Hello. My beautiful, first-born daughter was born exactly 2 months ago. The arrangement for the three of us to live with her and her father was violated by our life together with my husband's parents. At first I didn't feel comfortable, but I don't have the word - the apartment is theirs. Gradually, my life with this man became hell. A kitchen, a shared bathroom and toilet with them ... Then it started ... I was in my first days after discharge from the hospital and I had a thousand stitches and terrible pain. My husband allegedly took leave to take home. work while I got to my feet, and he started sleeping all day, and his mother did the work. I couldn't move, and they both shouted at me why I was lying and lazy. She comes in and out of our room a hundred times a day without knocking on the door, sits on the bed and sits despite hints that I will sleep and so on. I can't even change without blooming in the room. Despite my terrible condition, I decided to gather strength and start doing the work myself so that she would understand that she did not need it and would return to her apartment (she lives elsewhere, our son and called her for help). He started following me like a shadow and criticizing everything I did. He insults me several times, and then denies it to his son and mumbles like a ladybug. He started brainwashing against me .... For his part, my 40-year-old husband left his job just when he needed it the most, because the bosses "don't like it" ... He talks about mom all the time, he doesn't stand behind me. not once, he wants the three of us to eat with his mother every day, sleeps until noon, looks at the child from time to time in the afternoon, and in the evening on the terrace with cigarettes and beers. He ran out of money and started borrowing from his parents and friends. He accused me of not helping financially. He screams at me like crazy and insults me. He screams in the presence of the child, and when I make a remark to him, he tells me that the child does not mind ... Since I gave birth to another person, I can not recognize him. Now he told me that we should live with mom! After I told him that I couldn't stand it anymore and that he would have to choose between the two of us, he started threatening me that he had acquaintances here and there and was going to take my child. I'm starting to have an organic intolerance for this person. The options are either to live in hell with him and mom or to fight for my child and live in my parents' home ... I was patient because I want the child to have a father, but I feel that my nerves and health go to the movies . He screams at me like crazy and insults me. He screams in the presence of the child, and when I make a remark to him, he tells me that the child does not mind ... Since I gave birth to another person, I can not recognize him. Now tell me we have to live with mom! After I told him that I couldn't stand it anymore and that he would have to choose between the two of us, he started threatening me that he had acquaintances here and there and was going to take my child. I'm starting to have an organic intolerance for this person. The options are either to live in hell with him and mom or to fight for my child and live in my parents' home ... I was patient because I want the child to have a father, but I feel that my nerves and health go to the movies . He screams at me like crazy and insults me. He screams in the presence of the child, and when I make a remark to him, he tells me that the child does not mind ... Since I gave birth to another person, I can not recognize him. Now tell me we have to live with mom! After I told him that I couldn't stand it anymore and that he would have to choose between the two of us, he started threatening me that he had acquaintances here and there and was going to take my child. I'm starting to get into this man organically. The options are either to live in hell with him and mom or to fight for my child and live in my parents' home ... I was patient because I want the child to have a father, but I feel that my nerves and health go to the movies . that we have to live with mom! After I told him that I couldn't stand it anymore and that he would have to choose between the two of us, he started threatening me that he had acquaintances here and there and was going to take my child. I'm starting to have an organic intolerance for this person. The options are either to live in hell with him and mom or to fight for my child and live in my parents' home ... I was patient because I want the child to have a father, but I feel that my nerves and health go to the movies . that we have to live with mom! After I told him that I couldn't stand it anymore and that he would have to choose between the two of us, he started threatening me that he had acquaintances here and there and was going to take my child. I'm starting to have an organic intolerance for this person. The options are either to live in hell with him and mom or to fight for my child and live in my parents' home ... I was patient because I want the child to have a father, but I feel that my nerves and health go to the movies .
