Mother? Has Left 2 Children In A Home

   "And the bad thing is that the woman next to me took a lot from her mother. "Don't hurry with the family, watch this woman. My husband's ex-wife is from a similar family. What can I tell you - his first marriage ended very badly. Do not rush to have children with this woman. Who knows, it may turn out to be normal later, but the risk is great.

   Are you not marrying your mother ?? If you love her, get married. You will not live with your mother? still. TT

   Take a piece of paper and write in two columns its positive and negative qualities ... if the negative qualities prevail, lose it.

   It is better not to start a family, but not for the woman next to you or for her mother. Once you judge the person next to you by the decisions his parent made 20 or more years ago, you do not have the right judgment for people. Decisions in life are not made so easily, I leave the child or I do not leave him, there are circumstances that one must comply with. In fact, you don't know why "your mother-in-law" did that, you're just judging. And the bible says don't judge. If you were in her situation then, perhaps, you would have done worse than her.

   I used to be told that when you take a woman, you have to see what the mother is. Well, I didn't listen to that and after 6 years of marriage and a child, my ex-wife caught a lover and we divorced. The pear does not fall farther from the tree. Of course, your wife doesn't have to be such a rift, but honestly, these "details" in a woman's biography are quite poignant. 4 children from 4 different men !? !!? !? !? !? !? Is she a breeding cow or a normal woman? Answer for yourself. Even gypsies do not do such pork.

   Once you have doubts about your girlfriend, it's best to wait. The pattern of behavior in families is repeated and inherited in most cases. There is a joke, if you want to see what the daughter will look like in years to come - see the mother. Your friend may never abandon her children, but the manner and morals may be the same as the parent's.

   Hello, Author! I am the mother-in-law of such a son-in-law - I will certainly never accept him, and the hypocrisy that flows from his mother and from him .... I have no words ... I hope my child does not give birth soon and look at him from all sides, no I have never been interested in whether my son-in-law has finances, real estate, etc., but there is no elementary upbringing here ... We pray with her father to come to her senses. Until №5, as you can see, there are tissue "men" wearing pants, but not male characters, someone like mine can't be relied on - personally I went crazy with a roar and I don't like one, I didn't think that I will get to that fact. Author, take a very good look at things - I know that your life is yours, but not at the expense of your parents' lives - how will they endure what you already know ...

   Do you think these are people? I recently heard a story in which a mother (not of Roma origin) abandoned her child ... There are 2 more children who seem to love more than themselves, but how can anyone believe her ?? why make children and then abandon them? what should be the reasons?

   It is easiest to say that no one should be judged. But with what conscience do these mothers fall asleep at night, tell me? Given that they smoke 2 packs of cigarettes a day and fuck for the last time, and their children are at home, because the poor have no money ... And for the gypsies we have somehow accepted it, we are not surprised that they throw their children in home, but in the case of this woman I found out about - she had the full opportunity to raise him - she had help from her parents, a job, an apartment, but she decided to choose home. disgust!

   Wait, your girlfriend is not to blame for her mother's actions. No one chooses their parents. Therefore, if you really love and care for her, you should not be influenced by what her mother, grandmother or I-don't-know-who has done. You are with her, not her mother! And you don't know what this woman's story is and why she did it. Maybe she got pregnant very early and was forced to leave the child, maybe she was raped ... you don't know. And you yourself say at that time to be a minor mother or to have an abortion was almost a crime, adding to what level the contraception was and you understand how easy it was for a young girl to make a mistake, especially if she was from a less populated area she simply had no choice but to give her child a home. The other meant that she and the child were rejected from society. So you think like a man of the 21st century, but you do not realize what life was like for women in small towns, and in larger ones, only 30-40 years ago. So do not rush to judge without knowing the whole picture. Besides, I tell you again, you will not live with this woman, but with her daughter, who may be a good mother. It would be disturbing to learn that your girlfriend has 2 children abandoned in their homes, but her mother? The fact that a mother was obviously not a model parent does not automatically mean that her daughter will not be either. On the contrary, children who did not have a happy childhood often become super parents because they try to give their children the love from which they were deprived. So watch your relationship with your girlfriend. They are the most important. And that, that someone has ever done something should not affect your relationship at all once you love each other. Look, if you don't love her enough and you don't trust her ... then you'll bring water from 100 wells to prove it doesn't work.

   The mother's behavior is embarrassing ... If she gave birth to them and left them during communism, it tells me that she was not married to these men — or that she went and became pregnant by married men. In both cases, it does not speak well of her. She simply could not legitimize these children in public and therefore left them so as not to scandalize people's opinion of her. Back then, abortion was allowed if you had 2 children and a second if you were over a certain age. The bad thing is that your wife's upbringing may be the same and you may have big problems of a similar nature in the future. And what is this mother-in-law's understanding of how she will raise your children one day ....

