Hello, my wife and I have been together for seven years, we have a boy of five. Our problems are within the normal range in a family - we quarrel, we get along. There was no infidelity or at least I don't know. The problem is, my wife is losing her temper. In the last two years, she has repeatedly reached out to the child in front of me and stopped her. We have talked many times, I have explained to her that fighting is not a solution, that it is dangerous for the child's psyche. He seems to agree, but more for me and until he loses his temper again. She seems to take this for granted. There was a big scandal last week. I hear screams, screams and roars, I enter the living room and what to see - the woman imposes the little one. you played, broke her favorite vase from I don't know where you are. I stopped her, took the kid, calmed him down and took him out to the park. Just the two of us, we spent half a day there. One more thing worried me - the little one said, that his mother hit him even when they were alone. Apparently she restrained herself in front of me as much as she could, and I, the fool, did not understand. When we got home, I raised a terrible scandal with my wife. And I didn't control my nerves, I told her that if she touched the child again, the vase would be broken in her head. I never hit her, I never thought about it, but I don't know what happened to me to talk to her like that. She roared, shivered, went out somewhere. He came back calmer, said he would keep his nerves, but let's see how long. I offered her to go to a psychologist - she doesn't want to. Other than that, I can't say that my wife is a bad wife and mother.
The child is always washed, cleaned, cooked. He tries not to be cold or hot, he chooses clothes. I realize that I am to blame for all this. In the first cases, I had to explain to her more sharply that the violence was unacceptable and had no place at home. Otherwise, I don't think I'm a bad husband - I make money normally, we share household chores, I spend time with her and the child. I am also to blame for my choice - I chose it that way. But what to do - love. I can't turn back time. However, I will not tolerate this anymore. I think about giving her an ultimatum - either she solves her nerve problems (I will help as much as I can), or we get a divorce and the child stays with me. It will be very difficult for me. I love my wife, we don't have any serious problems, I'm happy with her.
And we have sex, and we spend time together, and we talk. I realize how difficult it will be for the child to separate and see his mother only on the weekends. But it will be even harder to beat him. I talked to a lawyer and he thinks we have a good chance of custody in court after she was the child. I know that for many Bulgarians fighting is a normal means of education, but for me it is disgusting. My mother beat me like a sack of flour, for the slightest thing. And my father didn't seem to notice, he was absorbed in his work. It wasn't until I grew up that I realized what problems this had caused me. Until I was 26, I was a jerk, who was crushed by everyone, women didn't notice, etc. I did it, but it was hell. And I promised myself that if I ever had a child, I would not allow the same. And I will not allow it.
And it will be very difficult for me alone with the little one, I realize it. Even if I find another woman, it will be difficult for the child to get used to her. And a single father is not the best possible party. But whatever I am, I will manage. I will raise my son. I want him to have a different childhood and a better youth than I had. My mother beat me like a sack of flour, for the slightest thing. And my father didn't seem to notice, he was absorbed in his work. It wasn't until I grew up that I realized what problems this had caused me. Until I was 26, I was a jerk, who was crushed by everyone, women didn't notice, etc. I did it, but it was hell. And I promised myself that if I ever had a child, I would not allow the same. And I will not allow it. And it will be very difficult for me alone with the little one, I realize it. Even if I find another woman, it will be difficult for the child to get used to her. And a single father is not the best possible party. But whatever I am, I will manage. I will raise my son. I want him to have a different childhood and a better youth than I had. My mother beat me like a sack of flour, for the slightest thing. And my father didn't seem to notice, he was absorbed in his work. It wasn't until I grew up that I realized what problems this had caused me. Until I was 26, I was a jerk, who was crushed by everyone, women didn't notice, etc. I did it, but it was hell. And I promised myself that if I ever had a child, I would not allow the same. And I will not allow it. And it will be very difficult for me alone with the little one, I realize it. Even if I find another woman, it will be difficult for the child to get used to her. And a single father is not the best possible party. But whatever I am, I will manage. I will raise my son. I want him to have a different childhood and a better youth than I had. Until I was 26, I was a jerk, who was crushed by everyone, women didn't notice, etc. I did it, but it was hell. And I promised myself that if I ever had a child, I would not allow the same. And I will not allow it. And it will be very difficult for me alone with the little one, I realize it.
