We have been married for 25 years now. Five years ago, my husband started dating a married lady. He realized that he was her eighth lover, but he was very much in love and obsessed with the lady in question (if I may say so for her). They had been seeing each other secretly for 4 years, but apparently the lady in question found her ninth and my handsome man returned to me. My question is - should I trust him now !! For the lady, I only found out that even her husband was taken away from her after the engagement, she obviously loves them - 2nd use. But what do I do mine? !! Please give me advice !!!
Answers 50
You don't write how old you are both and whether you still love him, whether they connect you with friendship, intimate life ... It is also important if you are ready to forgive, but sincerely, because many people take back their prodigal husbands, but few forgive they end up in nervous quarrels, insinuations and small avengers in everyday life. If you're going to live like this, I don't think it's worth taking it back. However, if you truly love him and even romantically, if you are ready to forgive him sincerely and if you believe in him - accept him back. You have to make this decision for yourself. Otherwise, I guess you're about 50 and even younger. You are still young and you have a chance for another relationship, for another man with whom to spend the golden half of your life. It happens to many people your age. It's a problem for many men, that their women become less sexual or even refuse sex altogether, and for women this is often the time when they feel free to pursue their own interests. In fact, you don't owe anyone anything - you raised your children, I guess, and now, for the first time since your marriage, it's really about you as individuals, not a debt to children and society. So think of yourself as you thought as a girl without obligations - do you love this man, does he make you happy or not. There is no wrong or right decision if you are true to yourself and do not make stupid compromises that will make you a nervous and grumpy woman. If you and your husband have real feelings and friendship, I see no obstacle to reuniting. Otherwise, he does not think that there are men and people of second and third use. Your husband was not physically or mentally injured, because he was with another woman. At most, he has gained a little life experience, but as individuals we do not change from such things. We just go through different periods of our lives and make mistakes - this thing is human and that's why we are human. You are also not second-hand, but you are - it is quite possible to find love, friendship elsewhere, so do not compromise, but really choose the best for yourself and only for yourself. Your man betrayed you once, freeing you from your marriage vows - now you are on the move and you have the freedom to decide, which is wonderful :) Both possible solutions are legitimate and no one will be angry with you if not you take it back We just go through different periods of our lives and make mistakes - this thing is human and that's why we are human. You are also not second-hand, but you are - it is quite possible to find love, friendship elsewhere, so do not compromise, but really choose the best for yourself and only for yourself. Your man betrayed you once, freeing you from your marriage vows - now you are on the move and you have the freedom to decide, which is wonderful :) Both possible solutions are legitimate and no one will be angry with you if not you take it back We just go through different periods of our lives and make mistakes - this thing is human and that's why we are human. You are also not second-hand, but you are - it is quite possible to find love, friendship elsewhere, so do not compromise, but really choose the best for yourself and only for yourself. Your man betrayed you once, freeing you from your marriage vows - now you are on the move and you have the freedom to decide, which is wonderful :) Both possible solutions are legitimate and no one will be angry with you if not you take it back
I wouldn't ... what do you do in this case - the temporary stop until the next destination? !! I wouldn't even open the door for him. Have a little self-esteem! You are nothing more than a safe "mom", a roof, food, clean clothes. And if you like it that way ... you know.
Wait for him better than this lady, let him know he's wrong and don't do it again
The author: Yes, we are a little under 50. I'm happy with him, at least I was until I found out about his relationship. Yes, the children are my students, they didn't understand anything about their father, I don't even think to tell them. Now he is very kind, affectionate, even gallant, but something in me BREAKS! I don't know who to blame: myself, him or her! It is not an easy choice ....
In your place, I would pity the fool and forgive him. Listen to him and show generosity. Act not as a wife, but as a friend. He feels quite humiliated and ashamed at the moment. And if you support him, he will be truly committed to you "until death do you part." The lady in question is obviously a recidivist in love, there are such women. On the other hand, men have a hard time with the crisis of middle age and become childish. Unfortunately, we're not getting any younger, ma'am. It is not worth turning our lives around. I would forgive.
The author: the question of # 1 about intimacy made me think, before his adventure we had intimate moments during the day, and now I can't even imagine it. Before he came back he repulsed me, now I do. Intimacy did not remain, before we made love, now I do not even want to touch. I still don't know whether to forgive him ....
