Hello, I am writing here with a request for advice, because I no longer know where to "catch". I am a 35-year-old woman from a big city. From 5 years I have a relationship with a man, four of whom live together without marriage and have a 3-year-old child. A bit of background: I was 30 when we met. We both worked and I can say that we had a good standard of living. We go out, we go on vacation, like a normal couple. About a year later, he inherited from his grandmother and offered me to use this money to buy a house and live together. Of course I agreed. He bought a house, but the money was not enough to repair and furnish it. His banks refused a loan, but they gave me BGN 15,000. We made the repairs, everything was great. For another year, everything was wonderful, until the day I realized I was pregnant ... Then my hell began. We both wanted this child, but my pregnancy was very difficult. I was constantly in hospital for detention. Later I received a pre-advertisement. From the beginning he was very worried about me and the child, but literally for days this person changed. He accused me that I was to blame for having a severe pregnancy, that I would lose the child or give birth to a sick child because of me. I attributed his behavior to stress. Anyway ... Our child was born prematurely, but alive and well. After we got home, his attitude towards me changed radically ... He doesn't help me with the child, he doesn't let me go out, he doesn't give me any money. I begged him to go out for a walk in the park, to eat somewhere, and he kept saying he was tired and couldn't. I asked him to cancel me for 1 hour to go out with friends, but he wouldn't let me. I am a mother and I must be with my child. Then I thought, maybe he's right .. In time I became a shadow. I'm at home all day, cleaning, cooking and looking after my baby. He accepts me as a maid, but without the right to ask for anything. You may find it funny, but he doesn't even buy me hair shampoo, I bathe with the child's soap and shampoo. I have two pairs of jeans and two T-shirts. For these years he has not bought me a pair of pants ...
I no longer have anything .. The banks call me for the loan, but he said he would not deposit it. You will say no money. Believe me there is, but it does not want. Change my number so they don't call .. I don't have friends anymore, because whenever they called me, I couldn't go out .. I don't have a penny, I have nowhere to go. I wanted to work, but he did not give, but unknowingly he enrolled the child in kindergarten. When I told him the child was going to kindergarten, he made a big scandal of me, but the child went to the garden. A month later, I told him I was starting work. He got angry again ... I just thought things would get better, but alas. Every day scandals to leave work, but I refused to leave. The child was very ill and I was constantly absent from work. One day the boss asked me to leave because it couldn't be that way anymore. And the man was right, from 6 months in which I worked to have natural 3 months .. And so again in his old age. So I ask you for advice .. I do not know what to do .. On the one hand, I no longer have a life, but on the other my child has everything. Yes, he doesn't know how to test her temperature, how to bathe her, what medications she takes, how to dress her, but from a financial point of view the child has everything. He goes to dances, English lessons, has the best clothes and toys. I want to leave him, but I'm a realist and I can't make emotional decisions. Where to go to live with the child. If I find a job, it will take me months to get back on my feet. What are we going to eat? How will I pay for the garden, the lessons, the loan? Will he not get angry and demand the rights of the child, which in my situation will be given to him? I don't know, there is a complete mess in my head at the moment and can you, as outsiders, give me a solution that I can't find? !!
Answers 18
You can contact a foundation like Gender Alternatives. They deal specifically with women, single parents and victims of violence. My friend contacted them. He met with a lawyer, a social worker and went to a psychologist for free. They have temporary housing, but they are waiting.
Go to your parents, brother, sister, cousin, girlfriend? At least temporarily, someone to help you get back on your feet. This so-called man of yours is clearly abnormal. Good thing you're not married.