   In life 2 and 2 does not make 4th. Different people placed under the same conditions react differently. Watch your wife! As they wrote above, your wife can become a wonderful parent and wife, or she can unconsciously follow her mother's model. I had a similar problem with my husband. I thought he would be a great husband and caring father, precisely because he never had a stable family. His father left them when he was a year and a half old and his sister was less than a year old. My husband follows his father's model - a very irresponsible husband and father. Everything is individual though. I also know people full of orphans who have great families and have achieved a lot in life. One piece of advice - if you decide to have a child by this or any other woman, you should be not 100, but 200% sure.

   Some people say that children would be the same if their parents were like that. Kind of, if you had a mother who was a prostitute, you would hardly become a moral person. In general, what would be your ideas about life? That's why I opened the topic. Given that the woman in question had parents (workers), enough premises, and she herself worked, what could be the reason for leaving them? Just irresponsibility in my opinion. And I can't stop thinking about it. I love her very much, but my mind stops me. This woman will always be present in our lives. What example will my children have? I am very scared. Number 11, if you read the post again, I want to ask him, because he seems more familiar with the time of communism, was it impossible to have an abortion if he is your second child, for example? I guess there were women who succeeded, even in the black. My wife doesn't even know about the second one. Do you know what's wrong with me? I can't even tell her ... I'm disgusted by this mother, who otherwise experiences herself as a saint, and is always outraged by the low morals of other women. Can you imagine? !! He even wants to live with us. How will I live with her? !! My wife's reasoning is (in principle) that it was important for your mother and father to look after you, and if they didn't take care of their other child, you shouldn't care. Yes, but I don't think so ... We love each other, but you see the differences. This mother of hers, being impudent enough, will not let my wife be found until she becomes hers. I don't know how long I can last like that. What I do know is that the men in question, who have children, were not married. I mean, I can't justify it. Tell me, am I crazy to think so much and not be able to make a decision?

   Well done on the N10!

   From number 11. Author, you ask: 1. What are the reasons for her to leave them given that her parents worked, they had enough premises / living space and she also worked ... Just to remind you that the action takes place in a completely different era, so to speak (which set is the woman in question and from which end if it is not a secret, to answer you more clearly). Most likely, she was not married at that time. If so, I will answer you immediately. At that time it was extremely unacceptable for an unmarried woman / girl to be pregnant, it was a great disgrace and shame for the family. Such girls immediately hid them from the public eye, some sent them to other cities and gave birth to their children there. The children born to them gave them for adoption immediately or in a home, then they picked them up and made sure that it was not heard ... And if he was from a small town, it was like a moral death. No parent would agree to leave their pregnant daughter in the public eye at home, no matter how she looks after her baby's baby. He would rather throw her out of his house, no matter how many rooms are available in his house. And then she shouts: "There is no place for you here anymore, to make me a blade in front of the world ... etc." That is, it is not a question of place as space, but of the honor of the girl and the family. If she found out about one, then it was difficult for them to find husbands, because society rejected them as immoral and no normal young man (not even his parents) would ask for a husband. Couldn't they have had an abortion ... probably not. Either it was too late or the commission (of doctors) did not approve the request. An abortion was applied for and a commission was convened for such cases. Perhaps the commissions were instructed not to allow abortions for young unborn women, but to direct them to give birth and meet the need for children for adoption. Again, by law, abortion was performed if you have 2 children or you are over 40 ... or in exceptional circumstances - if you are a victim of violence or your life is in danger. And that was decided by a medical commission. Was it possible "on the black" ... At that time there were no private practitioners and hospitals. There was a lot of control and this "on the black" means illegal, with a high risk for the doctor himself to be tried and fired if he is caught. Not everyone will be willing to do such a thing, even for a large sum of money ... And they kept their reputation and did not engage in illegal things. It's possible that someone will roll up, but it was not easy to find one, because it was scary for him to hear about it. 2. You ask if she can have an abortion if she has a second child. No. Only if he already has 2 births or if he is over 40 years old. or ... see above. Such was the time, so was then. And hardly then, for example, will a young woman ask her or allow her to decide for herself whether to give her child in a home or if she does not have a husband / is not married. It was just under the strong pressure of her parents, society and services. They decide it anyway ... She gives birth somewhere usually in another city (further away), signs a document (or her parents and if she is under 18) that she leaves him and they take him to take him home or immediately in a childless family for adoption. You do not write whether her mother was married or not - this is crucial in this case. If not, it is clear why she "left them" ... and why she didn't get married later - well, it's still clear why. Probably no one asked for it, it was probably rumored about the children. Again, it is clear why .... see what I wrote above. That was then. People's personal lives were not entirely private.

   Very comprehensive comment, N15! And you, author, have been with this woman for a whole year and are you still wondering? I'm starting to feel sorry for your partner