My father drinks brandy every night and becomes a different person, he starts to pick on my mother and me. I've never had a meaningful conversation with him because he's either watching a game or he's already drunk or he's still busy with something, I don't care. He calls me various insulting words: hyumne, rare shit, drislyo, and all sorts of others. If someone else calls me that, I won't sleep much, but I don't like my own father calling me that. He says I'm very stupid, very dumb, that my friends were smarter than me. He's constantly looking for something to deal with, and I just want to spend some time as a father and son, like normal families, without constantly yelling at me for something. He says I don't respect him, and I love him as a father, but he can't understand that. He accuses me of being lazy and I have a steady job, I even drive extraordinary shifts and give half of my salary at home for food and other things. I don't know what to do and how to talk to him, he is very hot-tempered, nervous and proud. If I had the opportunity to move to another country a long time ago, but I don't have enough money, I don't have connections, acquaintances. I want my family to understand each other normally and not to have scandals every night.
Answers 20
I fully understand you, I feel sorry for children who grew up in such a situation. But alcohol does not forgive anyone. I hope you have the opportunity to break away from it one day. Otherwise, try to avoid contact with him, pursue your interests, do not get angry, it just doesn't make sense.
Emmy, men usually drink when something is wrong in their marriage ... the man is not happy with his life ...
Unfortunately, things don't get better while he drinks. There are people / I know such a person / who are good, love their children, etc., but alcohol makes them completely different and all the worst traits in their character are ten times stronger. You are an adult and if you work, then you still have some independence. In my opinion, with a drunk or intoxicated person, in whom aggression is triggered, there is simply no point in arguing, even talking. Either avoid contacts, which will inevitably lead to a collision, or instead of giving money for food, etc., move to a room. I am not a psychologist, but all these insults and accusations are an expression of the complexes and his own dissatisfaction. He probably wouldn't say that in a sober state, and he doesn't think of you that way. The only way out if you still want or are forced to stay in the family, it is for this person to realize that there is a problem and to have the will to solve it - ie. not to drink or at least to drink very little. In addition, if you work, then you can start your own family or live on a family basis. So look ahead and don't get angry - it's no use and you won't change a person who has long been formed as a character and a person and worst of all - who is obviously relaxing and unloading with drinking.
As negative as it sounds, there is no cure, alcohol has not forgiven anyone. If a person does not feel in time that it is detrimental to him and becomes disgusting to others, write him off. Well, take measures, save, learn a little language and grasp the boundaries, the caravan goes. Winnie the Pooh
The fault is not in the marriage, but in the person. He and my father drink but have no problems in marriage, and because he is addicted, he can't sit every night if he doesn't drink one or two cups ...
Does your father go to work? Because if he walks, he's supposed to be sober there ... and accordingly you could talk to him without any quarrels. I'm not saying that this will change anything, but at least it will be a beginning. Maybe if you tell him some things in his face, he will give meaning to his life and behavior towards you and your mother ... Do I know? If that doesn't help, I don't know what else I can advise you but to separate and live alone. To number 5 - It's all a matter of will. I can't agree that alcohol doesn't forgive anyone. A person, if he wishes, will find the FORCE to stop :)
It's not alcohol, my friend - your father is a man with serious problems. Alcohol is only an outward manifestation of what is inside it - it is a kind of "justification" for his behavior, words and actions. In my opinion, it is pointless to seek contact with such a person - your father sang a song, you better think that you do not have a father (your attempts to change something with him is just a waste of time and energy). You better look beautifully and consciously in his face WHAT YOU SHOULD NEVER BE IN YOUR LIFE, and how YOU SHOULD NOT treat your children and family when you make your own. It is commendable that you work. It is also commendable that you take extraordinary shifts - this means that you want to develop. I also see that you are a relatively intelligent and literate boy (you write with far fewer spelling and other mistakes than most here). It's time for you to think about your own, own family, and see to it that you never allow the NEGATIVE EXAMPLE you have from your own. With all my heart I wish you all the best on your way! Success! And remember - dawn after every darkness!
It's very funny to me, and I feel sorry for people who think and say that "alcohol makes another person." Alcohol does nothing, at least not. It simply "removes the brakes and restraints" so that one can take off the social mask and show one's true nature! Drink it, Saint, and see if he will become a bully? His reactions will slow down - yes, his tongue will thicken and start to tangle - yes, he will stagger as he walks - yes, and a bunch of other physiological reactions, but he will NEVER TURN INTO HIS OPPOSITE, nor "anyone else it will enter his skin and begin in his place - he will not become "another man." "Other people become only the losers, the internally dissatisfied and angry people who are just looking for each other." he took responsibility for my actions and decisions. What can I tell you - a complete parody and an attempt at delusion and self-delusion are these tales that someone's alcohol is to blame for something. There is no such film, unfortunately ... In my opinion, these legal provisions should be abolished, in which if a person commits a serious crime and has used alcohol, then alcohol is considered a "mitigating circumstance" - a complete absurdity!
I have already commented on this letter under №4, but I returned to it and the comments. Particularly true are those of № 8 and № 9. That's right, and really put your energy into serving yourself.
And I grow up like that every night, I get annoyed with my mother. This is very sad for me. Sometimes it happened that I hid from him. My heart hurts.
So who doesn't drink?
