Hello, I am a 34-year-old woman. and I have two daughters - Kr at 11 years old. and K at 7 years. My husband and I divorced almost a year ago, the children really wanted to stay with him because he had just bought a new house, huge, luxurious, near the beach. And really, if I was alone, I wouldn't be able to look after them very well, because that's my job, I travel all the time, I go on business trips and I had to leave them with my grandparents. I told myself as well as they wanted, I would see them often anyway, because my husband and I had maintained a good relationship and we had agreed that whoever took the children, they would not feel the lack of either. It wasn't long before he found a girlfriend. Honestly, I hadn't thought this could happen. I was sorry that the children might love her more than me, because they would still spend more time with her. When I saw her, I didn't like her at all, I didn't think she would have a good effect on the children, she dressed too provocatively, she put on too much make-up, she wouldn't be a good example for two small children. Besides, every time I went to see the children, she looked at me super viciously, constantly clinging to him and kissing him demonstratively, as if I were going to take him from her. She was quite young - my ex is 35, and she was at least 10-11 years younger. For the first 2-3 weeks I didn't notice that the children had anything to do with her, even K had once told me that she didn't like this poop. So, to this day, she doesn't like her at all, but Kr fell in love with her. When I go to see her, she doesn't even look at me, she's still with her. I admit I'm quite jealous, but that's not my biggest problem. In fact, I'm convinced that she doesn't care about my daughter at all, she's just attracted to her, to have a guarantee that my ex won't leave her. I don't want the little one to be deceived, but she is very attached to her and if I tell her something like that, she will be very upset.
And she just wants to hit her on the head with something, looking at her hypocritical behavior towards Kr. She even started to put on make-up, well, she used to apply gloss, from time to time mascara, I never forbade her, but now she started giving her foundation, shadows, eyeliners, lipsticks, and similar nonsense. Stupid as it may sound, it seems to me that in time, if I leave it at that, she will turn my daughter into a minor prostitute. He also started using some rather vulgar words, which I notice are quite common in the dictionary of my ex-wife. And he doesn't do anything, he always says "What's so great, let's have fun". I even saw her once, that he let her pull out of her cigarette, then I just couldn't stand it and jump, I pulled out the cigarette and tore it in two, I asked her what she was thinking, she "Don't worry, nothing will happen to her, I just wanted to try, yes see how nasty it is and never start. " It was clear to me that he was lying. I'm not worried about the little one, she felt what she was like and didn't contact her at all, but I don't know what to do with the big one anymore.
I feel that she is starting to look more and more like her "idol". I know that it is typical for girls of this age to like make-up and naked ponytails and to take an example from them, and that really worries me a lot. I tried to talk to her, to explain to her that she was very beautiful and without all this make-up, that she didn't go to a girl to use such words as the one I didn't mention at all, because I know how much the little one loves her. She told me, "Well, Kaka B does that, so it's not bad, I'll be like her, so I'll do what she does. She loves me more than you anyway." I was really, really sad. . And then I suddenly remembered that I had heard them talking and she was saying to little "K, you know I love you more than anyone else?" And she said, "Yeah, I know, Mom doesn't like you, but I know, that you are good ". She just tangled it tightly. And my ex sees everything and does absolutely nothing about it. If she had been more honest, I admit, I would still be jealous, but at least I wouldn't have worried about my daughter. I don't know what to do anymore, whether to take my children, I just have to do something, I can't let this woman ruin my daughter ... so it's not bad, I'll be like her, so I'll do what she does. And without that, she loves me more than you. I was really, really sad.
And then I suddenly remembered that I had heard them talking and she was saying to little "K, you know I love you more than anyone else?" "And she said, 'Yes, I know, Mom doesn't like you, but I know you're good.'" She just tangled her tightly. And my ex sees everything and does absolutely nothing about it. If this one was more decent, I admit I would be jealous again, but at least I wouldn't worry about my daughter, I don't know what to do anymore, whether or not to take my children, I just have to do something, I can't let this woman ruin my daughter. so it's not bad, I'll be like her, so I'll do what she does. And without that, she loves me more than you. I was really, really sad. And then I suddenly remembered that I had heard them talking and she was saying to little "K, you know I love you more than anyone else?" "Yes, I know, Mom doesn't like you, but I know you're good." She just tangled her tightly.