Even if I find another woman, it will be difficult for the child to get used to her. And a single father is not the best possible party. But whatever I am, I will manage. I will raise my son. I want him to have a different childhood and a better youth than I had. Until I was 26, I was a jerk, who was crushed by everyone, women didn't notice, etc. I did it, but it was hell. And I promised myself that if I ever had a child, I would not allow the same. And I will not allow it. And it will be very difficult for me alone with the little one, I realize it. Even if I find another woman, it will be difficult for the child to get used to her. And a single father is not the best possible party. But whatever I am, I will manage. I will raise my son. I want him to have a different childhood and a better youth than I had. And a single father is not the best possible party. But whatever I am, I will manage. I will raise my son. I want him to have a different childhood and a better youth than I had. And a single father is not the best possible party. But whatever I am, I will manage. I will raise my son. I want him to have a different childhood and a better youth than I had.
Answers 50
You are a very big man, nothing. And why is your wife losing her temper? Because she is rude, sick or overtired?
Hello! For me, divorce as a last resort! I think the divorce will hurt him worse than beating him up. Terrible stress in my opinion. The notions of mom, dad, grandma, grandpa are confused. And many other things. Sit down and talk like adults. Where do these nerves come from? Say again about a psychologist. But keep saying that she's not crazy and that's why you don't drive her. Just to understand why she's so nervous. If you have to force. Or give her an ultimatum, but within normal limits. Tell her to count to 10 before hitting, to breathe deeply, to hit something else. There are movies. Watch a movie in which there is violence against children, see it, understand it. Sometimes it's hard to realize something. I will say again that for me divorce is a final, but really final decision. From what you've written, I think your family is great, as long as you fix this problem. Remember that there are always obstacles, but we must overcome them, not run away from them (with divorce). Good luck!
I think the woman is very tired. Try to give her more time for her. Divorce can be avoided without a mother is very difficult. Give her a chance, but set clear conditions, the paint must stop. It is not fatal to be a single father, it is full of single mothers with whom you will fit.
Look, I will not side with you or your wife. However, one thing must be clear to you: the child does not accept his mother as an authority, and she loses her temper, most likely because she has exhausted all other means to tame him. Not that hitting the child is a normal means, but it shows her inability to cope with the little one. You do not specify whether your wife is at work or a housewife. The child broke the vase because he was looking for attention, he wanted to play. Not to mention that children serve and manipulate their parents just to get what they want. Your son has already noticed that you give him more attention if there has been an argument with his mother. Are you sure your wife is forcing it in your absence? Leave what the little one says. Are there any bruises around the elbows, prints from the slaps, Is the child afraid of his mother and does he have certain strange behavior? Probably not, right? It is clear that your wife is nervous and yes, she definitely needs to learn to control her nerves, but look for the reasons a little in yourself. This child realizes that he is male and longs for more attention from his father ... maybe he is trying to do it in the wrong way ... his childish logic ... but it is very possible that you do not see the whole picture, as it is necessary, precisely because of the memories of your childhood.
I think divorce is a very bad decision. Talk to her, but without quarrels and aggression. Get her to promise you, even if she swears she won't do it again. You say that otherwise you are a healthy family and you understand each other. You can't separate at the first hurdle. Look for solutions to problems, not run away from them. The most basic thing would be to grab your hammer and leave. But will this solution be the best? Try it, with more love. I believe she is capable of changing many things! Success!
As long as everything else is fine, divorce is a last resort. There are many things you can try before you get there. First of all, a conversation with your wife in which you clearly, categorically and dominantly explained that you will not tolerate this in any way. More importantly, you take on the leading role of educating your son. Boys have a very strong need for a father, so they learn how to be men. Spend more time with the boy, go out only two, "male" to ride bikes, in the zoo, fishing, in nature. Enroll him after a few years in a sport (martial arts, for example) and take him to school. This way you will not only spend more time together, but you will also give your wife time to decompress, so she will be much less nervous.
Few men would take this problem seriously. I also hit my children. I shouted at them like crazy. Now I am deeply sorry. I asked my husband to take part in the family, but he was just a guest. That's why I invited him to leave. The truth is that because of my problems with him, I was also against the children. And with two small children with a year difference between them, it is difficult. To a place with credit and lack of money ... Anyway, we got on our feet. I raised the children so that even my outbursts would not harm the relationship and the psyche. But the memories invade. When I look at my son, what a man he has become, and when I know that I hit him, I am ashamed. I told you all this on the one hand so that you would understand that you are right. The child is one - how difficult can it be for her? You have an attitude that should remove her difficulties. However! Instead of raising your eyebrows, be careful not to take your eyes out. The child has one mother. There is no other and does not know what it is to compare. For this reason, he still loves her. It's still a little. Separation can be painful. And if you get divorced, she can beat him again if she wants to. On the weekends. You can do better by being close at hand in the family. And look at the question of whether there is no hidden resentment against you or unlived things and to think that the child is an obstacle. He may not know how to deal with his emotions and kill her on the weaker one. And look at the question of whether there is no hidden resentment against you or unlived things and to think that the child is an obstacle. He may not know how to deal with his emotions and kill her on the weaker one. And look at the question of whether there is no hidden resentment against you or unlived things and to think that the child is an obstacle. He may not know how to deal with his emotions and kill her on the weaker one.