The bad thing is that your mothers tolerate this bullying in the name of their children, when in fact they don't realize that cohabitation and daily bullying have a much worse effect on their children than, for example, separation. Alcohol is just one of the problems of people like your fathers. Usually these are bad people with a bitter life experience and a lot of anger in them, having a number of other reasons to be so bilious and angry. They need a psychologist to help them get to the bottom of the problem and then a rehabilitation clinic and treatment to get rid of alcoholism, but in Bulgaria, these things are just an unheard of practice, to my great regret. People like your fathers find a vent in their children and wives and cannot be stopped in any way. Poor picture! The only thing I can advise you is to break away from this environment as soon as possible, before it affects you and turns you into a copy of them. I am sincerely sorry, but I cannot give you a positive answer in this case, except to avoid contact with him and to aspire to be the best so that you can get out of this environment as soon as possible. I do not understand your mothers, how can they stand with such men? There is a saying: Better alone than badly accompanied. Quite often it turns out to be absolutely true. Good luck! Yagi absolutely true. Good luck! Yagi absolutely true. Good luck! Yagi
Regarding the above comment. Mothers can't stand it, but they have nowhere to go in this stupid time. Because they are overwhelmed with work and a bunch of bills to pay. I want to say that there are no decent men. They are all the same. Either they drink or they just want sex. I apologize to any man who is not!
You hardly need that, but I'll tell you, I've been through the same thing, maybe worse. My father beat my mother almost every time he got drunk. Once my mother got tired after 10 or maybe more years of harassment and called the police ... My father told him something and decided to commit suicide. My mother found him and took him to the ambulance. goeori with doctors, psychiatrists and after very long conversations my father came home and for almost 2 years has literally not licked alcohol. The truth is that everything has been fine since then. There are no causeless scandals and problems other than the usual acquaintances of every family.
At number 14 I will say that it is frigid. And if he doesn't want sex with your husband, what else can he want for you - to cook him beans !? After you don't give it to him, he will drink, because he is angry with you! First look for the problem in yourself. It's good that you don't drink, but don't give it to your husband ... Well, there are no men who don't "squeeze", because otherwise their eggs will burst. If you want a man who doesn't want "only sex" for you, find a eunuch !!!
I want to tell you and I am in the same situation. When my father drank, he turned into another person, to put it more clearly, in the trash. He starts to get annoyed with everyone, especially my mother. Sometimes he doesn't drink for about 10 days, but when he sits down to drink 1 bottle of whiskey he drinks it. I get very annoyed by how he insults me, sometimes it comes from inside me to blow him up, but then I tell myself he's my father, I shouldn't do it. In order to be able to protect my mother, I started training boxing and going to the gym, from 72 kg I became 98 kg. One night I came home and saw my father drunk and beating my mother, she was shaking and crying. I told my mother to come out. He curses my mother and me too. I want to be calm, but he was looking for him in front of me, he still wanted to beat his mother. At one point I couldn't help myself and the result was 2 weeks in the hospital for my father-11 facial stitches, broken teeth, broken vertebrae and a broken wrist. It was the malice that had accumulated in me over the years. And I'm not sorry at all, if he attacks my mother again, I'll beat him.
18, your mother and everyone like her are for residence. For having endured, and enduring this. For leaving their child to suffer in such an atmosphere for one masochism, with the excuse "I have nowhere to go". I have not a gram of sympathy for such women. There is no excuse for them ... women without dignity, without a drop of self-esteem and responsibility to their children. Their children grow up to be unhappy, cowardly and depressed people, or worse, aggressive ... there is no excuse for that.
I support No. 19 and I can add that often a woman is part of the problem and is also emotionally dependent on this man, and may even be the cause of alcoholism. I am a woman and I prefer to put my children in a foster home while I stand on my feet, but I would not tolerate such a man for a single day - it is one thing to decide to live with one, it is another to have children and put them in the movie. I do not regret such women at all, but I call the social services to come and pick up the children - I have done it twice and I am happy with the result - the children are with normal families and the wife stays with the husband - this confirms my opinion that they are alone guilty ones
Hi I'm 14 (I won't try to write competently). So it's almost the same in my family. My father drinks 1 glass of brandy (approximately 150 g) every night and starts nagging with my mother and screaming like a freak. Most of the time they don't talk to each other, but when he starts shouting he gets so nervous that I just leave the room and I go to call him (only when I do he stops). I'm not a nervous person in general, but I don't want my father to shout because that's how I get nervous and become a copy of him (and I don't want that to happen). In the end, I don't care if he calls me ... I feel more sorry for my mother. I keep wondering what will happen to my mother after I leave the house (when I turn 18 or older) ... Even when I'm out, I constantly wonder if my father is calling my mother right now. My mother once told me while cleaning at home that her shoulder hurt. I asked her why and she told me that when I was younger (on 10/11) he hit her in the shoulder (and so she accumulated pain from all the times he hit her). When I realized this, I was so angry that I wanted to beat my father. Please give some advice or something because just my soul is not calm when they are alone at home and I'm out :(.
Hello, it's me again (21). Things have changed since his previous comment. In a sense, my father no longer yells or teases. :) I hope things get better with you too :) By the way, I'm sorry that last time I couldn't give you advice, but this time I won't forget. :) My advice: When he is "sober" go to him and just ask him to talk. If he doesn't want to, insist. :) But if it doesn't happen ... I'm sorry, nothing else comes to mind. It's just that he'll probably never be able to change because he's already built a character that I'm very sorry about. There may come a time when he realizes this, but it will probably be too late. I'm sorry that's all I can say. :(