I am a woman and I think that all your problems are based on your solutions, the man tramples you because you allowed him. You claim that if you want something, even if he mutters, things happen the way you want, that is, you decide the child to go to the garden and he leaves, despite his disagreement, you decide to work and go despite his disagreement and this does not create much bigger problems. I want to say that if you really want something, it happens without the realization of a negative impact. Let's start from the beginning. It is not clear what he asked you about, whether about how to spend his own inheritance or asked you to live together? Why didn't you want to sign a marriage before living together? It's also a big mistake on your part to take out a loan to renovate someone else's apartment, since you are not a family, your home is entirely his, you have no rights there, you are not his wife, the properties are not common but his, you are only the mother of his child and so far you have only half the rights over the child, even by law you do not have the right to live in his house if he doesn't want to and at any moment he can throw you out like a dirty kitten. That is the reality, I'm sorry. After her birth, she entered a form of prayerful communication, and then you wonder why he behaves like a lord at home. What does it mean to ask him to look at his child? Not to mention that the loan weighs only on your shoulders and even if you leave it now you will have no way out, because if you start a job somewhere to support yourself, the banks will seize your salary and you will live more miserably from now on, most likely in the cheapest room for rent, with the miserable balance of your salary and without even access to the child's soap to bathe for years and even decades, but because due to non-payment who knows how much your debt has increased. You have no way out, if you leave him you will live much worse, even if you complain to the foundation, it can help you leave him, but you have no problem with leaving home, you have a problem with your maintenance later, and a foundation that to pay your loan to start clean does not exist. You can't accuse him of harassment because he doesn't harass you, he just doesn't give you money and doesn't cancel you as a parent, and he really isn't obliged to give you money to buy for himself, you're not his wife, legal duty only the spouses have to take care of their partner, and the care of their child is even more on his part, because he takes full care of the child's financial support and feeds you, that is, he has taken care of more than half of the child and gives you a kind / with an apology / as a salary care for your survival, gives you to live in his home, pays you electricity, water, food and those you use. With an apology, he found someone to give birth to a child, now he pays all the child's expenses and even provided him with a babysitter at a pretty good price, only for food and shelter, and this babysitter will be there as long as he needs it. You can't accuse him of fraud, he didn't cheat on you, you agreed to live with him without marriage, you agreed to give birth to him without marriage, you gladly took out a loan to repair his apartment, he didn't promise you whatever it was, if you had hopes and dreams, they were only in your head. I do not see any useful move in this situation except to try to trick him, to stay with him for a while longer, to start work and to give yourself all the income to repay your loan, during which time you use food from his roof. and financial care for the child. And this should happen as soon as possible because this person will keep you in his home while he needs you to raise the child, and in order to be able to fight for your child in a future moment, you have to pay off your loan and you have accumulated professional experience that will give you at least some security.
Can you find a job for the night? Is there anyone who can stay with the child at night?
A very, very difficult story. I understand what is written because I am a mother with a small child, too. My husband and I also started having problems after the child was born, but of a different nature. At least I have my own home, which is good and it doesn't get that cheeky. On the subject, dear author, I sympathize with you very much. I understand perfectly well what you are going through. Do you have a mother and father to go to temporarily until some problems are solved. Ask for a lawyer, even though you are not married, you are married and you even have property rights. Basically, this is a vicious circle and the father of your child will never change. The fact that he put you in such a situation is an indicator of what kind of person he is. Run, if not now to the next stage, when the child grows up a little. Do not sacrifice your youth and your time with this gentleman. You have a profession and you will find a job. The child will not be all 3, there will come a time when he will not get sick like that. Look for ways and run. I wish you a lot of success and hold on, nothing is ever hopeless.
Where and how did you live before you met him? Can't it be like that again? I understand you very well. I have been at home for two years, sometimes of my own free will, sometimes under duress. I can comfort you that your child will have less and less need of you and, accordingly, your hands will be untied. It is impossible not to pay your loan. You will feel it with the first salaries. Find a way to take money from the man and pay the installments. If you can set aside, it will be even better. You can't leave without any money. Not to mention debt. You need a job. Squeeze every penny of it in parallel. Can only he raise scandals? Contact a lawyer. Explain to you what money you can ask for child support. If you have parents, go to them, and they will help you with the child when he is ill. Think carefully about who can help you with what. You can go out only with the clothes on your back, but on your card you have to have some money and also a job to feed you. Ok, the child will not have music and dancing (or there will be, alimony), but he will not watch this humiliation and learn from it. If things are really as you describe them, there is only one way out, but plan it well. PS. The boss man was wrong. If he had fired you, you would have been better! But there was no reason and he wanted to appoint another. Amy no. Parents work in all places de facto and both suffer from each other. There is no other way. So next time have to take it alone to leave! Watch your interest and that of the child. but he will not look at this humiliation and learn from it. If things are really as you describe them, there is only one way out, but plan it well. PS. The boss man was wrong. If he had fired you, you would have been better! But there was no reason and he wanted to appoint another. Amy no. Parents work in all places de facto and both suffer from each other. There is no other way. So next time have to take it alone to leave! Watch your interest and that of the child. but he will not look at this humiliation and learn from it. If things are really as you describe them, there is only one way out, but plan it well. PS. The boss man was wrong. If he had fired you, you would have been better! But there was no reason and he wanted to appoint another. Amy no. Parents work in all places de facto and both suffer from each other. There is no other way. So next time have to take it alone to leave! Watch your interest and that of the child.