Well, Aurorke, it doesn't matter who was to blame - we're older people and we make our own decisions. Of course, he is a fool to deceive a hot woman, but maybe your relationship after so many years has suffered from routine, and you probably are already going into a critical and here women often suffer from moods and neglect their partners in the bed and beyond. The reasons are complex, no one is to blame for such things. Stop blaming anyone else because you don't change the circumstances. Ask yourself if you had a partner and a life partner in his face, but also if you had a lover and a husband in his face. He was definitely the father of the children he looked after, and no one can take that away from you, but the future is a little more complicated because you're no longer bound by debt, and again, as in the beginning, we are talking about you two as a couple, and yes - as a love couple. Your generation was brought up not to talk about "such things" and to deprive themselves of a lot of things after a certain age, because that's how it should be, but we live in the 21st century and today one lives longer, secondly lives a longer active life. You have another 15 years of active life, you still have at least 20-30 years of retirement age, for which you need a life partner, a friend and yes - a lover, because age does not exclude intimacy in the relationship. For men, sex is very important at any age and they often feel unloved, rejected and unwanted if there is no sex, even if there are logical other explanations such as health and other problems. For women, on the other hand, friendship is important, the attitude that many men forget. The most difficult are long relationships for life. They involve a lot of compromises, going through thin and thick with the person next to you. At the age of 50, people were already looking after grandchildren and the first pains began, and the retirement age was 2-3 years away - today it is not so! You are at a very active age and you are the first generation that has a chance to be economically active after 60 years. After your children have left the family nest, you remain again - the couple and it is quite natural to have problems, but look at things positively - a new beginning can be a refreshment and awakening of romantic love, which will put you back in the center. as a man and a woman, not as a mother and a father. For your children - do not spare them, just no reason, they are great people with their own lives. If they ask about your problems, you don't lie to them, because lying is the ugliest thing in human relationships, and only information can allow them to understand your behavior towards their father, who will always be dear and dear to them, and they will protect him if they see that you treat him badly. Well, you don't have to share the details, because it's none of their business. As for your husband, I'm more sorry for him and funny. It's like a puppy that has decided to try a new food and has come across something spoiled. In his "old" years, he became pessimistic and exposed himself terribly. Maybe he just lacks experience with women at all, because he's been with you all his life and he's naive despite his age. That's why we get married much later today - everyone tries to gain their experience first, but the positive thing about you is that you are quite young when your debts to the children run out and you can start again. So be brave - do not underestimate yourself at all. You have a chance for a new start with a new person, but you also have a chance for a new start with the old one, but no longer as "mom and dad", but like you and him, as a man and a woman. If you decide to take home the dirty puppy, don't forget to play with him a little and let him court you with a clear conscience, but in no case reject him as a dirty and useless person, because after all this is the father of your children and you have a lot in common. past - does not deserve such treatment despite your mistake and it is better to separate if you just want to take revenge and humiliate him. If you can't forgive, you'd better part in peace, but don't treat him like a picky witch, because you'll be bad in the end, even though he made the mistake. For example, if you are not physically ready for it yet, it is good to have two separate rooms, but it is very ugly if you put it in your bed and push it away. You can also tell him directly that you are not ready yet and sleep in the old children's room or living room, for example. You can even tell him directly - well, he has to convince you that it's worth it for you ... :), which for an intellectual woman, for example, would mean a lot of going to theaters, cinemas, cafes, thinking trips for Saturday and Sunday - we recover I'm telling you realistically - you're a free woman now and he has to win you back. If you let him live with you again, you're in a bit of a hurry ... Otherwise, don't dramatize unnecessarily. I don't think he will make such a mistake again, but don't forget also sex in your relationship, which for men at this age is very important not only for the soul, but also for the body. This is probably what attracted the lady in question. Don't blame her - it's not the bone's fault, but the dog's ... your husband made a mistake, but he is no different as a man, neither physically nor as a character, a person, and so on. Yes, definitely make him fight for you if you decide to take him back, but you have made this decision. You MUST have forgiven it and NEVER again in your life to put the issue on the agenda, to push and try to try it. you are annoyed, for example, by another problem, because that will ruin your new relationship because of old nonsense. It's only natural that he blames his mistress otherwise, but you know he was a fool and either forgive or move on. His mistress no longer has anything to do with your life and it is unnecessary to shake your head with her and give him a chance to justify himself with her for his stupidity, because for a foolish man women will always be whores, but he will not admit that he is stupid and naive. Decide otherwise quickly, do not compromise ... for example, the first step is to sit down and talk without emotions, to tell him how you felt (betrayed) and what you expect in the future. If you are not physically ready to be with him at this stage, it is much better to have separate bedrooms, but do not hit him, for example, if he reaches out to hug ... and set boundaries and deadlines in advance. Look for hobbies and activities outside of marriage in general ... that makes you more interesting to men in general. However, if it doesn't work out, if you can't forgive, don't waste a long time with this person. It is quite legitimate not to take it back and look for your luck elsewhere. You don't owe him anything, you raised your children and so on - just go ahead. If you are not physically ready to be with him at this stage, it is much better to have separate bedrooms, but do not hit him, for example, if he reaches out to hug ... and set boundaries and deadlines in advance. Look for hobbies and activities outside of marriage in general ... that makes you more interesting to men in general. However, if it doesn't work out, if you can't forgive, don't waste a long time with this person. It is quite legitimate not to take it back and look for your luck elsewhere. You don't owe him anything, you raised your children and so on - just go ahead. If you are not physically ready to be with him at this stage, it is much better to have separate bedrooms, but do not hit him, for example, if he reaches out to hug ... and set boundaries and deadlines in advance. Look for hobbies and activities outside of marriage in general ... that makes you more interesting to men in general. However, if it doesn't work out, if you can't forgive, don't waste a long time with this person. It is quite legitimate not to take it back and look for your luck elsewhere. You don't owe him anything, you raised your children and so on - just go ahead. It is quite legitimate not to take it back and look for your luck elsewhere. You don't owe him anything, you raised your children and so on - just go ahead. It is quite legitimate not to take it back and look for your luck elsewhere. You don't owe him anything, you raised your children and so on - just go ahead.
