Hello. I have been married for many years to a wonderful person - good, kind, without vices, he loves me very much. In all our years together, he has never been rude to me, he helps me a lot and he is perfect in every way, except for one thing - he is not very intelligent and erudite; there is no depth in his thinking, he does not ask questions, he does not look for answers, he does not explore the world, he does not read. It always bothered me, but I kept telling myself that there are no perfect people. And I love it. The marriage is harmonious, peaceful and happy. I told him about my torment. He is not angry. He realizes that there are some deficits. He tried to read a book, but quickly lost interest. We have sat down to investigate an issue in depth, but it has failed. He shares a learned cliché, then tries to think logically. If he refutes his logic, he stops defending his thesis, agrees with me, falls silent or begins to be distracted by insignificant things. For example, he sees a fly or picks up an object. I tried to stop the TV because I watched too many stupid shows. No effect. To accept that he is like that? Can I help him? This is a person over 30 ....
Answers 18
The last thing that comes to mind when I come home in the evening after work, after I've been tossing various documents all day, is to sit down and start discussing an issue with my husband in depth (except maybe what we're going to drink and what pot we're going to cook. ). And if someone tries to stop my TV (especially if they give "The icing on the cake") ... I become a beast.
People are different, but almost everyone has their own interests. There are few who are not interested in anything and are not at least a little curious in any field. My neighbor is a great mathematician, my sister does not want to study, but she has a wonderful sense of art, I am interested in space and mysticism, my mother was a "farmer" and my father is an electrician. If we change positions with all of the above, we will all look like complete fools. According to some people, my sister is not intelligent, but this is not true, she will probably never be interested in talking about politics, economics, the big bang or considering integrals. And she, as your husband, loses interest quickly, which does not mean that she cannot talk about many topics, but that certain topics are uninteresting to her. On the other hand, he is one of those people who can make something wonderful out of nothing. Don't force your husband to talk about things that you think an erudite person should talk about. It is good for everyone to know something about every important topic today, but we do not all need to have a great interest in the Istanbul Convention or anything else that is currently high. If you are not interested in cars, but a question arises and you hear 2 opinions, you will not think of a third, but you will agree with one of the two, because you will neither think nor be particularly interested. Even if he doesn't think about anything and isn't erudite, that doesn't mean he can't have a good life. Everyone can read a few statistics, think and form an opinion, but few people manage to find inner peace to create a successful and beautiful relationship. Your husband must be very smart when he is not angry with your worries and tries to please you. He has to be smart, for he obviously knows that if you do everything yourself, you will feel like a servant and the magic between you will disappear completely. Don't underestimate him, you have a man for millions, it's a big deal that he is not interested in current, serious topics and his curiosity is not focused on huge puzzles. Think about it, there is certainly something he is interested in, something he can talk about for hours and he is very good at.
Dear author, from your post I more or less formed your portrait for myself. You are an educated, intelligent and searching woman, with independent thinking and the need to constantly expand your horizons. As such, you should be aware that we are not born equal. Some people have some qualities, others - different. You say your husband is a "wonderful man." You crazy woman, what more do you want? My first husband had two degrees, three foreign languages, was read as an encyclopedia, and was extremely interested in the social sciences, geopolitics, mathematics, and information technology. And no relation to art. He read nothing but fiction, he had gone to the theater once as a student, and he had never been to an exhibition in his life. He also lacked a gram of empathy and was completely emotionally inadequate to the experiences of others. It was because of his asociality that we broke up. My current husband has a high school education, he doesn't understand anything in mathematics, he thinks with a calculator, he can barely handle a computer, he knows enough English to make a living, but he is crazy about classical music, painting and theater, he has supernatural mental intelligence and his girlfriends. I have long preferred to share with him rather than with me. But he is also not interested in literature. Here is the place to say that I am a writer myself - I have been doing this all my life: literature. At home we have a huge library, collected by three generations, but not once has my husband reached out to get a book. This is the situation, darling. But unlike you, I'm even happy, because I deal with books all day, sitting at a table with colleagues and friends, we talk about it again, and for me it's even something like a vacation, at least at home, not to wait for the question of polyphony in Dostoevsky's work. It is enough for me that my husband adores me, he is a good lover, he is hardworking, he is telarant