Hello! There must be other similar topics, I searched, but honestly I did not find what I needed. Here's the job ... I'm 17 years old and my boyfriend and I recently had sex, and it was my first time. Everything was normal (if this pain can be called normal, but that's another matter: e). I have no problem with that, I was ready, I love it, I didn't make a mistake and I didn't feel guilty about not telling my mother. That was my least problem. But some time ago, a few days ago, I developed cystitis. I don't think it's related to sex (I still don't think so), but still losing your virginity is one of the factors for developing cystitis. And when my mother found out, she asked me if our relationship with my friend was only platonic, respectively, and I said no. And there began quarrels, shouts, quite harsh words uttered, the conclusion of which is that "I have fallen in the eye." I don't think it's fair of her to talk to me like that, I've never done anything that doesn't justify the trust in me, and yet whenever I do something she doesn't think is right, that's the result. That's why I never share it with her, that's why I don't tell her. I just don't get understanding and support, just a certain amount of frustration. I really don't know what to say to her and what to do. I tried to explain to her how things were, but she just told me not to blame her and to say the same thing again. Is there any way he can hear me? !! which does not justify the trust in me and yet whenever I do something she does not think is right, the result is this. That's why I never share it with her, that's why I don't tell her. I just don't get understanding and support, just a certain amount of frustration. I really don't know what to say to her and what to do. I tried to explain to her how things were, but she just told me not to blame her and to say the same thing again. Is there any way he can hear me? !! which does not justify the trust in me and yet whenever I do something she does not think is right, the result is this. That's why I never share it with her, that's why I don't tell her. I just don't get understanding and support, just a certain amount of frustration. I really don't know what to say to her and what to do. I tried to explain to her how things were, but she just told me not to blame her and to say the same thing again. Is there any way he can hear me? !! but she just tells me I didn't blame her and talk the same thing over and over again. Is there any way he can hear me? !! but she only tells me not to blame her and to talk the same thing again. Is there any way he can hear me? !!
Answers 17
There is no way he can hear you. In order to hear you, you had to talk about sex since you were 10, even when you were younger. You wrote that you do not share with her this is because you have never talked about this topic, right .... It seems that your mother is one of those women who have a slightly older understanding. She's not angry. Another reason for behaving this way is that she can't accept that her little girl is already having sex. Your mother's problem is that she still looks at you like a small child (and children shouldn't have sex). She does not realize and does not accept the fact that you are already becoming a woman. I suggest you talk to your father. I'm sure he'll understand you better. And I can't understand what this unwritten rule is for girls to talk and share things about sex only with their mothers. Abe you have fathers and they have an opinion about it and they know what you have between your legs, and what is it for :)))) And about your mother try to talk about sex (not your sex), but in general. For example, how did she feel on her first time? When was he with how many men was she? When did she first kiss? And things like that. Get your mother to relax and talk about it. Let him know that you are no longer a child and have your needs. This is a success for me
№ 1 Do you really think that such a mother "with a little older understanding" will answer questions like "When was he with how many men was she? When did she kiss for the first time?" Of course her answer would be with your father the first time I kissed he was the only one and we were married. At least that's how they answered me. It sucks to know they're lying. I will tell the author that it will last, it is difficult for her to realize that you are already big. If she doesn't go first to speak calmly on the issue, you'd better keep quiet and not care. Your father must be even more conservative or "scared" so don't stress him out with such questions. If they do not approach you with a question of better duration, they will soon realize that the little girl has grown up.
I'm Number 1. Number 2, you're right that if the mother really is, she won't talk about it and that she will lie. But we don't know her and hope she doesn't. My thought is that the girl should try to talk to her and again I say to her father. Try to get them to talk about it. You just need advice and someone on your side to meet, so you went to write here. But if your mother and fathers are really so "clogged" with an apology, you won't be able to deal with them. He will continue to harass you for another year until he finally realizes that you are a woman and the time has come for these things. Then it will start harassing you for children if you have a little fun with them but this is another topic ... :) If you have any questions do not hesitate to ask anything. I will follow the topic and try to answer you.
