Hello! I did not make the decision to write here difficult, I think it will be something like free therapy for me ... I am a 27-year-old man, married, working, my wife is pregnant and we are waiting for our baby to be born in a few months! Career - civil servant, I am finishing my doctorate, I am about to finish my education for a second profession, which will guarantee me and my family much higher incomes ... At the moment we are about to buy a property with a mortgage loan. But for the moment we are staying in a room with our parents - a huge mistake on our part ... Before that we were in a dormitory, but with the presumption to accumulate higher capital to afford to buy a normal home with lower credit, pushed us to this decision ... Alas, my childhood was not easy in terms of relationships with my parents ... My mother and father divorced before I was born ... I emphasize that even before they got married, they had been fighting violently for five years, according to my mother's version ... However, after many unsuccessful attempts, she became pregnant by him. Throughout my life, my father never looked for me. He sent me a monthly allowance worth BGN 25-70 (due to changes in the law, the allowance increased to the indicated amount). From the alimony in question, my mother repaid her debts. I lived with my grandmother, grandfather, mother and sometimes my great-grandmother and uncle in an apartment. Unfortunately, my uncle, great-grandmother and grandfather are no longer alive ... They were my great support. The support of the family fell entirely on my grandfather, God forgive him ... My mother was unemployed for a long time and relied entirely on the pensions of my grandmother and grandfather ... Not a day went by in my life in which there were no scandals ... But don't get me wrong - these scandals seemed abnormal even to the neighbors, who rushed to their aid in anxiety ... The main reason for these tense situations was my mother - she always blames others for their own mistakes and misfortunes ... Some of her lines that I already know by heart are: "I should have given you a home ...", "I gave everything for you, and you ...", "you are to blame for everything ...", "never again don't rely on me, take care of yourself ... "," this is my home, get out ... "," I've been alone all my life ... it's your fault, because of you! "," you look so much like that freak your father "(whom I do not know in principle). You guessed it, this, happening every day, is quite stressful for a growing individual going to school, maintaining excellent success, When I learned this, I was extremely humiliated ... I even lost my temper and beat up a classmate who thought I was being mocked ... Then we got along, of course, and to this day we are friends at a table ... I did not mention the fact that I was a national champion in a famous martial art ... I couldn't wait to finish school and leave, to go to Sofia to study at university ...
My great-grandmother and uncle died ... My mother didn't want to he lets me go because his family income has dropped and he couldn't pay for my education ... Well, I still went, I supported myself thanks to the help of my grandparents, and I made the other income, receiving scholarships for the excellent success and working until 4 in the morning (with a regular form of training!). My mother was unemployed for 3 years (I studied for 5 years). She still claims she supported me with her zero income ... Well, my health problems were not late ... But we are in the 21st century and now there are all kinds of food supplements, ways to increase your income, your peace of mind and optimize your lifestyle ... Well, I rethought a few moments of my life, I acted in the new directions and got on my feet. Graduating from university in second place in terms of success, I realized that the labor market is no longer looking for people like me, no matter how trained they are. I didn't have much choice for a job and I started my current job in my hometown. Subsequently, it turned out not bad at all. Then I applied for a doctorate - by some miracle I won the competition, there was only one place ... That's when I met my wife, which is the best thing in my life. Alas, then my grandfather died ... I dream of him every night ... He died in my arms ... My wife helped me a lot to cope with my grief, no matter how hard I tried not to show it ... Missing a lot of details about the fact that my mother still relies on financial help from my grandmother and me, she always repeated certain phrases that show hatred for my successes, envy for my wife's parents, envy for us as a family ... My grandmother is also not well ... She is no different, but she has become much stranger than before. .. They quarreled with all the neighbors in the block, because of a pipe costing 40. Which, in any case, I would have paid for and installed myself ... Then it came to lawsuits, etc. They are still being tried ... The saga continued years, and the scandals with me were every day...