See the court is almost impossible to give you a child. Even if she gives it to you on Saturdays and Sundays, she can still beat him as much as she wants. He will even beat him more, just to get revenge on you. If you still love her, stay with her and you will be able to control her more. And every day ask the child if she was.
Not only were you a jerk until you were 26, but you're still a jerk. For you, the child is a pet, you play with him from time to time, you enjoy him, and you leave all the household chores, washing shitty pants, cleaning after him to the servants. Aristocrat ... Why don't you exchange for a little, for two months? You take on all her responsibilities, she - yours? Grandpa Torbalan
I am a woman of 45, I think that children should not fight and your wife is to blame, she does not know how to raise children, logically she has no experience and help from an adult educator to give her a mind, but I am of the opinion that you you also have guilt that will hurt your child worse than her slap, you also don't know how to raise children. Describing your family, you claim that she is a good and caring woman, she washes, sweeps, you claim that you make money, but who in God's name raises the child? And more importantly, how does he raise him? Let's see the situation, the child makes a mistake, not because he broke an expensive vase, but because he even allowed himself to touch someone else's thing or kick a ball at home, for example / do I know how he broke the vase /? The mother finds out the child's mistake and not knowing how to act in anger gets into a fight, the father, however, goes to "save" the child and instead of explaining his mistake and explaining that this is not the case and that the rules of the mothers are respected, he sees in his wife his own mother and decides to attack and set his son against his mother, asking him about other cases of physical assault and assaults his wife. Author you are wrong this is not the right way. The right thing to do in this situation is to get your son to apologize to his mother for not following her rules in her home and then the mother to apologize to the child for the physical abuse. It is important to tell them both to hear what they are apologizing for and what they are apologizing for, and then to show that you are a worthy man to tell them that you are hurt by your loved ones arguing and getting into fights. This shows that you are a man head of a family, if you are the head of this family, you will ask your "subordinates" to respect each other, because you love them both. You have a complex from your past and for that reason you dig a hole in your son's heart. The fight from your mother is not your fault that you were a jerk, your problem stemmed from your father's carelessness. Fighting does not create jerks, but angry and aggressive people, bullies who decide that fighting is the way to get attention and respect from others, because that was the way they received attention. Disrespect for inattention creates people without self-confidence creates people who are easily crushed and achieve the inattention and disrespect of others, even girls. Yes, your wife needs help to learn to control her nerves, in no case a vase can cost as much as your child, and fighting is not the way to show that you are angry about not following your rules, but you are also a psychologist, a child psychologist, maybe to ask you what you want to achieve with your son and to tell you what literature to read, how to read it correctly. to achieve it. Because your way of acting and thinking will not make your son a man with self-confidence, but a crook who will think that he is a prince and that the world revolves on his orders, a cunning man who will grow up with the conviction that if he is guilty he should emphasizes the guilt of another to belittle his own. Because that's exactly what happened, your son's guilt was downplayed because of his mother's guilt, he, despite being guilty, received a reward for being half a day in the park with his father and spending time talking to his father to be heard and get the full his trust, which is a reward. The fact remains in his mind that if he had not broken the vase, he would not have had half a day of attention from his father, and if one day he needed his father's attention, it was enough to get his mother out of his nerves for her to touch him. to caress his ego. Don't think your kids are dumb! Don't set them up to think that whatever they build are innocent just because you love them.
N. 1 - so, the man is always to blame for everything, because women are perfect and sinless, right? Author, you work too hard. He really needs a slap, otherwise things get out of hand very easily for the little ones. Of course, I do not mean a serious fight and crushing of the child's psyche, but sometimes you just need a tougher approach. Probably your wife is very nervous, I guess she goes to work, there are countless cares at home and for the child, so still show understanding instead of making threats. You see, if you lose it, you will all be losers, but your child's stress will be the greatest. At 5 children are very active, especially boys are terribly blue and you really have to have strong nerves to deal with them. When your child grows to 7-8 it will be much easier to get along with him and accordingly the nerves will decrease at least until the hormones hit him. Father of 2 boys
This is normal for most families. Apparently for your wife, too. You love her, but simplicity is simplicity. Vase, if you had put it away. When he turned 18, he took it out. And what does nervous mean? I'm sure there is someone to watch it to go somewhere, and if there was no one to ever rely on. To kill his complexes on the child ??? Clearly and obviously she is stronger and wants to demonstrate it. Tomorrow, if you fall on the bed, God forbid, will he behave like that with you? The problem is deeper and more comprehensive.