Oh, it's awful, I know that. My parents are the same. You were supposed to be the first to have sex after the wedding. Is this normal, in your opinion ???? I also do not share with my mother, she never understands me. I remember when they found out by chance that I had a friend and I slept with him, but I was a little younger (15) ... And it was awful. The night before my birthday, my father beat me in a fight, broke a chair inside me. I was blue all over, well I didn't have any serious injuries. They called me a whore and a slut, they were disgusting to me. I was punished for months for not going out. All the phone calls, the mail, everything went through them. They chased me away from us, collected (supposedly) my luggage and told me that now that I had slept with my friend, he was obliged to marry me and support me, I was no longer their daughter. My father took me to school, and after school they called immediately to see if I was with us at the appointed time. And most terrible of all was the humiliation and shame. And people - these are Vichy people, not some peasants from the Middle Ages, we live in the capital .... I remember that after this story I did not get out of bed for 4 days, I cried around the clock and wanted to kill myself, but I found nothing in us but a blister Vitamin C. Then for about 1 month every time I got out of bed I had dizziness and I felt sick, and my success in school dropped by 2 units. It didn't hurt that they separated me from the boy as much as their attitude and humiliation. And guess what - my next sex was after 8 years !!!! From 15 to 23 I was afraid to touch a boy. I'm 30 now, but I still have complexes and fears and I can't enjoy sex 100%. It's still hard for me to relax with a man, but only when I think of my parents during sex and the pleasure immediately decreases. Otherwise I prefer self-satisfaction, then I have no problems with excitement and cumming. Look how far my "loving" parents have taken me, who have always thought well of me ... Otherwise, they tell me a little bit that they want grandchildren. And how are these grandchildren made ??? I have already promised myself that when I have a child, I will never, ever behave like that with him. My colleague knew that her 14-year-old daughter had a boyfriend and slept with him. When I asked her how she takes things so calmly, she said that the boy is serious, but her daughter just developed earlier and it's still about hormones. He cannot stop his daughter's natural biological development and her needs. Well, this is called an intelligent person, not the pseudo-intelligents - my parents and the author's mother.
Number 1 is right, but I can add that your mother is a "ku-ku" to me and you therefore have no minimum sexual culture. Cystitis occurs most often due to bacterial contamination - it can be from a public toilet, from your own anus, your body has simply lost weight, there are thousands of reasons !!! ... etc. - my grandmother of 40 years is gone sex and still have cystitis for example. You shouldn't have told her about your intimate life knowing how bad it is. At the age of 17 you are not early at all and you just really miss sex education, see what your own attitude towards sex is - and yes, the pain at the first time is not only normal, but also human, because we are human and every woman passes during this. I have the feeling that you are sorry that you had a sex life - that you accept it as an obligation or a burden that you have to endure and it is "OK" because of your boyfriend, but she could do without him. I hope I'm wrong. Advice - honor more and educate yourself, do not irritate your mother and do not trust her personally - just when it starts, you leave the room. I advise you to change your attitude to sex, because your mother will soon not be a major part of your life, but your husband or boyfriend will be, and for men it is very important for the woman to be happy with them, they identify love with desire you have sex, how you behave in bed, etc .... many men break up with a girl they otherwise love because they are sure that she does not love them if she does not enjoy having sex with them
Number 6, you're overreacting. There may be a thousand causes of cystitis, but one of the most common manifestations is cystitis on the honeymoon, even more so with the loss of virginity. It's just that the girl had a boyfriend, it didn't happen to him another time and the mother collected two and two. Although she's overdone, she's no hook and maybe because of the attitude and the girl didn't do it at 13, which I don't know if it applies to you. The author does not sound sorry to me. As she wrote about the pain what? Shouldn't he mention her? I still get goosebumps when I think about it and no, not every woman goes through that. Looking at your comment, you have no idea what it's like to have strict parents who are ashamed to even talk about your boyfriend, so don't philosophize why the author talks like that, I understand her very well. You may not have had to go through this,