Even when I came to bring them money to have something in the fridge, my mother spent it on everything but the necessities. I stopped giving them money, I just started charging their fridge. During this time my wife and I were staying at home and I avoided telling them what I was giving as finances to my parents, as our main goal was to save money for our own home ... Unfortunately, we failed to achieve our goals in one year. During this time, my grandmother and mother had started a "nice relationship" protocol, inviting us to live with them until we found our home ... A huge delusion! The first week was followed by a huge scandal ... My mother asked us to leave the apartment because I DROPPED THE BLINDS ON THE WINDOW IN THE KITCHEN because it was sunny and dazzling ... We do not have their permission to cook in the kitchen, on the stove I bought, nor and to bathe for more than 5 minutes with the water I pay for! And when I started arguing with them, they suddenly became ill, they called an ambulance, etc. They tell acquaintances and friends that I beat them in front of my wife ...
My wife is shocked at how they can lie this way ... She is constantly by my side, I have never touched them ... Tonight they did something very bad. .. My mother started swearing at me, my wife and our child, who we are waiting for to be born ... To wish us bad things and misfortunes ... It all started because they wanted to know the details of where we plan to have my wife's birth. .. I refused to give them such information ... When they insisted, I replied that we were badly impressed by how they announced our wedding to people unknown to us, they even invited them on our behalf and we do not want this to is repeating! Speaking of the wedding, we have been collecting money for months, and my parents did not help us in any way ... It is good that they were my wife's parents - they give their best to help us. Tonight my mother kicked me out of the house, cursing me, my wife and my child ... Just because I told them that I didn't enjoy telling personal things about me to strangers ... I don't want to and I won't be such a parent! I intend to restrict any access of these ABNORMAL people to me, my wife and my child! They no longer have the right to be a part of our lives! I plan to stop paying their bills and not communicate with them in any way! If there are people with life and professional experience who are ready to give advice, I am open ... Thank you! They no longer have the right to be a part of our lives! I plan to stop paying their bills and not communicate with them in any way! If there are people with life and professional experience who are ready to give advice, I am open ... Thank you! They no longer have the right to be a part of our lives! I plan to stop paying their bills and not communicate with them in any way! If there are people with life and professional experience who are ready to give advice, I am open ... Thank you!
Answers 20
"I intend to restrict any access ..." You did well, but you slowed down a little, brother. People's attitude is DESERVED and not given for free, even by BLOOD. I eradicate such toxic people as stubborn weeds, directly from the roots. Why the hell do you have to care about someone who hasn't done it in their whole life. You do NOT owe them anything at all. Take the apartment, if necessary, pay for accommodation a little longer until you collect the necessary money, but do not cause yourself this unnecessary stress. Brother.
You remind me a little of my mother. She was always the one who carried her brother and mother in her arms while they cursed her, raised scandals about everything, my uncle beat her regularly, there were police at home in the evenings. However, she continued to care for both of them (and me), living in her apartment until they died, and that didn't solve the problem. You acted naively, agreeing to live with them. Honestly, peace is priceless. Even if it takes you longer to get a home, it's far better than enduring the hysterical attacks of two completely insane women. You have decided to do very right - no contact with such people on any occasion. They will probably try to manipulate you, shake you and who knows what, but in no case do not tie yourself. Don't feel guilty either. Unfortunately, the fact that someone is a close relative of yours, it does not mean at all that he will behave as such. The fact that you are one blood should not mean anything to you. At least he means nothing to them. My mother was patient because he was her brother. And he still repeats it, trying to justify the horror at home or how at school they asked me why he had a blue eye, a split head and what not. Be sure to stop paying them for bills and other needs, I don't know why you do it at all. Instead, invest that money in an apartment or something else useful. You will always be black to them, so with a clear conscience you can save yourself this unnecessary expense. And be sure to keep them away from the child, they will most likely try to bully him too, which is already too much. At least he shouldn't have witnessed such ugly scenes between adults. Besides, he will have a grandparent in the face of your wife's parents. So my advice is: turn off the tap, you stop all communication and care, keep them away from your family and get well as they see fit. You have already come to this conclusion anyway. And, most importantly, you do not succumb to manipulation, whining and roaring if they accidentally manage to reach you. You can live with a completely clear conscience, keep your mental health for things that are worthwhile. Success!
Your wife is obviously very meek and patient, author - be careful not to lose her. And you are really unique - so they curse you, humiliate you in public, shout at you, take you away, dance on your head at all, swear at your unborn child, and you are considering stopping paying their bills and refilling their refrigerator. You realize how that sounds, don't you? Think about it, you obviously have no problem swallowing the blows of dignity, but do you think it is right to deprive your wife and child because of people who neither care about you nor respect you. A normal person would have long ago cut off all contact and dependence.
