Hello! I started to explain my story, but I thought of an article and copied part of it, you better go down and read these questions and how I answered, you will get a good idea. The questions are answered "Yes", only the last two are "No". I have been in a relationship for 3 years, my first love. At first everything was great, at least that's how it seemed to me. He told me how he didn't need others, how he wanted to be with me forever, all sorts of empty promises. He was hellishly obsessive - photos, video calls, explanations. And I thought much more mature then, even though he was bigger. I wanted a healthy and mature relationship. But I was younger and maybe I wanted to like him, a little later I fell in love and changed a lot, I lost myself. I don't have any friends anymore. Now, years later, he has become very frivolous. He says that he is young and wants to live his youth. He has a lot of flirtatious relationships with other women. He moved very far away from me. Even when I tell him something, he either doesn't listen to me at all, or he looks at me and listens with contempt and boredom, he answers in half a word. And then he accuses me of being boring and not talking. He constantly criticizes my character and my appearance. He tells me how other women look or behave well, but he never tells me any good traits of mine. She says I'm not feminine, I haven't washed, cooked, cleaned - we don't even live together.
He has NEVER done a single job in our country, and I have never done so much in their country. Should I go to them to do his job? He is only interested in himself. Literally, if I die, and he can save me by giving 20 leva, he will not do it, because that is to his detriment. Now he tells me that he goes out with his friends, that I go out with mine, but I don't. He says it's not his fault that he deliberately manipulated me in the beginning, and it's my fault that I let him. Credit: e-newspaper. opensubtitles2 en YES:
1. Does he say cruel things to you, followed by the words: "I was just kidding"?
2. Are you mocked when something bad happens to you or you are upset?
3. Does he make sarcastic remarks to you?
4. Does he enjoy telling you things that embarrass or confuse you?
5. Is he joking at your expense?
6. Does he enjoy underestimating or humiliating the people around him?
1. Does he turn things around so that he looks for faults in you?
2. Does he deprive you of caresses or sex if you do not do what he wants, or as a form of punishment?
6. Do you often contradict yourself?
8. Does he behave defiantly, thus making matters worse?
9. Does he manipulate you and other people around him with his plans or great ideas?
1. Did you catch him lying?
2. Do you often distort the truth?
3. Does he have a habit of hiding or distorting important information?
6. Does he come home late and absent without explanation, which could mean that he leads a secret life?
7. Has he cheated on you more than once? / I caught him writing to others, sending photos, he had gone out with one once /
3. Does it happen that he is not next to you or finds an excuse for his absence when you really need him? 4. Do you constantly talk about yourself without paying much attention to your problems? 5. Does he always need to be first? 7. Does he rarely spend money on you, including gifts? 1. Does he often avoid you when he is upset? 2. Is it difficult to get him to speak openly with you? 3. Does he behave reservedly, coolly, arrogantly or indifferently, thus concealing his feelings? 5. Does he avoid giving explanations related to his work? 6. Does he refuse to answer your questions when you try to get any information from him? 1. Does he humiliate his friends and / or family members? 2. Is he constantly criticizing you for your appearance, age, weight or behavior? 3. Does he always reprimand you when you make mistakes? 4. Does he speak disapprovingly of his ex-wife or, in general, of the women in his life? 6. Does he tend to ignore or oppose most of the things you say? 7. Does he enjoy putting people in their place? 1. Are there any unresolved issues between him and his mother or female relatives? 2. Is he cruel or mean? 3. Does it behave like that? as if someone is constantly to blame for something? 4. Does he often talk to you in a hostile, aggressive tone? 5. Does he often talk to you in a way that shows that his behavior irritates him? 6. Does he often treat you arrogantly? 7. Do you often scream and curse? 8. Does he make baseless accusations against you? 9. Does he really want to achieve his goal and is he hostile to you when he fails? 10. Does it explode for no reason? NO: 2. Does it show you that for him you are the most important person, or rather such gestures come late? 4. Can you easily contact him or find out where he is at a given moment? I think he's a psychopath. After 3 years I am still in love. I am emotionally dependent on him, I hope no one happens to be like that. I'm terribly emotionally unstable. I'm worried about being without him, especially for my mental state. Should I start going to a psychologist and then break up with him? Is there a chance that he will grow up, because really 20 to 25 are not the most adequate years? I really don't want to waste this love. I don't know about him, but I love him purely, like a child, and to separate we will always think of him sometimes. Thank you all.
Answers 6
If there's a rotten egg in the fridge and you're hungry, you're going to buy eggs and you're not going to eat the rotten one, are you? Of course, hunger will ask you to eat right now, you probably won't shop. However, after eating a rotten egg, you will feel much worse than if you were hungry for another 15 minutes. This is also in your love affair. Congratulations, you have a broken egg and you are hungry ... If you want to go to a psychologist, but I personally think you only need to use your brain and will. I don't know your man, I don't know how decent he is, I can't judge from your story either, because I tend to believe that there are always two points of view, but one thing is clear as day - you don't respect this man and you have your reasons , for yourself you are right. The last sentence is very important, you are right about yourself. Everyone is right for themselves and is obliged to do what is necessary to improve their situation and not feel like an emotional wreck. Obviously, this man has a bad effect on your psyche. Do you love him Okay, but you love the image you built for him, what he was 3 years ago, not what he is now. At this stage you can struggle for a few more years, like that, to suffer for the sport, to test your endurance, but to put it mildly it is meaningless, because sooner or later you will want a serious relationship, cohabitation, a little madness, a lot of passion, many experiences and finally to start a family. Well, your friend is not a good party for these things and he has proven it to you over time. And why are you with him? True, you love him ... the heart does not ask, I understand you, we have all been in love, we have all loved, but this love of yours is slowly depersonalizing you, cripples and will eventually be a complete wreck. I'm sorry to be so direct, it's certainly not pleasant to read, but you seem like a relatively normal person, and I think I'd better hit you with a wet rag to activate and fix your mess. Find friends, and until then accept that I am your friend at the moment, because everything written, believe me, I write it for your good, I would say the same to my friends.
