Hello! My problem is this. We are three children. I am the oldest at 30 years old. My brother is 28 and my sister is 24. They are married and already have children. For the last 2 years my mother and father have been looking for someone to match me, because it was time for me. I'm tired of being exposed like that. I have been living abroad for 5 years. I work, I am independent and I liked my situation! Every time I return to Bulgaria, instead of seeing each other as a family, they invite a guy and start teasing me as they say. They don't think how they will get rid of the "glue" afterwards. The problem is that I had to lie to them that I have a friend to calm down a bit. However, now they want me to meet them, I don't know what to tell them anymore. Give me advice! How to explain to them that life is very different from before. Family does not mean happy, neither my brother nor my sister happy,
Answers 23
Hello, dear author! Just tell them that if they continue to interfere in your life, you will stop seeing them. You are an independent person and you have the right to live your life the way you like. Just because your brother and sister are married doesn't mean you have to. Your life is yours, independent of theirs.
Well, it's really time for you. Another two years and you risk remaining an old maid. If you like it ok, if you don't want children and no one in your life next to you then ok, but parents are not eternal, after a while you can ask for something to call a family, but it won't exist. Your life is yours, whatever you want, whatever you lie on, you will lie on it.
Hahahaha, they didn't think they weren't happy ... Well, good! You know better than them how they feel. You really need help. Listen to your advice.
I am very interested in people like you! You don't have a friend, of course, you are 30, which is not your first youth at all and you should have been married for a long time and even have children, and you refuse the help of your parents. My daughter was in your situation, I mean, when she went to live abroad, she still didn't have a boyfriend. But she took the initiative and in the second month she was engaged to a local boy, her colleague. Yes, but she was 21 then. She is now 25 and already has two children. They are planning a third. Yours doesn't look normal to me. At 30 you are no longer young, understand it and stop fooling yourself. Because when you turn 35, it will be very difficult for you. Also, women over the age of 30 who are still unmarried are not looked upon abroad. I strongly advise you to give yourself a chance with one of the boys your parents found. To gain self-confidence and know that at least you will not remain an old maid. Later, if you find a local from the country where you live, of course you can start again! But by no means waste more time and do not lie to your parents! They want the best for you, accept their support and you will not regret it! You missed a lot of trains, but you still have a chance! (Female 44 years old, married)
The solution is in the movies. When you are abroad, you find a handsome man and invite him to take him on a trip to Bulgaria. You present him as a groom, and the parents calm down. I understand why they are worried, get in their situation! Many parents have this problem, everyone wants a good future for their children. It is human for everyone to give life to a new individual, this is what nature has set for them, but this is not possible by force. Live properly, and whatever happens!
You have been living abroad for 5 years (in which country, is it a secret), you are 30 years old and you do not know what to tell your parents why you do not want to get married. And you don't have a boyfriend, you drive her solo. As soon as the mother's feeling in you is 30 years old. hasn't said anything yet you doubt me. Maybe you're a lesbian and you don't dare tell them, otherwise how can I explain to myself that the potential man they want to seduce you with is "sticky". This word says a lot about you, about your attitude towards men. You may hate them just as a 100% lesbian can't stand the touch of a sticky man next to her. If life is very different from before, be modern and tell them the truth that you have a girlfriend with whom you love and live very much on a family basis. Here, this is modern life, especially abroad, where same-sex marriage is legal. Doesn't that make you happy? Tell them though that you are not married you are happy. They will also enjoy your happiness.
They worry about you, but they force guys on you in a very rude way. I'm 32, I've been in a relationship for 6-7 years, and my grumbling is for a baby, but I'm not going to have children right now because my parents decided it was right. Things will go the way the man next to me wants. Bulgarian parents never realized that they should not impose stereotypes from their children from 50 years ago. Just don't go home to Bulgaria for a while or leave abruptly if someone pushes you again. You don't have to live up to their expectations. You have time for both men and children, if you choose. It's important to meet the right person, not to throw yourself at someone's neck because it's time for you (as your parents want you to do). There is an opinion in the Bulgarian society of women that if they don't have a husband and a child up to 30, they are almost useless. A bunch of women I know, when they turned 29, caught up with the first person they met so that they could "realize" themselves by 30. Needless to say, most of them have separated or are very unhappy in their cohabitation / marriage. Give serious and categorical resistance to your parents, it is not normal for them to confuse you in this way.