№5 In order to seek the author's property rights, she must have an invoice issued in her name, for example for the refrigerator, but a person like the author who took out a loan to repair someone else's home hardly wanted to be issued such invoices when buying. Certainly, when withdrawing the loan, she did not announce in the bank that she would repair someone else's home, to record it as a reason in the loan documents, otherwise they would not have given her a loan, probably another reason was written that she will use them for herself for a trip or the like, so there will be no evidence that she used the loan to repair the house. She also has no friends, she claims she lost them, who could possibly testify in court that she bought something for which she presents a receipt. So she can claim property rights, but she is unlikely to win such a case. Also, for a case for a child and a separate case for sofas and utensils, it costs money, which she does not have, and if an amount gets into a bank in her name, the creditors will immediately settle it. I don't know if there are relatives or friends who would shelter her, but she is so burdened that there will be no way out of this mess soon. I don't know if you've gone astray, but the author claims, "I don't have a penny, I have nowhere to go." And the court in this situation will most likely give the child to the father, because it will consider the mother's decisions over the past five years. that it is possible for the mother to continue to make wrong decisions is no longer like once much more often children are given to fathers. If she runs away now without arranging things, she will be homeless, homeless, childless, with two pairs of jeans and a huge debt. This man is quite cunning and impudent,
You write that before you met him you had a good standard, where did you live then? Do you have parents, they still have to have a home? You have to work to pay the loan, with non-payment your debt grows. As they wrote to you before me, this one deceived you and made you completely addicted, you were surprisingly naive for a woman of 30 to furnish someone else's home. When you say there is money. and an apartment, why would the bank refuse him a loan? And there are enough banks not to try them all? In my opinion, this is also a lie. It's so bad that you don't have a useful move. Give the child to the garden again and work so that you can repay the loan and have some money left for you as well. And export to yours. With this you have no future. It's like 30-35 looking to catch up with someone just to have a man.
I am the author ... I completely agree and I realize what a huge mistake I made, but how can I go back in time? How? I loved this man very much and everything was wonderful. How can I assume that this will happen? For those who ask if there is a place to go: I used to live in a dormitory, and before that with my mother and brother ... I am a child of divorced parents, as I have not seen my father since he was 10 years old. My brother is married and has two children and lives with my mother, all in a very small apartment, living room and one room .. How do I go when there is no room? They do not have the financial means to help me, even I helped them with money before I got pregnant. But suppose I go to them? What happens to the child? He will take it from me! I don't have a home, I don't have a job, I have a loan ... Which court will give me the rights? I am sure he will demand the rights of the child ... Every day I hug my child and he roars. I see no way out!
You will NOT go back in time. Stop thinking about it and think about the future. Think about where you can get a loan, from acquaintances, from banks, how to start a job, how to steal money from your husband so you can move out. Talk to your brother. He has to help you. Why should he be with your mother and you suffer? Let him help you monthly with some money once he has occupied the territory there or liberated it. They will not give him the child so easily. Go to your mother with the child and start work, she will help you. Better that way than staying in the same stupid situation. At least you'll have a chance to get away. When you separate, he will have to pay child support, not just your salary. Eventually, make a Facebook campaign to raise funds to start, looking for groups and organizations for help. Seek help. You will find. Not here. Real,
And, author, you say that you, the unemployed, were given a loan of BGN 15,000, and he, with a good income, was denied! Nothing, tell me more, we love to listen!
This topic was written by a man. Notice the statement, there is a push from a man to sound like a suffering woman. I think he's the same one who likes to comment on posing as a woman and starting his address with "darling," then giving the most inadequate comments under the guise of concern.
Number 11..Please read what I wrote .. They give me the loan while I work. Number 12 ... My story is real and I am not a fiction.
Yes, unfortunately such are our men, completely selfish.
She won't want him because she doesn't look at him now. He was just like that, but he performed well. This is a terrible life, if the mother is not happy, the child feels. And how he won't give you the things you want. Bad for the loan, they can stop your money.
The situation is terrible to say the least, but there is always light in the tunnel. How do you think you won it in the beginning and how you could push it away? Think about it and seek a consultation with a psychologist (with a lawyer is required). There are things that have affected. Outwit him by acquiring the traits he liked or wanted. As for parental rights, I would say that it is very difficult to take them away from you in common sense. You are an educated woman and you will find a job. But he wants a trick, just get under his skin while it's convenient for you.
It is precisely this topic that has been invented, one is already confused, here many "creators" release their inventions. But in such a situation there really are women - without income, without property, with loans dependent on their husbands. In such a situation you understand that you are alone - no friends, no relatives, no acquaintances ... Everyone either avoids you or shows you some sympathy in words, but in himself is happy that he is not in your place. And they are right for themselves, they are not obliged to pay for other people's mistakes. All you have to do is mobilize and swim against the current or sink. Women, won't you ever realize that just one "I love him" and eyes wide closed with passion will not automatically make you happy? !! If you do not put reason, but only emotions in a relationship, you will always suffer. Author, if your story is true - go to work, give the child a garden and pay the loan,
In my opinion, the useful move, if you have a place to go to live, is - you send signals to all departments that you can not live with the person. And you can't watch the child alone - it's very necessary - to take him. You can tell him beforehand what you plan to do - it is not impossible to change. And then you move out. This person doesn't love you and I see no reason for you to be together except the child. Children grew up without a mother. If you say - but I love him, he will answer - do not stop what you love. Obviously it is a choice between your well-being or the child's. If his mother is unhappy, the child is not well. That's why you made the choice to be well. I guess your "husband" will not bear the burden of looking at him alone and the rebuke of public opinion and will change.