Hello! I have been very worried about my husband and our relationship for some time. Two months ago we opened a store (24 hours a day) and for now only the two of us work night shifts and I work day shifts. During the short time we see each other between shifts, he always finds something to shout at me for, he acts like he's my boss ... both at work and in personal relationships. He doesn't comply with me at all, but he wants me to comply with him and obey everything, and if God forbid I express my opinion ... then it gets scary - he pushes, shakes, screams, screams, and I try not to raise my voice so as not to make him even more nervous, but I can't take it anymore !!!! I don't know if it's from a lot of work ... we both work 12 hours a day, we're tired, nervous, but I don't make it, I keep my composure. Last night I asked him what the head of the family would be like if he lost his temper and guessed, and guess what a wild scandal followed ... etc. So I don't know what to do ... because we are still not an official husband and wife (the wedding is in a month) I'm starting to think. I say to myself: "This is a moment, he is not like that, he is nervous because of the work" the next moment I think: "well, if it's like that all my life ...." Please give me advice on what to do ... Before open the store was not like that ... Now ... while he is happy to see me and tells me that he loves me ... the next moment he explodes for something insignificant and makes me do nothing. "I made him nervous because I was pissed off when he remarked to me, I went crazy ..." etc. So I don't know what to do ... because we are still not an official husband and wife (a month later the wedding) I'm starting to think. I say to myself: "This is a moment, he is not like that, he is nervous because of the work" the next moment I think: "well, if it's like that all my life ...." Please give me advice on what to do ... Before opening the store was not like that ... Now ... while he is happy to see me and tells me that he loves me ... the next moment he explodes for something insignificant and makes me do nothing. "I made him nervous because I was pissed off when he remarked to me, I went crazy ..." etc. So I don't know what to do ... because we are still not an official husband and wife (a month later wedding) I'm starting to think. I say to myself: "This is a moment, he is not like that, he is nervous because of the work" the next moment I think: "well, if it's like that all my life ...." Please give me advice on what to do ... Before opening the store was not like that ... Now ... while he is happy to see me and tells me that he loves me ... the next moment he explodes for something insignificant and makes me do nothing. since we are not yet an official husband and wife (the wedding is in a month) I start to think. I say to myself: "This is a moment, he is not like that, he is nervous because of the work" the next moment I think: "well, if it's like that for the rest of my life ..." Please give me advice on what to do ... Before opening the store was not like that ... Now ... while he is happy to see me and tells me that he loves me ... the next moment he explodes for something insignificant and makes me do nothing. since we are not yet an official husband and wife (the wedding is in a month) I start to think. I say to myself: "This is a moment, he is not like that, he is nervous because of the work" the next moment I think: "well, if it's like that for the rest of my life ..." Please give me advice on what to do ... Before open the store was not like that ... Now ... while he is happy to see me and tells me that he loves me ... the next moment he explodes for something insignificant and makes me do nothing.
Answers 17
You need to clarify your WORKING relationship. If the company is his, the capital is his, he is YOUR BOSS! Separate personally from business! I also work for my husband, but from the very beginning I have an employment contract and everything is clear. However, we actually work together - ie. evenings, Saturday and Sunday we are a couple. Introduce rules not to talk about work in your personal time. Taboo are the bed, the bathroom, when one is in the toilet or is sick / I speak from experience /. Schedule work appointments, but don't talk during other work hours. For example, you can only talk about work in the store, but not outside it. Still, there are conflicts. The solution - let him hire a girl and you start working elsewhere. That's how you'll see yourself. He may also be sexually dissatisfied. Try a little, unexpected adventure in the warehouse and you will see how it will soften ... and literally,
Just throw it away, darling, now he's screaming at you and after the wedding, who knows, he might touch you. Such complexes deserve to be alone to see who they will spend it on.
If he didn't shout at you like that before you started a business, it may be from the stress in the business, but you understand that he can't make it for himself because he is nervous about you, especially if he behaves like that in personal relationships. If he has always been rude, nervous as a character and has been screaming at you, he will be like that for the rest of his life, if so do others (relatives, friends, exes). My advice is do not marry and separate, he is not your master to behave like that. You know best what it was like before and whether it is normal to behave like that, but think very carefully, while it is time, whether this marriage will not be a mistake.
