Hello people. Status: I am a teenager and I live with my mother - only we are. My father left us when I was 8 (to be honest, I haven't seen him often since I was little, because he supposedly travels abroad) and doesn't even want to pay alimony, but that's another matter. I keep in touch with him sometimes. Mom and I have been through a lot. Now the problem: My mother was never an understanding person, but it was only now that her behavior began to stand out to me. Probably because I grew up and realized some things. She is an introvert. He doesn't find common ground with almost anyone, but what hurts me the most is that he doesn't find common ground with me. If I ever offer her to go out, to spend time together - all the way she is silent. I talk to her and even tell her "Tell me something" (and if you think "She may be angry with you" - NO, now I realize that she has always been like that) And when it comes to more serious talk about it, she keeps repeating "I've been like this since I was little". I don't understand how she has changed so much. But what hurts me the most is that when she tells me something, she will either scold me for something stupid or reproach me. She does not react normally to simple situations, but screams at me. For example, I can't do some homework because I don't understand it and I go to tell her (I even asked her to explain), but instead of normal conversations like civilized people, she greets me with shouts ("HOW CAN") and I get angry , and as always after the conversation with her I will say to myself my impossible "I WILL NOT TALK TO HER ANYMORE" (and this is hers in every situation), but I forgive her, and she repeats it as if she is using me. I feel bad, when I talk to her and tell her. I suggested we go to a psychologist together, but she didn't want to. I soon asked her why she said, "I don't believe them." I have a feeling she just doesn't care. I don't know if you understand me, but I want nothing more than to UNDERSTAND and LOVE each other. I feel like crying! I don't know what to do ... Please share an opinion, constructive criticism or advice. I ACCEPT all this, just so we can be a happy family.
Answers 6
Your mother doesn't hate you. She is a victim of her mother and does not know or cannot or does not want to realize. It will not change. One day you will live separately and I hope you will be the mother you wanted to be!
"I forgive her, and she repeats it as if she were using me" My mother sent me to this ambulance with a 200 pulse. Fear arose and the heartbeat reappeared over time. More than once I believed that in one of these heartbeats I would die of a heart problem, but I am alive. Everything disappears. She was harassing me, and I believed her, I endured 11 to 26 years old for 11 years, after that 200 pulse I shivered. When I was a child, I was constantly trying to talk to her and explain to her what was bothering me, how she was hurting me and what I didn't like about not doing it again, and she used that conversation to find out where my weaknesses were and to hit harder. strongly. He humiliated me in front of other people. He ignored me. I remember as a child that she made a lot of sweets. He used to make a black man and right now, in which I told her that this time it turned out very well to keep me 100% (she always left me because I didn't like him so much maybe haha), she gave it to my sister. There were some candies he made, my favorites. I made her make them for me, every 1-2 weeks I begged her and reminded her, she always refused me that they were very complicated. My sister came, "can you make me some candy from these" "Yes, of course, I'll start right away." And this conversation took place in front of me. Deliberately hurting me. When someone came to visit the house, he would start explaining to me how bad I was, and then he would look me in the eye. A monster. I don't know what scars she left on me, I'm a cynic now or not yet. I am afraid of opening my heart to women. To this day my father pretends to be innocent and thus drives me crazy, that I'm not good at something or I'm making it up or my universe is crooked. My father protects her because she defeated him. Fucking shit, you've lost a family that's alive. I don't feel good about her, my father is a dude, but the fact that she doesn't believe what my mother does is the reason she keeps going. I'm sorry, I may be wrong, my goal is not to put a black fly in your head, but have you ever thought that your father ran away because your mother drove him crazy? "She will scold me for something stupid, or she will reproach me. She does not react normally to simple situations, but shouts at me." When I was a child, I saw her being baptized before going to bed. I still don't know why she was baptized, but let me explain, I'm a child. What happened was that SUCH A SLAP TUPALKA unscrewed me, the whole side of my face was blue-purple with spots the next day. They made fun of me, not just children. I remember how my lip cracked and my blood flowed, but when he threw a flip-flop with a hard sole on me, I have no memories of the reason. It's stupid that most of the situations were just me and her, and I didn't say anything to my father, a child, I think it's a decision they both made that I deserve. It's stupid that she never apologized to me for anything. She did things to me when I was a child, only she and I know. (I was a fool) It's stupid that now she lives with my father, nothing has ever happened, and they behave as if we are a close-knit family, and when I'm around her, only harassment comes before my eyes and I want to I humiliate her in public, so that at least if there is someone who cares about me from my blood to know what I have experienced. Author, it was painful when I had to think that my mother was my enemy, it was painful, but I did it because it got to the point where I had to choose whether to live or think my mother was good for me. He told me that if I were someone else's child he would throw me out on the street, not once, not twice. Because I was sick. I cough and I feel sick she screams at me Why I was coughing, shouting, reproaching, threatening. I was afraid to cough, I went to other rooms so she wouldn't hear me, and it's nice to get these things out of my lungs, but I didn't understand telling a small child that she was crazy. I don't know if my father knew about it or not. In front of my grandfather, God forgive him (her father) was