Skip to content
Family

Not Suitable For Her!

By lorin.bernadette September 14, 2020 23 answers Last updated September 14, 2020

My daughter is 23 years old, originally from Varna, but she is a student in Sofia. He studies, works and lives there with his friend. He is also 23, from Plovdiv. They have been together for 3 years, before that they were friends. I don't mind the boy, but their relationship is starting to get serious and that worries me. I want my daughter to find a good and wealthy boy who can provide her with a good and peaceful future, but the current one cannot. He earns his living by teaching children to dance, and I know very well that this money is not enough, because I have been paying for my daughter's lessons for 6 years. He even managed to convince her to practice this unprofitable "profession" and at the moment they both work for minimal money. They are waiting for his parents and us to send them money, pay their semester fees and so on. Besides, I'm very much against mixing different nations, and the boy is half Australian, which also worries me. I want my future grandchildren to be Bulgarians, not for them not to know what nationality they are. I want my daughter to sleep peacefully in her own home and not have to worry about bills and wonder how to make ends meet, and I'm sure there will be a lot of financial difficulties with this boy. He is only good at dancing and I don't think that with this activity they will be able to live normally, but what is left to watch children. The problem is that she doesn't realize that he is unsuitable for her, and I don't know how to open her eyes! I want my daughter to sleep peacefully in her own home and not have to worry about bills and wonder how to make ends meet, and I'm sure there will be a lot of financial difficulties with this boy. He is only good at dancing and I don't think that with this activity they will be able to live normally, but what is left to watch children. The problem is that she doesn't realize that he is unsuitable for her, and I don't know how to open her eyes! I want my daughter to sleep peacefully in her own home and not have to worry about bills and wonder how to make ends meet, and I'm sure there will be a lot of financial difficulties with this boy. He is only good at dancing and I don't think that with this activity they will be able to live normally, but what is left to watch children. The problem is that she doesn't realize that he is unsuitable for her, and I don't know how to open her eyes!

Answers 23

1
artus.officiel answered · September 14, 2020

   First, Author, safe from parents like you. Don't you have a life? Seek a psychologist and stop transferring your own desires to your child, look after your life, meet people, go out, find a hobby, for example. People are young, it is not clear whether they will start a family together at all, but one thing is clear - if you start forbidding something to your daughter, it becomes even sweeter, so it is possible that your attitude will unite them even more. The rest is nonsense. He was half what you are, blah blah. You just want a wallet to take your daughter. I'm sorry, but such men are not custom-made, and it's not at all clear whether material things are important to your daughter. The boy's profession at the moment also means nothing - they are students, earning something extra. My husband is very rich today, but where was he 23 years old - he carried bricks on construction sites, to support himself as a student so that it doesn't happen that you actually miss a very rich son-in-law one day. For example, as a student, my mother wanted to marry a very dark young man from a distant land who was a soldier in our city. My grandmother strictly forbade me - he was a gypsy. Well, it turned out that the young man came from a very important, wealthy family. He became a successful architect, and my mother married an alcoholic who was simply willing to live with her mother. This is how the old ones are mixed. As a student, you are also looking for a job that fits in between the lectures and I think that the children earn very well. However, one thing is for sure. You yourself regret your choice of a man and you wanted a wealthy man, so you want to instill this in your daughter. You must have lived with your father-in-law and mother-in-law, I know your nonsense, but you have no right to harass your child and determine. Tell your opinion, tell me what difficulties you had in your life and how important the material is for you, but so far. By the way, why don't you stop funding your daughter. So she will see on her back how important money is. One does not appreciate something there is. Stop or cut funding and see if money is still not important to your daughter. If so, then she is happy with little money and there are things that are more important to her. Leave her alone.

2
vienna_rare answered · September 14, 2020

   Author, I am very glad that the girl lives far away from you. So there is an opportunity to become a normal person!

3
alice_001 answered · September 14, 2020

   Well done to Nr. 1, right on target! And I can say the following to the Author: - while your daughter was a minor, you decided what was suitable for her or not. - at 23 she can and should decide for herself. - I did not read anywhere "I want my daughter to be happy", but I read that you want her to be financially secure. This against the mixing of nations is, from my point of view, an insanely primitive way of thinking in today's globalized world. And lastly, as Nr. 1, what's stopping you from stopping their money? They are big, to be fixed. I feel in your writing the syndrome of "mother eagle protector". Yes, but this only applies until the children have left the nest, and they have been for a long time.