Think about why your wife is losing her temper! And whether you are not to blame. I quote: "the child is always washed, cleaned, cooked" Do you know how much work and fatigue is behind this? !! Where are you to cancel her in these activities, so that she has time to rest. To be fresh, calm and cheerful. It is very clear that she will be nervous. I am well-meaning. A man. 44г.
Author, tell me how did you deal with this, how did everyone stop crushing you?
And does she hug him when she passes? If not - it is very likely that your wife does not like him and this will actually harm his psyche. There are all kinds of women ... there are women who have wanted a daughter all their lives and finally when their son is born they behave coldly and withdrawn. Another option is not to like the father, but you have been together for 7 years, if that was the case, you would probably have separated a long time ago. You need to talk to her very seriously, if you have to take her to a family therapist.
And you have already consulted a lawyer ... well, come on - get a divorce, take the little one to take care of him non-stop - and then we'll see who will lose his temper :) For me you are pathetic and hypocritical. Didn't you think about how she got to the point of reaching out to the child? Do your wife a favor and free her from your presence - she deserves to meet someone who really appreciates and supports her and will put her first, not to sit with her because it is convenient for him and because it will be difficult to find a child another ...
"there are women who have wanted a daughter all their lives, and finally when their son is born, they behave coldly and withdrawn" - according to Freud, such women have homo-erotic tendencies.
'Despite his guilt, he received a reward for spending half a day in the park with his father and spending time talking to his father to be heard and to receive his full trust, which is a reward. '- WHAT IS YOUR PRIZE? !? !? !! ... leleeee .. at first I was super funny, but then I immediately felt sorry for the poor number 11, who apparently managed to instill in her as she was a tiny that the communication of a father with his child should be perceived as reward ... wow super sad ... meaning, it is part of every parent's responsibilities, in addition to providing purely physical needs, it also talks and listens to their child .. otherwise, let him take a dog.
Well, isn't it most right for each person to heal their psyche first and then have a child? How long will children from toxic people continue to be created and raised in Bulgaria? In my opinion, the comment that makes the most sense so far13
None of the commenters seem to have experienced childhood violence and don't know how "impossible" it is to sit and watch someone cause it to your child. I think you need to tell your wife what you went through and how it affected you. I would recommend 2 books that you both read, I use their approaches actively in my work with children and I manage to achieve understanding and discipline even with the children I see only for 1 hour a week. That is, the methods work as soon as they are applied, they do not represent some kind of re-education, but a different approach, a way of stimulating emotional intelligence in both the child and the adult. One is "Childhood and the Seeds of Happiness" by Edward Hallowell, and the other is "The Myth of Discipline" by Alfie Cohn. And do not apply the approaches (although
11 is very right, children are manipulators. What you did is just as bad. You and your wife must be united in front of the child, a team. If she had any authority over the child, you took him away. I very much agree with 11. I don't think there's any point in a divorce, just stop blaming your wife and bring her bad in front of the child
Come on, as long as pampering, I don't see any of the older generations who grew up with slaps being mentally damaged! In addition, a slap sometimes has a much greater effect than a thousand words spoken. I have come across such cases of slimy children that the world will turn to you! Last year, while riding a bike, I witnessed a shocking scene - a boy of your son's age allowed himself to shout at his grandmother to insult her and talk to her while she calmly explained to him that he should not cross the street alone with the scooter. because of passing cars. Surely in this case some other slap would not be superfluous and the little one would in no time become lower than the grass. From now on, he has no respect for the elderly and when he grows up I don't think he will probably start fighting the teachers, his classmates and everyone who dared to make a remark to him! Precisely because at home they are taught that they have endless rights to heaven and that no one can touch them even with a finger, most children today are outrageously slimy and think that everything can get away with it! If you want your son to become one, continue in the same spirit!
Wow, are you people you write normal? The person wants to protect his child from physical violence and psychological trauma, and you call him a hypocrite. He brought the child to the park for half a day, isn't that time for this woman to do what she wants. NO ONE has the right to beat a child. The fight shows the weakness of the parent. A blow to the cheek costs a child's eardrum from such educational methods. Today you are beating, tomorrow you will be beaten. This is how bullies are born.
