I don't know how to start my story. It's hard for me, it hurts that I failed as a mother ... I have two children, first I gave birth to my son, I love him very much, but I always wanted a girl, she appeared unexpectedly was not planned, but brought me a lot of happiness and despite the reluctance I convinced his father of a second child and she was born. We pampered her a lot since we were little, even though we don't have a lot of money, we always tried not to miss anything. She is already eighteen, vain, but I did not consider it a bad thing, I have always enjoyed her because she is a real beauty, although quite complex. It all started two years ago when I met the first boy with whom I had a more serious relationship. In the beginning it all started well, he took her and sent her away from home and treated her very well. He came from a wealthy family, but he himself did not do anything, so I did not find it appropriate and did not approve of buying her gifts as he did to her almost constantly ... In the beginning, only for their common holidays, it gradually happened every week and so more and more often. I tried to talk to her that this was not his money, but his parents', and it was not right for him to spend it on her. Then I received an answer that made me think seriously and soon after they broke up under my pressure. Her answer was "if it's not the gifts, why should I go out with him at all" I couldn't believe my ears - the daughter we raised with so much love and care to be sold piecemeal, for some perfume, bag, purse and other nonsense There were no other relationships after this incident, which was surprising since she was an attractive girl, but I noticed that she often went out later, she says she's with friends, but lately she's been messing with her regular ones, and she hasn't mentioned having new ones. When I tried to talk to her, she would start shouting and chasing me out of her room. She only became interested in make-up, nails, hair and tanning beds, which is unfortunate because she is a smart girl and has the potential for more than that. Later I found in her wardrobe clothes that I did not buy her, as well as other expensive things that she lied that her friends had given her (as I said she had quarreled with them, which immediately suggested that she was lying to me, scandals and quarrels started. - she finally admitted that she was dating a much older man than her who "loved" her. When I tried to explain to her that it was immoral and everything else threatened me with leaving our home. I don't know what to do, I am confused and disgusted my child has become what I have always denied and hated. What would you do ... I don't want to lose my child, but I don't want it to ruin that way.
Answers 13
My advice is not to interfere if the girl is an adult. Leave your daughter, everyone makes their choices. Some people cannot be happy without money, gifts and find what they are looking for. There is no way to change her preferences. You do not know exactly what the relationship is with this older man. I am almost convinced that she treats better and more carefully than some overcooked boy her age who thinks only with his pants. Let her live her life. I am now 23 years old and I like men within the permissible limit, but when I was younger I fell in love with them much older and not because of the money, but because of the attitude I received from them.
In today's world, things like true love and affection are rare. Girls look to walk around richer boys who can only provide them with material goods, while most boys look only at external beauty and are not interested in anything else. Your daughter needs to understand and realize that money does not buy happiness and love, but you also need to somehow explain these things to her in words. And don't blame yourself for failing as a parent, it's just that today's society is morally distorted. Reb
Horror! Your daughter is on a very bad path. I don't know how you can make her understand. But she needs help. I can't give you advice, but I wish you success ... I hope you can give it a reason.
Daaaaam .... Quite late for these questions. In my opinion, do not argue with her, so that she does not perceive you as an enemy, but to share. That way you will be aware of what is happening. When she is an adult, try to communicate with her as friendly as possible, because you don't know what's on her mind. Nor can it be guessed what kind of intelligence this old man gives her. This seems to me the best thing - to try to be her friend, although it is very difficult in such a situation.
Did you try to talk to her calmly? No screams or insults. She has the example of many beautiful girls and has decided that appearance provides an easy and comfortable life. This thing is constantly coming to us from the screen and from everywhere. But you are also to blame. You have raised her to receive everything, to admire her, etc. When a person has self-esteem, when he knows his qualities, when he has serious goals and interests, he will not succumb to such temptations. If you argue with her, you will lose her completely, because even now she does not trust you much. In your place I will consult a psychologist as soon as possible to prevent and worse than that.
My advice is to find and talk to your daughter for a long time so that she does not make a mistake. Show understanding to her, tell her all the terrible things that will happen to her. Finally he let her decide.