Have a little self-esteem and get it out of your life! Don't you see that he only uses you ... He comes when it is convenient and profitable for him. I'm just wondering how you can even wonder if there's a topic for you to play .... You know, but ...
Why do you ask when you have obviously made a decision. For one reason or another, during that time you were alone, waiting for him, shaking, even most likely dreaming of him coming back ... great, here he is with a ribbon and manners. At the same time, when you experienced all this, he was walking around in question, squandering all his money on everything and pretending to be a jester. Drop romance aside, but there should be no room for sentiment in such shitty stories. Once someone beats a jester once, you can't trust him anymore, nor can you have security.
Well done to him!
I am №5. Not to be unfounded - I forgave in the same situation. To this day, I dare say that this has strengthened our marriage. Because supporting your husband when it's all flowers and roses is easy. The real test is to stand by him even when he has sinned, even when he has betrayed you. Because we are human, we are not angels, we confuse, we do nonsense, we succumb to temptations. I don't want to be your husband's lawyer. Your anger and hesitation are perfectly appropriate. But old people used to say "my friend", "my friend" about their halves. That makes sense. Family friendship is above all, above physical fidelity, if you will. That's why I suggested you look at the situation not as a wife, but as a friend.
They are struck by the critical at this age, not that this is an excuse, but it is. Either they cheat, or they start drinking, or they start dyeing their hair and buying some weird clothes. They don't get old, darlings. 25 years of marriage is a lifetime. Children (if you have) they are already big, they have taken their own path. If there is love, affection and respect left. If you help and support each other, if there is friendship - forgive him, it does not wear off. He thought of his "lady" as a hobby that had fascinated him for a while and moved on. Forgiveness is said to be more important to the giver because it restores one's inner peace. And if you just look at it and see that you can't wait, that your life will be hell from now on, that there is no more respect, friendship, love and understanding - go out and live your life. You are still young, you still have time to experience many things - new and good. The decision is in your hands
Forgive him, give him one last chance. You are not the age to break up and look for a new relationship. You are used to each other, you know the pros and cons. Talk to him, give him an ultimatum that if he breaks, it will be his last time with you and live your life the old way.
As a man, I think you should harass him a little if you decide to forgive him. But since he knew he was the eighth lover, was he in love or was he just stabbing a pine tree in the yard? If you love him, forgive him, but don't forget what he did to you.
The author: Before I make my decision, I would like to meet the "lady" in question, but I still do not know whether this will be useful to me or rather complicate things. What would you advise me? !! To try to understand her actually ...
It is clear that respect and love can no longer be spoken of here. That you are his safe haven and that is clear. As he can, so can you. What is for one, the same for the other. If you will "forgive" him, prepare a room for him there, you for him "mom", he for you "daddy". Mom cooks, washes, cleans, daddy repairs, carries / moves heavy things, etc. As an adult, there is no need to give explanations to "daddy" where and with whom you go. As a single woman (he decided so), you are free to date men and look for possible relationships. You don't owe any explanations to "Daddy", except for the purely human "I'll be late, don't wait for me, and maybe he won't come home tonight". If the "daddy" can bear this with respect to the free "mom" and the "male" deserve a place in your heart as it once did ... then it can take the position of a man. Otherwise, what does it mean to forgive her? !! To admit it to you in the same way, without mistrust and reproach, without feeling bad about it yourself, to believe that everything has passed - gone and now it would not happen again. To accept it in your heart and bed as before. Can you do that to the author? Honestly, I don't! I could not lie to myself that I had forgiven such a thing. Not only did he bend discreetly, he dumped you with a light hand and ran to be someone's eighth (8) lover. His self-esteem is so great that he does not respect himself, how do you expect him to respect you as a woman, a person, a man. Beyond all that, you didn't look around to see how many other options you would have if you wished. Not for anything else, just to remember what it is like for a man to like you, to wish, to want to love. He is the father of the children, ok, but nothing will change that, he will still be the father of your grown-up children. Only, they "fly away", and you stay with him and everything, whether he is or not ... you decide.
I support number 8 - drop it instantly, without any forgiveness! So he runs after the other for 5 years, and do you see after all this time you open the door of your house to him and you continue as if nothing happened? Yeah right! How not? !? If you do, it's not his mistress, but you will be a "second-hand" woman, as you put it. Wow, what kind of women are there, I really feel sorry for the women who formed themselves as personalities 89 years ago (as you obviously are), because obviously just to avoid being labeled "divorced" you are ready for any compromises, and the worst - compromises with themselves ...
