Hello people! I want to ask you to give me advice on how to proceed. My story is this: I am 24 years old and I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years. At first everything was fine, but in the last few months everything has turned upside down. My parents started insulting my friend all the time, talking nonsense about him, and at the same time they were constantly angry with me and this order came to my home more and more. My friend did not give them any reason to treat him like that, he always helped them, and they suddenly turned against him and me as it seems. I try to talk to them, and they don't give me any good reason why this is the case. Please give me some guidance and advice.
Answers 5
You and your boyfriend go to a place to stay.
Off you're not 15. You start a family with your boyfriend, what do you do with yours, it's like you're still a child. If you want to dump it, let's see who will be suitable for the princess of mom and dad. I'm not attacking you, I'm telling you what it looks like from the side, of course, I may be wrong. My advice is to understand the reason why they don't like him. If it's mercantile, fuck them, and that's it.
Apparently your parents are toxic. They saw that your relationship was serious (3 years) and they felt threatened (God forbid this one would take you away from them and decide to live together in a dormitory). Now they are just trying to separate you, which of course will be OK for them (you will continue to be mom and dad the little girl), but it will not be OK for you (you will not be happy without your own family and children). There comes a time when the parent-child relationship must become an adult-adult relationship. In toxic families, emotional dependence develops and is nurtured so that this does not happen. The methods are all kinds - setting against the partner, manipulations with guilt and duty, silence for punishment, meanness, threats that will tire them every time you do not do what they want, anger, pounding, banging, nurturing low self-esteem in you (if you have self-confidence you will realize that you do not need them and you will draw one for them), etc. What can you do? To impose boundaries. How does this work? You tell them "you don't respect my choice, you don't respect me" and you forbid talking about your friend badly in your presence. If they talk, you get up in a second and leave the room. At 24, it's time for you to leave, you're not small. Rent an apartment with your boyfriend and live together - you still have a 3-year relationship. You will certainly meet great resistance from your parents for such a step, but this is in your life and you decide. How they will treat you and him depends only on you and what you allow them. You may even have to cut off contact completely if they don't stop performing. We had to, but now we are very happy together. Start by not having to put up with anyone if they are toxic and pull you back, be it your own parents. Just because they are your parents doesn't mean that they are good people and that I owe it to them for raising you - they are you, you are your own children, because otherwise the circle closes.
At the age of 24, she lives with her parents ... Well, it's normal to have tension when you are still dependent on them.
Is it possible that they were worried that things between you were getting too serious and therefore opposed? My mother has a friend whose daughter has been in a relationship for 4-5 years, at one point her mother was afraid that they would get married quickly, that they would have children and her daughter would not make a living. So he turned the pancake over and began judging them for every second thing. Talk to your parents in a calm tone and ask them what worries them and whether you made a mistake with them. The conversation will certainly not go well on the first try, but you need to know the reason for their relationship. There is definitely one, they can't just have woken up one morning and decided they're already against your relationship.