Hello, I am 15 years old and my mother suffocates me a hell of a lot. She doesn't let me do anything on my own, I don't fix my bed and room because she won't like how I fix them, she doesn't want to help her with anything like washing dishes and folding clothes because she thinks I'm going to break dishes , and for the clothes - she doesn't like how I fold them and she will fold them again after me, there's just no point in doing it. But that's not all. When I go out, he calls me in 30 minutes and if I don't hear the phone, he calls all my friends and asks them where I am, and no other mother does it .... I understand that he is worried, but that's all ... He wants to dry my hair because it will make it better than me ... It constantly monitors what I do at home. If I lie down and watch a movie, he hovers around me, enters my room in 15 minutes and watches what I'm doing, but pretends to come in for something else, however, for example, he touches the curtain and goes out.
Or when I take a bath I keep track of how long I stay, he asks me if I take a bath. Super too much, I don't have any personal space. What irritates me the most is that when I explain to her quite normally that what she is doing is not normal for a person my age and that she cripples me in this way by not letting me do anything on her own, she starts to get angry. She tells me that I am harassing her, that she is tired and she is not talked to. And this is every time. And he gets angry with me and tells me that he won't help me anymore, even if I want to, and the next day everything is the same. I just don't know how to explain to her that she's confusing and bothering me that way. He doesn't feel confused at all. And sometimes he goes crazy and goes to fight and scream. I don't care at all anymore, because whatever I tell her then nothing changes, we just fight unnecessarily. When I tell my father, he tells me "She just loves you very much and that's why she does it, you're all for her, but you're right otherwise" and that's it. I know she does it out of love, but there must be another reason ...
I don't know. She never thinks she's wrong, I'm always to blame for everything, and she's right. If she breaks a plate, she blames me for watching her. If they quarrel with my father, it's my fault. If I say what I think or how I feel, I harass her. I can't imagine what would happen if I had a boyfriend. It would be uncomfortable for me to talk to her about this and somehow embarrassing, I wouldn't tell her ... Please help, I just don't know what to do. How do I get her to stop treating me like a baby and finally hear me? I am always to blame for everything, and she is right. If she breaks a plate, she blames me for watching her. If they quarrel with my father, it's my fault. If I say what I think or how I feel, I harass her. I can't imagine what would happen if I had a boyfriend. I would be uncomfortable talking to her about it and somehow embarrassing, I wouldn't tell her ...
Please help, I just don't know what to do. How do I make her stop treating me like a baby and finally hear me? I am always to blame for everything, and she is right. If she breaks a plate, she blames me for watching her. If they quarrel with my father, it's my fault. If I say what I think or how I feel, I harass her. I can't imagine what would happen if I had a boyfriend. I would be uncomfortable talking to her about it and somehow embarrassing, I wouldn't tell her ... Please help, I just don't know what to do. How do I get her to stop treating me like a baby and finally hear me?
Answers 7
Well - why bother you in the bathroom? He thinks you're masturbating? You will do it in bed at night if you want. Otherwise I understand it to some extent. You too. It's obsessive, but she certainly thinks it's normal. There is nothing you can do but grow up;)
Very pointless comment on number 1. Author, here's an idea - after your father thinks you're right, you can talk to him again and tell him something like, 'My father, why don't you offer your mother to take her to a psychologist. But turn it around as if it's your idea, because if he finds out it's mine, you know he'll get mad again. As tomorrow it will be time to go to study somewhere, and she will not stop obsessing over me, I even suspect that things will get worse, because the critical one is approaching. '
Well, it's time to raise a scandal with her quite confidently and to "delineate your territory" in a way. Have a position, be clear and adamant, it is still insolent and is in a world of its own. My mother is the same nasty, obsessive housewife, but I pulled her another one when I was 12. Things changed right now. Then over the years, every time she tried to impose herself on something, I cut her to the second.
I totally agree with number 3. First, let her know what you want from her, with a long argument, and then every time she does something suffocating, snarl at her. Don't just look at it and put up with it, but make a comment about every little thing you do. In the end, she'll stop because I'm tired of teasing her. To number 1: How to grow up as her mother does not allow it? I don't see any logic in what you wrote.
From the author: I have argued with her many times, but it just doesn't make sense. We just scream and in the end it's the same ... And when she stumbles, she gets sad and I feel sick, after all she is my mother and I don't like to see her sad. And in the worst cases, scandals happen again and he starts telling me how he does everything for me, and in the end he gets this, etc ....
Have you tried to speak calmly, without scandals? Try to explain to your mother that you are grateful to her for everything she does for you, but you are already a big girl and you need a little personal space. Of course, every mother cares about her child and trembles for him, but with your mother I see too much. I don't know your mother, but in her childhood she was the subject of such behavior by her mother, and that's why she treats you like that now, copying this model? Still, try to talk to her calmly and explain to her that you are no longer a little girl, and I hope she feels that she is overdoing it. Success!
Well, she's not used to being older yet ...