I did not forgive, but I put it away. He can't afford anything, he is accountable for everything, even more than I want. But my confidence did not return. There is no more intimacy, only coexistence. He never apologized to me, never showed me that I was the only one special to him. He came, he admitted, roaring, wanting to ease his conscience. Nothing else. He better not have told me. We would have a chance to experience our love. And now we only live, offended, angry, angry. I think that's what awaits you if you stay with him. In any case, do not listen to what he tells you and promises, but watch what he does. Mine was talking, swearing, but in fact he just wanted to continue his old life with me, he had no intention of thinking a little about what was wrong with me and what I needed.
Author, what do you gain if you meet her? You will satisfy your curiosity, but you will be disappointed - most likely to see the most ordinary aunt. I even doubt that what your husband is saying is quite true, and he is exaggerating a little to get the long-suffering Genoveva out. At the age of 50 people, you deal with nonsense that bothers people in puberty ... but if it itches you so much - scratch yourself, look at her and you will see that she is a normal person, and only your husband is to blame that he is such an idiot .. There is this moment as in number 18, which did not forgive and almost expected the man? to take the knife and draw his heart in her honor, I know. Of course, a man in his 50s will not change, but have you not been happy with this man before what happened? If you have not been happy, leave it, but do not put it away like n. 18 to waste your time,
Author: I really don't know why I want to see her. Maybe I can understand what she found in her that is not in me. We were so happy, the children are in elite universities, it was an IDYLLIS! Why is all this happening? I loved him and I love him, but the pain is great!
During those five years, at least did you manage to enjoy caresses from other men?
If it was a moment to forgive him. And it took you 5 years of your life and happiness. As far as I understand, he has lived with you all these years. You cooked for him, you washed him, and he lied to you. How to forgive such a thing. What is it for you now. You will never truly forgive once you ask this question here. You will hate him, and hatred will poison you, make you sick. I have an example with my parents. The situation was exactly the same. My mother thought she could forgive and did, but she never forgot, and hatred made her half human. So first clarify for yourself whether you can forgive this betrayal of you, but not only in words, but truly and forget forever. Or with each delay or departure from the routine of life he leads, you will wonder where he is and whether there is another in his life as before. If you can't forgive completely and truly find a new life for yourself, the children will understand. And by no means stay with him for them. They are big and everyone will live their own life, and you will have to put up with someone you no longer want.
The advice is very easy: Drop it! You know, author, on someone else's back. I wrote to you a while ago that everything is in your hands. I join again to tell you that the women who comment here "dump it" cannot put themselves in your situation. for example, they will say "I would do it", but whether this will be the case is unknown. Nobody really knows what he will do if something happens to him! Only YOU, and only YOU, know what your husband is like and whether it is worth being by his side. Only you! You're just hurt right now and I'm afraid you will succumb to provocations. Remember that this site is sometimes written by children who have no idea about anything, but comment everywhere. I send you my sincere sympathies and a virtual hug. Really, I would hug you if I could. From now on - everything is in your hands. Call on all your female strength for help, wisdom, kindness and self-confidence and see which will prevail. And do not forget that every choice has its consequences and by making it, you declare to the Universe: I am ready for them. If you need to meet her - I do not see anything wrong. This is your decision and we are not here for you to know better. If you need to wait for it ... to forget - you're on your way again. It's just that the ball is in your court now. what did i do in a similar situation to yours? Nothing. I decided that a person makes mistakes sometimes and that he is entitled to a second chance, I decided that my love does not depend on it. I decided that I could love him TOGETHER with his weaknesses. It is difficult to love a criminal ... but in 25 years he is much more than a husband - brother, father, son, friend, enemy, lover. whatever you decide to do. Forgive him first, as a man, to regain your clear thought and calm, so that YOU feel better, so that you do not clog your soul with hatred and insult. From now on, staying in this family, your relationship, the relationship is a job that lies ahead of you and him. Success. I sympathize with you a lot and hug you a lot. I wish you happiness and peaceful days.
I fully support 23. I couldn't say it better! M59
The author: He did not lie to me that he is her eighth lover. And everything unraveled, ie it came to light after he had forgotten about Facebook. She openly wrote to him and explained who the "lucky ones" were before him. Bankers, politicians, railroad workers, whatever. I learned from there that the washerwoman paid her bills, even sent the child to a student camp at sea. We never sent our children. True, as I said, he is very kind and considerate now, but I still cannot forgive him. And I learned so many things from this Facebook ...
