Hello. I want to share something with you. A few days ago, I found out that my father was cheating on my mother. They have been married for 21 years and to tell you the truth, it came to me like thunder from a clear sky. Now I don't know how to deal with him ... he caught my eye so much that he just has nowhere to go. Just hear him otherwise resent those who cheat, be it a man or a woman. On top of that, I heard them talking yesterday. How would you react in my place? What would you advise me? And for those who will say that he is looking for something in the other .. well, he does not get it at home, I know for the simple reason that my mother told me 2 months ago that she thinks she is pregnant (then it turned out, that it is not), but anyway. Thank you. Nice day.
Answers 17
I can't understand why children always interfere in their parents' lives? What concerns you, these are their relationships and problems.
To number 1: Of course I will be confused, because this is a great trauma for a child. Talk to your mother, maybe she doesn't deserve to be lied to;)
This is a relationship between your parents. No matter how they treat each other, they remain your parents, do not interfere, although it is terribly difficult and difficult.
Well, it confuses me because it affects me and my sister, who is not an adult.
If my child knows something like that and doesn't tell me or take action, I will feel betrayed twice. It is as if my closest people do not support and understand me in such a difficult time for me, but say that this is not their job. Of course, it is their job - we are one blood and we must support each other. Share with your mother and talk to your father. Let him know that you did not fall from the moon and that you condemn his behavior. To take responsibility for his actions as a mature person, not to be hypocritical. I feel for you. It was the same in my parents' family, and while my mother was very open with us on the subject, my father did not say a word all his life. I will never forgive him for not once sitting down to talk to me and try to explain to me why he is behaving like a pig.
Now you are indignant, but you have no idea where YOU will take her one day, so be gentle.
Do you think your mother doesn't know? I deeply doubt that she does not know, because a woman always feels when her husband is cheating on her. Or if he doesn't know, then at least he doubts. You can't be with a person for 21 years and not understand when he is not faithful to you. Maybe she stayed with your father because of the famous "because of the children" cliché. Be neutral and don't interfere in your parents' relationships.
That's how you start "Don't get confused". Did the girl not fall from Mars, did she live with the neighbors, or was the fact that her mother gave birth to her the only thing that binds her to her? They are a family, the man and the woman are her parents, there is no way not to be "confused". I understand that it is very difficult for you in this situation, because so far you have lived with the thought that everything is fine in your family and "peace reigns". It's hard to understand such a thing, especially one you never imagined. You feel offended, deceived, as if not just your father will be taken away from you, but your whole family. You don't know whether to tell your mother so as not to upset her, or maybe she already knows and has felt it, or not. Will there be a divorce? No one can tell you, and the thought of him is frightening. It will be best if you feel ready and able to talk about this topic with your father ... You're in a difficult situation and you can't decide what to do, so you're looking for advice here, but I don't know if you'll find it. n. Before you said that it happened to me and this is my personal experience, I will tell you in advance that "no" in response :)
They start again with another cliché “why do children interfere in their parents’ lives? ”People, have you lived in families? There they talk, share, get excited about joys and problems in general. I have a feeling that society is ossifying. Everyone looks at himself and is not responsible for his actions. Girl, your father is another complex, entering the stumbling block of age and in need of self-proof that he is still walking - some have enough that they are still liked and there are more women in love with them, while others want to "take the plane" elsewhere. There is no family left without such a period. Don't take it to heart. Your mother will understand and "untie the knot" if your father has not "recovered" from this widespread disease before. P. P. The last sentence is borrowed from such a father,
Abe, why when you find out about the infidelity of the man (the father), the first question that comes to your mind is "Should I tell mom?" Why don't you ask yourself the question "Should I talk to dad?" Wasn't it somehow more normal, damn it? ? I go to my father and tell him that I heard him talking to his mistress, I offer him to listen to him, to talk and provoke him not to live in a lie. If she wants to stay with the other, or if she doesn't want to - this one, but to do the right thing and tell my mother. Isn't this mature, responsible and calm ...? What if you tell your mother? You will scold them, it will become ugly and bloody, tears, dirty shirts, accusations. Your mother will roar, your father will deny ... and? with what such a development of things will fix the problem ... Come sit down now and think. 21 years of marriage, it is assumed that you are at some seemingly mature age around at least 18. That is, he acted like a great man. Yes, this is your family and you don't want to break up. You know that yours have sex, but you don't know what kind, you don't know if they still love each other, you don't know many things. Your father caught your eye because he was lying and because he was playing a double game ... Tell him! say exactly what you feel, what offends you ... without making insulting accusations and making him feel pathetic. He may have met some "savage" who does things your mother never wanted to try in bed and itch the person to try. It may be temporary for sex with a younger girl. But your father may also have some internal, very hidden and deep problems that he is trying to solve in this way. He may have resorted to infidelity in his delusion that he would solve them, but it could be something else. We cannot see the hidden motives of the people ... and neither you nor your mother will see them if you pour a bunch of accusations on his head. Because the natural reaction at this point is self-defense. My parents have a very happy cohabitation and so far I do not know if there has been infidelity. But my grandparents divorced when I was 7. He had another wife. After so many years, my grandmother says: I made a mistake then because we attacked him with your mother ... neither of us tried to talk to him. Think like a big man before you act! And remember - no one is to blame. I made a mistake then because your mother and I attacked him ... neither of us tried to talk to him. Think like a big man before you act! And remember - no one is to blame. I made a mistake then because your mother and I attacked him ... neither of us tried to talk to him. Think like a big man before you act! And remember - no one is to blame.
Like No. 10, I think it's best to talk to your father first. See what he will tell you and then decide whether to tell your mother. Because you can really get angry and quarrel with your father and he can run away to the other. When you tell him that you know and want them to end their relationship and tell your mother, no matter what happens, their decision will be theirs. And you will not blame yourself.
Thanks to everyone for the tips. Yes, I talked to my mother and she was the one who told me that he might have a mistress. Then a few days later he started going to work earlier, frequent shifts ... and so on. Today his phone rang and told me to see who it was, she was don't ask me how I know (it was written with those sweet expressions) and I gave him the phone in my hands and he realized that I saw who was calling him. The strange thing was that he picked up the phone and pretended to be talking to someone else. He knows I know. I just wonder, ok he needed cheating, but do we have to understand? !!
Egati the idiot
why be a fool ... he is a man who has the right to choose, he has the right to fall in love, to love, isn't that so ... what did he do to his daughter that she judges him, doesn't he behave humanely, is he aggressive ... well, pass it on to your mother, tell her ... and what, it's your fault ....
Tell your mother not to understand otherwise. Mine understood a sexually transmitted disease. I caught him, I was wondering what to do and after 1 2 weeks the test came out and I told her everything, but I found out later.
Well, he may not be happy with your mother. She is a mother to you, but she may be a boring and annoying woman to him. Or maybe she cheated on him at the time. Why get confused when you start from the end?
Then, if she is a boring woman, why didn't the father divorce her mother directly? Of course he is mistaken .... When there is infidelity in a family with children, children are always the most injured!