Hello! I have been living in Norway for 5 years. I had a serious relationship with a great person and in December we got married (without making celebrations and a lot of noise). Everything between us is very good, even at the moment I am pregnant (3 months) and this is the best feeling I have ever experienced. The father is also very happy about this fact. It's all right, but I'm missing my mother. She is a person who has failed to get used to the idea that I love this person and will stay with him. I really tried everything, but to no avail. I explained to her that things were turning into a scandal. I also told her that if she didn't stop I wouldn't call her - a result in exactly 2 days. Then scandals start again. If I mention it and it starts grinding on my head. Now, to find out that I am pregnant and want to start a family with my husband, we invited ours for the holidays. Horror! I am glad, that there is such a language barrier. He says something and mom "His brain is soaked with so much alcohol". There is no reason to talk like that about him. One night they challenged him by taking out a bottle of brandy how much he would drink (otherwise they would be offended).
He drank 2 cups. and he is dizzy. They repeat it to me 100 times every day! I know that I have not made a mistake and I no longer care much for her opinion, but I want her to stop this terror! They are leaving soon, and I have not yet said that we will have a baby. Does anyone know how he will react? I tried to tell her twice. I took my husband by the arm, I go to her and say "we want to tell you something" and she turns it into a joke. Then I talk again with her, I said and "I want to start a family with him" answer "well done to you".
I have made a decision, but the attitude itself is disgusting! Not to mention that my husband also has some patience and sees how he is treated. Not to mention that all the negative emotions have a bad effect on the baby and this again irritates the father. Anyway ... I want to ask you for some advice on how to reason with my mother. To understand that he cannot control people's lives. I don't know what intentions he does it, but it definitely only hurts me.
Answers 15
This is not the first time I have been wondering a lot - what kind of problem can bystanders, even parents, create, since the young family is completely independent. You have not lived under one roof and you will not live. If you are not financially dependent - I do not see where the problem is? The only embarrassing thing you could save your husband is your senseless torment. If you love him and are with him - he must clearly see that side factors such as grumbling parents do not even matter indirectly. Be calm, you deserve respect and good treatment and if necessary close the way of the unfriendly parent to you for a while. Because now the Mother will be you, and the most important person - the baby.
Reduce your contact with her.
And my mother spent her whole life imposing her opinion on me. The mother is a mistress. Despotic character. I once talked to a woman who is a psychologist by education. And she gave me some ideas on how people's characters become so despotic. And on the plane I once sat next to a woman whose daughter also lives in Norway. That was some time ago. So this woman boasted of her daughter, who was studying to get a doctorate there and also had a baby who had to have special procedures for straightening her legs. And the grandmother we were traveling with spoke of her daughter's husband as almost an intruder or usurper who almost forcibly abducted her daughter. And she can't talk to him because she doesn't know the language. It made a very strong impression on me. I think, well, I am not under the same roof with my mother or other relatives. We wouldn't last two days.
Your mother's behavior is really very destructive. I don't even want to imagine what awkward situations you've been in. Either he is jealous or he pretends to be interesting or he just doesn't know how to behave. The fact is that she is disgracing herself and especially you. In your place, I would no longer try to have any important conversations with her, and I would not even reveal any family plans to her. Not only will he not understand, but he will not want to understand and will behave even worse. I'm sorry to say that, and I know it's very drastic, but maybe it's best not to talk to her after she's gone. I would do so. In case you decide to call her, the conversations should be short, without many details of your daily life, but only topics such as the weather forecast. In time, she should feel
I really sympathize with you, darling! And I'm in that position. We have been married for 5 years, with children, and my mother did not stop harassing me until recently. And I have no complaints about my husband. Her arguments are unknown to anyone. We live abroad and SHE does not want to come to visit us. When we visited her, it became such a circus that I haven't talked to her since, for 3 months now. And I'm very well! I wish her all the best! What am I talking about? 1: You are not the only one! Don't be fooled or despair! Think about the baby and the man, and isolate your mother from your personal life so that she does not make him bitter. If you continue to tolerate it, your husband will not last a moment and will tell you "choose". Because if he tolerated his mother, who constantly spoke to him against you, you would be more categorical. 2: Your mother will not change! She is an adult with a built character and prejudices. Nor will the fact that you're not next to her skirt change. And that will keep her negative forever. Does she know that you are already officially married? If not, don't tell her! You just talked about a divorce like mine. Success! A light pregnancy and to be in love for a long time! 5
Limit your contact with her with Skype and make sure she is without a camera. Good luck and a lot of happiness with the Norwegian ... and I like northern men. I was about to start a family with one, but ours kept up.
I think you need to be a little tougher. This is how I reason with my mother, who also loves to bully. I tried with kind, careful speech ... well, it doesn't work. However, since I started "knocking on the table" to see what the difference is. Learn to respect my opinion and choice. And when she disagrees, she just shrugs. Try this too - firm and cut-off, strict speech. You set your positions and defend them. After all, you're no longer the little girl next to your mom's skirt to keep quiet about any nonsense.
If you weren't wrong, then your mother was wrong. But unlikely:)
I think it's good to just let her know, you're pregnant and you need a break, and it hurts your health that way. And he didn't say anything about his father? Is he of the same opinion? Maybe she is just afraid that you will get married in a foreign country, ie you will always stay there to live, and you will not be next to her. But still the problem must be solved. ~ Ramona ~
Yes, the same story. You forgot to mention the reasons for your mother's dissatisfaction. I guess he's Arab or black. You may think that in a multicultural Norway it doesn't matter, but you're wrong. There are them there, as well as in Bulgaria and in Germany, where I work. I can't understand you Bulgarians. German women are also misled about having sex with their big sluts, but none of them would even think of marrying them!
Number 10, you're talking nonsense! There is pain for German women married to both Arabs and blacks. Only the Turks are not given. I also know Bulgarian women married to Arabs here in Germany, and let me tell you, they are very well. Neither are they veiled, nor are their children circumcised, nor are their husbands repressed in any way. And since we are close, I will tell you that these are completely normal families!
Wow, he's neither Arab nor black. The man is Norwegian, white, blond. It is true that there are all kinds of nationalities here, but I have not made "attempts" to get to know them ...
Number 10, I am. I did not want to offend you, I just made an assumption which, in view of my experience abroad, is often true for such situations. I'm glad you found a normal man. Not only for you, but also for your child, because, as I have already said, Arabs are not well received anywhere in Europe, except in the beds of some of our compatriots! You didn't say why your mother treated your husband badly. Should there still be a reason? Number 11 of course there are such cases, but they are rare. There is certainly a case of happy marriages between a Bulgarian and an Arab, but they are even more rare.
Number 10 "killed" me !!! He just "shot" me !!! There are many Arabs in Europe who would not know they are Arabs. Not to mention that half of London was bought by Arabs.
Number 11, let's now admit that all married people for the mentioned individuals have contact only with people from these communities. There is no one else to let them in! They are like lepers. And I can only sympathize with the author for the misunderstanding that allowed her to happen. I have no right to give advice, but I would like to remind you of countless cases of great love, which ended in a big divorce, for women with morals, but also with the luck of several unsuccessful marriages. Of course, I don't wish it on you in any case, but think about it if this happens to you one day ... It won't be a favorite of yours for whom you make such a sacrifice, nor your only mother (bad or not so bad) that you rejected with a light hand. You better find some balance to get out of the nasty situation. And know that there are many men, but the mother is one! You cannot replace it or deny it.