Hello. I want to share about the problems we have with my husband and possibly get advice from someone who has experienced similar things. My husband is obviously suffering from depression. He has no motivation for life, he is lazy, he just watches TV. He doesn't care about anything and nothing excites him. I don't know how to help him. We talk, I motivate him, but the effect is short-lived, and the worries accumulate on my shoulders. I have given birth to children who are also not enough to motivate him to do something for them, for him, for the family, something other than sitting in front of the TV. He doesn't even move to have fun. We can't go for breaks and a word. And sex is once a year and it is such a weak performance, hardly simple, without any desire. You don't have a mistress, at least if I had one I would be calmer. He doesn't go anywhere without me, and we very rarely go anywhere. He takes pills for psycho attacks, which there was some time ago and they really stopped and he calmed down, but he became so bloated and depressed. No one knows about his problems unless I say so, because he communicates very little with his parents and shares nothing with them. Sometimes I get angry because I see us sinking into problems, worries, dirt, lack of money and I make him tighten up, and he says I'm pushing him further. And how can I not suppress myself, I take care of children, I eat at home, I work, at home I am a psychologist, a doctor, a teacher, a cleaner, a cook. I am calm and smiling most of the time. However, I also miss the fact that we do not make love. I don't think I can help him and be well at the same time. I've been thinking about other men lately, but I have a barrier that I can't overcome all of a sudden. I know that time will tell my way. But I want him to be well and happy. He is a very good man and I love him very much. But my children and I are clearly an obstacle to him being free and happy. And if he is free, he sits in front of the TV again, watching 3-4-5 movies one after the other without interruption. Movies all night until morning. Then he sleeps all day, plays movies again. This is his life.
Answers 13
Don't blame him, depression is worse than you think.
And why not try to find a job?
And how did you diagnose depression like that? At least do you have a definition for "depression"? Do you have the qualification of a clinical psychologist / psychiatrist?
Ave, I'm so inward, but I can't see it because of the woman. I fulfill my duties, I even force myself to have sex. When the woman goes somewhere for a few days, however, I do nothing - movies and porn. I made up an excuse and last summer I didn't go with her and the child to the sea and in ten days I watched 5-6 series in its entirety. I tell my friends that I am very busy and gradually we started seeing each other only on occasions. Otherwise I love the woman, even very much. I just imagined life differently at the age of 39 and I'm dumb. Excursions in nature and sports help me a lot, but winter is a great sorrow.
The same situation with us, I wondered at the beginning if I hadn't written it :( My husband has grown together with the sofa, it's sad, it's a pity, because he is a young, healthy man, in his prime. He doesn't want to he plays with his children, he can't sit - he just wants to lie down, he doesn't want to do anything, he's constantly tired, he's constantly not feeling well and he can't say for sure. and urine, everything was at 6.
3 - Nerve, no, no no ... This modern nonsense, in which a person is forbidden to make any inferences without having 8 years in university, please do not push it on me. The woman does not make an official diagnosis, but there are many signs that every common sense and living experience will recognize as signs of depression.
go to the doctor, the psychiatrist depression is not in the mood, is not "to tighten" may need treatment
from number 3 to number 7: I wonder how a person without qualifications can report what is a sign or not of depression? How can a person without qualifications be sure that he knows what depression is? If there is modern nonsense, it is everyone talking about depression without knowing that the diagnosis of depression is something other than the colloquial word depression. And the woman, not making an official diagnosis, why she wrote for the title "My husband is obviously suffering from depression" instead of "Is it possible that my husband is suffering from depression" or "I suspect symptoms of depression", etc.
Each of us can experience this collapse, it happens to many, so there is nothing to think about so much - you will certainly need professional help to stabilize.
Lazy him.
And instead of scolding him, did you ask him what the problem was? Even if it was depression, something still depressed him at first. I know it sounds exotic against the background of the traditional "animal like that, I'll catch a lover", but why not try to understand what the problem is and help him solve it? Obviously it doesn't happen with motivation and scandals, you need a deep digging to understand what is bothering him. If you are interested, well, because now he is the ideal scapegoat, so if you decide that you are breaking ... And he will be guilty, not you - a familiar logic! This is not the first time I have read such stories online. In such cases, we understand who we love more - our sexual needs or the person next to us. Because apart from them, you will not change anything else with a breakup - it will still be bad, all the worries will accumulate on your head, but the sex will be on a level.
I don't know why so many people clung to the author's "diagnosis". Whatever her husband has is the problem, not how she or anyone else will qualify it. One thing is for sure, author, this situation is intolerable. Your husband does not show the will and desire to get better. I don't know if anything happened or he always tended to such a state. If he turns to professional help and tries to get out of the hole, there may be a chance, but if things continue like this, you better save yourself and your children before you collapse, both physically and mentally.
10 -Do not think about it, but grow it all your life like a pot .... Along with the children.