Hello! I want to share my problem and ask for advice. I haven't had a relationship with my mother for more than two years, we had a fierce fight and we haven't talked since. I don't want to shift the blame on her, I can only talk about how I feel. She hurt me so much with words and actions that I barely recovered after leaving the family home. The problem is that after the huge stress it caused me, I started getting panic attacks - I couldn't sleep, a hell of a heartbeat, sweating, I was a wreck for almost a year. I am very sensitive and we were very close, I had a hard time recovering from the betrayal. Now I live more calmly, I managed to recover, to work, I don't remember her and I don't wish her anything bad. But a few days ago I was invited to an event that she would attend, and everything came back to me like a boomerang. I can't refuse to go. I haven't slept since I was invited, I'm taking heart medication, I'm short of breath and palpitations, people, I'm not on my own !!! I thought I had forgiven her, but my whole being rejected her. I was terrified and at the moment I can't stop thinking how I will survive these 4-5 hours of the event with her. I forgot to say that I was in psychotherapy for 1 year with a psychologist, who helped me a lot to get on my feet, I managed to start enjoying life. I stopped the therapy because I recovered, I even had happy moments. But at the moment I'm kind of terrified that I'll see you. Please help me who has been in a similar condition, or has contact with psychological help, please give me advice. I experience such horror, as if they will kill me, and I realize that I can't help but see her all my life. She's my biggest nightmare, she's caused me such pain, that just the thought of her makes me extremely nervous. When I see acquaintances and they ask me how your mother is, I get angry with her, I want to get her out of my life. I'm hurt, and I want to forgive so she doesn't affect me. When I imagine her face, it's as if I'm being torn apart at night, it's a real nightmare. Please help me!
Answers 9
Don't go to the event if you feel that way, it doesn't make sense.
Calm down. Hello, hello, how are you and that's it. You don't write what she did, but forgiveness is not to exonerate her, but to be able to ignore what happened and YOU to be happy.
Once you have a mental problem and have barely recovered, just don't go! If she was healthy and the event went smoothly, it would be different. Imagine you have a kidney crisis, you can even say that. In that case, the event will pass without you, right? The ceiling will not fall. Don't go, it's simple!
You seem to have a labile psyche. The only advice is not to attend the event. Find an excuse.
She is your mother, you must be very grateful to her for some things! Go and speak normally and calmly, try ...
Don't go, is the event more important or your psyche? Then how much you will recover and what you will go through. It will pass without you, no one is asleep, keep yourself.
In no case do not go - you will confuse your treatment and you will lose the little achieved so far! Apologize at the last moment that you are sick and do not go - you do not need to cause it, you are not ready for such a meeting, you will only increase the trauma.
You have two options. Or you find some acceptable explanation and you just don't go, like the flu or something. Or you go to the pharmacy and buy mint, hawthorn and valerian, relax your nerves and at the event in question you try to stay as far away from your mother as possible and if you still have to approach her you say "hello" and instantly evaporate somewhere. , if possible at the other end of the room. It will help a lot if you are not alone, ie you have someone for moral support who will make you laugh and not leave you time to think that your mother is in the same room. I don't know exactly what happened between you, but just don't let it ruin your nerves and health, so if you don't believe you can do it without getting into a nervous breakdown, you better not go. And it will become a great anointing, if you demonstrate to everyone what your relationship is like. As you describe it, it is quite an official event, such as a wedding, and it will be quite confusing to quarrel or get upset in front of everyone. And you will influence the spending of the others. Therefore, if you are not sure that everything will go peacefully and quietly and then you will not need a bunch of sessions with a psychologist, but you better not go.
And what your mother will do to you will not kill you! Whatever happened between you, she is your mother, she gave birth to you, she raised you. Whatever life is short of hatred for a parent!