4
jackiechan answered · September 14, 2020

   I understand very well what the author wants to tell us, although I do not approve of her arguments. Although this is the first time I've heard of an Australian ethnic group, do you mean Aboriginal? Since you had so many demands on your daughter's future, why didn't you sow the seeds of aversion to poverty in foreign nations as a child? Now I don't see what you can do, she is an adult, you can only limit the financial support in the hope that she will not like the poverty in which she will fall.

5
aliska_dark answered · September 14, 2020

   What do you think is better for your daughter: 1. To be happy with a person who is not so good financially. To feel happy and loved and to know that there is a person next to you who loves her. 2. To be materially good, but not to be happy and to regret for the rest of her life who she is with. Do not interfere in other people's relations, even though she is your daughter. Everyone chooses their own path. If she made a mistake, she would suffer the consequences. You can't interfere with love. And the fact that you want your grandchildren to be entirely of Bulgarian origin, I do not want to comment on it. Pure form snobbery.

6
tiya_yaa answered · September 14, 2020

   It is controversial to me that you are one of the obsessive mothers who have nothing else in their lives but to be mothers. Such women are terribly toxic.

7
5pfc_m1l_gr4u answered · September 15, 2020

   I would advise you to calm down. By your criteria, 95% of the men your daughter may meet are unsuitable. Nowadays, there is no real middle class, but a thin layer of the super-rich, the majority of hard-working people who have been on a leash all their lives, and an equally large group of demotivated or completely incapable parasites. It is important to avoid a person from the third group. You also don't get involved with the first one, from there your only hired daughter will be left without any long-term prospects. And if you want to know, if this dancing man one day opens his own school, he can overtake many others with supposedly prestigious professions, but ordinary employees. Even if that doesn't happen, it's not the most important thing. It is very stupid to choose a partner for money. They win or lose. It's much easier to get lost, but that alone should tell you that money is a transient, vulnerable and unpredictable thing. If a person manages to protect them, it is not known whether his children will succeed or return to zero. This is what an emigrant to the West tells you, still young, with 50k euros saved, which increases by another 10k every year. And you know what I think of myself from an economic point of view - I'm the ninth hole in the flute and there's no way I'll ever break the chain that the system holds me to.

8
bigwiener221 answered · September 16, 2020

   As a matter of fact, no one is obliged to support and provide for your daughter. We do not live in the past and in the presence of this notorious "gender" equality, it is downright ridiculous. My favorite is when women show off that they are equal to men, but want rich people for themselves or their daughters не Not to mention how ugly it is to impose a gold-seeking mentality on her. I agree more with the mixing of nations, but as someone said above - why didn't you raise your daughter in nationalism and patriotism, which is so important to you? Although if her boyfriend is white, it's acceptable, and if she has Aboriginal roots, that's their job. We do not stand in the way of love, no matter how much we disagree with it. I hope the story is made up… Black Sabbath

9
edelweiss10 answered · September 16, 2020

   "The problem is that she doesn't realize that he is unsuitable for her ..." - author, he is obviously unsuitable for you, not for your daughter! But just because you're her mother doesn't mean you're drawing her future. I don't know how such big, supposedly mature people don't realize that money gives some security, but doesn't guarantee happiness. Even in most cases, they change people beyond recognition, acquire a different environment and are dizzy to the point of deleting a situation, family and children. Or seemingly happy long-term couples give the appearance of the perfect family, and their souls are rotten because they suffer for some benefit. What I want to tell you is to think more about your child's happiness, not what you want. Here in Bulgaria many professions are not well paid or are not sought after at all, but that is why this is life - you try each other, until you find your place. And if they decide to try abroad - do you know how expensive such activities for children are there? And this with the claims for nationality is again some higher form of impudence on your part. If you want your grandchildren to be Chinese, mulattoes, etc., will you feel less of them, will you give them less love or will you not want to look at them at all? I don't know for a while how your parents treated you and whether they tried to interfere in your life, but if so - was it good for you for someone to determine what and with whom to do and now happy are you from that will you feel them less yours, will you give them less love or will you not want to look at them at all? I don't know for a while how your parents treated you and whether they tried to interfere in your life, but if so - was it good for you for someone to determine what and with whom to do and now happy are you from that will you feel them less yours, will you give them less love or will you not want to look at them at all? I don't know for a while how your parents treated you and whether they tried to interfere in your life, but if so - was it good for you for someone to determine what and with whom to do and now happy are you from that