And I slap mine when I don't listen, you know, "a father who beats his son loves him." It must be brought up.
'Come on, as long as it's pampering, I don't see any of the older generations who grew up with the slaps being mentally damaged! '- This will be the biggest joke of the millennium ...!
N 24, you say, you have not seen mentally disabled since a bad childhood. And how many people with mental disabilities have you seen? I work with such and more than half have had childhood trauma. To have seen so far about 600 patients in total. Not in the picture, but in the clinic and office.
Author: People, I did not expect such a reaction. No, I'm not a perfect father and husband. I do what I can. But no matter how guilty I am, is it right for a child to take it away? My wife is nervous to get it on me. If she can't leave me like that anymore, I haven't tied her up by force. Whatever I have done does not entitle her to harm the child. I don't think a person can forcefully control or influence another person. If she wants to solve her nerve problems, I can help her. But I can't make her. I am not responsible for her problems. I do what I can. If something asks me, I usually respond. There is no one to help us. Her mother has not been alive for years. My mother lives in another city, and I let her child see him only in my presence. As for fatigue and rest - it's hard for us. We both work, we adjust the shifts to take the little one from kindergarten. We're both nervous, but I'm finding other ways to control the tension. Each of us can go out once or twice a week and the other looks after the child. I never stopped my wife if she wanted to go out with friends. Unfortunately, together we can hardly. We've done it twice so far, we've hired a babysitter. But how to do it? How can I bring her out more when we have to look after the child? I do what I can. how should we look after the child? I do what I can. how should we look after the child? I do what I can.
On the contrary, number 25, the feeling of impunity and the endless rights that are given to children create abusers in them! Once upon a time, when teachers punished severely and had more authority, there were no such outrages for students to fight them, and now the opposite is up to the sky, rude and impudent to the nth degree because you can't say a word to them.
In no case should you fight, just get a divorce! Take it with you and drool it indefinitely. In time, he will beat you to take your pension. Because he will be convinced that you owe him to the grave. Children raised in toxic and neoliberal families fail miserably, you know. They fail because it is in their minds that they are the center of the world and of their own family (instead of the man and the woman at the center of the family), that they should not tolerate reproaches and criticism, which automatically makes them unfit for university or the labor market in general) That everything they do should give them pleasure, that's why they don't learn, because education and upbringing itself is violence against their innate laziness. Nobody likes to beat their child, but it's part of the necessary evil, it's a method through which he understands who the authorities in the family are.
Author, you are right. No matter how stressed she is, fighting (aggression in general) is not the answer. The very fact that she refuses help from a psychologist leads me to think that she is either finding paint for something normal (say, she was beaten as a child, but "moderate"), or she is afraid that the psychologist will say it is unstable and dangerous. for the kid. Look at things from this side - if he beats him only when he loses his temper, ie in a fit of rage, he may not stop in time and get to a serious injury, even kill him inadvertently. This is the worst option, of course, but should we get to the point where action can be taken now? You seem to be repeating the same family model you grew up in (subconsciously choosing a woman who looks like your mother), no wonder your wife is repeating her mother's model.
Some time ago there was a similar topic about a mother whose husband constantly undermines her authority by pampering their daughter and she has no elementary respect for her. Apparently you are the same type of husband, you pamper the kid to disgrace and he has lost respect for his mother and gets on her head.