and I feel the joy of life with him. Instead of asking the author, "How can I help my husband?", Better enrich your environment with people with whom you have similar interests. Why do you have to unravel the issue of Britain's exit from the European Union with your husband? Discuss it with friends who are relevant to the issue. Do not torture the person who sincerely loves you! And I do not advise you to create complexes for him, because first - it is destructive to your marriage, and second - do not forget that he has qualities, with which (I'm sure of it!) many times superior to you. I don't know what they are, maybe he can master various things or he is adaptable to situations, or he can cook, I know ... I'm sorry you can't read your post with my eyes! I quote: "And I love it. The marriage is harmonious, calm and happy." And what is missing? Unravel Einstein's theory of relativity while cooking beans? Personally, I want to be hugged, kissed, the grass in the yard mown, the boiler repaired, and from there on - by interests: who wants to read Nietzsche, who wants - to watch Big Brother as soon as he pulls. Your wonderful husband will steal it from you, if you don't stop harassing him with intellectuals, you know! I'm joking, of course! or he can cook, I know ... I'm sorry you can't read your post with my eyes! I quote: "And I love it. The marriage is harmonious, calm and happy." And what is missing? Unravel Einstein's theory of relativity while cooking beans? Personally, I want to be hugged, kissed, the grass in the yard mown, the boiler repaired, and from there on - by interests: who wants to read Nietzsche, who wants - to watch Big Brother as soon as he pulls. Your wonderful husband will steal it from you, if you don't stop harassing him with intellectuals, you know! I'm joking, of course! or he can cook, I know ... I'm sorry you can't read your post with my eyes! I quote: "And I love it. The marriage is harmonious, calm and happy." And what is missing? Unravel Einstein's theory of relativity while cooking beans? Personally, I want to be hugged, kissed, the grass in the yard mown, the boiler repaired, and from there on - by interests: who wants to read Nietzsche, who wants - to watch Big Brother as soon as he pulls. Your wonderful husband will steal it from you, if you don't stop harassing him with intellectuals, you know! I'm joking, of course! while cooking beans? Personally, I want to be hugged, kissed, the grass in the yard mown, the boiler repaired, and from there on - by interests: who wants to read Nietzsche, who wants - to watch Big Brother as soon as he pulls. Your wonderful husband will steal it from you, if you don't stop harassing him with intellectuals, you know! I'm joking, of course! while cooking beans? Personally, I want to be hugged, kissed, the grass in the yard mown, the boiler repaired, and from there on - by interests: who wants to read Nietzsche, who wants - to watch Big Brother as soon as he pulls. Your wonderful husband will steal it from you, if you don't stop harassing him with intellectuals, you know! I'm joking, of course!
Darling, women do not please you, you are the next one who proves it with her topic. Are you perfect? Divorce immediately, you do not have respect for the person next to you. Divorce and marry some professor or intelligent male and then we will see what you will write on the forums. In this case, you are stupid and if you were my wife, I throw you out in an instant. She told him in his eyes and he was not offended! Abe, woman, this man loves you madly and unconditionally, you are blessed, you are touched by God. Billions of women around the world want to be in your place. The next one who will hug your husband will be just happy and will not fall into foolish thoughts. You are ashamed of a person who would give his life for you. Shame on yourself! M 41
Take you tight and leave the man. Here on this site I have come across women who are beaten by their husbands or who are drunk and cheating. Sit with the man and love him. To be alive and healthy.
In principle, you can, but I do not advise you. Every woman dreams of such a husband, to lead him by the nose, to be kind to her, not to harass her, not to be rude to her. If there are no other flaws, it's not worth doing it "smart". I'm a man, I dare say I'm smarter than you and your husband, taken together and raised to any degree, but it doesn't matter. And it has been proven that stupider people are happier because they do not bother with overly complex questions. For example, every day I ask myself questions that bother me. For example, won't that freak with the orange wig blow up Syria and start the nuclear Third World War? Because the probability is over 50%. Or will terrorists not carry out an attack in Sofia? Bulgaria has already been hit by terrorists (Sarafovo, 2012), and a terrorist who carried out an attack in Germany has lived for months in a hotel in Nadezhda. You don't need to do it to your husband's Einstein. If there are no other problems and if he fucks you well, keep it, because it's gold!
May I have the problems of you women!
Uffff, Aman from "smart" women! Let the man breathe calmly, he is obviously much smarter than you in life in general. Knowing a lot doesn't make you smart or good. Man has many virtues for which people would respect him. I feel sorry for him. You can't appreciate what you have. I am sure it costs, as a man, a thousand times more than very smart men and women who are spiritually and humanly simple.
Get yourself a very smart beater and drinker. It is also preferable to cheat. Definitely then you will not be bored and you will stop thinking about books. Your current husband is too bad for you if he doesn't read books.