In my opinion, it is not even worth talking to this individual, let alone taking him back. He has been after so many years of marriage to go after some there. Nicoa, you won't trust him again, it just won't be the same. Every day when he is gone, you will wonder if he is where he said or he lied to you again. And isn't there trust in what this connection is? Honestly, I told my friend once, if you do it, no matter how hard it is on my stomach to drag, I will get away from you again. Lying to me is the lowest thing, and from then on it's up to you
I would not agree to return as if nothing had happened. Once he has found such a "beauty" he will find nothing again. And you what? Will you forgive him every time? And to me, it's like "I'm coming back to you, not because I love you, but because I don't want to be alone." Personally, I do not agree to be treated as a backup until something better is found.
Sounds like he was on a business trip. Did you at least cook for him? And did it satisfy his male needs?
Author, so she didn't have 8 lovers in parallel, but one after the other? Well, these days it's not much ... but it's not talked about, and she seemed to want to get rid of him and that's why she wrote these things. Don't bother. I've only been with two men myself, but I have girlfriends with a lot more "experience", and my best friend has a rich lover who even hired a man? at work, because the latter falls a little incompetent and is constantly fired from work. These things have always been there. Our neighbor during communism slept with half the Politburo in our city and so got a great house ... I do not approve of such things, but such is life and no matter how much you harass and roll on your head various things - a woman is not prostitute, she didn't do anything illegal, and your husband is a complete fool ... Otherwise, why not to ? has he paid the bills? They have been together for 5 years ... our family friend supports a divorced woman with children from another, although they don't even live together ... who will spend their money how is his job
The author: at 28, I dare say that I am a good housewife and wife (at least I was), I cooked for him, I washed for him, and when I asked for intimacy he repulsed me. at 29, she didn't tell him everything about her ex when they first became intimate. And apparently, after he got tired of her, she found another one, mine became distracted and nervous and made a mistake with her Facebook. Regarding the money, it has always belonged to the family, we have never shared it, but apparently only I thought so :(
I would like to see the eyes of this lady, I would like to see the creature that falls for foreign men. I would even go to her with mine if I were you! But she would hardly be ashamed. I would still collect them and ask both of them one or two questions, but you know.
Well, author, you confirm again that your husband was just a stray puppy walking on a stray bitch - don't take things so personally. Did he know about the connections? and did not bother him, now suddenly bothers him? I've had enough of nonsense. Something didn't work for them outside of bed. It happens and now he has decided to bet on the safe and familiar, and he may still have feelings for you - one has nothing to do with the other. If it bothers you so much, go see her live, but what will you see - a normal woman and they will not be? sprouted horns and tail as she slept with your husband and the other "many" men. I recently read a book by an Australian ex-prostitute who slept with over 10,000 men and became a civil aviation pilot even ... what if 10,000 members entered it - her vagina is a vagina, his wife is a woman and above average intelligent in this case and I even? I paid 11 euros in AppleBooks for the book. As she slept with 8 men, so what? In short, as long as you look for guilt in the woman who fell in love with "foreign" men, look at the man - whether you want to be with him or not and do not waste your time with nonsense. There will always be women who fall in love with men and there will always be infidelity, you can't prevent it. At least she was honest enough to find her cards in the beginning, but most of them are made of Maria, and they are real Maria Magaleni. The most unassuming and modestly dressed and living women are even more often the heroines of such dramas, but you have to make a decision for yourself and him - she made her decision and kicked the puppy. As she slept with 8 men, so what? In short, as long as you look for guilt in the woman who fell in love with "foreign" men, look at your husband - whether you want to be with him or not and do not waste your time with nonsense. There will always be women who fall in love with men and there will always be infidelity, you can't prevent it. At least she was honest enough to find her cards in the beginning, but most of them are made of Maria, and they are real Maria Magaleni. The most unassuming and modestly dressed and living women are even more often the heroines of such dramas, but you have to make a decision for yourself and him - she made her decision and drove the puppy away. As she slept with 8 men, so what? In short, as long as you look for guilt in the woman who fell in love with "foreign" men, look at the man - whether you want to be with him or not and do not waste your time with nonsense. There will always be women who fall in love with men and there will always be infidelity, you can't prevent it. At least she was honest enough to find her cards in the beginning, but most of them are made of Maria, and they are real Maria Magaleni. The most unassuming and modestly dressed and living women are even more often the heroines of such dramas, but you have to make a decision for yourself and him - she made her decision and kicked the puppy. you can't prevent it. At least she was honest enough to find her cards in the beginning, but most of them are made of Maria, and they are real Maria Magaleni. The most unassuming and modestly dressed and living women are even more often the heroines of such dramas, but you have to make a decision for yourself and him - she made her decision and drove the puppy away. you can't prevent it. At least she was honest enough to find her cards in the beginning, but most of them are made of Maria, and they are real Maria Magaleni. The most unassuming and modestly dressed and living women are even more often the heroines of such dramas, but you have to make a decision for yourself and him - she made her decision and drove the puppy away.
The author: up to 32, you are right to see her unlike the others, I have nothing to ask her. I think I'll tell the kids to go home together for a week, and when we're all together I'll tell them, as well as my sweetheart, that I want a breakup. I will not tell him in advance, but in front of the children, so that there is no possibility for protective pleadings. And then, whatever the sword shows ....