Yes, I have experience. We also cut off contact, moved out and now we are very well. You just pack your bags and go out, forget about them. Such people deserve no respect, no love, no help at all.
I am writing from the father's point of view (it is a pity that yours is rubbish) My ex acted in the same way with our son, who is like you - with a woman, a 1-year-old child, but literally poisoned their lives and I promised him that I help him, if they go out to the apartment, I will pay him only if they are not with her. The solution is to literally run away from this woman, because as the pregnancy progresses it will get worse and your psyche will be on the edge. from her, he is obviously a poisoned man
I feel for you. I hope you find a home soon and stop all contact with these two crazy snakes
Look, I know she's your mother, but erase her from your world, along with your grandmother, too. Stop giving them money, delete their numbers and just disappear. This is the only possible option.
Just because someone is your parent doesn't automatically make them a good person.
I read and look for the malice from the title, I read the text twice and did not find it. Yes low-educated and often unemployed parents, like many others, mostly working for the minimum wage. They are neither the first nor the last. A mother who often loses her temper and talks nonsense in anger, as many low-educated mothers, even at a critical age, it is normal for her nerves to be killed more often. A mother who has made mistakes in her life, such as sharing with her colleagues her worries about her son's sexual development and inviting several guests to the author's wedding without telling him. The complaints are mainly from the mother, the father was just far away and paid the legal support, sometimes BGN 25, but in 1999, when the author was 7 years old, the minimum salary for the country was BGN 67 and for 1999 it was normal for a father with a low salary to give BGN 20 maintenance for his child. Today the author is 27 years old and he has not achieved much in his life, with the only difference that he works, like all the men in his family / grandfather, father, uncle /. He is married, expecting a child, has nowhere to shelter his wife and hopes for the roof of his "evil" mother. Like any young person, he dreams of the future to buy and pay for his home, but has done nothing about it. He has been working for several years, while studying he claims that he worked to pay for his studies, graduated 2-3 years ago and has the self-confidence that he feeds and supports his mother and grandmother, bought them a stove, pays for their water and at the same time supports his own your family and collect for an apartment, as if the readers do not know what the salary of a civil servant is. In order to be truthful and kind as a lamb, he claims illogical things in front of the readers, as if he shares or does not share an opinion on a given issue, and his mother makes a scandal of herself. And we all know that one cannot make a scandal on one's own, a scandal requires at least two. I understand life is hard and difficult, especially for people who do not have financial help and initial impetus from their parents and have to start from scratch. But at the age of 27 to take your wife and be pregnant to live with your mother, provided that you know the character and beliefs of your mother from an early age, seems to me quite risky for the bride's pregnancy. On the other hand, the author is the future sole heir of the apartment in which his mother and grandmother live, and if he does not want the apartment to remain in foreign hands, he will have to have some kind of relationship with them. On the other hand, no matter how wrong his mother is, he should not set his wife against his mother in this way, because he now speaks to us against his mother, most likely he says the same things to his wife, but tomorrow when his wife says the same things he won't like his mother at all, and she'll talk, believe me, because not only does he experience the lack of financial aid and the blinds scandals with him, but he further undermines even if his wife has little respect for his mother. The reality is that no matter how much he speaks against his mother, he has some respect for her, and with his stupidity he makes his wife disrespect his parents. A partner who does not respect her husband's parents will not respect her partner one day anyway. People do not make the mistake of speaking out against your parents, brothers and sisters / relatives / to your spouse. Author take an example from his wife, for sure her parents were angry with her, but she does not speak against you against them. To help you, but they didn't put you under their roof, but your mother. No matter how much your mother raised you, she found a way to grow up healthy, smart and literate without her father, it may have been with the help of our parents, but she also put effort into your growth. As bad as it is, it still has good traits. his brothers and sisters / relatives / to his wife. Author take an example from his wife, for sure her parents were angry with her, but she does not speak against you against them. To help you, but they didn't put you under their roof, but your mother. No matter how much your mother raised you, she found a way to grow up healthy, smart and literate without her father, it may have been with the help of our parents, but she also put effort into your growth. As bad as it is, it still has good traits. his brothers and sisters / relatives / to his wife. The author takes an example from his wife, for sure her parents were angry with her, but she does not speak against you against them. To help you, but they didn't put you under their roof, but your mother. No matter how much your mother raised you, she found a way to grow up healthy, smart and literate without her father, it may have been with the help of our parents, but she also put effort into your growth. As bad as it is, it still has good traits. however, she has also made an effort to grow you. As bad as it is, it still has good traits. however, she has also made an effort to grow you. As bad as it is, it still has good traits.