10
nancymooree answered · September 16, 2020

   Very, very bad. It's like listening to my grandmother, who is 80 years old. The rich in Bulgaria are a handful and they change their playmates and they don't care about different students, except for one time ?! Leave the children alone.

11
chefwolfgangpuck answered · September 17, 2020

   Are you normal, huh? To provide it? You, why didn't you provide for her, you and her father? M? The girl is not taught nonsense, she must be independent in order to be a full-fledged person! Do them a favor and don't get me wrong! She is a great person, she is responsible for her feelings and decisions!

12
natboltt answered · September 17, 2020

   We can only pray that your daughter is brought up in self-reliance and does not reflect what you are trying to do - you will definitely talk and create so that you can separate them. With all due respect to my mother, but she was on your trail too. My husband and I met in our teens. There was no problem with him then. He came to sleep in us, I went to them, we went on vacations together, sometimes with someone's parents. I thought our people loved him as much as I did. BUT when they realized that when he went to study he came with me and we wanted to be together in a dormitory, the vomiting of poison, threats, execution of threats began. My mother stopped talking to me, called him to tell him to leave me, went to his family and relatives to explain that I should not be with him. Of course, he didn't send money and fought many times with my brother and sister, who hit us very hard in the first year because it was difficult to start. Until recently, I did not believe that she would seriously help us. And my husband had a dream as a child and that was to do construction. According to my mother, this was not a worthy profession. But it made him happy, it fills his soul and now - to build, to build, to develop in this direction. My dream was more promising in her opinion. A builder did not suit me. Well, the fact is that we already have three houses in different places. Because I have a builder for a man! I followed and built my promising career, but the money I make is ridiculous compared to what he has earned and is earning. Now, of course, my mother has nothing against him and is happy to enjoy the house renovated by his team. But we all know that she was wrong and he is just polite to her, she is infinitely sorry for her actions, and I generally go to see her and hear her out of pure obligation. As expected, our relationship collapsed a lot. And the hopeless dancer can one day open a whole chain of dance halls and sports centers. Who knows. But if you act like my mother or something, your relationship will surely collapse. Drastically. And then you will not be able to fully enjoy their life and development, you will see the grandchildren twice a year and you will be a piece of their life that they simply do not care about. Consider whether you prefer to be close to your daughter, even if it means watching her suffer from poverty or other worries, or it would be better for you to ruin your relationship with her, but to be extremely clear in your point of view about what is right. for her.

13
only_girl answered · September 17, 2020

   Of course, I want her to be happy, but I don't think it will be if she has to deprive herself of many things. Will she be happy if she can't make ends meet? One of the comments was that he could get very rich - he studied photography - I don't think he would make much money. You also say that he can open a school - dancing is not a lucrative profession. Yes, maybe abroad, but I don't want my daughter to go live abroad and see her less often than now. About the boy's background - when I say "Australian", I don't mean Aboriginal. He is white, his mother is from Australia, but I still don't like that he has such roots. I guess you understand, but I'm the author.

14
kelceeross6 answered · September 18, 2020

   Everyone has to decide for himself, even if he is not rich, he works, studies, is young and has time to make money. It is difficult to find a rich man in Bulgaria and should he be with someone because of the money ...