spitting at me and I begged her to stop. She NEVER came to me to tell me, well sorry no more, and I naively kept trying to talk to her. To have a child and then spend years destroying it. Do I know what is normal for me and what is not, and whether I will be a beast if I ever marry. I DIE FOR FEAR OF NOT BEATING MY WIFE, EVER, SPONTANEOUSLY, LIKE MY MOTHER CLEANED AND CRUSHED ME WITH 1-2 SWEPS. The fact that he didn't listen to me and didn't want to hear me turned into quarrels. He said "OK" followed by turning not to look me in the eye and going to the other room. Then it was the same the next day. Author, you prepare for the worst. From my experience with mothers, this is my advice. Try what you love. I tried, but I wasn't prepared for the worst. I trusted her enough that when she finally betrayed me, I often went to the hospitals to do cardiograms and from time to time I thought that my heart would not last and I would die. Years have passed and I continue to recover emotionally. Please post my comment, the girl can find something useful from my story,
Why did you decide that your mother hates you? You are so old that it is a little difficult for you to understand the expression: She is just like that. But this is the truth, your mother is like that now and she has been like that all her life. There are many people like her - silent, distrustful, uncommunicative, burning fast, difficult to express emotions. My mother is sociable, but she is distrustful, hot-tempered and finds it difficult to show warm emotions such as love. My mother is the person who has inspected me all my life, this woman has not left me hungry, unwashed or anything like that, but it is as if she told me for the first time that she loves me when I went to study in another city. It always erupts when I don't understand my lessons, when I make a very small mistake, or frankly bump into something. It took me many years to understand her. I had to grow up first, then move out and socialize with different people for a long time, to explain her behavior. As a teenager, I thought she just didn't love me much, and my father kept convincing me that she loved me more than anything, but she showed her love in a complicated way. He was right, I found out later. You have something like that. She is your mother, she gave birth to you and raised you alone. She didn't leave you hungry, she didn't kill you in a fight, she didn't kick you out of her house, she didn't take you to Hell on Earth. She is grumpy, uncommunicative, difficult, but she doesn't hate you. Sometimes people are just like that. Don't look for a calf under the ox, don't think it's your fault. Your mother has been the same all her life, her attitude is not so direct towards you. When you are angry that you do not understand the material, do it because he wants you to be a successful person, to cope with learning, to get good grades. It does not cry out to you out of malice. She keeps her emotions, somehow these emotions have to kill. It's easier to show a little anger and shout than to cry and explain yourself in love. She will not want to go to a psychologist because she is distrustful and does not want to talk about her deeper feelings, she hardly sees a reason for a psychologist. You are not like her, you are a different person. You have one blood, but you are not the same. You can only accept her and love her as she is. Believe that she loves you. Trust her. When she is silent, she is simply silent. Her constant emotional tone is lower, in some people it is. If you only occasionally have moods in which you do not talk much to others, then with her these moods are almost constant. Do not worry. You can express your love for her, you can share your feelings with her and be very kind. This will keep her warm, even if it doesn't show. Just don't expect her to do the same things often. My mother very rarely showed warm feelings in front of me, she feels them. She cried for me, she was angry with me, she moved mountains, but she doesn't hug me often, she almost never tells me that she loves me and it is very difficult for her sometimes to talk to me openly, because at first she is not such an open person. And what? I explained to her that I loved her, that I would stand behind her, that I would help her with something and everything, as I think it is right to be in a daughter-mother relationship. I've seen her eyes water at such words, and she stands and doesn't know what to say, she's not used to it. Forget your standard for a happy family. You can be a happy family without expressing any emotion out loud. Happiness loves silence, it is usually not ostentatious. Look below the surface. A house can look bad from the outside, the facade is old, the paint is ugly and whatever you can think of, and you can go inside and see a whole palace of luxury. So it is with human relationships, with people and with families. There may not seem to be love between you, but there is love, it's just not obvious to everyone, the important thing is that you know about it and trust each other.
Thanks to everyone who shared their opinion (some even pouring out their souls). I appreciate him and I will try to accept her as she is. She is my mother after all!
Your mother doesn't hate you! It's just that a lot of things have gone through my head and it's a kind of defensive reaction. Do you know how hard it is to be a single parent? So sometimes the tension comes in more and instead of explaining something human to you, she starts screaming. Believe me, then you must be sorry. As for going to a psychologist, firstly it is not cheap and secondly it does not always have such a big effect. So she's not angry with her and she doesn't think she hates you. He doesn't hate you, and it's very difficult to fight life without a man next to him and sometimes he reacts a little sharply.
As a grandmother, I will already tell you NO AND BELIEVE. People know each other by deeds. If you love someone, you don't harass them. He / she loves me in a different way. No such thing. Love is always benevolent, considerate, not humiliating. Be careful, keep your nerves and try not to argue with her. When you graduate, find a job, save money and seek your fortune. I have been working for 19 years, nothing is for free. I did not quarrel with my mother, but I left her and took my destiny into my own hands. Approach her with common sense and sober judgment. Will you tolerate such a friend of mine?