And what do you want, ma - to remain crazy and poor like you. Instead of rejoicing that the girl is in order and started knitting her basket early. What did you achieve by being so moral? You don't mention a man in the story, I'm almost sure you're divorced and you're struggling to make ends meet on your own. You are somewhere over 43-45 years old, aging and withered from the constant bumping. Simply because you thought that with high morals a halo would grow around your head and you lived for what people would say / sorry not the people, but the grandmothers on the bench in front of the block /
Thanks to everyone who responded to my story. I'm still very worried, she talks less and less to me, at the moment we are only in a formal relationship "When are you going home" "I'm going out" "How was school" and short unambiguous answers from her. I miss our relationship, there are people who have got used to such communication with their children, but I am not one of them, we have always been very close and we have shared as friends ... Now the situation is intolerable as a quiet battle between us.
I'm afraid it's not your fault, it's the present time. You know very well that your daughter is not the only girl looking for material gain, which I hope will calm you down to some extent. Try to explain to her that she will lead such a life for a while, after which she will be abandoned by the man in question, because she will look for another younger one in time. I guess you had this conversation with the girl, but I still wanted to suggest. Tell her that there are other ways to make money, but to be respected. He needs to understand that it is twice as used. And it would not be bad for such girls to read what I have written here, because you see what you are doing to your parents! Take matters into your own hands and fall in love, not on account. Is it worth turning into temporarily used items? The woman here found out about her daughter, but I'm not sure about the parents of others like that. I hope they understand, I hope they understand!
You mention that she is quite a complex and ankle beauty. Why is your daughter complex? How was she brought up? Maybe in upbringing is the reason to become a prostitute? She has already made her choice. At least explain the risks. And what is the role of the father in this family? What does he think about it?
You forgot to write how old the "child" is. You seem to have raised a little pamper and emphasized as a parent the glorification of her physical beauty instead of education? for example. I don't believe otherwise that the girl has potential, I'm sorry. It is time to accept things as they are. And in the end, as others have said, it is better to at least find a wealthy gentleman than to catch up with some malnourished mother from the neighborhood. He who does not have the head to earn his own money, obviously has to use the thing between his legs. So it was, so it is and so it will be. Nothing new under the sun ...
It is really difficult for me to assess the situation. I think that she is not right to go out with someone for money and to be interested only in her appearance and to try to imitate the clothes, behavior, vision and attitude towards men of chalga singers. But somehow something in your comment makes me think you're exaggerating the situation. I apologize if I'm wrong. It is true that your daughter's statement that she is dating someone because of the gifts is a hell of a wrong and disgusting philosophy. But why do you interfere in the first place, what does he buy for her? With BGN 200, which is better - to buy cigarettes for yourself or a gift for your daughter? His money is his, and only his parents have the right to hold him accountable, not you. It is very rude to return a gift, and if he had gone out with someone as poor as a church mouse, it would have been a problem to go out with a hopeless young man, who doesn't take care of her. Apparently you knew him, he took her, he sent her, he took care of her, and the only flaw is that he has money and gives it to your daughter. I can't say you're wrong - I don't approve of anyone spending their parents' sweaty money on their foreheads, but you shouldn't have interfered, just shared your vision. I personally would not take money from an unemployed person, but it was not right for you to comment on that. For me personally, that's why your daughter doesn't share you. You have an understanding of what is moral and what is not, and I am convinced that these are the right understandings, but it is not the way to impose yourself on her and constantly make comments. She saw you judging her, that boy made her presents, so now she's just hiding these things from you so you don't judge her. There must be a dialogue between mothers and daughters. Express your opinion and explain your understandings, but do not impose them. Another point is that I don't see what it's immoral to date an older man. I'm not talking about a 40-50 year old. But at her age and 25 she is in the older man category. I think that even the older ones (between 20 and 30) are much more responsible - they will never dump your child just at a party or a disco or they will leave her alone to go home without caring what will happen to her, she would never smoke in front of him just to look collared in his eyes, she would never get drunk in a car with her. Maybe never, but much less often than an 18-year-old bastard trying to impress. I don't think she's probably going out with him about the presents, but about being able to share with him and have him give her advice without judging her. Every single person especially at her age, she needs to share with someone without having to give a moral lecture. Apparently you and your daughter do not have such dialogues for complex reasons and she sees in him some kind of substitute for the parental body. He probably takes her out, buys her things, talks to her, makes her feel older, and that attracts all the girls her age, but that doesn't make her a prostitute or a mutres. Ana
A sage was asked: - When should we start raising a child? The sage asked, "How old is the child?" They replied: - At 3 months. The sage replied kindly: - You are already late! Let everyone draw their own conclusions. You're late, ma'am.