Girl, drop it! Roar whatever you want, but drop it! He will never change! He doesn't love you, he doesn't respect you, he doesn't like you! I was in such a relationship, 4 years of lies will always stop, but at least he told me that I am the most beautiful, there will be no other like me, to find that he is a fool, that he is very sorry, because I am the best in his life. But it never stopped! With uglier, but he always did it after every promise, I was in love, I gave chances, he started, he reached out, I wanted to break up, because I was already choosing myself in front of him. I saw that there was no love, but I hoped. Until one day I realized that I was choosing myself over him! He doesn't love me, he lies, he reaches out more and more and I decided that I choose myself, my happiness! How many men look at their wives like painted eggs, and I meant to die because the paint was more and more! He wrote, I saw - I decided to pack up and fight! He loved me, he roared! But I realized, I realized that after over 4 years. he will never stop !! And your man, he even tells you that you are not feminine, goes out with others, criticizes you - he does not love you at all and proves it to you at every moment! Come to your senses! He doesn't even bother to lie to you, because you are indifferent to him, you are not feminine, you are lazy, etc. He never misses a moment to tell you that you are nothing to him! Come to your senses! My ex, at least roaring after me, realized what he was doing, but he was always like that in every relationship and I promised myself that he would never change as much as he wanted! I went abroad for a while to get rid of it, because otherwise eternal remorse, roar and he was really napping, but he was like that, something I couldn't stand anymore because everything broke me every chat! And your handsome man insults you! He tells you in your eyes that others are nicer, etc. and you talk about love? There is no love, you love him, but he does not love you, nor does he like you, nor does he want you, nor does he care. You are indifferent to him, he is looking for others, and he tells you that you are nothing! Open your eyes! Don't deal with such rubbish! You say it's rubbish yourself, but understand it, he doesn't care about you, he's making fun of you! Drop it girl, don't ruin your life and psyche for it anymore! One day he will rub you, he literally tells you that you are ugly for him, he does not want you in any way, he behaves horribly, and he will not come to his senses! It's not about the mind, but about the character, the temper is just like that, understand it, accept it. Separate, you deserve love, not garbage, who does not want you and crushes you, knocks you down! It's not worth it, wait longer with this attachment, there will be others and they will love you! You will understand what it is, to be happy, loved, wanted, unique! Drop it, I'm becoming banal, but I've experienced almost the same thing and it doesn't make sense, and this one even behaves badly, he literally tells you that you're nothing, for him only criticism of you, and with other women? What a fool he is, let him shake his head alone, there will be no other like you in his miserable life! Don't ruin yourself, at least it was a girl lying to you, and he tells you that there is nothing feminine in you! What about a connection? It only ruins you, and you can be happy! Put an end to being good, everything you feel is because of him, and you can be happy, give yourself a chance, be happy! Some women shower them with attention, caresses, love, small gestures, happiness, and what do you want, to crush you until you completely collapse? Is it worth it? Please be aware! :) For women, if it was just, ok - you're wrong, but this attitude shows that he does not care, you are indifferent to him, even worse! Tighten up, he's nothing more than garbage, there's nothing masculine. If he didn't love you, he would tell you, not insult you like nothing, like a personal, useless thing! Get rid of it! Nothing will change while this mold is in your life!
Honey! The good thing in your case is that only 3 years have passed. You saw the real situation. The fact that it is far from rosy is not a reason to close your eyes to reality and wait for the years to come. As I did, because it will hurt you more. With a psychologist, yes, it is important to have support. I struggle to pull myself out. I'm even almost at the end. You will not cure him. I tried, others have tried. Can't we love, but also preserve ourselves. It's good that you live with him. It would hurt you even more. Well, the possibility is one, and the sooner it is, the less problematic it will disappear. I squeeze my thumbs and write how things are going.
Bonding with someone who has such personality disorders can happen to anyone, so don't blame yourself. Psychopaths are not usually serial killers. They are people who ruin their relationships because they do not feel any sympathy and do not respect others, do not feel guilty, have almost no conscience and do not worry about the consequences. Postponing the inevitable aggravates things. Better 3 than 10 years like me. And I lived in them. It is very difficult to break free. Good luck and write.
I know a couple, 16 years in such a relationship! The girl realized at 32, went abroad, so she got rid of. But her psyche was broken and only now at 41, to live with a man, but for children ... Hardly! A life lost for what?
From the author: If you are still waiting for a solution: He had gone to work at sea in the summer and a month or two after he came home, I found out that he met someone there, they had sex, they continued it as a relationship and so on for 2 months until I caught him. Oh God, I didn't know what kind of world I was in when I found out. And he even teased me, saying that he had cheated / and says her name /. Let's tell the truth while joking, right? He said he didn't realize how valuable I was, that I did everything right, but he thought things the wrong way anyway. Now I'm slowly picking up the pieces of myself and getting better. Thank you!