I'm your age too. There is no dispute, the family can give you everything as well as ruin your life. The family in which a person grows up plays a huge, but really huge role. I just don't understand at 27 why you're in a hurry to start a family, to take out a mortgage. Wait, man, live a little together. When the honeymoon is over, the child is born and the problems will start. Is that how you want to live like in a matrix? It's a family mortgage and that's it. What are you committing to such a serious loan so early. Love does not last forever, and the fact that you are a divorced parent is also important, because in the end you may be divorced. I don't wish it on you, of course. I just wonder why everyone is in a hurry to live like everyone else. And since your parents are so toxic, why have you only now decided that it will not be. You get out early early man and interrupt any attempt to manipulate and plow. It's one thing to have normal parent-child scandals, it's another to poison your life every day. Forget about this woman and look after your family.
Dude, you're a class idiot! I don't know if the moderators will post my comment, but I hope someone explains to you what an idiot you are. I'm sorry to put your wife in such conditions. And I don't know what you graduated from, but it's certainly not higher if you put up with it and expect something different from people you know terribly well and with whom you have a relationship all your life. Or you're just a masochist with Stockholm Syndrome. I don't know if your story is made up, but if it's not - you deserve your fate.
Hello, for the first time I am writing a comment here, please do not pay attention to my spelling, because I already forget the Bulgarian language after living in England :) I just can't believe that you tolerate such a thing, I would leave such toxic people in your place yet sooner, see whatever others write here, I'll just tell you once you live this life, don't cause it anymore please (it just hurts me to read your story) because I experienced something like this with my father, now I live alone , I'm single at 23 alone without support abroad (and it's worth it) don't waste it, and if you ask me just forget that she exists (your mother) yes parent is will tell the others, maneeeeeeeeeee not care !!!
This is the opinion of a stranger and it may sound a little harsh ... However, I have the advantage of saying things as I see them and calling them by their real names. Your mother is a PARASITE and therefore a manipulator. Energy vampire, etc. - as you will call it. She was like that all her life, she lived on the backs of others, and in the end she made them "guilty" of everything. Very soon after falling in love, your father found out what kind of hedgehog he had put in his pants and that's why he broke a lot of smoke. There have been no "5 years" before ... Just below us lives a patch like your mother, a former colonel's wife, with the difference that no one is attached to her, except her son, whom she has deformed and completely obsessed. The unfortunate man is approaching his 60s and no woman would ever shave him for a plum ... Your grandmother is the same job, by the way. And there is a great danger someday, if you have a girl, to inherit them ... In your place (27 years!) I would pick my pears, cut off all contact, but really EVERYTHING, and I would eventually appear at someone's funeral! With that attitude, I'm sorry, I wouldn't even hear them on the phone. Let alone bring them food or anything else - they are great people, get well! Whoever has gone to bed - to go to bed. The way to higher incomes is not to live with mom ... If what you write about yourself is true, then you are a capable person - in learning, in sports, and I believe in everything you do. Apply for a job in one of the big international companies represented in our country. With a good approach you can start on a salary of 2500-3000 BGN, and more, which will allow you to pay for your accommodation, to live relatively well,
Number 13 is right, this woman is a manipulator. I would change my phone and I wouldn't tell her my address. Expect some supposed "nervous ground" disease soon, some powerful imputation of guilt in general, followed by even more powerful fattening. The moment you attach yourself to her, she will begin to devalue you again that you are not doing enough, or outright that you are not doing anything. Best read on the internet about emotional manipulators, they do just that: Sometimes they make a living, sometimes a victim (sometimes even in a conversation), they constantly impose guilt when they do something for you, they save your life, but when you do something for them "it's not who knows what", they deny their words with such confidence that you just want to record your conversations with them with a dictaphone and others. After the separation, some wonderful people appeared and realized all their mistakes (another manipulation-flattery) and when you tie the knot, the movie starts all over again. Attraction-depreciation-separation and then again. Number 13 is also right for your child. Because what you describe is a personality disorder in the antisocial spectrum (narcissists-sociopaths-psychopaths) and is actually inherited. In addition to the fact that