H 33, (author) then ... the last is one, you are still a young woman. You will give yourself some time for yourself. You will pamper yourself, you will give yourself a little pleasure, you will go out and meet people - men, women, it doesn't matter. The question is not to close, but to get into the normal rhythm of life as quickly as possible. You will rediscover yourself, you will even flirt - why not? !! There is nothing to feel guilty about, for example, or to look for guilt in yourself, there is no such thing. Even how sure he comes back to you, he gives a clear idea of how much he gave you for a given, how much you gave. A man who respects at least the person will at least rent an apartment and try to win your heart, trust and desire in general again. And he, as he grazed, "she will take me back, she is sure of me." That he doesn't respect you doesn't mean you don't have a thousand reasons to respect / love him. Do the dozens of little things you didn't have time for, immersed in marriage obligations. Look for smiles! They are in the small-big things. Go with friends to the cinema, theater, even walks in the park. Everything that is pleasant to you. Your children are now big and independent. You have more opportunities and time to please your own self. Be a happy author, it's easy to clear the garbage from the yard, to go how bright and beautiful it can be!
Author, what you said in comment 33 is great nonsense! Why are you interfering with the children - will they be judges, what? They are young, they don't understand these things, they haven't fought life together for 25 years, like you and your husband. The woman is obliged more than her husband in the family not to think about nonsense, and you are currently thinking about nonsense. What lies ahead is YOUR decision as to where the family will take in the future, not the children and the family. Assess what your husband has been like so far as a husband and father, but objectively, without pain and insult. When you decide, keep in mind that children, although grown up, learn from their parents and this decision of yours will be reflected in their choice of partner, as well as in their decisions later - in their family life. So, if you think that your husband deserved your choice 25 years ago (in view of the past years), don't cut it for a mistake, it was so long and painful. Just accept this for your growth and set new rules. And trust - it will return after a while. Have the strength to be a mother first and foremost, because that is your most important function.
I am of the opinion of No. 35 and I think that through this "court" the author wants only as a kind of revenge against the man, but he has no way not to remember what he aims at this meeting and the opposite can happen - the children to disgust both of you or even take his side if he presents arguments in his favor, because there are always two truths and we here know only one side, but pressed into a corner the man does not know what to tell them. The author forgets that the "children" are already adults - they had relationships on their own, they separated on their own and even cheated on themselves ... and you don't know who they will identify with in this case. On the other hand, for them, parents are asexual beings - just mom and dad. They will be disgusted by the very idea that your husband had sex ... with anyone, and they will quickly try to suppress that idea. For them, your husband will remain his father (ASEXUAL) and they will not be able to understand how you abandon him because of such a thing (which they cannot and should not assimilate). To you, their father may have become a repulsive, disgusting traitor, but to them he is the same, and you are the grumpy and evil one who persecutes him! In most cases, it is the parent who tries to set the common children against the other. People are selfish - they will judge him according to their behavior towards them, and if they are still financially dependent on his help, they will most likely support him. I also speak from my own experience. My husband has grown children from his first marriage, whose mother constantly turns them against us and in particular against me and even blames me for his divorce, although they were separated when I met my husband and for a year they lived separately and did not talk to each other. . In the beginning and at times the strategy? really drove the kids? to take her side, but then they came to visit us and when we treated them well, in the end they got confused and finally distanced themselves from her, because they do not like to bother them every time with such nonsense. They are already big people, they have their problems and they don't care about their mother, but they are also students and they depend on their father's support - which dog do you think bites the hand that feeds him? Parents are responsible for their children and help them in need, but you can't expect your children to almost solve your personal problems. At the time of the meeting they will take your side in shock and not disappoint you, but in the long run no one gives up on their father unless it is the biggest garbage. We want to be recognized and loved by both our parents, and the father has a special role to play for his older sons - they will always seek his blessing for their deeds and his approval. So, such an act, Author, can come back to you like a boomerang, and from a victim you can become guilty. That is why my advice is to divorce your husband without involving and harassing your children. Find out about material and other things and everyone in their path. You deserve more than becoming a bad witch. Say without emotion the reason for your divorce, but any attempt to defile their father will be a loss for them - either he will justify himself with different approaches, or they will have to hate their own father because of you, which every psychologist will tell you. that it is not healthy, but in the long run there is no way to get it, or they will stay between the two of you and begin to distance themselves from the adjusting parent in the name of their mental health. They may be angry with their father at first, but behind your back they will start looking for contact with him and who knows what he will talk to them about .... if it starts with getting rid of dirty underwear, the dramas begin!