And my ex sees everything and does absolutely nothing about it. If this one was more decent, I admit I would be jealous again, but at least I wouldn't worry about my daughter, I don't know what to do anymore, not to take my children, I just have to do something, I can't let this woman ruin my daughter. . I was really, really sad. And then I suddenly remembered that I had heard them talking and she was saying to little "K, you know I love you more than anyone else?" And she said, "Yeah, I know, Mom doesn't like you, but I know, that you are good ". She just tangled it tightly. And my ex sees everything and does absolutely nothing about it. If she had been more honest, I admit, I would still be jealous, but at least I wouldn't have worried about my daughter. I don't know what to do anymore, whether to take my children, I just have to do something, I can't let this woman ruin my daughter ... I was really, really sad. And then I suddenly remembered that I had heard them talking and she was saying to little "K, you know I love you more than anyone else?" And she said, "Yeah, I know, Mom doesn't like you, but I know, that you are good ". She just tangled it tightly. And my ex sees everything and does absolutely nothing about it. If she had been more honest, I admit, I would still be jealous, but at least I wouldn't have worried about my daughter. I don't know what to do anymore, whether to take my children, I just have to do something, I can't let this woman ruin my daughter ...
She just tangled it tightly. And my ex sees everything and does absolutely nothing about it. If she had been more honest, I admit, I would still be jealous, but at least I wouldn't have worried about my daughter. I don't know what to do anymore, whether to take my children, I just have to do something, I can't let this woman ruin my daughter ... She just tangled it tightly. And my ex sees everything and does absolutely nothing about it. If she had been more honest, I admit, I would still be jealous, but at least I wouldn't have worried about my daughter. I don't know what to do anymore, whether to take my children, I just have to do something, I can't let this woman ruin my daughter ...
Answers 10
I don't know how objective you can be in your assessment of your ex's new one. I'm even convinced you can't! You are currently experiencing jealousy, which can only lead to problems for your children.
On the one hand, it is normal for your husband to move forward with his life. He will not sit alone for the rest of his life because your marriage has not started. He found another woman, and this woman is clearly not hostile to your children. She's not trying to be their mother, she's just trying to be their friend. It is normal for your daughter to like her more, because she perceives you as a mother who will quarrel with me, and her as a poop / girlfriend who will understand her. Your husband lets you see the children whenever you want, she doesn't say anything. It's normal now that she's not happy to see you. Will you be pleased to see your husband's ex? You also can't expect her to raise children. Her approach may be bad, but I don't think she is deliberately trying to harm them. She's just a lot smaller than you and your husband. Think about it - he's 35, she's 24, the child is 11. So she has no experience as a parent, an attempt to raise a growing child. The difference between her and your ex-husband is almost as much as hers and your daughter's. For me, you have to sit at a table with you, her and your husband and talk about what to do in front of the children and not do things you don't approve of. For example, this is unacceptable for cigarettes and just clarify what she has the right and what she has no right to do while with children. And from another point of view, your daughter's behavior is normal. After all, this young girl is the only female example she has to follow. This is the woman she spends the most time with and eventually lives with. And we all know how a teenager needs a mother during this period. In that line of thinking, she spends more time with your daughter than you, she's the one at home when your daughter needs advice, she's the one who calms her down, if something happened. And what's wrong with telling her he loves her? true it may be hypocritical, but at least he accepts it. And how many women would kick a child from their husband's first marriage and treat him well? And your second daughter for me just isn't used to the idea that you're not together and that he has another and wouldn't like anyone. To me, yours is more jealousy. Jealousy that she has what you had for a year. Jealousy that your daughter is closer to her. Jealousy that the other is behaving well with her, spends more time with her and pays attention to her. And the only solution is to choose - your daughters or the job. There is no way you can be absent non-stop and then want to be close. It's not bad to take your children - they are still girls and will feel better with their mother during their teenage years. But if you take your children, you have to be sure that they will not sit with their grandparents and that you can give them the attention they need. Ana
You can feel a lot of different emotions from what you wrote. Calm down first. As a mother, you have the right to decide how to raise your children because of this, and I would not blame you for anything. After these things are not right for you, sit down and talk to your ex-husband in private. But carefully choose the words you will use so that it does not turn out that you are crazy jealous. Tell him that you don't consider it right for your daughter to put on make-up, use vulgar words ... etc. You list the things you notice and worry about. And you tell him directly that you want him to talk to his partner and explain to her that her behavior towards the child is not acceptable. In my opinion, in order to "win" this "battle", you have to overcome the jealousy and all these negative feelings that you feel and become more cunning. Instead of viciously and aggressively looking at your husband's new girlfriend, you should have tried to make friends with her, throw her some funny jokes about the men around you, let her know that you really have no intention of stealing her boyfriend. Don't tell the kids directly - this one is bad, I don't like it. And he explained to them that some things are for the big ones, and they are not like that yet. Be a tactician and a psychologist. Not a mean and jealous woman. After all, if there is a way to take your children for a while. Not a mean and jealous woman. After all, if there is a way to take your children for a while. Not a mean and jealous woman. After all, if there is a way to take your children for a while.