Author, your wife is overwhelmed and that makes her nervous. A bunch of people, mostly childless, will tell you that your wife is blacker than the devil. Yes, your wife is definitely doing bad things and fighting is definitely not the best parenting method for a child. However, I have not heard or seen a person be nervous for no reason. Does your wife work or communicate with a 5-year-old all day? Children are not easy. It is very convenient to be tired and leave the little one with his grandmother, but the main care usually falls on the parents ... and in most Bulgarian families the care falls entirely on the mother, who is also a housewife and a worker. Your wife can meditate all day, she can go around all the psychologists, but she will not relax until she sees support and help from you and not from someone else. As you imagine things, you make her a complete psychopath-rapist. Only they see your mother, then you rethink the ideal of a parent and immediately define your wife as the bad extreme. You do not see the real person in front of you, you see the image of your own mother in her. Your wife doesn't kick your son all over the house, she doesn't turn blue, she doesn't bleed, and I'm convinced that besides everything bad for her, she cries for her child, she cooks his favorite dishes, she makes him out, kisses him for good night and hugs him when he is afraid of something. If she does not do these things, I advise you to seek a lawyer and never allow her to approach your child, but in any case, help her as much as possible. Get in her shoes for a week or two. Do not take the child out when she is already furious, take him out the moment you see that he is exhausted and for the 20th time repeat to him to be more careful. Your wife is not angry that her vase is gone ... your wife was afraid that the little one might cut himself, she was angry that he wasn't listening to her, that she couldn't control him, that she couldn't educate him on the simple thing of listening, being peaceful and being responsible. Believe it or not, children don't just stop at pleas. At least not the violent children. The little ones have a lot of energy in them, they want to play, they usually get dirty, break, make a lot of noise and repeat the same thing all day. It is normal to fight with the child from time to time, driving is often shouting and punishment. Judging by all the children I've seen (I don't have my own), most aren't even impressed that you'll take the toy because they know they'll get it back in two days. Watch the child for a whole week, from morning to night and you will see for yourself that there is no way to cope without getting angry at least a little. Your anger doesn't have to go into battle, it does not need to be expressed in shouts, but in no case will you be calm, sleepy and alert. Such an obligation cannot fall on one parent alone, nor can one be bad and sour. Your child is common and care for him should be distributed in such a way that each of you has time to rest and recharge. Do not underestimate the care of the child, they are not small and not easy. Your wife probably doesn't have much time to relax her nerves, and it's normal for her to get too upset, to feel powerless, and to scream too much. She is not right about the fight, I would understand a slap after an attempt by the child to reach into the socket with a wet fork, but I do not support a series of slaps accompanied by screams. However, I think there should be a logical reason for this. Find this reason and eliminate it if you want a calm woman who never overdoes it. With your behavior right now, your wife feels like the worst mother, like the worst person, and, ha, guess what, her nerves are straining even more. You can't deal calmly with your own wife, who is a big and mature man, and you expect that she will always be able to cope calmly with a 5-year-old child who understands almost nothing of the world around him. And how will this number happen? !! Approach with patience, understanding, calmness, without shouting, without accusing, threatening and "punishing", then you will see what will happen. People are like flowers, not only children but also adults, with good attitude and care you will get a nice color. A woman cannot be caring, kind and good, nor be a psychopath. You can't deal calmly with your own wife, who is a big and mature man, and you expect that she will always be able to cope calmly with a 5-year-old child who understands almost nothing of the world around him. And how will this number happen? !! Approach with patience, understanding, calmness, without shouting, without accusing, threatening and "punishing", then you will see what will happen. People are like flowers, not only children but also adults, with good attitude and care you will get a nice color. A woman cannot be caring, kind and good, nor be a psychopath. You can't deal calmly with your own wife, who is a big and mature man, and you expect that she will always be able to cope calmly with a 5-year-old child who understands almost nothing of the world around him. And how will this number happen? !! Approach with patience, understanding, calmness, without shouting, without accusing, threatening and "punishing", then you will see what will happen. People are like flowers, not only children but also adults, with good attitude and care you will get a nice color. A woman cannot be caring, kind and good, nor be a psychopath. without blaming, threatening and "punishing", then you will see what will happen. People are like flowers, not only children but also adults, with good attitude and care you will get a nice color. A woman cannot be caring, kind and good, nor be a psychopath. without blaming, threatening and "punishing", then you will see what will happen. People are like flowers, not only children but also adults, with good attitude and care you will get a nice color. A woman cannot be caring, kind and good, nor be a psychopath.
If he asks me something, I answer. Well, this is the biggest problem in communication between a man and a woman at home. Namely, that the man helped. No, you're not helping, you're doing your own thing. It will help if your wife takes you to her mother to make compotes. You took the child to the park, but when he ate the paint, he found time. She had nerve problems - I still ask if she is sick, uncultured or what? Remember, women have 2-3 less strength than men. if you are tired, then she is shaken. You both work, you have a child in the garden and you can't handle it. I'm too lazy to write, to describe to you how many people are busier than you. use your imagination.
The hypocrisy of some women disgusts me, are you looking for guilt in the author? If the situation was different and he was beating his child or his wife? Everyone would jump up and tell her how she could put up with it, get a divorce right away, and better be alone with the child than with the abuser. However, look at her if the abuser is a woman, just look at how they make her a victim! The author was guilty because he did not understand her, someone else's slap was nothing special, these were educational measures, she was nervous, etc. I hope in the next topic in which a wife beats her wife in a fight that you are just as tolerant of these "educational measures". Honestly, I am raised by this hypocrisy and double standard.