Where did you sleep when you got married? By the way, aren't you a professor or have a doctorate, maybe? Big problem, nothing. Once the relationship is harmonious and you love each other, it's a great thing that the man didn't read books or delve deeply into an issue. You can't change it. He himself must want to read for example or learn new things. And logical thinking you either have it or you don't. It is not learned. Enjoy your marriage. If I were your husband, I wouldn't be happy that my wife has such an opinion of me and is hardly ashamed. To me, you seem ashamed of him ...
And you because you are perfect;) This women ... we still do not have pleasure and we are still dissatisfied ... looking at us from the side, I feel sorry for our men: D ...
My smart husband and I don't have the relationship you describe. And he's been rude to me, and he's not helping me in anything, and he's not calm. We are intelligent in various fields, I am interested in art, religion, history and the inner world of man, and he is interested in politics, economics, business. I went to tell him something about the life of an artist, he interrupted me to explain to me how Hitler was a great connoisseur and what a secret collection of paintings he had ... Often our arguments end with "a very spiritually elevated camp, run to roll with the yogis", I, on the other hand, find it too material and pragmatic. We do not get any in-depth conversation, with us the truth is definitely not born in the dispute. Each with his own truth. However, somehow we manage to love each other and even work successfully together. I definitely got happier, when I discovered yoga, because there I found people with whom I could have a dialogue that I missed. What helps me the most to be happy is that I'm starting to learn to accept people as they are and to focus on what I like about them, not what I don't. For example, I have a girlfriend who is a great professional in interior design and not only that, but she was an esthete. And every time I see each other, it's great, or he'll take me to a unique store, or show me an article that solves a problem I'm struggling with at work, or give me a good book. The downside is gossip. He once told me personal things about me. Then we ended our relationship. But after 1, 2 years we stumbled upon the passport, we had to wait and sat down to drink coffee. And I remembered how cool she was, how much I missed her sense and talent. And I decided to train my new ability to accept people as they are with her, I named her Estet-Gossip Girl. I accepted the fact that he was a Gossip Girl and I would have to control my personal statements and focused on being an Aesthete and began to draw on her (and hopefully her) knowledge and ideas. I hope you understand. It's a pity I can't set an example with my husband, I still can't accept him exactly as he is. Ha ha. But the principle is the same. If we go looking for ideal people, we have just been left alone. And trying to change people according to our ideal, without them wanting to change is ... you are smart at home, you should already know that this cause is lost. Find people to quench your thirst for intellectual communication. Don't focus on your husband's deficits,
The smart man is looking for a stupid woman, and the opposite is true with the same force, so you are extra ... :)
Author, I am your man, but before you make a final decision, read comment number 3 - a woman told you that! With my university degree, several specializations and all three languages, I don't see how I excel in your husband, the only thing I see is that you are over 30, which for me is close to 40, ie you are caught by the typical for this age fever that you have not lived and have not seen a cock. Take matters into your own hands, forget about your female heart and follow the reason that many here have already understood it (the husband), even envied and would gladly put it away, and you will pull your hair, shed bloody tears and beg another to they are sorry! I'm sorry I don't like poetry, but if you want we can talk about the moon and stars, crystal waters and women's dreams.
Ohh another one who has decided to change her husband.
Your husband is naturally intelligent, unlike you. Didn't it occur to you how much strength, love and intellect it takes to remain a good person despite the emotional traumas that your partner tries to inflict on you?
From the author: Thank you to everyone who came in with a comment on my topic. I want to clarify that I did not go to part with my husband. As I said, he is a wonderful person with a good heart, which is most important to me. My torments that he is not very smart are rare. Sometimes I want to talk to him and discuss a serious issue as great people. To learn something new from him, to understand his point of view and how he came to it. I don't think my desire is too great, but it is difficult, even impossible, to satisfy it. Sometimes I compare him to Forest Gump and blame myself. I myself would not define myself as very smart or well-read. I am much younger than him, and I make important decisions and am responsible for them. He just agrees with me, without the slightest dose of criticism. I have to seek advice from bystanders or decide for myself. Otherwise I have my environment with people with whom I can talk about different topics. I don't miss communication. However, I also want to be able to have interesting conversations with the person I love and with whom I want to grow old. I hope one day this happens.
In my opinion, at this stage it would be more correct to define it as uncharacteristic. There may even be a slight depression. He must first show a desire to start showing character, and only then will it be seen if and how smart he is.