7. - maleeee, I'm 13 and I haven't had a cycle - and yes - for me it's a "ku-ku" mother who is harassing her daughter for something completely normal. And no - I was 18 because I had a principle - I was waiting for my 18th year, but after 14 the legislator has provided that a man can have sex, why not? And I had cystitis before I had sex, then I didn't even have - no honeymoon, no this and that - when your body is weak, when there is some contact with certain bacteria it happens and it's just not appropriate to harass your daughter like that for such nonsense. In my opinion, the author has no sexual education, and with such a mother I am not surprised. Anyway - the problem here is not cystitis (treated with antibiotics), not sex (at least for now), and the mother's attitude towards her daughter and harassment on her part - sorry, I do not justify it, not only because the girl is 17, and even a 13-year-old speaks normally, discusses, but doesn't bully - well, unless you're a "ku-ku" mother. PP - I have not shared such things with my mother, by the way - I come from a very conservative, Christian family, but it was normal enough for people to leave in their library books on basic sex education. My mother has never harassed me for such things - I would also like to add that I have been having sex for 10 years, I have no children and abortions, I had cystitis as a girl, once when half of my colleagues at the university (due to poor toilet hygiene) ) had, and recently - after my body lost weight due to a drastic diet. by the way, I come from a very conservative, Christian family, but it was normal enough for people to leave books on basic sex education in their library. My mother has never harassed me for such things - I would also like to add that I have been having sex for 10 years, I have no children and abortions, I had cystitis as a girl, once when half of my colleagues at the university (due to poor toilet hygiene) ) had, and recently - after my body lost weight due to a drastic diet. by the way, I come from a very conservative, Christian family, but it was normal enough for people to leave books on basic sex education in their library. My mother has never harassed me for such things - I would also like to add that I have been having sex for 10 years, I have no children and abortions, I had cystitis as a girl, once when half of my colleagues at the university (due to poor toilet hygiene) ) had, and recently - after my body lost weight due to a drastic diet.
8, I do not deny that there are other reasons. Exactly I know very well what causes it, etc .. There was no cystitis on the honeymoon: D. Well, google it. And I will not comment on your way of expression at all, and the girl needs advice, not someone to insult his mother.
of 6 (9) - the girl, in my opinion, needs someone to tell him - DEAR, YOU ARE A NORMAL MAN, a normal girl of 17 and YOU ARE NOT GUILTY THAT FOR GOD YOU experienced the most normal, most human feeling on this planet and YES - YOUR MOTHER IN THIS SITUATION HAS NO RIGHT to harass you - she can advise you, she can go to the doctor with you, she can take care of your sex education, the responsibilities that are related to leading a sex life - and regardless of how old you are, exactly the reaction in the style of "ku-ku" is the most harmful, because it makes you ashamed, to subsequently deny your sexuality, to feel guilty - and for what - because of the most natural thing in the world! I'm sorry, but I think right here the author needs to hear - TO HAVE A RIGHT AND TO HAVE A RIGHT JUST to the personal life of 17, to sleep with her boyfriend if she wants to and yes - she is right, for God's sake - don't be bullied for it! And because of a cyst - sori, however, there are far bigger problems in the world than a disease that is treated with a simple antibiotic. If the mother was not "ku-ku" she could protect her daughter with a little understanding and advice from much more serious things related to leading a sexual life - now the author is left alone to bang her head on even the most basic miscellaneous works ... unfortunate, unfortunate in the 21st century in a country whose population claims to be educated and "learned"
From: 1 (3) Did you read what she wrote number 4. It was much more serious for your father to break a chair in your head because you had sex at 15. Number 4 these people you don't have to know don't deserve to be you mother and father. They have inflicted traumas on you for a lifetime :( They wanted a grandson already .... if I were you I would not let them touch this grandson and I would constantly harass them for what they did to you. What is your relationship now with I hope you don't have them Sounds ugly but I think so And author I hope you read this don't let your mother get you to position number 4
I am 4. In what respects - normal. They then recovered and saw that the world had changed. Especially since many of the children of respected friends and relatives lived with their spouses after school. I then had a serious relationship, I stayed to sleep with the boy, we went to the sea, the mountains and they didn't tell me anything, but I was 25. I don't know if they changed because of my age or because they saw the world around them. But to this day I would not share anything intimate with any of them. The trauma they inflicted on me will never be known because of this fact. Otherwise, I was instructed in the past - no sex before the wedding. And now, at the age of 30, I had to be a virgin by that logic. You remember that even they hardly consider it normal. Otherwise, I have never touched on this topic. To this day, they probably live with the thought,
Absolutely everything depends on discipline, it's all your fault and listen to your mother's advice while it's time
13, you are not well ....