Answers 19
Hardly before the birth of the child was the holy water undrinkable, just either you walked very short before that and did not have time to get to know him or you were blinded by love and ... the result is the opposite. 40g man with mom ... sorry and leave work at such a time when you have a newborn child, you need money .... you made a mistake with the choice of "man". Sorry
Take your child and go straight to yours! This is not life! That, on top of everything, he left his job because "the bosses don't like him"! And what will you look at this child with? With air and sunlight? And no, don't go for less that your full potential. In a divorce, 90% of cases, the child, especially if it is a baby, stays with the mother. In order to take your child, you need solid evidence that you are a drug addict, alcoholic, mentally unstable to the point of being dangerous to the child, etc. Well, you're not one of those things, so don't worry. Take out with yours, then when the child gets old enough, find a job if you don't already have one and now you are not a mother and you will see how everything will be fine. And yours will really help you with the child, not like your mother-in-law, to do one thing and then sing to you for hours that you are lazy, and she is such a saint and does everything for you. Let this handsome man live with his mother, if he likes it so much! There are men who are 40 and older, but glued to mom. They are neither for husbands nor for parents, because they themselves behave like children and wait for mom to take care of everything, and then they wonder why no woman wants to be with them. Very interesting why. Don't worry, you won't be our first or last single mother. With more planning and flexibility and a little help from parents, things go perfectly, and children are happier instead of having parents who fight all the time. because they themselves behave like children and wait for mom to take care of everything, and then they wonder why no woman wants to be with them. Very interesting why. Don't worry, you won't be our first or last single mother. With more planning and flexibility and a little help from parents, things work out perfectly, and children are happier instead of having parents who fight all the time. because they themselves behave like children and wait for mom to take care of everything, and then they wonder why no woman wants to be with them. Very interesting why. Don't worry, you won't be our first or last single mother. With more planning and flexibility and a little help from parents, things go perfectly, and children are happier instead of having parents who fight all the time.
In my opinion, it is better to go to your parents ... How will he leave work like that, is he waiting for motherhood now, and why should you support him. If the mother-in-law doesn't have a husband, there's nothing wrong with that. He can't take your child, and sitting will not get better.
Your husband is an idiot for the reasons you say. He won't get smarter. Orient to separation.
Speak directly without notice so that you do not speak unsubstantiated. And then the conversation is not on his territory and without her presence, you set conditions and either you agree or not, the sword will show.
God, what have you been through, but the mother-in-law is one thing - annoying work. Stick in your husband's head that you have a child and he should take responsibility for it. If it doesn't change, dump it. Although he is the father of your 2 month old baby
Go to yours immediately! And one thing I can't understand - you, and not a few women who find themselves in this situation - aren't you interested in the character, the temperament of the men you deal with? I'm also a woman, but I still can't understand you .. Maybe because I'm not a family-oriented person (you can anathematize me here), but it's just weird, in the sense - you're dating someone, so you don't just do sex, and you communicate .. Well, through communication, conversations, don't you see his mentality? Does the desire to adopt obscure sober judgment or something else?
Well, you brought it to your head yourself. We did not force you to marry a mother's son, even if you had a child. You want a way out - pack your bags, the child for a hand and smoke to be gone. Immediately after that, file for divorce and claim all rights over the child on the grounds that the father has no job and cannot provide for the upbringing of a child, neither from a financial point of view, nor to give him a home and peace. Condemn him to pay you a monthly allowance, in return for seeing his daughter only under the supervision of a psychologist. And next time a lot, but be very careful when you meet a man!
Thanks for the comments! I want to clarify that we are not married. I call him my husband, but we are not married. And to number 7 -Yes, I'm interested in the mentality, character and tnt of the person next to me, of course. Precisely because I was choosing, I waited 30 years to decide to start a family. With a man who was caring, kind, considerate and kind more than anyone I know. Our relationship lasted 2 years before I got pregnant. He is a radically different person at the moment. He doesn't leave the house, he doesn't communicate with anyone, he just looks for reasons to insult me, to pick on me and to make remarks to me .... not that I'm dirty) ... this is just a very slight example compared to the rest ....
What else is waiting for you ... I don't know what kind of fairy tale your husband is, in the sense of whether he is balanced to sit down and talk without screams and fights. It can't be that way, this child will grow up in a very bad environment
Get out of there and watch the child alone. Many women are in your situation - there is no other way, you can not change them.
And is it possible that someone benevolently whispered to him that the child was not his? He behaves as if he is a stranger. Look there, tell him how his nose and cheeks look like his, from this end. There are all kinds of children who do not look at their children, but there must be a reason for such a sharp change.
