became one of them. I let a handful of people without morals and values turn me into what I hate the most. And if I want to, there is no going back. Why would you ask ?! My initial reactions and the first thing I think about are already the same as theirs! I started thinking like them! To speak like them! To be interested in the same nonsense as them! As much as I don't like them, they prepared me early on how to survive in today's world ...
The most important thing is what happens after we leave this world
Money is given once, and if they fuck or are not grateful, they are not given more. This is not kindness and honesty, but naivety and weakness. You kind of want to buy friendships with certain people by giving them money and services. What's so fair about that?
I understood this a long time ago. All the people pat you on the back and tell you how capable you are and how you can, and after you fail they start to rejoice. Most people enjoy other people's misfortunes and failures. That's how we're set up. Instincts make us compete to survive. There are no unconditionally good people. Everyone is capable of being "bad" under the influence of certain circumstances. You never know what condition the other person is in. He may have been good yesterday, but then some things happened that made him bad today. Human morality is a bad joke. This inconsistency of people scares me, because you never know when someone will stab you. in the back. Someone,. which you do not expect. That's why I want to have. enough money to separate from people and be self-sufficient. If I had Elon Musk's resources, Jeff Bezos or Bill Gates would do just that. This is my big goal in life - to escape from people. It is lonely. Someone had said that only beasts and gods live in solitude. I guess we have something in both.
Balance is the basis of everything, any extreme is detrimental to the individual.
Did they remain moral and good at all? Or are most disgusted with life and angry? Anger is a natural reaction to the constant slapping of the face with heavy objects (figuratively speaking) that they receive.
I absolutely support, I am one of them. You know that good apples are eaten by pigs. Murphy's Law.