Just tell them that your taste for men is different from theirs and you're done! You are not a small child, but a mature woman, you are not obliged to pay yours for such personal things. Why lie? Now that you have crushed the potpourri, you will itch yourself. Ask a friend to introduce himself as your boyfriend or just be firm and stand your ground. Julian
number 5, in my opinion the author means that her parents do not assume (cannot see, realize, establish, admit in their thoughts) that her brother and sister (their other two children) are not actually happy, even though they are married . And it is a fact that it is a widespread phenomenon that many people are not happy, even though they are married, even many of them have settled down in pure despair, some even admit it. That's why after a while they start cheating on each other, the more advanced ones get divorced. Numbers 6 and 8 are super ridiculous. People, understand that not all of us deal with babies, Akitas, snot, etc. such annoying things. On the 6th and 8th number I highly recommend reading comment number 21 on the topic "I will soon be 30 .. my thoughts on the matter." I am also 30, I do not want a serious relationship, let alone family, but that doesn't mean at all that I don't like men, I don't have contact with men, etc., on the contrary, number 8mo;) People like you obviously haven't come out of your neighborhoods very much and you think that everyone should be simple people like you who have a mania for commitment. In general, according to my observations, most unhappy people are still among the family, maybe that's why I don't want to get involved and go home, because I've witnessed this all my life. Author, just tell yours not to care, but to pay attention to the problems of your brother and sister and so on. In general, according to my observations, most unhappy people are still among the family, maybe that's why I don't want to get involved and go home, because I've witnessed this all my life. Author, just tell yours not to care, but to pay attention to the problems of your brother and sister and so on. In general, according to my observations, most unhappy people are still among the family, maybe that's why I don't want to get involved and go home, because I've witnessed this all my life. Author, just tell yours not to care, but to pay attention to the problems of your brother and sister and so on.
I am 29 years old and I really want to have a husband and a baby. Maybe because my parents have died and I am alone and that is why it weighs a lot on me that I am not the closest in this world. You have a big family and obviously you don't care about them. And in the west, life is different and everyone looks at their panic. They don't categorize you by race, gender, marital status ... whatever. And they're right, and you're right. You will be left alone if you do not crack, and from your point of view, beauty does not happen by force. Maybe they don't know your taste in men. Tell them what type you like. You don't know what cool man they can find you with.
. A family person is not equal to a happy person and this is the truth, I know it from personal experience. I also know that it's easiest to live when you're telling the truth without fuss and detours. Explain to your parents what you want and how you feel, and I'm sure they will understand.
Oh, that rural mentality! He is painfully familiar to me. If you don't get married by 25 and don't give birth right away and gossip starts, a miracle ... it's like you're a leper! So I sympathize with you very much! Most likely, your parents are of this type, without taking offense, and live with some petty-bourgeois understandings from 1900, according to which a woman without a man is nothing, and if you can't find a man by a certain age, that's it! Horror! You will remain an old maid and everyone will tell you that something is wrong with you and bang, bang, bang ... so try to clearly explain to them that the 21st century has nothing to do with the 19th and even the 20th, and in in the worst case, invite them to stay longer and hopefully they understand that the life you lead abroad has nothing to do with life in their town. Because I'm pretty sure they live in a small town, where everyone knows each other and if someone allows himself not to live like the others, it becomes scary! I really hope that your people will understand, and if not ... well, no matter how difficult it is for you, really avoid contacting them. Because you will only break each other's nerves.
In my opinion, they have no right to interfere in your life like that. You know for yourself what is good for you and what is not. Whether you will be bound or not. Just because your brother and sister are, doesn't mean you have to live like them. I understand you very well, because at the age of 20 they started pushing me to meet them. Well I cut them 2-3 times and they stopped. First of all, I'm a big person and I can judge for myself when and with whom to be, and I'm not some idiot to arrange men for me. For me, this is pressure - for example, you want to be alone now, and they want you to be married and force it on you. Personally, this irritates me a lot, you have to judge for yourself and I don't think you need to lie to reassure them that you have someone. Don't listen to them, such as number 6. As you can see, she gave birth at the age of 19 from the first person she met, that's why you are 30 and you look old. Then he gives you an example of his daughter, who, according to the village and her understanding, has caught someone, it is important to emphasize that he is wealthy, that is, for money she quickly gave birth to 2 children, as planned. Don't listen to them like that, for them the meaning of life is to catch someone and brag all their lives that they were married, that is, someone paid attention to them after all. I say again, listen to yourself and what you feel and you will not go wrong.