'Author: People, I did not expect such a reaction. '- Man, didn't you grow up in Bulgaria, among Bulgarians ...? ;-)
Fighting has a place in upbringing, but not nerve-wracking. The child fights because you have to startle him, not because you are angry or nervous. For when you're angry, there are punching bags. If this is the only family problem, divorce is not the right solution. However, it is more likely that a married woman is hysterical in general and kills her with violence against the weaker ones. Such people are poisonous to their partners and there is no salvation.
Author, there are two options. Either your family is not as perfect as you think and something is bothering you or your wife has a serious problem. If she reacts in this way to every trouble, problem or something insignificant, then it is wrong. If it only happened a few times, then she's nervous. So she feels underestimated. It is not an option to beat the child. People who beat their children have no authority over them. And he who has no authority over his children is not in society. Tell him directly that you should not beat the child or you will get a divorce.
With the difference that the child is brought up and your wife is a partner and you have no right to re-bring her up, dear sir!
Wow, 28, how you turned things around! You need to know best what "childhood trauma" is and what actions and circumstances lead to it. Things are overexposed in this topic. Most likely, the author is looking for an occasion to divorce and wonders what to suck from his fingers. And the commentators who invite him when they have children, then to give an opinion and advice. The mother slapped the crap out of her hands, or on her ass, and you denounced her as a abuser, a toxic parent, crazy that she doesn't love her child, and you stuck a bunch of other sins on her and hop, the noble father "saves" the innocent victim from the paws of the mother beast! Get her down on the ground and find out what a fight, beating, beating, harassment, etc. is. The father dodges, makes his wife blacker, but I don't believe him, I'm sorry.
Well, number 39, but this about authority, in my opinion, is just the opposite: He who has no authority in society, does not have in front of his children. One of the many negative qualities of people who beat children is that they have a very low social intelligence and poor communication skills. For example, that is why they usually have serious difficulties in finding a new job in case they lose their current one. They are often permanently unemployed. And number 38 is an extremely interesting copy in my opinion - for a few hours of conversation with one I am even ready to pay a certain amount (I'm not a psychologist, but the human psyche is a very serious hobby)
Author, your wife is too tired and busy, nervous ... and she makes it for her child. Share your homework and responsibilities. Don't leave everything to her. Don't wait for him to ask you and for you to respond. Get ahead of her and do what you have to do without her telling you. Why are you waiting for her to ask you - don't you know what needs to be done at home - cleaning, cooking, laundry, babysitting, shopping, throwing garbage, etc. She does all this for you at least a week and come again to write if she is nervous. Send her alone to rest. And yes - nothing justifies violence ... it should not be allowed in any case.
Number 44, very correct. Except, when this man does one of the listed things, he constantly bruises him and fights in his chest that I didn't manage. He, dear, went to work. I have a small child. Hitting is not the way, but physical violence is a completely different thing. And yes, the woman is tired, but obviously there is a reason. The author is clearly not involved in the upbringing of the child. The two must, as some said, be in the same team, not just one to educate, but the other to be a good parent. Apparently this has been the case in your family for a long time and now, sir, you are sipping the potpourri that you have crushed yourself.
Babysitting is harder than going to work, as they say, but I go to work and you are at home ... You want it to be clean, cooked ... The man has less "duties" ... I want to I am a man
From the author: Obviously everyone reads what he likes, and thinking is not fashionable among some of us. I don't know where they decided that my wife would take care of all the housework and taking care of the child. We share them equally. We take turns to cook, to clear for the child who to take and drive to the garden, depending on the work schedule. She's tired and nervous, yes. Me too. Life is hard. And what? Let's kill each other. I help her as much as I can. And she helps me. But why should the child suffer from this? I don't know why there is so much hatred and malice among the people. I was hoping for some support - not for me, but for the child and advice on how to protect him from violence and at the same time keep my marriage. Anyway, no one will touch my child anymore. I may not have handled his upbringing perfectly, but violence will only make things worse.
And the drooling and the constant and the fact that you let the punishments for the mischief pass him by every time as if they won't spoil him? In my opinion, the situation in your family is that your wife is trying to impose some stricter control, but you have made concessions so that the child no longer respects his mother as an authority and gets on her head. And at one point, after repeatedly trying to deal with it well, she unsuccessfully pulled out the heavy artillery. But once you have decided, let's just say that after another year there is no second topic on how it gets on your head and you can't handle it! Because if you keep pampering him, things will go that way. That's right because you can't touch them and most children today consider themselves untouchable, have no respect for older people and allow themselves to fight for the slightest remark made. Two months ago on the bus I witnessed a disgusting scene: A young man of about 15-16 years insulted an elderly woman for no reason, calling her rubbish and shit without even thinking that one day he could be treated the same way. I guess his father is the same liberal man as you!