As for oriental thinking n 35/36 - especially 36, who has more than once admitted that, for 10 years she was a mistress and fought to divorce them !!! Author, the children are old enough and will understand, precisely because of what they point out in their contradictory explanations 35 and 36. They were both big and you have to keep them. pacifier that, not to be traumatized. I understand your plan, you just want them to know the reasons and the GUILTY. In general, I think it is better for you to talk to them in private. There is no need to point the finger at him as a culprit. You will no longer be his wife, nor will he be your husband, but you will both continue to be the parents of the children, albeit separately. Look no more for guilt, calm down and think about what your life will be like from now on. Positive emotions for you! That's how you load yourself undeservedly even more, it's not worth that much of your husband. You do not deserve to continue your life bitter and disillusioned. Think already in the first person - singular. Let him recover as best he can, let his poop itch. You look at yourself. Make a meeting with the children in private, explain the situation to them and that you can't / don't want to continue as his wife until there. Do not offend, do not be angry, speak with maximum calm, no matter how hard it is for you. All these negative emotions and nerves, your husband does not deserve them!
And how exactly it will happen not to involve children. He has to explain the separation in some way. I think they are big enough to know who is right. And imagine if she doesn't explain the truth and then their father tells a completely false version to justify himself and make her guilty. In my opinion, they have been a family for 25 years, and everything in a family should be clear and frank.
H 38, of course, will say why she is divorcing, but she has another plan - to gather a family court ... The point is that as a son or daughter you love your parents and we are psychologically made to ALWAYS we strive for the devotion of our Father and for the love of the mother. That is why such family courts are dangerous, because children eventually lose even formally ruling in your favor and condemning the other parent for his sins. At least they lose their father, which leads to injuries even in the elderly. In prehistory, people abandoned and killed children unrecognized by their fathers so as not to burden the tribe with their food. The father in these societies had the right to even kill grown children or to renounce them, which meant certain death or expulsion from the community! This mortal fear of rejection by the father is deeply ingrained in us. That is why the children abandoned in the homes have great mental problems, and even happily adopted children do not stop looking for their biological parents, and even adults do not stop looking for the approval of their parents and especially the father. The author will unwittingly inflict trauma on her children, polluting their father in front of them. Psychologists even prove that a person who judges and hates his parent suffers almost physically for himself and the feeling is close to self-hatred and causes terrible damage to the psyche of such people. It is enough for the Author to simply say without unnecessary emotions that she is parting with him because of his infidelity, but he remains their father and the like. This is done in the 21st century, because today we know about the traumas that parents unwittingly inflict on their children with such dramas. Yes, even grown children can be traumatized and it is better not to experiment and not to spit on a happy past and childhood. "And imagine if she doesn't explain the truth and then their father tells a completely false version to justify himself and make her guilty. "On the contrary - he feels guilty at the moment and will most likely wag his tail and will not dare to blame her. However, if there are aggressive scandals in front of the children, he can decide to tell his troubles and will start a war, because whoever is looking - finds and it will not be difficult for him to get the dirty laundry of the Author. Poor children! "On the contrary - he feels guilty at the moment and will most likely wag his tail and will not dare to blame her. However, if there are aggressive scandals in front of the children, he may decide to tell his troubles and start a war, because whoever is looking - finds and it will not be difficult for him to get the dirty laundry of the Author. Poor children! "On the contrary - he feels guilty at the moment and will most likely wag his tail and will not dare to blame her. However, if there are aggressive scandals in front of the children, he can decide to tell his troubles and will start a war, because whoever is looking - finds and it will not be difficult for him to get the dirty laundry of the Author. Poor children!
The author: Yes, maybe it will really suck, more like an inquisition, everything that goes through my head. But 25 years to think that you are the happiest: wife, wife, mother. And one night you come across his forgotten Facebook and everything collapses ... The ideal family was not like that. I will call the children together when it is convenient for them, rather after the sessions now, and I will talk to them. I still don't know if only in front of them or in front of the "FATHER". I am devastated, but I will do my best to be happy again in a month or two.
And you will be a happy author, it will depend only on you! The sooner you start thinking about yourself, the better. Do not leave your heart like that with bitterness, go out, look for and spend time among nice people. Out of anger, smile! Ponakonti is small, it sounds like a cliché, but it brings positive energy. In general, think positively, yes, I know that it will be difficult for you, 25 years, how they forget like that. But you do not forget, you continue your way / life. And you know, maybe in the time when your husband is left alone and rejected by you, he will be able to take care of everything, from AZ. so far he has had you as sure). It can earn at least some basis for a little trust, etc. And you, anyway, when you are free, you will have other suitors. That's where you decide;). But do not punish yourself with anger towards him, do not allow evil to settle and remain in your heart and soul, you have the full right pure heart and without any remorse, to move forward and to be happy!