Whose capital and risk is it if everything fails? Are you pushing harder, or is it all on his head? The failed man is a failed man, and the failed woman - there is no such thing, the man is to blame for everything and she can leave him or tell him to the grave that he is a loser. Probably because of that he calls you and because of that you suffer. On the other hand, it is a little early for such scenes even before the wedding. That's why I understand your fears. Why don't you take a chance and pick your pears, make him repent and run after you? Let's see if she will do it or better not marry at all. Because if you put on the ring, the old situation will return anyway, at least play it a little now.
Most likely he suffers from burnout syndrome and in combination with daytime sleepiness becomes irritable and irritable. He needs to rest more, and in this case his sleep and wakefulness are disturbed. Besides, as far as I know, the Labor Code forbids daily night work-- I don't know if that's true, but that's what I know. Ask his parents or brother / sister for help, but in this situation you are not ready for a wedding!
Feel free to tell him to postpone your wedding intentions, because you are not sure that this is the person you want to marry. If you get into scandals again and explode, pack your bags and run away from them. You are about to get married and this is not normal, now is the time to feel the support and strength of this person. However, you say that the business makes him nervous and your faces, and what he wants - ask him directly.
I think you will be screaming for the future.
As soon as he has it in his character ...
Leave him! It may sound harsh, but it's best, believe me. There is no point in expecting it to change. The answer to the question of what kind of family head will be I know from personal experience and it is not pleasant at all. I grew up in a family with such a "head". Your children will be emotionally crippled by his behavior and will hate him, and they will hate you. And they will be right, because they did not choose their father, but you chose the man yourself and with that you chose their father.
You have very little time until the wedding to make a decision. I don't know how to deal with these screams? He is unlikely to change. Think about whether you get used to ignoring his nervous outbursts. Personally, I could not ignore such things, but I have an acquaintance in your situation and she does not care at all. I envy her calmness.
Honey, postpone the wedding. If the phenomenon is not temporary, you hardly want to wear it for life. Talk to him to procrastinate and explain how you feel - watch his reaction and whether he will show understanding and show change. It is very possible that, due to the upcoming wedding and the joint business, he has already decided that you are tied in a towel and show his real face ...
Once upon a time, on the first wedding night, when a Bulgarian man entered the bride's bedroom, he stabbed a cat in front of his eyes. That's how he showed who the master of the house was. Today their descendants are more "civilized". They start with screams, dominant non-verbal expressions, and if the woman is more deaf and does not think that she has to bow her head to the "master", then more convincing methods follow. Touches with a force of 40 / km per hour are already included in the non-verbal language, first only the palm, then the palm is already bent, and sometimes the foot is also used. Congratulations on your married life, author! P.P. Always first only thoughts, then thoughts turn into actions ... your husband is not from "business", he is just like that! And you, are you suitable for this type of men ?!
And when you get married, what do you think will happen, it will stop, yes! You will make a big mistake, then if you decide to separate something, what ... divorce, problems, leave it before it's too late. Those who are very calm will soon burn out, which person is able to tolerate being shouted at and shouted at constantly, someone very strange and alien must be ... a masochist or I do not know.
Get out of there. Whatever your "professional" relationship, there is no reason to behave like that and no excuse. You are the person with whom he will share his life in the end. Is that how he should shout and scream at you? It should be just the opposite. I wouldn't think about it at all, but at all. What do you think will be in the future?
My beloved and I have such moments ... constantly arguing. But there is a rule that is followed when we go to bed, no matter how angry we are with each other, that we have offended, shouted, slammed, broken, we must get along, hug and kiss goodnight. I'm a violent character, so is he, but we don't break that rule. You say that only he shouts ... When he shouts, you shout too, when he breaks, you break .... In a relationship, two people participate when there is a problem and they both have guilt - directly or indirectly. As for whether to leave him or not ... if you really care about this person and he cares about you, fight. The sun always rises after cloudy weather ... As people say: "and this will pass" ...
And I was patient, patient, and I kept telling myself that it was temporary and would pass. Eventually, things took on a pathological dimension, and it all ended in psychiatry. It turned out that he had a serious illness. So I don't know what advice to give you. I wouldn't marry him if I were you.
Postpone the wedding while it's time!