Psychology, tactics, manipulation ... nothing more. This is what she does. My parents never forbade me provocative clothes, cigarettes, alcohol, make-up, boys ... they didn't call me for anything and didn't harass me. As a result, I have not touched on any of the above. Well, not that I don't date boys, but I don't do anything that makes me feel small ... I only drink alcohol with my father on holidays, I haven't tried cigarettes (are they offered to me in many places), I don't wear make-up (only spiral put). I'm still in puberty and the truth is that I share absolutely everything with them - including transcripts, scandals with friends and all sorts of nonsense. They succeeded, they outplayed me. To forbid something to a teenager, to shout at him, to incite him against his acquaintances is a huge mistake. It's like giving a fork to a 3 year old and telling him not to mess with the socket, because he will feel a strange shiver on his skin. You just push him to make mistakes like that. Allowing a teenager to make mistakes is smart, because if he makes a mistake he will learn. Tell the little one more often that you love her, talk to her, tell her that she is beautiful, buy something she wants for Christmas, offer and invite friends for guests to sleep or have breakfast in bed. These are the oddities that make little girls feel important. For children to please and be kind to them means to think about their happiness. Or rather, not calling them and forbidding them means loving them. Think about it and you will realize that this is exactly the case with your ex and his girlfriend. She is not her mother and she does not fight, she does not care about her in general, therefore she automatically becomes the favorite, the good cop. It's a little harder for the big one. She decided to put on make-up anyway. I suggest you buy her a nice palette of shadows, with bright colors to suit a little girl and a nice mascara. As it will stick, at least with quality things, not garbage. Make a very long and very sensitive speech, because you made a mistake, that you apologize, that it is not wrong to put on make-up and that you trust her completely. Then tell her that you were only worried about the skin and because from the bottom of the skin the pores become clogged and very large and red pimples appear, and she is in puberty and it would be easier for her. Hug her, tell her that she is beautiful to you in every possible way and that you are angry with the poop because you decided that because of her you will start to feel beautiful only with makeup. If she starts appearing with very dark make-up and says that her make-up is too dark for the winter and will be smeared by the snow / wind / rain. She doesn't care that it's heavy, it feels big enough for one, but it would crack that it will smudge and become like a parody of a muffin. Think from her point of view. In fact, in the end it all comes down to the tone of the conversation. If you don't shout, if you only tell the truth (in a decorated version) and show how much you care about someone, everything is fine. In principle, I am against the manipulation of children, but ... if you don't, like them, they will become more attached to her, and you seem like a good mother to me.
Girls, thank you! I am only a reader with similar behavior to the author and with a similar problem and also with a daughter, but already married - she is 21 husband at 22 years old. - I don't like it for many reasons. Manipulated and secretly married for several months. How many times have I tried to act as she says №4, but apparently my rage has not passed yet and sometimes I talk to her normally, and other times I feel like killing her for the nonsense she's done. But reading here about the mother-daughter relationship, I'm trying to learn from you younger ones. To the author: I fully understand you, try and take your children and spend a great Christmas and NG together - have fun and if you can take them forever. Every missed moment is not made up, and the memories are priceless. I wish you success!
Oh, when they take these men to catch girls almost the age of their daughters and they just fall in my eyes and disgust me!
In my opinion, V. and Kr. have become friends precisely for the purpose of irritating you. V. still sees competition in you, especially since your relationship with your ex is still good (I don't think it can be a guarantee - you still broke up despite K and Kr. Kr. Has entered puberty I am not saying that you should withdraw from Kr. On the contrary - intervene, but carefully, with psychology, manipulation and tactics, as n. 4 said.
Children are easy to manipulate. Wait a little longer for her to grow up and then you will see that he will turn against her, because he will realize that she is a stranger and has "stolen" their father.
Don't take offense, but your main mistake is to leave the children with your ex-husband! If he's going to be the richest man on the planet, you're their mother, damn it !! You could let them go to him whenever they wanted, but be with you. What if you have to seek help from your parents? You have already lost your authority as a mother to them, even if you think you did it for their good. You already live apart from them and the main decisions concerning their lives will be made by your ex-husband, because he raises them. That's it. I have an acquaintance like you. And she spoke in the same way - but with his father it will be more convenient for the child, there are better conditions, etc. But at one point I just felt that it was easier for her, and she justifies herself with the comfort of the child. The result is that they are more and more distant with their son, and he no longer even wants to be with her on holidays,
If you don't like it, take your children to you and take an example from you of what you left them with your new deputy. Don't take offense at me, but if your children still stay there, you'll regret it in time. Because she is not the one who should educate them. I hope you make the right decision