From 1 (3) (11) Number 4 I sincerely hope you have already experienced it. Don't think of them as yours at all. Watch your boyfriend and have sex with pleasure and desire and not with thoughts of the past. The other thing I advise you to do and I'm sure you will. Is to talk to your children about sex from a very young age and not have taboos on this topic. I wish you success in everything.
Prohibitions lead to an even greater desire to be violated, which is especially true for young people at this age. I have children aged 15 and 17 and I talk to them openly. I think it's more important not to ban sex, but to explain in detail what the precautions are and, God forbid, if it goes wrong, how to react immediately. Of course, do you need a normal relationship, which is not for one night or because others have done it, etc. Mine are still boyfriends and do not have boyfriends, but not because of prohibitions. I don't think their time has come yet. I would not be surprised if my son, who is 17, has an intimate girlfriend, naturally listening to my advice.
(by the author) Ear, I didn't believe that so many people would pay attention to me, thank you very much! Some people understood me completely, others misunderstood some things and now I will try to be clearer :) Um, I'm starting right - Number 1 (3) (11) You are definitely right, my mother is exactly one of these women with old understandings (quite old), but I don't think it's hard for her to believe that her child is becoming a woman, she just thinks that children become women at about 20+ years old. As for my father, I will even be upset to involve him, because he will be uncomfortable and will hide somewhere: D He is just very quiet, he will not react in any way, I will just harass him further, and I do not want that and he has a lot of problems ... Number 2 (9) (10) Thank you very much! You are the person who understood me the most, aim straight for the top ten! I really appreciate your advice and kind words, I really wish my mother had told me that. Number 4, I'm really sorry about what you had to go through! :( I'm sorry I don't know what to tell you, in this case we are all powerless: S I really hope that, at the expense of what you have experienced, everything will go well for you in the future. And I want to emphasize that I may have made my mother a beast a little bit, but she is so crazy: P I don't justify her in any way, of course, I'm still very angry, but we're already in a normal relationship, it's a little awkward nooo ... The problem is that I know what the reactions will be in the future and I know that it will limit me and that when she is angry she will use it against me Number 6 (8) WOW, you threw me in the music, I don't know exactly how you managed to understand me on this way, I accept that the mistake was mine and I misled you in some way.First, I don't know why and how you decided, that I have no minimum sexual culture? Please, that just offended me. Just because my mother didn't tell me about sex doesn't mean I haven't had enough brains to handle myself and look for other ways to figure out everything I need. I mentioned cystitis even more just to understand how my mother found out about sex, I didn't tell her ... as number 6 said, she added two and two. Secondly, I didn't understand what my own attitude towards sex was: D I mentioned the pain in an attempt to be funny, obviously I didn't succeed, I'm sorry: D Sex is not a problem for me, it's not like I stopped doing it after, when she understood and it's not as if she forbade me ... she just didn't understand, but she didn't give me ultimatums. By no means do I regret that I did it, what burden, what obligation? And for God's sake, I didn't do it for my friend, he even kept me dear to the last, I took this initiative myself. In general, sex is not a problem for me and no problem at all :) Number 13, I don't even know if I should answer you something? But as I'm on my way, let's not ignore anyone. You are really in complete delusion, I don't know what you mean by discipline, I haven't been to the barracks, but in any case my EDUCATION, I would say that it is at a very high level :) The woman is not crazy. YES, she is old-fashioned, she is misunderstood, and I can't talk to her, she is unfair, but at least she took care of my upbringing :) Number 14 - MERCY: D Number 16 you are absolutely right, your approach is correct and I am sure, that I will approach in the same way with my children (who according to my mother will be born in 1 year: D) And because I realize that I wrote a novel, thank you,
Ooo I had sex at 15 and according to my mother it was normal ....