15
amandadecker answered · September 18, 2020

   Thank you, God, that I don't have a mother like the author! Ma'am, your daughter is 23 years old, she is an adult and you have no right to determine her life, nor with whom she will live, nor what she will work with, nor whether she will marry a foreigner, etc. Misfortunes and divorces come from eagle mothers who think they know better than their children what is best for them. Now imagine that because of your intrigues you manage to separate your daughter from this boy and force her into the hands of a "promising" but, say, aggressive man or just a man who your daughter does not love. Believe me, the day will not be far when your daughter will hate you and break off all relationships with you. So, is that what you want? To hear from your daughter that you are the cause of failures and life? And then not see her again? If that's the goal, act! But don't get angry later if your daughter never forgives you. I don't know how at so many years you don't realize that happiness and love are not bought with money and that the choice imposed by force will certainly not lead to anything good. You had to help them — well, they're students, ma'am! They can neither study nor work full time in a place that will pay them a lot. When they graduate, you probably won't have to help them anymore. Understand, your daughter is not 15 to tell her what to do with her life! This is her life, her choice, and it's time to let her live it. I'm sorry if I'm a rascal, but that's crazy. Choose your boyfriends for your 23-year-old daughter. And who will then live with this man, you or your daughter? Maybe she is. Then, no one has the right to give her instructions. The other is like in Pakistan,

16
nimazdewantary answered · September 18, 2020

   If you continue in this spirit, ma'am, one day you will die alone in a nursing home without knowing your grandchildren!

17
subwaycreatures answered · September 18, 2020

   17 - Or maybe God brought them together because they need each other!

18
bye_loli answered · September 19, 2020

   I'm glad your daughter made the right choice! It's not like you, waiting for men to support her, not to move a finger for anything but to give birth to 1, 2 children. You are a terrible parent !!! She chooses the path she will take, claim when you are also rich, not poor mice, waiting for some rich son to get your daughter out of the miserable suburb. I'm glad I don't have a mother like you, because by now I would have given up on her! I wish you a lot of success, love and understanding between the two lovers! Pebbles, 20

19
chris_thememegod answered · September 19, 2020

   But many extras. You want him not to be of a foreign race, to be rich, not to go and live abroad. In a little while you will become like the gypsies and you will find a man to marry. Watch your life, not hers. Apparently you haven't come across a decent man and now you're messing with your daughter's life. The only thing you can do is stop her money. She is 23, she must graduate this year. Also say that more of you will not see money. I am 21 and if my mother tells me to leave my boyfriend or I will not see a penny more, even I will give her the last ones she gave me and I will tell her to look after her work.

20
unicorngirls answered · September 19, 2020

   "They are waiting for his parents and us to send them money, pay their semester fees and so on." - That's all you're right about. They shouldn't wait, come for the semester fees - maybe, but the young couple should take care of the rest themselves, when they are 23. When you turn off the tap, you will see how good they are. Until then, it is only your assumptions that they will not succeed and everyday life will destroy them. It may not be so. If you feel good and coping when you wean them off, don't worry. As for the origin, you are probably more worried about not rushing to Australia than the genes, which are also obviously Aryan. However, what you can do is wean them off already. It's time for them. Do it in time to see if it will last the relationship or not.

21
airplanesystm98 answered · September 19, 2020

   I'm 35, I have a belly, I'm not good at dancing. I put more emphasis on beer and crumbs. I drive an Audi, I have 2 new apartments in Sofia, a house on the sea and I make 7,000 leva a month. And I'm a Balkan boy, pure race. My grandfathers were big Bulgarians, blue-eyed. Grandmothers tall, black-haired, with slender strength. Am I arranging for you to be a son-in-law?

22
setrinur answered · September 19, 2020

   * You are not right about dancing! If you want to start a school, you will need a lot of money. But if you have your own school, built name and experience, then not only will you kill your money, but you will live decently by the standards of Bulgaria. * It is not right to support them financially after they have reached the age of majority and live separately! They can always go to distance learning, they can work in two places. * Is your daughter born with a golden spoon in her mouth to want a wealthy boy? Doesn't she have enough brains and skills to support her? Why should a man be financially independent and a woman dependent on a man? We don't want to be equal, so why is this an old understanding? * You can not dictate the life of your child, he is not 5 - 10 or 15 years old, but 23, turned into a woman with ambitions. Rejoice for her, at least she hasn't become another playmate, longing for fame, showing silicone and enviable bed skills. Love is the only thing that unites us, do you want it to suffer, because of your sick ambitions, to turn it into another materialist? - Mary

23
brynnrumfallo answered · September 20, 2020

   I don't know what you can do. You may not be expressing yourself correctly. A drug addict who will sleep with the dancers in the future and officially abandon his wife for a year or two after the birth of the first or second child due to lack of money is not the best choice. Unfortunately, you will have to go through it.