Um, there is no hatred or malice in all the comments, sir. Here is a suggestion. You are calmer and it may be better to fully engage them with the child in every aspect. Let your wife take over all the housework. I see no other way. And I think you are too extreme!
The children don't hit !!! Never !!! It doesn't matter if the mother is too tired, nervous, etc. It was only while I was reading that I got angry. If someone attacks my children, no matter who deals with me. Somehow I raised my eldest son on my own without beating him. His father worked in two places, and I studied, worked from home, looked after a baby and a home. I still couldn't get too tired to crack it. I look a little on an equal footing with my husband. None of us got tired enough to beat him up. There is no excuse for slaps, dear! And it never was. There are just two types of people: some fight to educate because they can't find another way, and others find it. Author, do not divorce. The child will stay with his mother and eat again, but he will no longer have a family. Find a way to firmly show her that you do not agree with this way of upbringing. A simple example with her favorite vase is, that she did not take care to find her a "safe" place. For 5 years I do not see how he is expected to keep vases. If the child is 5, then he goes to kindergarten? If so, it remains to be watched for a few hours in the evening. Share this time with them. Show how it's done without hitting and I hope your wife understands the idea.
No, I want the author to initiate divorce proceedings. Then the seira will begin. The woman, crying in front of the court, slamming herself, starting to break her arms. Well, by confessing through sobs, how the author beat her, how he sexually assaulted the child ... And that judge of mine, standing up in righteous anger! Finally, we will read a new topic by the same author: I am fighting in court to have the right to see the child once a month for an hour. To take, to sit on your ass. In Bulgarian society, slapping is a normal practice. There is no way to eradicate a long-standing practice in one generation. Those who make ultimate statements with three amazing ones simply have nothing to do with reality. The rest has already been said, an inflated ego, a complete lack of sense of responsibility, acceptance of favor when he pays attention, a systematic undermining of the mother's authority ... Cute! Grandpa Torbalan
Grandpa Torbalan, it has become clear to all of us that you are sexually aroused by someone beating a child. How can you have pollution at night, dreaming of different people slapping their children.
Author, I was in your child's place. My mother was constantly exploding, she beat me, called me a mare and what not. Now I realize that she was unhappy with my father (and how else - he cheated on her, beat her regularly, etc. "normal" things that no one in our Neanderthal society admits) and transferred her aggression to him to us, the children, because she was afraid to face him. Can you imagine beating me on my birthday in front of my friend, to whom I had told her that my mother did not beat me because I was left with the impression that slaps were not a fight. In my childhood imagination, a fight meant staying to the point where you could not move, everything else was not a fight. The truth is that parenting is not for the mentally ill. I've been shaking things off for years, that my mother instilled in me as a child - that I shouldn't dress well because I'm not going to look stupid, I shouldn't support myself so they don't decide I'm a light woman ... etc., and etc. Apart from the fact that my father left her constantly without money, I have a problem with the fact that I have become very tight and try to save on everything, even small things like hand soap for example. I buy one for BGN 2 from DM, so as not to give BGN 5 and buy from another store. I buy shampoos only on promotion. And, no, my problem is not that I can't afford to buy at the regular price, I have quite high incomes for Bulgaria, just every lev spent that can be saved torments me. I think you're saving at least some of the truth. If he really was such a perfect father, this aggression would hardly have happened. No abuser becomes like that for no reason. Your wife is nervous, that's clear, and her psyche is weak, but when you took her for a wife, didn't you notice what she was like? You don't say how old you are, but it strikes me that you are over 26 and work shifts. Do you have an education, a chance to start a normal day job on an 8-hour day? Or maybe your wife can find a lighter 4-hour job so she can combine all her responsibilities with raising the child until he or she grows up. Someone has to take care of this child, and you both have dropped out of work and you hardly give him the necessary time and energy. Think about it. Do you have an education, a chance to start a normal day job on an 8-hour day? Or maybe your wife can find a lighter 4-hour job so she can combine all her responsibilities with raising the child until he or she grows up. Someone has to take care of this child, and you both have dropped out of work and you hardly give him the necessary time and energy. Think about it. Do you have an education, a chance to start a normal day job on an 8-hour day? Or maybe your wife can find a lighter 4-hour job so she can combine all her responsibilities with raising the child until he or she grows up. Someone has to take care of this child, and you both have dropped out of work and you hardly give him the necessary time and energy. Think about it.