your child should not witness this pattern of behavior, it is good to monitor whether the child is prone to empathy for the suffering of animals and humans. If you notice that the child is not embarrassed to see another child fall and cry, but watches with interest and pleasure, or if he likes to hurt animals, it is good to consult a psychologist. Number 13 is also right for your child. Because what you describe is a personality disorder in the antisocial spectrum (narcissists-sociopaths-psychopaths) and is actually inherited. In addition to the fact that your child should not witness this pattern of behavior, it is good to monitor whether the child is prone to empathy for the suffering of animals and humans. If you notice that the child is not embarrassed to see another child fall and cry, but watches with interest and pleasure, or if he likes to hurt animals, it is good to consult a psychologist. Number 13 is also right for your child. Because what you describe is a personality disorder in the antisocial spectrum (narcissists-sociopaths-psychopaths) and is actually inherited. In addition to the fact that your child should not witness this pattern of behavior, it is good to monitor whether the child tends to show empathy for the suffering of animals and humans. If you notice that the child is not embarrassed to see another child fall and cry, but watches with interest and pleasure, or if he likes to hurt animals, it is good to consult a psychologist. that your child should not witness this pattern of behavior it is good to monitor whether the child is prone to empathy for the suffering of animals and humans. If you notice that the child is not embarrassed to see another child fall and cry, but watches with interest and pleasure, or if he likes to hurt animals, it is good to consult a psychologist. that your child should not witness this pattern of behavior it is good to monitor whether the child is prone to empathy for the suffering of animals and humans. If you notice that the child is not embarrassed to see another child fall and cry, but watches with interest and pleasure, or if he likes to hurt animals, it is good to consult a psychologist.
Brother, you have been very stubborn!
He Bratana is the smartest and most experienced on this earth. A doctor, an astronaut, a circulator, a canoeist, a former boxer, the queen's right hand man, a former playboy, a writer of erotic literature, and last but not least, the greatest @ach and father of many bastards around the world.
As someone who has been through something like this, I want to tell you that if you do not take radical measures, you will ruin your life. It hurt me a lot that she didn't leave you at home. I've heard it too. Your mother will manipulate you to run to her because ... you are something. To swear an unborn life, I have no words. I will not analyze what my opinion is. I will only recommend you to meet with a psychologist, believe me you will see the picture even more clearly and you will make the right decision. Besides, I will give you an example with people who grew up in the same way, in the old days everything that the man was fighting against seemed to have disappeared. This man became the same, as his parents. You just subconsciously repeat everything you've been through. I'm sorry why all this is happening. I often wonder why he grew up like that. I realize how this model of viewing has lasting traces on me. Struggle, fight,
12, what prevents you from speaking Bulgarian abroad, that you justify your illiteracy? Hey, such abdals, when they start giving reason ...
You've practically been giving money for years to learn a valuable lesson and open your eyes. It was worth it, man! Don't think about it anymore. The family you come from may have weaknesses, but it has set a bad example for you to run away from. Now you have created your own family and although later, you will feel the family idyll, home comfort and happiness of Friday nights spent gently on the couch only with loved ones. You have made the right decision, you don't have to have more dealings with these people. I wish you all the best!
But, how come "I plan to stop paying their bills", with this impudence and ingratitude, you continue to pay their bills, instead of collecting this money for yourself? !!! ?? !! Fool, tighten it up, take absolutely everything you bought for them and leave them! That's why they treat you badly, because there are no consequences, on the contrary! You feel sorry for them and they get on your head more, think about it and you will understand that it is so. Would she chase you? Where did this evil snake chase you from? !! Where you pay their bills, buy them food, appliances and so on! Take everything! Because you will see neither love, nor respect, nor understanding, and in the end, as you are anxious to buy this, this and that, they will say that it is theirs and in the most brazen way they may even sell it to you! Without consequences - the lesson is not understood !!! And all that they do not see take it to them tell, because if you wait for them to realize it themselves, it will not happen, the more you are silent, the worse for you. You have changed and you will see that they will change too, it is even very likely that they will take you and appreciate you!