6sata ... Do you live in the Middle Ages ??? That you can give smart wit ..? According to you, it doesn't turn out at all that you have been abroad, that you give stupid advice ... But that nonsense '!!! The fact that people in the villages in Bulgaria think like that does not mean that they are abroad in this simple mind! I live at the moment abroad, when you live and you then comment, I heard the villager did not hear that she said - they did not look well at women over 30 unmarried ???? On the contrary! Here people live as long as they can, then think of families! This is her personal desire and life, she wants advice on how to explain to her parents that she does not want to be married - which is absurd, I did not read that she wants advice for something else, and Vyeee? !! About the author - Just tell them that this is your life and you will live it as you want, once you support yourself you decide for yourself! And if not, tell the boy,
There is no point in lying to them, you do not owe them anything. Defend your position as a great person. This is a gross intrusion into your personal life, even if they are your parents.
From the comments here it turned out that we should not listen to our parents, but to learn from the movies ??? Read, people, read what nonsense you did. Comments on "petty-bourgeois understandings", "rural mentality" and the like by this logic sound like social feminism and social capitalism. "We are the 21st century!" "We are 2018!". People set the time, so if the author decides to listen to her parents, this will happen in 2018 in the 21st century and it will be completely real. Author, they match you, not in order to offend, but to feel if you want to find a husband on your own, because your mother and father want to have grandchildren. It is.
We are not small children that we have to listen to our parents, but big people who make their own decisions. Everyone has the right to choose and personal freedom. Where will they match her? This looks like a Turkish TV series.
22nd issue, what movies, what feminism, what five levs, a parrot ... Can't you understand that there are people (regardless of gender and financial status, their lifestyle, etc.) who they just don't care about children, they don't want to become parents and point. What does it mean to 'want a grandchild'? (rhetorical question) I want a personal helicopter ... Try to realize that no one is obliged to please anyone, swallow it and endure, look at your pitcher and do not force people on something they do not want, chick ... or an old rooster ... do I know you ... but not that it matters.
Hi, author, your parents are definitely not doing it wrong, but I understand that they are crossing the line with their attempts to interfere in your personal life. In my opinion, don't lie to them that you have a friend, because that way you will only get into even bigger headaches and create false hopes for them. My advice is to talk to the one who is more liberal and insists less - if it's your mother, invite her out, go for a walk, have a coffee or tea and explain that at this stage ( you have no way of knowing how you will feel in 2 or 3 years anyway) you have no intention of starting a family and you ask them to understand and respect your decision because they are your closest people and you want to understand each other, not to you are in conflict. It is almost impossible to convince them of the right choice, especially if they are older or from a small town,
Oh, author, I gave up reading the comments because I laughed. Whistle, girl! What do you care who wants what - grandson, son-in-law, space shuttle? !! I married the set at the age of 34. I got divorced at 44. I don't have children because my husband wouldn't, but I don't miss them. And now, at 47, I married a terrible cutie 10 years younger than me. Here, the entire moralizing society in the next posts will kill me with stones - some from conservatism, some from envy. And the arguments will be: a woman without a child is not a woman - this one; and second, this young man will soon dump a grandmother like you. They may be right. But, to be honest, I don't care at all. The important thing is that I am firmly on the ground, a person who has secured himself well with his own work financially and I always, everywhere and constantly have fun. In the end, I might want to be quiet with a decent old widower, and he'll have grandchildren ... and so on. But for now I am still very, very far from such fantasies. Don't attach yourself to your parents. Everyone follows their own path in the way they judge. I even wonder why you lied to them that you had a boyfriend. I, being a whirligig, would probably declare to them that I am a lesbian; or I am in the Moon sect and they will look for a man there; or some other nonsense, just to shut up or at least to feel that I am making fun of them and to understand that they are entering personal territories that should not be. that you have a boyfriend. I, being a whirlwind, would probably declare to them that I am a lesbian; or I am in the Moon sect and they will look for a man there; or some other nonsense, just to shut up or at least to feel that I am taking them for a mockery and to understand that they are entering personal territories that should not be. that you have a boyfriend. I, being a whirlwind, would probably declare to them that I am a lesbian; or I am in the Moon sect and they will look for a man there; or some other nonsense, just to shut up or at least to feel that I am taking them for a mockery and to understand that they are entering personal territories that should not be.
24, it is obvious that you are a person with complexes and you affect yourself personally. I support 22.
24 can be any, but he is absolutely right. No one is obliged to satisfy the desires and dreams of another person / other people. It is precisely because of this argument that I strongly disapprove 22.
22, her parents HAVE ALREADY waited for grandchildren! But, who can read everything with understanding ... "My brother is 28 and my sister is 24. They are married and already have children."