I read your topic 3 days ago but I didn't find any sense in spitting on your husband, so I kept quiet. However, today I read your comment №9 and decided that I have something to tell you. In order for a man to be "caring, kind, considerate and kind", therefore, someone raised him to behave this way towards himself, I believe he guessed - his mother. Yes, your husband is a mother's child. It is logical that when someone attacks the mother of the boy, he jumps to protect her, even if he starts attacking the "aggressor". She knows her son very well and it is normal for her to know ways for her to look like a "ladybug" in front of him and for you to come out bad. It makes sense when they gave him an apartment and now they give him money for food and beer to tell him "what your wife and her parents are helping with" and for him to repeat these words in front of you when you start muttering about money. It is logical that from the moment you are born he feels that he is no longer the most important, he is no longer the child they care for and opposes, is jealous, and his mother knows how to use his feelings against you. And so on. It does not matter how long you have chosen a man, but it is important whether you can choose and whether it occurs to you that if a man is taught something, then someone has learned it. If he called you a scumbag for a dropped olive, therefore he had been insulted from an early age, if he dropped food on the floor, if he had been told "we will clean nothing later" he would not think that dropping is so bad that it deserves insults. Of course, there are many young women in the world who deal with both mother's sons and their mothers, this is done with wit and cunning, and of course it takes effort. You are at a crossroads, you know both ways, either with them or with your mother, you just have to judge whether you have the strength to fight with the mother's son and his mother with wit and cunning or to fight for your child not to take it from you. Can they take it, oh yes, with acquaintances in Bulgaria is possible. Know that in both cases, whichever way you choose, it will cost you a lot of effort, stubbornly and in order to hurt you they will invest a lot in the fight for the child if you decide to go to your mother. But one makes one's own choices in life and must bear the consequences alone. Life is a struggle, an everyday struggle, but everyone chooses for himself what to fight for and, accordingly, whether he has enough strength for what he has chosen. Certainly, no matter how intolerant you are now that you are angry with him, your husband also has good qualities once you have chosen him as a father, you just have to judge whether you have the strength to fight to build a family with him. And when I say fight, I don't mean scandals and fights, and tricks and compromises. You already understand that you can't benefit from attacking his mother in front of him, so if you decide to stay, you have to stop telling him how evil and powerful she is, to find another way to make things happen to you. In fact, it is much easier to guide a mother's son than a man with his own opinion.
He was like that, just to win you over he pretended to be good and when you are tied to him he already shows himself, how old is he?
He is 37 years old. Well, yes, he was brought up that way, like a pedant and a grumbler. After I packed my bags to show that I was serious and gave an ultimatum, his mother went back to her apartment. But that doesn't change the fact that he's not looking for a job and keeps making remarks to me about everything. He claims that he can't live without us, and he doesn't appreciate anything I do. I don't stop doing housework, he did two things and said - I can't do everything ....
Oh, familiar ... I also chose, I found a kind, caring, etc. person and I guess .... a total change after the child. We used to live with his mother, but we talked about moving out, in the middle of the pregnancy he told me that we couldn't move out because he didn't want to leave his mother, CAN YOU IMAGINE? !? !! From that moment on, the light came on that the situation would get worse, and it did, his mother started incredible intrigues, did everything possible to have quarrels between the masses all the time. I saw that there was nowhere to go, not only did I pack my luggage and the child and leave him, but I also moved to another city, guess if he took my child? Naturally, he filed a petition in court and after more than a year, not only did he not take it, but he was also forbidden to see it. Is there a abuser in the family, do not hope for a miracle, the question is how long will you endure the humiliation?
Oh ... these mothers .... and I have a son and above I have experienced everything in part on my own back ... Please mothers children will be our children for life. But when they find their halves let them fight alone in life .... IF YOU CAN HELP .. IF YOU DON'T PREVENT YOUNG PEOPLE FROM BEING HAPPY .... WHAT HAS BEEN WILL NOT RETURN ...
To choose a man of 30 years ??! Enough nonsense! You just caught the last train and because there are no others you watched with pink glasses. o_O Men do not change - remember it!
Well done number 17, that's exactly the way it is, I don't know why they gave you 1 star. The children grow up, separate and form a family. They are not your property and they also deserve to be happy. Stop interfering in their relationships and focus on your husband, not how to break up your son's family. The good mother-in-law wins the daughter, the bad loses the son. You cannot expect to be number one for your son instead of his wife and mother of his children. Stop this war, it is completely unnecessary. Just accept that your relationship has changed, take on your new role and you will be a part of his life. Unfortunately, my mother-in-law did not stop the intrigues and malice and now we do not communicate with her, neither we nor our child ... To this day I wonder why it was so important for her to be number 1 for her son, not for her husband , and why he was angry when he saw, that we are happy instead of rejoicing that her son is happy and loved. As parents, we should want the best for our children, not bind them selfishly to ourselves.