I don't know if it will help, but I will share my experience. I used to have a very strong love for me with an associate professor at the university, who later found out that he had a parallel relationship with my best friend and she even had an abortion by him. I could hurt them a lot by calling him at the university administration because he was a teacher to both of us, could I hurt her too because she was Turkish and her parents? were strict people, and a father? he would literally kill them both, but I didn't, even though I was very hurt and this man was the first man in my life. I just called him for coffee without much explanation and broke up with him. I didn't even confront him with his relationship, because in the end it was his choice to do these things, and I have no right to hold anyone by force or intrude. At least that's how I saw things. I did not waste my energy to take revenge, hate and harass, but concentrated on constructive and positive things, and two weeks later I met my husband and forgot about the two of them. Today I am a mother and wife. We have wonderful children and we take good care of them. I am happy with my husband, but if I find out that he loves another, I would break up with him, as I did before with the first man in my life. I distinguish between his role as the father of our children and my husband and lover. If he didn't hurt our relationship as a couple, I would never let that exclude him as the father of our children. I waited a long time to start a family and I chose the father of my children quite carefully. He is a good father. Sometimes in my moments when he was on a business trip, I imagined that he was having fun with other women and I indulged in jealousy, but I realize that this is a bad advisor. I grew up without a father and even if I lost him one day as a husband, I don't want my children to suffer from a lack of a father. We are not protected from infidelity, but we are in complete control of our actions and deeds. I never take revenge. It's not just worth it. I believe the maxim that if we stand on the banks of the Gand River long enough, there is no way we cannot see the corpses of our enemies passing by us. I don't think my first friend was my enemy, but I felt hurt and betrayed then. After 8 years, I accidentally found out from a common acquaintance what happened to them - did he marry her and even the family? they accepted them, but could not have children for a long time and divorced. It is said that she cheated on him and left him for someone else. I know that he lives with his parents, and he is now almost 50 years old and has no children, he has not remarried. I don't know about her and I haven't looked for more information, so Providence knows its job and I don't know why we should get our hands dirty with revenge. That is why I advise the Author not to deal, but to look ahead and not to spend her energy on negative things, but to enjoy her life and soon she will meet a nice and good man with whom to spend her life.
Author: Thank you to everyone who shared your views on the issue. I never thought I could share here, let alone ask for advice. But one never knows what and when fate and life will serve him.
Author: I understood who the lady in question was, they even showed me her husband. He is only 3 years younger than me, could I take it from her, whatever called, that's what called? !! Is it worth it?
Author, are you okay? Something completely turned off the brain. How did you set out to take down a man UNKNOWN for revenge? Not only is this stupid, but how did he deserve to be used like that, other than being a fool to tolerate his wife? You think only with your own ass and you are ready to fall below the level of this woman, because with her we can suggest some feelings, but with you it will be a matter of pure revenge ... and to the wrong person, because if the man fall in love with you? What will you tell him one day - sorry, I'm with you to get revenge on your wife!
up to 45 I know it is so, but a person in a moment of pain, in a moment of rage and resentment, sometimes loses self-control, even self-esteem. It just occurred to me, I didn't go to do it, but I'm tempted by the thought, I'm still hurt, and such a woman is ...
Author, tighten it! Is this man so important to you that you are ready to give up for him? You have already decided not to forgive him, when will you expel him? When will you divorce? When will you regulate your life without it? Have you not had so much life outside of your marriage that you can't do without this person - honestly say and think to yourself if he deserves such sacrifices from you. Don't make a joke in front of your children - just divorce and you're done. You are young, you will start fresh, but it is time to end this marriage once and for all. If you are so annoyed by the thought of this woman - look at her, pull and beat if you want, but make sure she is without witnesses and without a trace, so as not to be judged. Now calm down, go on vacation to Narechen if possible and think for yourself, as long as you think only about these people - they do not deserve it.
47, yes I have never had a life outside of marriage as before. I was a little over 20 when we got married, it was the first in my life and the only one, maybe that's why it hurts so much. You have no idea how Vicious I am, I hope it passes, I don't know if I should visit Narechen or another more specialized sanatorium. I hope it passes, before I'm completely stupid, I hope ....
I recommend Narechen, I know people who have been helped and paid for by the NHIF. As for the rest - it both itches and hurts. You don't want to take your prodigal husband home and forgive him, to live normally with him, but you also don't want to live your life without him. In general, you revolve around him as if he were some kind of superman responsible for your life as a whole. He's just a man and stupid - what did you do to the dance. You're angry, OK, let's say you get revenge, but then? Will this bring you a fulfilled life and happiness? Even if you expose your husband in front of your common children - will that make you happy? A dirty shirt will start to be taken out and you will lose 5 years in quarrels, you will wake up old, lonely and used, and you will even hear from third parties how your children soak in your husband and some new one of his ... instead of you making your own home with this or that man or alone - why not! So you don't seem ready for a specific decision in the direction of your life. You better go somewhere, change the wallpaper for 2 weeks and stay with yourself, concentrate on yourself and make a REASONABLE decision, BENEFICIAL FOR YOU without emotions and dramas.
Drop it if you want to be happy. Because I guarantee you - if you are with him now and forever .... it will always bite you and you will never be 100 percent happy internally. Better alone than sharing your life with a traitor. Forget about revenge and that nonsense. Just cut it off and don't look for it and live your life ... That's all you have to do and you have to do it for yourself.